NBR--Nature Lovers :) You might need an hour...

Lanatir

Haha @NatureLovers-- I'll open your can of worms and take the bait.    I could always use an excuse to vent about my MiL...

Originally, she hid most of her crazy REALLY well.  Yes, she had a house full of random stuff, but idk, my grandma was like that so it didn't really set off any red flags.  The strangest thing I encountered while my husband and I were dating is my MiL often would want to engage in religion discussions-- mostly on the historical side, less theologically, and there were times where she would say things that time-wise were contradictory, but idk.  Anyone can mess up dates in a 2000+ year span of time, so I guess it didn't jump out at me that often, either.

After DH and I got engaged, she started being pushy and trying to get invited to things wedding related (which actually there really weren't any-- I totally had a maid of honor who didn't do anything...  But MiL was offended she wasn't invited to showers and parties that never existed).

Once the wedding rolled around, she was crazy.  Most of the reception she clung to my husband.  To the point where it made a lot of the guests uncomfortable.  She had a weird belt thing that started off as a belt and became a headband.  Idk, I knew DH was her favorite, so I was still in denial there about feeling weirded out.  It wasn't until like a year later my older brother confessed to me she had cornered him and tried lecturing him about how divorced people are going to Hell.  Big bro was going through a super nasty international divorce at the time and my parents sort of agree divorce is horrible and THEY were happy to see my former SiL go.  So he just brushed it off and was like "Wow, what a pathetic woman," but really?  Divorce talk at a wedding?  uhhhhhh...

The first few months of marriage nothing really stands out.  In that time frame, though, I did start thinking there had to be something weird going on.  She kept going to doctors for all sorts of supposed health complaints, but never went to the same one twice, always asked for a copy of her records after to take to other doctors, and threatened to call the medical board when one doctor wrote on her chart that he suspected she was making symptoms up for attention, might have bipolar disorder, and definitely leaned towards narcissistic tendencies.  However, the real stuff started appearing once my SiL and I were pregnant and due 5 weeks apart (in 2011 and both with our first), the crazy started really coming out.  The first thing out of her mouth when we told her was "Don't be sad if you lose the baby, these things happen."  Shortly there after, it was "You and K are pregnant together to purposely exclude me because I can't have anymore kids."  Dude, you're 55.  Yeah, the window closed a while ago unless you're like freak of nature fertile.  She constantly made offensive comments about my SiL's pregnancy weight gain both in front of her and behind her back to me.  I didn't pop for the first time with DD1 until around 23 weeks, so she constantly asked me if I was sure I was pregnant.  Had a doctor told me I was pregnant.  Was I sure I was still pregnant?  Somewhere during that pregnancy MiL thought it was ok to go out and buy more baby clothes than anyone could have use for and was offended if we didn't take any (so good and bad since we pretty much had a whole wardrobe at no monetary cost to us), but it was literally 5 or 6 trash bags full every time I saw her and it was exhausting to put up with the smell of her detergents and sometimes the bags were full of mice droppings instead.  Then in there started the bags of maternity clothes.  Like 70s, 80s, and 90s maternity clothes.  Full on moomoo type stuff and maternity overalls...  O_o  cue the offensive woe is me you hate me when I told her I didn't want those.  She actually brought a bag of stuff into my house one day and walked straight into the master bedroom and dumped all the clothes onto the bed.  NO boundaries whatsoever.

Sometime around the middle-ish of my pregnancy started the weekly (or more frequently) calls to DH WHILE HE WAS AT WORK where she was apparently complaining about how much I hated her.  I don't even remember all the lies she made up because at that point I was just trying to make it through being pregnant and keeping my marriage together.  Every call was another fight between us.  (DH is a lot better now-- first year of marriage is HARD sometimes...  Ugh)

Once SiL had her baby, it turned into MiL constantly telling me how I needed to make sure I didn't "give up on breastfeeding like K did."  And how I'd lose the baby weight so much faster if I didn't buy such poison for my child to drink.  *gag*  She actually believes anyone who uses formula didn't try hard enough.  But then later I found out she stopped producing with her third after supposedly 100% BFing the first 2.

