Soo tired..feeling really worn out..

crene84

I really just need to vent right now.  Let me start out by saying that I know I am very blessed with healthy, beautiful children.  But I am so sleep deprived, I am losing my mind.  I have a 9 month old and an almost 2 year old..I really didn't think I'd be dealing with consistent sleep issues at these ages...at least when you bring a newborn home, you know it's going to get better eventually..

DS is super inconsistent but he was doing several nights a week 9+ hours or he'd wake up once and go back down quickly..now he normally doesn't go down until 11 pm and wakes up at least 2 times..and sometimes has a hard time going back down so I could be up with him for 2-3 hours..and DD has slept great since we brought her home but for the past couple weeks, she's been waking up a couple times a night.  Luckily the past few nights, I have been able to take her to the potty and change her diaper if it's wet and she'll go right back down, but she's been waking up at like 6 am (instead of 7:30 or 8 like she used to).

So I'm going to bed around 11 pm or later, waking up at 6 am with DD, and waking up 4+ times in between.  DH tries to help but obviously he can't nurse DS and he wakes up early for work, so I feel bad having him do too much..plus, if DD sees DH, it's over..she'll never go back to bed.

I am feeling so trapped, smothered, exhausted...and I know people are trying to help with suggestions, but no suggestions seem like they'll help.  We have no family nearby and I did interview some people from care.com but the thought of paying someone I barely know to come into my house for a couple hours while I try to sleep just seems like it won't work for me.  I'd be upstairs hearing the kids, worrying about if everything is going okay..trying really hard to fall asleep which I'm not good at no matter how tired I am...I even thought about having an overnight nanny, but I'll still hear the kids cry and I'll be curious how they are doing so is it really worth it if I'm still awake?  I guess I'm not really looking for suggestions..just a place to let off some steam..I have been so short fused with my mom who is giving me, what I think, are awful suggestions..telling me I should try to sleep at the neighbor's house, or buy a small trailor and go there for peace and quiet..I mean seriously?!  

BeebopandBuddy

I'm sorry it's so hard. Sleep deprivation is terrible. I hope you find a way to rest soon.

watercolor5

Hugs momma- that sounds really rough.  Hope things get better soon!

melody921

Ugh, sleep deprivation is the worst. Have you tried moving DS' bedtime earlier? Oddly enough, with DS, I found that if he went to bed at 7, he actually slept longer than if he went to bed hours later. 

I know your DH can't feed DS, but what if he starts putting your DD back to bed when she gets up? She might think it's playtime in the beginning, but after a few nights, she should get used to him coming in instead of you. Or, can you go to bed earlier and have your DH take part of the night-time shift?

Do the kids nap at the same time? That might be where you can catch a few zzzs, even though it's nowhere near as good as night-time sleep.

Cheenomae

I'm so sorry. Sleep deprivation is THE WORST. Seriously, awful!!

You sound like me in that you are kind of a control freak. Sorry, is that okay to say? I had no idea I was one until I had kids. It's not that I don't think others can handle them it's just that I can do it better. I'm seriously trying to work on it though. It's not good for you or the kids...or your DH.

I also couldn't imagine myself finding someone off care.com and having them come and watch the kids while I slept. Not because I wouldn't trust someone, because duh, my kids are in DC...talk about letting go of control, but just because, like you said, I'd be laying there wondering what was going on. It would just never work.

My only suggestion for both of your kids (ages are appropriate) is cry it out. I swear by it. It's never failed me. My kids are awesome sleepers. There is regression here and there and I don't faulter; if they aren't sick and/or in pain then they cry. It's always worth it to me as hard as it is at the moment.

Hang in there sister!

hmp1

What time are you going to bed? Can you pump enough to have your husband do the last feeding and first wake up so you can go to bed at like 8 and get a good 6+ hour stretch in? DH and I switched up our system a few times as the kids sleeping patterns changed to ensure we were both equally tired, lol. But being tired is way better than being at your breaking point of exhaustion.

I wasn't to sure about DS1 going from 2 naps to 1 nap at 12 months old but when Leo was getting close to that point, I could not wait. Having one kid taking one nap a day and the other taking two was really hard on me, and I was only home with them 2 days a week. Hopefully, once they are on the same nap schedule, you will be able to have a couple hours for yourself to rest and regroup.

Holly_1007

Big hugs. Sorry you guys are struggling. Sleep deprivation is the worst

crene84

Cheenomae said:

I'm so sorry. Sleep deprivation is THE WORST. Seriously, awful!!

You sound like me in that you are kind of a control freak. Sorry, is that okay to say? I had no idea I was one until I had kids. It's not that I don't think others can handle them it's just that I can do it better. I'm seriously trying to work on it though. It's not good for you or the kids...or your DH.

I also couldn't imagine myself finding someone off care.com and having them come and watch the kids while I slept. Not because I wouldn't trust someone, because duh, my kids are in DC...talk about letting go of control, but just because, like you said, I'd be laying there wondering what was going on. It would just never work.

My only suggestion for both of your kids (ages are appropriate) is cry it out. I swear by it. It's never failed me. My kids are awesome sleepers. There is regression here and there and I don't faulter; if they aren't sick and/or in pain then they cry. It's always worth it to me as hard as it is at the moment.

Hang in there sister!

I did Ferber with DD and it worked great...I still let her CIO to some extent but now that she's potty trained, I have to get up and take her pee, so CIO isn't helping with that.  I also did Ferber for DS a couple months ago and it seemed to work fairly well, but I think we slipped out of it because I didn't want him to wake DD up and he had some good nights randomly so I just figured he needed more time.  I hear from a lot of people that once they stopped nursing, their kids STTN..but things have been so tough lately I'm considering doing Ferber again with DS to see if there is any improvement.

