Feeling Down in the Dumps (babies/shower/kids mentioned *not mine*) — The Bump
Trouble TTC

Feeling Down in the Dumps (babies/shower/kids mentioned *not mine*)

Hey fellow 3T-ers,
I don't have any news to share about my journey, I just need to let off some steam, frustration, and overall crappy emotions. On Tuesday, I flew from CA to NJ for my sister's baby shower. Ever since I got here I have been working on baby this, diaper that, or some other baby centered task. In what little off time I have had, I find myself researching endometriosis and endometriomas. I love my sister and I am thrilled for her, but every happy emotion is quickly crushed by the recent news that I have stage IV endo and my never have children or at least will most likely not have children naturally. My Mom understands that it's hard for me to put on a smile and she has said to me many times that I am a good person for coming to support my sister. What makes it worse is that all of my childhood friends who are still here all have children of their own and whenever we get together, all they seem to do is talk about their children. My only other friend who does not have children just moved to Florida so she is not here. Fortunately, my best friend still lives around here and she has suffered for several years with very painful, stage III endo and has undergone numerous procedures with little to no relief. I am not saying that it's fortunate that she has endo, but I am glad that I have someone around who I can talk to and I am looking forward to getting together with her in a few days. She has a daughter, but she is five and I don't have the same negative attitude to her.
Anyway, I am trying to not let it get the best of me and especially not say anything that will take away from my sister's special day. Also, I am trying not dwell on something that I do not have all the facts for yet. I have an MRI the day after I get back, and then I meet with an OBGyn the following Monday. At this point, all I know is that there is a growth that is "likely" an endometrioma (the word "likely" is used on the Ultrasound write-up). I am looking forward to getting home to my husband and our two cats and focusing on what needs to be done next. I just need to remember to breathe. I am certain that even if I can't give birth to a child, I will give one a loving and nurturing home one way or another.

Thanks for listening to my rant. I feel a bit better. Now I have to go make dinner while my sister lounges on the couch. :-/


Love to all of you!

[Deleted User]

Re: Feeling Down in the Dumps (babies/shower/kids mentioned *not mine*)

  • I'm so sorry you're having such a rough week!!! Wine and tequila are a good rx to get through!

    Also, have you spoken to your re about a lap to zap away the Endo? I had level there completely ablated in June. Best of luck to you
    TTC since 2013 (grad of 3T)
    EDD: May 24, 2015
  • I'm sorry you're feeling so down.  I've just come out of a long-term funk myself.  It's brighter on the other side, you just gotta keep on moving.  Creepy internet ((hugs))!!

    -----------------------------------SIGGY WARNING-------------------------------------

    Me: 31| DH: 36
    TTC #1 Since 07/2010
    DX: Unexplained Infertility
    IUI #1 on 7/3/14 100 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI (44 million sperm, 1 dominant follie) = BFN
    IUI #2: on 7/28/14 100 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI (23 million sperm, 2 dominant follies) = BFN

    IUI #3 on 8/22/2014 100 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI (53 million sperm, 2 dominant follies)= BFP MMC @ 7weeks

    [Deleted User]BeckyM613
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  • I'm so sorry. It's wonderful that your mom recognizes and appreciates how strong you are right now!

    I hope you'll be able to find some relief for your endo, perhaps with a laparoscopy? My recent lap to electrocauterize 4 spots of stage 1 endo completely ended my period pain, plus the RE says it makes a big difference for fertility - totally worth it! :)
    January 3T Siggy Challenge - New Year's Resolutions

    Me (29), DH (30) TTC actively 54 55+ cycles | All BFNs
    MFI (low everything) | Endo Stage 1 & Stenotic Cervix (treated) | PCO
    Married - July 2008 | Started TTC - Jan 2009 | RE Visit #1 - Mar 2014 
    IUI #1 ICI #1 - June | IUI #1.1 Laparoscopy - Aug
    IUIs #1.2, 2, 3 - Sept, Oct, Nov (Letrozole) - BFNs 
    IUI #4 - Dec (Bravelle) | IUI #5 - Dec/Jan (Bravelle) - 5 follies + TI - BFNs
    IUI #5.1 - Jan (Bravelle) Cancelled 
    Planning to start IVF in March!
    ***All Welcome***
  • Thank you for the love and encouragement, Ladies! I am glad that there is an avenue like this forum to rant and complain about these issues with others and not be judged! I just find it ironic that we have to go onto a website devoted to pregnancy to get here. Oh well, such is life.

