First of all, sorry I've been kind of MIA. The beginning of the school year has been kicking my ass.
For the mini-update: We're getting all of our ducks in a row to do IVF in November! (And boy, there are a lot of IVF ducks.) I was feeling pretty bitter for a while, but I think I'm starting to turn the corner towards feeling excited (and nervous as hell). :-)
Now for the point of the post: Right now only our immediate families and key people at work know about our IF. I'm to the point where imagining going through IVF while in the closet (time off work impacting coworkers, seeing extended family around the holidays) is causing me more anxiety than the idea of just telling everyone. So, I think I'm going to come out of the closet on Facebook. I'm not sure exactly what to say though! I know quite a few of you posted things for NIAW, and I want to pick your brains. If you have links to blog posts or can copy your FB post in here, that would be amazing. Even just tips would be appreciated.
In addition to the FB post, which I am 90% will happen, I'm thinking about coming out at work (only maybe 30% sure about this part). Has anyone done that?? Do you send a mass email? Announce something at a meeting? Just tell people as it comes up? This part has me cringing harder, so I'm not sure where it will go, if anywhere. FYI, I'm a teacher, and there are probably 50 or so staff members.
**siggy warning** **everyone welcome**
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DS- 11.07.02
DSS- 6.26.04
Married- 6.29.13
TTC Again- Sept. 2013
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Test Results/Diagnosis- HSG & SA totally normal
DX: 3/2014 Prolactinoma/Hyperprolactinemia- Started cabergoline 2/2014
5/2014 Possible mild PCOS in addition to hyperprolactinemia??
7/2014 Adding probable tubal factor to the diagnosis list
9/2014 And now adding hypothyroid to the list- Started synthroid 9/2014
Cycles 1-4 - Sept.-March- All Anovulatory
IUI #1 March/April- Clomid 50mg + Clomid 100mg +Trigger + IUI #1 = BFN
IUI #2 April/May-Clomid 100mg + Clomid 150mg + Trigger + IUI #2 + Endometrin=BFN
IUI #3- June- Follistim 75iu + Trigger + IUI #3 Benched due to a 40 mm cyst. :-(
IUI #3- July- Follistim 75iu + Trigger + IUI #3 + Endometrin = BFP! on 7/25/14
Slowly rising betas - Ectopic suspected on 8/8/14 & confirmed on 8/11/14
Methotrexate on 8/12/14 -HCG negative on 9/2/14
IVF #1- November- Antagonist protocol: 11/1: start stims, 200iu of Follistim; 11/12 ER 17R/14M/14F; 11/17 5 day transfer of two blasts, 2 blasts and 2 expanding morulas frozen; 11/22 BFP!! (On FRER at 5dp5dt)
Betas: 9dp5dt 205, 11dp5dt 497, 14dp5dt 1,709
u/s at 5w0d- 1 sac; u/s at 6w0d 1 baby with heartbeat, another sac without a heartbeat
Re: Help me come out of the closet (SAIF/PAIF/everyone welcome) (bonus mini-update)
Thanks, @rainbowbridge14 Wow! Kudos to you for speaking up at that check-in. I have a really hard time talking about it in person at first. I even emailed my own mom. :-P Once I get it out there, I'm better.
@iPutKetchupOnKetchup I might do something like that (link to 8 RAK page) at some point. I think if I go into much detail at all, it's going to be hard enough to keep it concise. I think my first link will be to the RESOLVE IF etiquette page. I hope if I open the door I will feel comfortable posting others things like that in separate posts though.
I guess what I struggle with on Facebook is how much depth to go into. Like, do I talk about my diagnosis, what we've tried already, etc?? Or do I just say we're infertile? I think part of what is going to make it tricky is that we're experiencing 2IF, so I feel like people won't "get it" unless I mention a diagnosis??
I'm really open to any feedback. I want to be clear and concise, set boundaries, inform, but not make it extremely awkward. Ugh.
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Thank you! I think between @rainbowbridge14 and @BunnyBerry's advice I feel ok about work. I think I'll send an email to that Wednesday morning team, letting them know the very basics about what's going on, and telling them that I don't mind discussing it in person (just that it's easier to first bring up in email) and that it's not a secret. I think that's a good compromise. I agree, it would feel weird to send an all-staff email.
@BunnyBerry, I agree. I won't tell people what each appointment is for, I'll just say at the beginning that there will be a lot. I think my disclaimer with everyone will be that I'm happy to answer questions or talk about it, *except* about where exactly we are in a cycle. I'm just telling people we're going IVF in a few months. I don't want to have to do day-to-day updates or tell a bunch of people it did/didn't work the day of beta.
I was originally thinking we would just tell people when PAIF too, but I've gotten to the point where I can't take hiding anymore (or in some cases even lying). And thanks for cheering me on about IVF! Now I have my (approximate) countdown on my phone for when I can stop BCPs. I guess that makes me excited. ;-)
Thanks, @DaydreamSam I'll check out your blog post!
Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!
I came out during NIAW. It was so damned therapeutic for me!
No specifics but that we were battling infertility, that it isn't something uncommon or shameful, and a few tips and links on what not to say to an infertile. If anyone wants a link to my blog (no longer in my siggy) just PM me!
I am still super duper open about infertility (as is DH with his coworkers and bosses). I figure it makes the conversation less taboo for those still struggling, and might let someone who is suffering silently know I get it and am here if they want to talk. While the medical details are no one's business, I feel no shame in sharing the general diagnosis of infertility as if it were a cancer diagnosis.
As for Facebook randoms knowing this stuff, I actually had a handful of people I haven't really spoken to in years who reached out after my NIAW posts to talk privately about their own struggles. I was able to help a few people just starting the process to understand what to expect for testing and possible treatment plans. It started a conversation with a wide range of people that I think was really beneficial - I have even had pregnant friends tell me that they are much more aware after seeing me go through this (and how I have openly stated that I won't post pregnancy updates on Facebook because it was so painful for me while struggling) of how their Facebook posts and off hand comments might inadvertently hurt someone. So win for sensitivity and awareness!
Off birth control March 2012 - Actively trying Sept 2012-April 2014
BFP on May 5th after Follistim & IUI #3
@daydreamsam I had time to look at your blog post, and I love it! I love the explanation of IVF, because of the few people who already know, very few of them know what IVF is (which surprised me).
@amylev80 I love your post. That is a lot like what I had in mind. Tell the basics of what’s going on, why I’m telling people, and what not to say. Thanks!
@gsancho Thanks for coming by! I do like the idea of keeping it short and sweet, and possibly lighthearted. I have a funny IVF cartoon that was shared with me recently that I thought might be cool to include.
@southernyankeegirl Thanks for posting! I miss you! I agree, part of the reason I want to share if because I want to help make it seem like it isn’t something we need to hide, and I’d imagine there are other people I am friends with who are suffering in silence as well. I hope my post is at least half as successful as yours was. :-)
Off birth control March 2012 - Actively trying Sept 2012-April 2014
BFP on May 5th after Follistim & IUI #3