At the baby shower for my SiL's pregnancy, she thought it was appropriate to corner someone and tell her, in graphic detail, about how she was raped and men are horrible and you should never get into an elevator with men.  At my baby shower, she showed up over an hour early (when I was SUPPOSED to be napping) and started wandering through my PARENTS' house.  My mom had to keep her from going upstairs!  MiL then cried the whole time because someone she had met supposedly died but none of her kids or FiL had any idea who it was who had died.  And MiL complained the whole time that all the games my mom and cousin and friend picked were "really boring" or "stupid" or "well that's not fair I thought the toilet paper squares were this size so I should have been right."

Once my daughter was born, I tried to keep anything of her off social media.  DH and I sat her down and said absolutely no pictures were to go up on her FB of our daughter.  MiL friends random people on FB to play games with and we didn't want our daughter on her FB page for MiL's hundreds of strangers to see.  The first few weeks was ok, then came the postings by her of our daughter AND my niece.  All with comments like "That's MY nose.  Those are MY hands."  No, not really.  Maybe resemblance, but NOT actually yours.  I ended up having to report multiple photos to the FB privacy peoples.  Once she saw they were gone, she started posting passive aggressive statuses about how grandparents aren't respected and no one has a right to keep a grandma from loving her grandkids.

At DD's baptism, MiL showed up late because she saw yard sales she HAD to stop at.  Then came in late, sat in a pew for about 3 minutes, and left.  It took her until about a month ago to tell us she was so pissed off about who DH and I had chosen as godparents.  Apparently women with short hair are offensive to her.  lolwut?  So she stormed out of the church, making enough of a scene that the priest came up to me after asking if I knew "that horrible woman" because DD's godmother has short hair.  Then spent 2+ years not caring to tell us why she left her granddaughter's baptism.

Come Thanksgiving, when DD1 was almost 8 months old and we hadn't introduced meat yet (personal choice while attempting baby led weaning), MiL force fed her turkey.  Not just turkey, but the same turkey FiL had carved up and MiL kept asking if he was sure it was done.  So thanks for the salmonella, grandma.  DD didn't actually get sick, but MiL waited until I went to the bathroom and DH saw it and for some reason didn't say anything until we were in the car on the way home.  I was LIVID.  Around the same time, she force fed my niece jello.  Used her hand to pry open my niece's mouth and shoved the jello in her mouth.  When BiL and SiL got upset, MiL went on a rant about how spoiled kids are these days because she had to eat everything on her plate growing up.  My niece was 9 months old and it was JELLO.  Wtf.  We also showed up "late" to Thanksgiving that year because we got to spend a lovely 4 hours in the ER that morning because I had been so sick and was having blood coming out of both ends of my digestive tract.  That's about how I described it to her because she wouldn't stop asking why I was in the ER.  Apparently I was faking just to not spend time with her.  Yes, I totally volunteered to have exactly what would cause me to spend a few thousand dollars between ER trips and the resulting GI specialist visits and all the lab testings and procedures.  Oh, and I totally faked losing 10 lbs in a few weeks from so much puking.  The ultimate diagnosis I had was possibly bacterial imbalance, but the doctors couldn't be 100% sure, as they didn't run stool analysis after doing a colonoscopy and endoscopy made all of my symptoms completely vanish.  (This is also probably why this time around I was 10000000% certain about early fetal movement.  I KNOW gas and GI movement feelings and what I was feeling was NOT it.)

There were a number of times she has shown up at our house unannounced and been offended if we weren't home OR one time she was pissed off I didn't answer the door.  DD was in the bathtub and I ignored the doorbell because I wasn't expecting anyone.

Haha we're not even to a year yet and it's a massive wall of text...  Maybe I'll stick to just some highlights now... haha

At DD's first birthday party, she left like 30 minutes after she got there.  Apparently she didn't feel needed and DD wasn't paying enough attention to her.  Sorrynotsorry, but a 1 year old is going to run around with other 1 year olds.

