Talk me off the ledge...

CML11

Ok this might be kinda of long, so bear with me. I've had issues with my boss at work due my IVF cycles previously, so I'm trying to go for FMLA this time. Well she comes up to me today and asks what's happening. I excitedly say my medication arrives today and I'll be starting my new cycle. She answers back with asking when I'll need to take a day. She must've gotten an email about my FMLA application. She informed me that I would not get approved (through the outside ins company) due to having available vacation time. Even though that time has already been approved for this immediate family member's wedding weeks later. She made me give up both Christmas and thanksgiving vacation time to get the few days needed for this wedding ( my DH is in it). I've already bought plan tickets, rented his suit, hotels and so on for this.

Her words "well it looks like your going to have to choose". Effing B.

Here's my question: would you...

A: cancel the cycle till next month after wedding (so back on BCP after AF comes) when I could be FMLA eligible and get whatever time needed for the day and bed rest after.
B. Shorten the wedding vacation and use the 2 days-1 for ER and other for ET. I would have to go back to work next day after both. And then fight for my holiday time back that she won't let me have anymore.
C. Find a new job. I might be in a worse situation seeing how in my field your have to accrue time off. I would also be giving up 12 weeks of maternity/short term disability leave with 60% of my pay given to me every week while I'm off.

Help talk me off the ledge, because I really want to tell me boss where to shove it.

Pintobean39

I'd get a voodoo doll and stick pins in it. What a bitch, I'm sorry.

gnl42

Ugh. That's terrible that you such an a*shole for a boss. I'm sorry you have to put up with that.

Out of those options, I would choose B. Unless your job is very physically demanding, going back the day after ER or ET shouldn't be too bad. Giving up the extra vacation wedding time sucks, but it's the lesser of two evils. For me, canceling the cycle and postponing would be worse.

Now might not be the best time to look for a new job, but I would seriously consider it after collecting that maternity leave... Especially if your boss continues to be like this.

Carol77B

Your boss sounds like a nightmare, I'm so sorry. I left a job in Feb because of my boss, so I can really sympathize. I think what you do next really depends on your situation- how long have you been trying, how many IVFs have you tried, do you have coverage or are OOP, how much would it cost to change your tickets, how long of a delay would this be, etc.  However, if it were me, I would probably delay the cycle, have a fabulous time at the wedding and use FMLA. Assuming there is no way they will deny it in the future? Is there anyone else you can talk to about the FMLA terms? But assuming you would be set with the FMLA once you've used all your leave for the wedding, I'm voting "B." ETA- I meant "A" cancel!!! Not come short from the wedding. Ooops!

As for "C" the fact that you have 12 weeks of maternity with 60% pay is pretty freakin' amazing and would weigh heavily in my mind on the side of sucking it up until after I have a baby, but why not start looking and see what else is out there any what types of benefits they offer? As you have probably already learned, we don't get to make the timeline for how this goes and it is not good if you are going to be miserable for an indefinite period of time in your current job. Plus if you get pregnant and she gets worse, it'll be a lot harder to find another job at that point because of job discrimination against pregnant women.   

Good luck and sorry you are in this sucky situation.

ChristieH917

I am almost positive that it doesn't work like that....  You need to look into FMLA a little deeper.  You can choose to take time off work under FMLA without getting paid, but you cannot use vacation time while you are on FMLA. 

I went to take FMLA when my dad was terminally ill.  I don't think a company can change the way that they choose to work around it.  

CML11

@gnl42‌ I do skilled occupational therapy with the elderly pop. So I have a lot of heavy lifting, constant movement on my part, I pretty much sit only for my lunch break only in a 7-8 hour day, it requires a lot of physical ability most days. I had to go back to work after my first ER/ET, I was really sore trying to do this job. Makes me wonder if this had something to do with my failed cycle. I REALLY want to take the time off after this time.

@Carol77B‌ we are 100% covered for 6 cycles through DH ins (I'm on his except for my disability/maternity leave ins of course). This will be my second cycle. We would have to delay till the 3rd week of October (to start stimming). I'm not entirely sure how much it will be to change the tickets. 100/per ticket then whatever the difference is because the price has gone up since we bought them 6
weeks or so ago.

tweetyknicks

If you can manage to be patient until October, I'd delay for a cycle. That way you can have the peace of mind that you'll have the rest you want after ER/ET. In any case, that maternity leave is a sweet deal. Collect that before you jump ship.

I also agree with @PintoBean39. No reason not to relieve stress in the mean time.

Pintobean39

I actually just looked up under the Fed Dept of labor and your employer can require you to use your leave first. So you could theoretically take your vacation time first and them apply for FMLA, because IVF is covered. If company policy is that you have to use any vacation time you have left first then if you do IVF first you will lose vacation time for the wedding.

It sucks but sounds like that's your options.

CMH25

I believe FMLA only kicks in after you are out of work for at least 5 days. My company makes you take 5 vacation or sick days before they will pay for FMLA.

I would delay until after the wedding. GL !

CML11

@Cmh25 no I could take as little as one hour. Not that I would.

katers79

What a B. Wow. I can't understand how another woman can be so insensitive.

I'd be livid to do this, but I think "A" is your best bet. Just so you're covered. You deserve that wedding time.

Stupid question-- Would FMLA still cover maternity leave if you used any of it now?

Have a glass of wine tonight before having to face that B tmrw. Hugs!

