on the verge of ugly crying

jen102279

I'm on day 4 of stims. At my baseline u/s they saw 7 follicles and today I had my follow up u/s to see how things are progressing. I still have only 7. SEVEN. Some of you ladies here are talking about 20! Apparently my AMH is a 1, which would be great is I was 40... I'm 34 

So I might end up with 6-7 eggs at the end of all this, not all of these will fertilize and not all of these will survive to day 5. And to top it off not all of them will be healthy (as will be seen with PGD). So what we can do is harvest these eggs, make embryos and freeze them and then make me do all this again...more shots and $3000 more for more meds...then send out both batches to be tested. Each batch that is sent out for testing is $5000...so we would rather freeze and get more and send together and opposed to send, get nothing viable and have to do it all over plus pay $5000 again...there is a chance, yes that there will be something viable with this first cycle...BUT that is a gamble...

on the verge of ugly crying and I don't know what to do. We were already going to be depleting our savings and now another $3000 or more on top of it? I knew this was all a possibility, but when it now looks like reality it's heartbreaking...

yay happy anniversary to us...  Sorry I just needed to vent and get it out.

turquoisequeen

Don't lose hope just yet! On my day 5 of stims I only had 1 good sized one and some others were small. There were more at my next two follow ups... my nurse said some people just start out slow. We ended up retrieving 12. I too was worried seeing so many ladies with 20-30 retrieved. Remember it is more about quality than quantity!

Hang in there. And happy anniversary!

jen102279

Thanks @turquoisequeen I'm just worried because I have a "bad" X, so a 50% chance of each egg being "bad" so that's why I'm freaking out about the number.  And I've had my period consistently since I was what, 13? So I know that's part of it as well. 

gnl42

I'm so sorry that you are feeling like this. I think most of us can relate to this feeling of hopelessness, but we all find a way to keep going. We are here for you!

I understand your logic, but a high number of eggs doesn't always equal success. It really is quality over quantity. There is no way to know how many you will end up with in the end, but the hope is that they will be in the best shape and will therefore give you the best chance. There have been plenty of women on this board with a smaller amount of eggs who found success. And there have been women with 20+ eggs who don't have anything on day 5. It is not all about the number. Also, day 4 is still kind of early to make predictions.

Just take it one step at a time. It is easy to spiral and get overwhelmed thinking ahead and imagining the worst. I know because I have done it in the past. I think it's smart to prepare yourself for all of the possibilities and not hold on to false hope, but there is still plenty for you to be hopeful about. One step at a time... Best of luck with ER and we'll take it from there! You have made it this far

Sha259

It's not over till it's over. No reason to give up on Day 4 of stims!! Has your RE said anything about modifying your meds to improve your count? In my cancelled cycle I only had 4 follicles, so you're looking better than that.

Wishing you luck and keep us updated. 

emmuffy

I totally understand how you're feeling (I went through similar struggles with my cycle), but Day 4 is way too early to give up hope. I only had 2 follicles in the mature territory until Day 8 when more started to grow. Be patient and hopefully you will get more. I got 8 at retrieval.

Unfortunately, those of us with low AMH are not going to make 20 eggs. I feel your pain. I'm 31 and it feels unfair to have so few eggs. It's very frustrating to go through all this to end up with so few embryos to work with. However, try to keep in mind there are women on this board who had only 3 eggs and still ended up KU.

Fx for you.

missmarypoppins

I think day 4 is still early! I had some follies pop out towards day 8ish. They were too tiny at day 4 but they really grew quickly at the end. Like PPs said its quality over quantity. But I know how you feel I am 30 with an AMH of .75 and the most mature we retrieved was 7. It's devastating everyday to go in for monitoring and hope for more. Sending you really big hugs. I hope there's some hiding in there!

jen102279

gnl42 said:

I'm so sorry that you are feeling like this. I think most of us can relate to this feeling of hopelessness, but we all find a way to keep going. We are here for you! I understand your logic, but a high number of eggs doesn't always equal success. It really is quality over quantity. There is no way to know how many you will end up with in the end, but the hope is that they will be in the best shape and will therefore give you the best chance. There have been plenty of women on this board with a smaller amount of eggs who found success. And there have been women with 20+ eggs who don't have anything on day 5. It is not all about the number. Also, day 4 is still kind of early to make predictions. Just take it one step at a time. It is easy to spiral and get overwhelmed thinking ahead and imagining the worst. I know because I have done it in the past. I think it's smart to prepare yourself for all of the possibilities and not hold on to false hope, but there is still plenty for you to be hopeful about. One step at a time... Best of luck with ER and we'll take it from there! You have made it this far