Cheenomae

crene84 said:

Cheenomae said:

I'm so sorry. Sleep deprivation is THE WORST. Seriously, awful!!

You sound like me in that you are kind of a control freak. Sorry, is that okay to say? I had no idea I was one until I had kids. It's not that I don't think others can handle them it's just that I can do it better. I'm seriously trying to work on it though. It's not good for you or the kids...or your DH.

I also couldn't imagine myself finding someone off care.com and having them come and watch the kids while I slept. Not because I wouldn't trust someone, because duh, my kids are in DC...talk about letting go of control, but just because, like you said, I'd be laying there wondering what was going on. It would just never work.

My only suggestion for both of your kids (ages are appropriate) is cry it out. I swear by it. It's never failed me. My kids are awesome sleepers. There is regression here and there and I don't faulter; if they aren't sick and/or in pain then they cry. It's always worth it to me as hard as it is at the moment.

Hang in there sister!

I did Ferber with DD and it worked great...I still let her CIO to some extent but now that she's potty trained, I have to get up and take her pee, so CIO isn't helping with that.  I also did Ferber for DS a couple months ago and it seemed to work fairly well, but I think we slipped out of it because I didn't want him to wake DD up and he had some good nights randomly so I just figured he needed more time.  I hear from a lot of people that once they stopped nursing, their kids STTN..but things have been so tough lately I'm considering doing Ferber again with DS to see if there is any improvement.

Dang, I forgot your DD is PT. That definitely puts a wrench in my advise. DD was potty trained around 2.5, but we literally had her wear pull-ups to bed until she was past 4 because we didn't want her to regress in her sleep. She eventually just started having dry nighttime diapers on her own and that's the only reason we stopped. I couldn't figure out how to night time PT.

crene84

Cheenomae said: crene84 said: Cheenomae said: I'm so sorry. Sleep deprivation is THE WORST. Seriously, awful!!

You sound like me in that you are kind of a control freak. Sorry, is that okay to say? I had no idea I was one until I had kids. It's not that I don't think others can handle them it's just that I can do it better. I'm seriously trying to work on it though. It's not good for you or the kids...or your DH.

I also couldn't imagine myself finding someone off care.com and having them come and watch the kids while I slept. Not because I wouldn't trust someone, because duh, my kids are in DC...talk about letting go of control, but just because, like you said, I'd be laying there wondering what was going on. It would just never work.

My only suggestion for both of your kids (ages are appropriate) is cry it out. I swear by it. It's never failed me. My kids are awesome sleepers. There is regression here and there and I don't faulter; if they aren't sick and/or in pain then they cry. It's always worth it to me as hard as it is at the moment.

Hang in there sister!
I did Ferber with DD and it worked great...I still let her CIO to some extent but now that she's potty trained, I have to get up and take her pee, so CIO isn't helping with that.  I also did Ferber for DS a couple months ago and it seemed to work fairly well, but I think we slipped out of it because I didn't want him to wake DD up and he had some good nights randomly so I just figured he needed more time.  I hear from a lot of people that once they stopped nursing, their kids STTN..but things have been so tough lately I'm considering doing Ferber again with DS to see if there is any improvement. Dang, I forgot your DD is PT. That definitely puts a wrench in my advise. DD was potty trained around 2.5, but we literally had her wear pull-ups to bed until she was past 4 because we didn't want her to regress in her sleep. She eventually just started having dry nighttime diapers on her own and that's the only reason we stopped. I couldn't figure out how to night time PT.
Yea, she wets soo much still so we have the huggies overnites on her and I've told her it's okay to go in them.  I honestly couldn't care less about night time training at this point..and the first month or so, she was fine during the night...but recently she started waking up up to 2 times a night. I was hoping it was teething causing her to wake up but now I'm not so sure.

crene84

shiggybop said:

I know that you said you don't want advice, but I can't help myself. Haha. Sleep deprivation is torture. Is your ds actually hungry when he wakes up? Ds1 used to wake up and only eat for about 2 minutes, so I started making dh handle his wake ups. We had a few nights of infant anger, but then he stopped waking since he didn't get food. I have no experience with pt, but It sounds like she's still transitioning. Fx you get over this hump quickly. Oh and as far as not wanting to make yh get up because he has work in the morning, you do too- taking care of the kids is work for sure. Mh always says that he chose to have kids as well, so he will take on as equal share of responsibilities as possible. Im sensitive to this particular subject because of how much praise my gets for night time diaper changes since he has work in the morning.

Yea DH is really hands on and I'm very lucky but the times where I ask for his help, I normally lie awake hearing DS scream and then take over so both of us end up being awake and it sucks. Maybe if I stuck with it, he would get used to DH helping, but I haven't been able to give it a real chance. I am thinking that I'm going to do Ferber again and stop night time feedings.  At first he'd nurse for 5-8 minutes and go right back down so I didn't care but now that everything  has gotten so chaotic, it's time to try to cut out nursing again.

willy_gert

I'm sorry you are sleep deprived!  I can't imagine going through it with two and being a stay at home mommy!  You are doing great and this is a great place to vent.

I think sleep training is a great idea, Luci has regressed occasionally, but she used to stay up until 11 or so every night and wake up early, but once we did Ferber/ CIO she was a totally different baby/ toddler. I think we are going to have to start doing this again, because she is getting up in the night at least three times a week and for no other reason than she wants to be with us.

I hope things get better and I totally understand the getting up because you hear the kids screaming and DH is struggling, but it is better for all of you if you let him do it.  I have had to learn this myself and DH has risen to the occasion when he can.