For Christmas, everything she got DD was 4 or 5 year old and up age appropriate.  Like she opened stuff for DD and it immediately went in the mouth and pieces were lost and she got pissed off that the 20 month old didn't take care of her toys...

At DD's second birthday, my mom had JUST found out that her breast cancer was supposedly gone, but then there were tumors in her lungs.  MiL thought it was ok to LIE to my mom and say that she's been through chemo twice and everything turned out ok.  MiL has had skin cancer on her nose ONCE and they froze it and cut it out and that was the end of that.  That was definitely my breaking point.  I blocked her on FB and I was straight forward with my husband that as much as family is important to me, there was NO excuse for such a blatant lie and it is NOT a model we should be exposing our children to.  Before MiL left, FiL was complaining he was hungry and I had a beef pot roast in the slow cooker because parties at our house tend to go long.  MiL refused to eat it and didn't want FiL to eat it because "beef is unhealthy and you should only eat chicken because it's soooooooooooo good for you."

The first thing out of her mouth this time when we announced our pregnancy to her (mistakenly at 6 weeks, but DH wanted to make it "even" since I had told mine), the first thing out of her mouth was "I bet K is again too to exclude me again."  And then, after we specifically told her it was NOT public information yet and we were NOT posting anything on FB, she posted "I'm going to be a grandma again.  Son and daughter in law are about 5-6 weeks pregnant and hoping for a boy."  Uh no.  We were NOT hoping for a boy.  At that moment, I actually had a sex preference and decided I hoped with all my might that this baby was a girl. (*fingers crossed the tech is right and this is a girl*  Not that we would love a boy less, but it's emotionally complicated and feeling like somehow MiL always gets what she wants...  Idk if that makes sense, but emotions rarely do...)

About week 18 I think was the next time I saw her and that was the "Are you still pregnant?" followed by "Are you sure the baby's still alive?  How many months are you?" obnoxiousness.  A simple "How far along are you now?" I think would have been appropriate.  If somehow I hadn't been pregnant still, idk.  I feel like it'd feel less offensive than "Are you still pregnant? Are you sure the baby's alive?"  When we told her the baby's a girl, she denied writing any such leanings towards this baby being a boy and denied sharing our news on FB when DH told her AGAIN not to do so like she had before.

So we're in a stage where BiL and SiL have completely cut off MiL, other SiL and BiL are "holiday and birthday only" visitors, and MiL is going bat shit crazy because she's losing people to control.  She sends out multiple emails a day to the other sets of siblings about how they need to read their Bible and be Christian and forgive because the Bible says to forgive.  (But, you know, I've always missed the line where it says you have to still talk to the person you've forgiven... hmmm...  haha)  And she's come up with this crazy idea that BiL owes her $5000 for raising him, $1000 for college money they gave him, and $6000 because when BiL and SiL were expecting their daughter, MiL got an inheritance from her brother and decided to split it up among the kids.  Apparently she is owed the $6000 back because it was money for her to see her granddaughter.  O_o

MiL has started calling DH again.  One was pestering us to tell her the name of the baby.  I told my husband not to tell her, but he did.  He said "We decided years ago that a second daughter would be Vivienne Edith and it's not up for negotiation."  Well, she said "Vivienne sounds too old.  You should use 'Annie,' 'Joy,' or 'Holly.'"  She also hated Edith.  I swore I'd NEVER be that person, but when I heard that through the phone, I said aloud in the background, "Fuck no, you named your own kids, like hell you're naming mine."  Also, can we just think about this for a second.  Holly is not my style, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do NOT name your child Holly when you're due right around Christmas.  That, IMO, is just ASKING for your kid to get picked on.  Like "Geeze, your parents couldn't be more original than to name you after the holiday you were born on?"  A few of the calls have been complaining that I'm not her friend on FB (AND complaining that my little brother isn't her FB friend, either, wtf crazy bitch?).  DH got hung up on last call I heard from her because she went into that rant and he cut her off with "I heard some old people confuse FB with real life."  And then there was silence and he looked at the phone and said "She hung up."  He hasn't called them and she hasn't called us since.