Pintobean39

I'm mobile not sure if this link will work. It's a Q&A for FMLA.


https://www.dol.gov/whd/regs/compliance/1421.htm

alpCRNA

I would call your HR department and ask for details.  I would ask if she is allowed to deny you the vacation time.  If you already had it approved and will still have enough PTO, I'm not sure if she can deny it.

gnl42

I agree... you should try to clarify all the details that apply in your situation specifically. Your boss may not be aware of all the policies. In any case, it's worth it to double check.

I understand that if your job is physical, you probably don't want to put yourself in that position. I guess if your boss's logic is within the company's policies, then A would be the better choice. I know it must be so frustrating to delay though! GL!

Carol77B

I incorrectly said I went with "B" when I really meant "A." I'm so glad you are covered by DH's insurance ! That is so really awesome, too. I really think, based on what you've added, that you should go with "delaying," since it isn't really "canceling," until you can use FMLA. And then take the FMLA for recovery so that you feel comfortable that you aren't doing too much, especially right after ET. 

Good luck and I hope you have wonderful time at the wedding (whether you go for the fully scheduled time or come home early- which I DON'T think you should do). And another bonus from delaying- you can have a drink or two. 

CML11

@alpCRNA‌ I do have the vacation time approved, however I will only have 32 vacation hours (4 days). So my boss wanted me to choose: vacation or ER/ET.
The part that sucks is how much time she randomly takes off. She's worked 2 days/week for the past 3 weeks. When we get a foot of snow and are busting our ass to get to work because we're not allowed to call out, she calls out to go skiing. That's what sucks, the rules she enforce don't apply to her (despite the rest of us picking up her patients, or her getting per diem coverage).

CML11

@Pintobean39‌ thank you for the info!

Do you ladies think a freeze only cycle is better? I'm so confused and super stressed out over what to do. DH thinks option B is better. I think Option A is better, as much as I don't want to delay this any longer.

Twinkie0612

1. Your boss sounds like a bitch.

2. Your boss is technically wrong about denying FMLA because you have vacation.  You can still be approved for FMLA (which is unpaid time off with job protection), but your company can force you to take your accrued PTO during FMLA.  The advantage to using FMLA is that your boss can't deny your request for PTO.  Pinto posted a great link.  I would talk to HR and check your employee handbook for their rules on PTO and FMLA.  I would also check into the taking away your holiday time, at my company I don't think you can be forced to work on a company designated holiday (but I have before), but my company is technically closed on holidays.

3. Depending on ER, 1 day off might not be enough so you could be forced to take more than one day for it.  If you have to take off more than one day would you be ok having to cancel your plans for the wedding last minute?  I would talk to HR about the situation and see if something can't be worked out.  I might even be a passive aggressive bitch and mention the flexibility that your boss has had with PTO and ask if they can show you the same flexibility.

Honestly your situation makes me grateful for my understanding boss.  He has no issue with me adjusting my schedule for monitoring appointments and even gave me a day off for ER last year without using PTO.  Unfortunately even with an understanding boss, I can't be open at work about treatments because we have higher ups that are not so understanding and are not above descriminating against pregnant employees.

lebradford

That is horrible!! I'm sorry. :-(

Honestly, I'd look for a new job. I am a firm believer that liking your job and your work environment is more important than money/benefits.

In the meantime, I'd probably delay the cycle so I could take FMLA and rest up. However, I could really see going either way.

Feel free to spit in her coffee....

CML11

Yes, I printed off the info that @Pintobean39‌ gave me. Easier to read than on mobile

@Twinkie0612‌ she can't deny the FMLA leave, unfortunately my ER/ET will come before my scheduled vacation. Hence having to choose. I have to make my decision by CD 1. I haven't made my decision yet, I hate this.

siempre595

This is possibly out of your boss's control.  For us, everything goes through HR.  My boss might be very inclined to give me "free days" for things, but if HR finds out, he's in for it.   There are variations in how FMLA works, but for us, you MUST use up your vacation/sick days (for us this is all lumped into one box known as "paid time off") and THEN you can use FMLA.  FMLA for us is simply unpaid leave that protects your job, so they can't fire you on approved FMLA and they can't replace you.  We go into FMLA if we miss three days in a row for any reason other than planned vacation, the paperwork starts up at that point and if you choose to file for it officially is up to each individual person.  This is actually pretty complex.  I would recommend going to the HR person at your workplace and getting more explanation.  It is very likely you will have to give up your vacation days first.  Can you skip the wedding even though your husband is in it?  I realize that sucks, but I just skipped an international trip with my husband for this same reason, I'm saving my days as much as possible. I had to BEG for light duty this month to make all my appointments, meanwhile I worked the entire summer while everyone with kids took weeks off to go on vacations.  I was very unhappy and told the scheduler my "opinion".  She backed off immediately.  You may need to get a bit tough.  

Toriables

I am also having a terrible time with a boss. I know it sounds immature, but she is watching me so closely waiting for me to make the tiniest mistake and not letting it drop. I'm so sorry you're going through that,

CML11

@siempre595‌ I don't think it's out of her control because she makes exceptions all the time for people. I've talked to HR (they are not in house) and they are useless. They say they don't want to get involved, it's her decision. She's a control freak, and she wants to flex her muscles.

@Toriables‌ I feel for you, it makes IF so much more stressful.

To anyone that's curious what I've chosen, I have decided to go with plan A. Skip till next month. I'm sad about it, but at least I'm not stressed out and losing sleep over it anymore.