    Thanks again!

  • So very sorry you're having a rought patch!  I know my time immediately after my diagnosis was incredibly hard for me.  I can't imagine if I'd been up close and personal with baby everything in the immedate aftermath.

    It sounds like you have a wonderful attitude overall, though, and some very supportive people on your side - including all the ladies here.

    Best of luck, and I wish you a safe trip home to your DH and kitties!

    Me: 31 (PCOS) possible right tube issues DH: 36 (SA normal) 
    Started dating in 2006, Married 2012 
    TTC since November 2013 
    First RE visit due to irregular periods: June 2014
    Lap/Hysto to remove polyps, cyst and tube blockage 11/6
    Cycle 1 (Dec. 2014) TI with Clomid, Trigger, & Progesterone CX due to no response
    Impatiently Waiting CD1 to try again with Fermara Back on the bench due to giant cyst,
    who know I'd ovulate on my own after a cancelled cycle and end up with a mega cyst :(
    All Welcome
  • Thank you again ladies. It's nice to take a few minutes away from the baby stuff, log onto this site, and read your kind and encouraging words. Oh, and @shafwilson that squirrel pick makes be cringe and I don't even have balls! lol. Worst. Day. Ever. for that little guy. :))

  • So sorry! You must be feeling a lot of emotions. My SIL is pregnant and every time I'm around her my heart feels like it is on a roller coaster. It's awesome that your mom recognizes your feelings and that you have a friend going through something similar! Sending you lots of positive thoughts helping you get through this time. You'll be in the comfort of your home with your DH and furbabies in no time :)


    Me (26) & DH (26)
    Dog Momma to 2 amazing furbabies
    Started dating: May 6, 2005 & Married: August 4, 2012
    Diagnosis: PCOS

    September 2013 - January 2014: Not trying but not preventing
    February 2014: Officially TTC (BBT, OPKs, etc)
    February-August 2014: Irregular Cycles, U/S showed Fibroids/Cysts, Provera required to get AF, BFNs
    September & October 2014: Testing Months with Reproductive Endocrinologist!
    DH's SA:
    Normal (116.4 million sperm, 97% motility, 36% morphology) - WHO criteria
    DH's Repeat SA: Poss. Low Morph. (138 million sperm, 73% motility, 8% morphology) - Kruger criteria
    HSG and SIS: Normal (tubes clear)
    Medicated Cycle:
     5mg Letrozole + Trigger Injection + TI = BFP!!


    Beta #1:
    12/8 - 1,040 Beta #2: 12/10 - 2,902 Beta #3: 12/16 - 19,321
    Ultrasound #1: 12/12 (5 weeks 1 day) - Gestational sac and yolk sac present
    Ultrasound #2: 12/18 (6 weeks 0 days) - Measuring good, heart rate 99
    Ultrasound #3: 12/26 (7 weeks 1 day) - Measuring good, heart rate 150

  • HUGS for you. Sorry you had a rough day. I hope you're a little better now :)
    Love 8/15/10 | Marriage 11/21/11 | TTC #1 11/2012
    Unexplained Infertility
    Our herd includes DH (29), me (26), and 2 fur babies (Corgi and Bernese Mtn Dog)
    All are welcome | Join the movement #8ActsOfLove

  • I went out with some friends and laid down the rule that "baby" was the "b" word... and that we were not to say the "b" word this evening. It was good to get out, get away from the shower stuff, and have some margaritas with friends.

    The shower is tomorrow (Saturday), my sister goes back home on Sunday, and then I can just hang out with my Mom until I fly back home on 9/9.

    If it goes badly, there may be another long ranting post added to this discussion ...that might be interesting...

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