I'm sure there's tons more, but those are some main sticks out in my head at 11 PM (well 11:20 right now).

Lanatir

@Firefly3911- Vent away!  I don't mind.  I totally understand the need for it when it comes to MiLs.  hahaha.

southernyankeegirl

Wow. I am glad the crazy in my family is my grandma. Much easier to distance and draw lines. That sounds like hell!

My MIL will never win a mother of the year contest, but she leans towards disinterested and self involved than overly involved and controlling, which I much prefer!

Stargirlb

ANYONE think it's curious that women always have to deal with the annoying ILs but guys don't have to? I've seriously NEVER heard of guys complaining about inlaws to the extent that women do. I just asked DH if him and his friends ever complain about in laws and he way like 'huh? like about what? um.... no?'

working theory---- there is  bunch of misogyny behind it. people treat women/wives worse-- like subhumans-- (even other women do this,) and plus guys tend to not deal with shit and leave it to bubble under the surface to women to deal with eventually unless directly asked. 

Well my approach to dealing with bullshit i adopted in the last few years was to think 'what would elon musk do?' which is usually just giving the person a blank stare and then start talking about some completely different subject that interests me. 

Bigboneded

More and more grateful for normal family in my life :-) you ladies really get my admirationfor dealing (even when that means cutting off) and sticking around.... (((hugs)))

NatureLovers

Wow, that is one psycho bitch. Definitely a narcissist. I'd cut her off. So sorry you're dealing with that!

ShuShubee

That sounds like one special lady. My MIL is great, but my FIL (they divorced relatively recently) is a piece of work. Not quite that crazy though.

Lanatir

@Stargirlb-- I might be biased, but there's no reason my husband would butt heads with my parents.  lol.  There's only been one time my mom stepped in when we were at their house, and it had to do with DD throwing a tantrum while we were at the table eating a meal and DD hit my mom and my mom turned her chair around and said "You get a time out for that, you can come back when you're ready to join us."  Not really something either of us would get mad about...  haha.

efujan

That is beyond crazy!!!  Sorry you have to deal with that - and I'm very impressed that you've somehow managed to hold it together enough rather than just blowing up in her face with rage.  I don't know how you do it!

Luckily, it sounds like your DH is seeing things from your perspective, as are your BIL and SIL.  That's got to be a big help - so that you're not feeling like you're alone in this . . . whatever this is.

Hang in there - and vent away any time you need to!  I know my MIL can drive me up the wall (albeit in no way does it measure up to your chaos!), and getting it all out there where you have some support is extremely helpful! 

MoJo2015

That is a lot of crazy. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all that. I can't imagine. I guess I should really appreciate how lucky I have it with my ILs. I'm not that close to them, but they are definitely sane.

Lanatir

@efujan-- I just keep reminding myself she's not mentally stable and that yelling at her won't sink in.  Her daughter did that for years-- the yelling back.  All it ever got her in return was her mom screaming about how much she hated her daughter and how she wishes she never had kids and how apparently she's always right and if you try to correct her, you're just telling her how much you hate her.  *eyeroll*  So most of the time, like I've said in every thread about mental illness and dealing with it or crazy ILs in general, if it's not immediate danger to me or my child (like just running their mouth or lying about their life) I just ignore them and act like I'm not even listening.  Drives them INSANE that they're not getting attention.

Beauxbaton

Jesus. At least my MIL is only crazy when. She's doing crack

amiej1227

Man that is a whole lot of crazy to deal with! Good luck

My mil just tends to cry, she isn't bad but she can be emotional. Especially because my husband and bil aren't really talking to each other at the moment and any time it is brought up it upsets her.