I am totally feeling the overwhelming feeling. I know it's still early on I'm just so scared because I know that whoever makes it to d5, has a 50% chance of not being ok, with PGD.  That's mainly why I'm freaking out so bad. Thank you for making me feel better

jen102279

Sha259 said:

It's not over till it's over. No reason to give up on Day 4 of stims!! Has your RE said anything about modifying your meds to improve your count? In my cancelled cycle I only had 4 follicles, so you're looking better than that.

Wishing you luck and keep us updated. 

Thank you The dr was very pleased with how my 7 are progressing that they don't want to change anything.  He said those are responding perfectly, so that's good.  

Justone13

Day 4 is still super early... you might just be one of those women that stim for longer (like me 14-15 days) to get your follies together. Is 7 the number that they can measure and you have other follies that are below the size they need to measure? I totally understand your frustration when your body doesn't do what you want it to do. Then add the fact that you are paying for all of it becomes even more stressful. I hope that you are just too early and need a little more meds and a little more time. Let out the tears... and know I'm sending BIG HUGS!!! 

jen102279

emmuffy said:

I totally understand how you're feeling (I went through similar struggles with my cycle), but Day 4 is way too early to give up hope. I only had 2 follicles in the mature territory until Day 8 when more started to grow. Be patient and hopefully you will get more. I got 8 at retrieval.

Unfortunately, those of us with low AMH are not going to make 20 eggs. I feel your pain. I'm 31 and it feels unfair to have so few eggs. It's very frustrating to go through all this to end up with so few embryos to work with. However, try to keep in mind there are women on this board who had only 3 eggs and still ended up KU.

Fx for you.

Thank you for this It's all because I know we have to go through the PGD testing and knowing the % of ones that could be bad is scaring the shit out of me.

jen102279

Justone13 said:

Day 4 is still super early... you might just be one of those women that stim for longer (like me 14-15 days) to get your follies together. Is 7 the number that they can measure and you have other follies that are below the size they need to measure? I totally understand your frustration when your body doesn't do what you want it to do. Then add the fact that you are paying for all of it becomes even more stressful. I hope that you are just too early and need a little more meds and a little more time. Let out the tears... and know I'm sending BIG HUGS!!! 

He could only see the 7, so maybe there are tiny guys hiding? I go back in on sat.
OMG, so stressful! And then add in all the hormones we are pumping in...I'm a hot mess

Thank you

Twinkie0612

((hugs)) it's hard when you don't have many eggs to work with. I was 30 when we did our first IVF and thought I would end up with tons of eggs, we got 6, 5 were mature, 3 fertilized, and none made it to blast for transfer. The good news is that my second and third cycles were better (8R,7M,5F,1 blast and 8R,8M,8F,2 blasts respectively). Sometimes your 1st IVF is more of a learning experience.

Justone13

My sono lady always says you have this on this side and that on that side.. but you have a bunch of little ones that we can't measure yet. When you go in on Saturday ask. Maybe they are just too small still to measure. FX for you!!! 

Pintobean39

I think I freaked out in the beginning middle and end of my IVF. First was because in the beginning I had 4 follicles, but halfway through they came out if no where. Then I was still afraid of only having 3-4 make it to 5 day and questioned paying the 5k for genetic testing. We ended up having over half make it to 5 day.

It's ok to cry and freak out, I think we've all been there and done that. Just remember it's early and it's not over yet and only takes 1. Also sometimes having a good meltdown is what it takes to help give you the strength to go on, or at least that's what I need sometimes.

Good luck!!!

fayth4one

Just like many of the other ladies have said, day 4 is early. Don't get discouraged - its so easy to do with so many things in this process.  Just hang in there! Lots of luck!

Mrs.Ess

I say first thing you should do is let that ugly cry out. I have no advice but a good cry can be so cleansing. I hope things look up for you!! ((Hugs))

lilycakes78

I second the notion of a good cry! It's a release that you probably need. I obsess over every little thing...can't help it, so I feel your pain. Don't get discouraged, though. My AMH is also 1, so I'm definitely not expecting stellar numbers. But I'm keeping my fingers crossed for good quality eggs.

Best of luck to you! Please keep us posted on your progress.

