How long before partners usually tell their family — The Bump
1st Trimester

How long before partners usually tell their family

I found out I was pregnant last week, we’ve been TTC for about 7 months so a lot of people know that already.
I’ve told a few close friends and my mother, I would really like to tell my brother but I wont until my Partners family knows (my brother tells his wife everything and she’s a chatterbox).

I was wondering when it’s normal for guys to feel comfortable in telling their family? (or at least other peoples experiences)
I’m of course going to wait for 12 weeks to tell most people, but I’m very very close with his sister and she keeps asking if I’m pregnant yet.
I’d really like to be able to talk to her about it because she just recently had a baby herself, but when I ask my partner how long he thinks it will be until he tells his family, he just sarcastically says ‘in a million years’ and it’s super frustrating! He also hasn't expressed why he doesn't want to tell them yet, we visit them a lot too so it’s hard to contain my excitement
! :s

Re: How long before partners usually tell their family

  • 12 weeks is the most comfortable stage for many to announce their pregnancy. You can just tell your sil and tell her to keep this little secret till you are ready to announce to others. I liked this cute article on when to announce your pregnancy.
  • That's just personal preference. With our first, DH wanted to tell the world immediately, but I held him off until the u/s at 8 weeks. But, we compromised and agreed to tell our parents early. We told my mom the day we tested and his parents the day after.

    This time, we also told my mom the day we tested, but we likely will not tell his mom until after the u/s. DH is being more conservative this time around.

    My comfort level would be to tell most people after 12 weeks, but even my doctor told me at 8 weeks after the u/s and seeing the heartbeat that we could start telling if we wanted.
    Proud Doxie Mommy

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    DS born via c-section 11/17/12
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  • We usually tell right after the first dr appt.  Mine is next week so I'll be 7 1/2 weeks.  DH can be a little slow to take it all in and it has to be real to him before he gets excited and starts telling people.  Once he hears a heartbeat and sees a peanut on an ultrasound picture, he gets super excited and starts telling people.  I think for men it's different.  They aren't experiencing morning sickness, exhaustion, crampiness, moodiness, breast tenderness, etc. They can't really "see" it since there's no belly early so it doesnt feel real yet.  At least this is how it is for us.  Try to talk it over with DH.  For me, I know DH will feel giddy next week so I'm just waiting it out. Honestly, when you think about it, it's a lot to take life created! 
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  • Have you asked him why he doesn't want to tell his family? DH told his coworkers immediately each time we got pregnant (3 pregnancies, 2 losses). We agreed not to tell his mom until after 12w because she's a worrier and very clingy. We ended up telling her at 14w and let her tell his brother (who we're not close to).
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  • I actually really enjoy sarcasm but that's a little off topic.

    I don't think there's a typical time frame.  We've told right away in some and waited as long as 17 weeks in others.  If you're comfortable having them know why don't you just tell them the next time you're all together? 

    Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12

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  • It's personal preference. Most feel comfortable telling people right away. Others wait until after they hear the heart beat or after the 1st tri ends when the chance of miscarriage is lower. Just do what makes you comfortable. :)

    I wholly disagree with "most" people tell right away. That's naive and untrue. It is totally personal and should be discussed with your partner. We told right my immediate fam right away b/c they knew we were doing IVF and had been pretty involved in the details (knowing when I had u/s, etc). Everyone else... We told 2nd tri even though I was showing at about 8/9 weeks due to twins.
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  • With DS, we told our immediate families after we heard the heartbeat at 6 weeks 5 days...we asked them to tell NO ONE until we were ready - then we told the "world" (i.e. Facebook) at 12 weeks after the NT scan.

    This time around, it took us longer to get pregnant and I've been under the care of an RE so I'm more cautious this time. I have already told my mom b/c she knew I was seeing an RE. We will tell my in-laws after the first sono again (DH is excited to tell them already) and the "world" we will prob wait until the anatomy scan this time. Close friends will know by 12 weeks. We don't have many really close friends so I feel comfortable telling them earlier.
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  • Hi there,
    For what it's worth we told people VERY early (I think at 6 weeks!) during our first pregnancy and it was a mistake only in that it made the pregnancy feels like YEARSSSSS!!!!  I was so envious of a friend who waited till she was 4 months (then again, she found out she was pregnant at 3 months) as her pregnancy seemed to fly.

    This time, we are keeping our big mouths shut until 3 or 4 months.  They say you should wait till till 12 weeks so that you are out of the general "danger zone" - we are following that advice only so that I don't feel like every day people are asking me "so is it time yet?"

    Big hugs on your great news!!!!!!
  • I personally prefer to tell parents and siblings early. If anything were to happen I would need/want their support.

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  • My SO told his parents right away.

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  • We must have told our families sometime around 5-6 weeks - before we'd had our first prenatal appointment, but not immediately.  We considered waiting, but realized that if anything happened, we'd want their support.  
  • We were waiting until I had my first doctor's appointment (which was today), but we're planning to tell our parents, siblings, and grandparents in the next couple days. Close friends and other family in the next month or so, but asking them to keep quiet for a while since I don't really want it to be "public" knowledge until the first tri is done, only the people whose support I would want in case.


  • I told my mom immediately and I lived with my MIL, so I told her the same day too. He told his dad at 10 weeks when we heard the hb.

    It's a BOY

  • We had a dinner at 10 weeks with both our families and told them together. That is what felt right for us.

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  • We plan to tell our parents after the 1st U/S at 7 weeks then everybody else at 12 weeks.  But if it was up to my husband alone he would wait until the baby is born because he wants it to be a surprise. I could not wait that long. So did your ask your hubby why he wants to wait?
  • pem1228 said:
    We plan to tell our parents after the 1st U/S at 7 weeks then everybody else at 12 weeks.  But if it was up to my husband alone he would wait until the baby is born because he wants it to be a surprise. I could not wait that long. So did your ask your hubby why he wants to wait?
    I did ask but he pretty much ignored it. I don't mind waiting (as excited as i am) but i need a reason!
    I imagine it doesnt feel real for him yet, or it could be something to do with his judgemental father... i was going to use the ultrasound but it's at 12 weeks so that's a bit late for my liking!

    Thanks everyone for your replies too <3
  • This time, we announced it publicly at 8 weeks. I told my mom the day I got my BFP, at 12 dpo. And then told a close cousin a couple weeks later, and my father at 6ish weeks.
    G 12.04 | E 11.06 | D 11.08  | H 12.09 | R 11.14 | Expecting #6 2.16.18.

  • We told his mom right away then his dad and I'm waiting to tell my family till I hear the heart beat. Or later no sure yet.
  • My husband hasn't figured out how or when to tell his mom yet. It's her first grandbaby, and we live far away, so it needs to be via phone or Skype. I just kind of blurted out to my dad, "We found out you're going to be a grandpa!" when he asked, "So what have you been up to?" last time I talked to him on the phone. His reaction ended up telling my mom for me. I was 5 and a half weeks at that point.
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  • With DS we told everyone our parents/close family right away probably around 6 weeks or so. Then waited till 12 to let everyone else know.

    Same goes with this pregnancy. We told our close family but are waiting until 12 weeks to let everyone else know. 1 week 3 days till we can tell the world LOL I think DH is going to burst! I for some reason am calm... whats the rush... all the important people know.

    DS born 5/15/2010

    Trying for #2 Since April 18, 2013 

    BFP July 18, 2014

    EDD baby #2 March 28, 2015



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