But my poor husband has to deal with my mom. She lives with us and so that is an on going crazy because they are both strong willed and want things their way which is usually the opposite of each other. Luckily I've stepped out of being in the middle and make them work it out together. Makes it much easier on me.

ShuShubee

Since we are sharing stories (for your entertainment):

My FIL decided to start having an affair with his high school girlfriend, with whom he reconnected at a reunion, after 35 years of marriage. FIL decided to tell DH that he was leaving MIL about 3 months before he actually told MIL. We are pretty sure it was in the hopes the he didn't have to tell MIL himself. DH told his dad that was his responsibility and he was staying out of it, but it ate the poor guy up for those couple of months. We did not know he was having an affair at the time.

So, he finally moves out, and goes on all these random "vacations." Mistress lives in another state, so he was visiting her. The kicker is that DH worked for a cell phone company, and worked in a department that had a lot of access to phone records and phone locations. We were all on his cell plan since it was dirt cheap. And, legally, the phone lines were DH's not ours (the employee is financially responsible for that line). Well, FIL calls DH one day complaining about charges, so DH looks into his records (because it was requested), and realized all these calls to and from mistress' place and that his vacations were actually visits to her. Told his dad he knew what he was doing, FIL kept denying it. And denying, and denying. He basically just kept lying after everyone knew the truth and FIL knew they knew the truth. At this point, MIL and FIL were still talking about trying to work things out - as soon as MIL found out he had an affair, she was done and filed for divorce. And, she had all his cell phone records because they were legally DH's not FILs. So, again, FIL put DH in the middle.

FIL eventually married mistress (and moves to her state), but continued to try and get back together with MIL up to the day he married mistress. Like, begging her to take him back. She was having none of it. I should also note that mistress was also married at the time of the affair, and they both left their respective spouses.

So, a couple years ago, FIL says they are getting divorced. Moves back here and buys and furnishes condo. Like two months later, decides that they are not getting divorced, sell condo and moves back to be with her. Decides he still wants a place in the same state as his kids, so buys the same lakehouse that he got in the divorce and then sold prior to getting remarried. Decides to sell lakehouse (it is still on the market) because they were, again, getting divorced and bought another house/condo, but in same city as her. Says he likes it there and wants to stay down there. Fine, whatever. They cancel divorce again and he puts said house on market (still hasn't sold to my knowledge). So, he has two places on the market right now.

This is also a man who has no idea how to relate to his kids and could not understand why DH and SIL were upset about his affair. Or why they would be upset about him harassing MIL. So, he just throws money at us (and SIL's family). He does it so that he can then hold that over our heads - like, look at what I have done for you!

We still have not met this woman. My SIL made a good point in that as long as FIL is married, he is her problem and ours. We decided to bite the bullet and invite both of them for Thanksgiving, which they have accepted. It is going to be a, um, interesting weekend.

FIL is crazy, but not nearly as crazy and some of your ILs.

efujan

@ShuShubee - wow.  You've got quite a "fun" (sarcasm intended!) situation there, too.  Good luck with Thanksgiving & meeting this woman for the first time - you'll have to keep us posted on how that goes!!!

Lanatir

@ShuShubee--  This was my face the whole time I was reading:  

Srsly.

ShuShubee

Lanatir said:

@ShuShubee--  This was my face the whole time I was reading:  

Srsly.

Girl, I have that same reaction any time FIL does or says something new. I can't keep up with whether he is married or in divorce proceedings. DH put it best when he said his dad gives him whiplash.

Jellybean707

Wow. All of these stories are making me appreciate my mildly annoying MIL.

longcat07

omg.  my MIL (LH's mom) is a passive-aggressive, manitpulative bitch but she falls short of actually batshit.  this is insane.

stephchris0321

My MIL is a little annoying but not that crazy! She is always late to everything, including our wedding! My MIL & FIL missed the pre-wedding family pictures, etc. because they arrived 1.5 hours late. She also has a horrible laugh that carries on for over a minute. I try to ignore it but it gets really old and obnoxious.