<Rebecca

saratrying

Don't lose hope! You're only at the beginning and what they see on the ultrasound isn't always what is actually going on in there.  At my day 5 scan I had 5 follies. By day 12, I only had 7. But at my retrieval they got 13 eggs (9 mature, 8 fertilized with ICSI). 

So don't get down. And remember it only takes one! 

airidh80

PPs have already made the salient points - Day 4 is super early, and quantity isn't necessarily the end-all.

I do not have low AMH, and I still only got 8 eggs at my first IVF. 6 were mature, 5 fertilized, and then on Day 3, the three remaining were in bad shape. I did CCS on those 3, and only one was normal. It sucks. But right now, you're only on Day 4, and you still have plenty of time for those follies to pop. 

Have a good cry, and then remember, this thing isn't anywhere near over.

*hugs*

jen102279

You ladies are awesome! Thank you so so much  :x :-*

kittenmittens9

hang in there!  I had to stim for 11 days with my fresh cycle.  and at a much higher dose than what my RE had originally predicted.  I remember that feeling after my first couple of U/S and it sucks.  but having them grow uniformly is really more important.  I hope that your next U/S shows improvement and I wish you the best of luck.  keep us posted!

siempre595

Have you had an E2 drawn yet?  WHat kind of doses are you on?  While I had plenty of follicles, my early E2 number sucked and I freaked out that I was going to get cancelled.  I didn't.  I'm currently obsessing over my fert report, so I completely understand, but at the same time, try not to stress too much about the numbers.  My initial numbers were all over the place, and ultimately were not predictive of where I am now.  

jen102279

kittenmittens9 said:

hang in there!  I had to stim for 11 days with my fresh cycle.  and at a much higher dose than what my RE had originally predicted.  I remember that feeling after my first couple of U/S and it sucks.  but having them grow uniformly is really more important.  I hope that your next U/S shows improvement and I wish you the best of luck.  keep us posted!

They are growing at the same rate and RE was very pleased with that Thank you!

jen102279

siempre595 said:

Have you had an E2 drawn yet?  WHat kind of doses are you on?  While I had plenty of follicles, my early E2 number sucked and I freaked out that I was going to get cancelled.  I didn't.  I'm currently obsessing over my fert report, so I completely understand, but at the same time, try not to stress too much about the numbers.  My initial numbers were all over the place, and ultimately were not predictive of where I am now.  

I haven't had that drawn yet no, he said my uterus lining was thickening like they would hope and that the 7 are growing at the same rate.  Currently I'm on 225 of gonal-f with 150 menopur (man that one stings!)
Thank you The day is getting better

MSU_Girl1202

Don't lose hope! First off, it's hard to remember this, but quality over quantity.
Second, just wanted to share my experience...I had been planning an IUI cycle in July and ended up with 8 follies, so my RE switched me to IVF. That was on a Wednesday. The following Monday, I had my ER and they got 19!!! I have NO idea where there other 11 came from, but just to say, a lot of them 'hide' behind other follicles / behind the ovaries, so don't lose hope!

jen102279

I seriously love you guys! Thank you!

katers79

I completely understand where you're coming from- this is my first (and only) IVF/ICSI/PGD, and knowing we're going to lose eggs/embryos at every step is terrifying. I've got everyone and their brother praying for me to grow "plenty o' eggs"! It's early, and so much could change!

Hang in there though! Cry, go get a mani/pedi, have some ice cream, and spend some QT doing something fun with DH to take your mind off everything.

FX and ((hugs))!

jen102279

katers79 said:

I completely understand where you're coming from- this is my first (and only) IVF/ICSI/PGD, and knowing we're going to lose eggs/embryos at every step is terrifying. I've got everyone and their brother praying for me to grow "plenty o' eggs"! It's early, and so much could change! Hang in there though! Cry, go get a mani/pedi, have some ice cream, and spend some QT doing something fun with DH to take your mind off everything. FX and ((hugs))!

Thanks @katers79, add me to your prayer list, I'll pray for plenty of eggs for you! It os so terrifying! It's a one shot deal for us as well, which I think adds a lot to the stress of it.

BostonGayGal

I can add nothing to the excellent perspective these ladies have shared but I will be hoping for you.

katers79

Welp. Day #8 of stims, and I have 11 follicles. My AMH was good (5.1!), and I was just like you-- thinking ~20. Esp with losing some every step. Dammit!! RE is thinking ER Wed or Thurs. ETA Praying!! [-O<