I am completely overwhelmed

babybunty

I'm 13 weeks into my first and I'm just so overwhelmed by everything. I'm 28 and me and my boyfriend are going out 12 years and I just thought our lives would be so much more sorted by the time we had kids like we'd be settled, maybe married and own a home or at least have a bigger place, and even though we are starting our family now and we both feel blessed we are still not really settling, like we are not mature or something. I'm stressing that we need a home as I'm gone 3 months because our apartment is tiny I mean it's super tiny 'we wouldn't fit a cot in here tiny'. I have no sisters and the only woman I know who lives near who is pregnant hates my guts cus she seems to think I'm spoilt as I'm an only girl in my family but the reality is I was never spoilt and started work at 16 after school and paid my way through college. I'm a bit upset because she has sisters and knows I have no one to chat to about baby. My mum says she doesn't remember her pregnancys and my aunties, well that's another story. My aunt upset me too by making a sly remark about us not being married a few weeks ago when I was home.

Then my pregnancy is high risk due to a heart problem I was born with so I have to go to loads of appointments and it's quite scary at times thinking about what could go wrong

Iv no support from family as they live 300 miles away so I'm feeling really lonely as well.

My cousins wife is a nice lady but they also made me anxious when they were home on holidays. They have everything bought for their arrival like everything! I thought of need a Moses basket, baby grows, a changing table to start off but now I feel totally unready and unprepared. I have nothing bought and I can't really start until I have more space but my boyfriend seems to think baby is a few years off and I feel bad for nagging him all the time about it.

I'm just overwhelmed about looking for a home ( we are running out of time), I don't know if me and my boyfriend should move home to be near family or stick it out in the city on our own with no support and I'm also worried about being in bed after the birth because of the risk, how will my bf cope!

There's so much to do and I get totally overwhelmed that I sit on the couch with my to-do list looking at it eating and worrying, then nothing gets done!! I just haven't a clue where to start and I feel I'm doing everything wrong. I just don't know what to be doing in preparation? All my energy seems to be going into trying to have a healthy baby and I feel every thing else like a home, baby accessories like cots etc is all taking a back burner.

Anyone else feel totally overwhelmed by it all

jennypolkadots

Wow, that is a lot. I am sorry you are dealing with this!

I think it is best to work on one thing at a time. Sounds like you do not have the space for a baby. You need to find a new place to live. A larger place will likely be more expensive, so maybe putting that off until later in pregnancy is a good idea to save money right now?

You really need to talk to your boyfriend. At 13 weeks, you are not nagging by bringing up the fact that you are having a kid in less than 7 months. It will go so much faster than you think. You have stuff to figure out and you need his help. You need to set up a budget, work out a plan for after the baby is born, and work hard together to get there. You have to start thinking about if you will stay home after the birth, or how to afford childcare. We live in a cheap area and our childcare will be about $800/month and I only work 6 hours a day... and of course they won't take the baby until it is 6 weeks old so make sure you have a plan for during that time.

As far as buying stuff for the baby, you really do have time. You don't have the space right now. I would shoot to being in a new place by 32 weeks and then having a place to put the baby stuff. You will also have your baby showers around this time and Chrismas is a nice time for family to give gifts to the baby. In large cities it is very common for babies to share a room with the parents. He or she wont need their own space for several years to come. Our baby will be sharing our room for the first while and we have 2 empty bedrooms. As far as $$ for things - you can buy anything you don't get from others used. It is really not that expensive. The priciest part is the childcare, diapers, insurance, and ongoing baby costs.

Good luck, I will be thinking of you and I'm sure it will all work out! 

Bigboneded

If someone hates your guts, don't go to themfor advice. II'm sorry you are overwhelmed. I can understand your family wanting you to be married after 16 years with the same boyfriend, it sounds like you plan to stay together- why not get married? My family is the same way :-)

You need to decide if moving home with family will help, and if you and bf are staying together.... you need to have the discussion with him, too.

Can you set a date for a new apt, if you dont move home? My hubby is a terrible procrastinator, worse than me, and sometimes he wont do anything until I am angry or crying. I recommend talking about that with him, too. If you agree on a date to have a new place, then you can start planning around that.

Don't worry about having as much stuff as your cousin and his wife. They would be amazed at what you dont need!

Take a breath, and realize that this will probably work out, one thing at a time. Talk to your boyfriend. Good luck!

vpeazy

First, find a place. Then start worrying about buying baby things! The only things you need for the first 3 months or so are minimal really.

shellybean3788

Everything you mentioned about your neighbor's opinions of you and your family's opinions of your relationship with your boyfriend are pretty much irrelevant. Your situation requires triage, and these issues are largely unimportant.

You need insurance, a bigger place, and a budget. There are resources available for you to get insurance. A bigger place might cost more, so like one PP said, save up and do this toward the end. As far as sitting down and figuring out your finances, you're going to have to remind your boyfriend that a few months is not a long time and plans need to begin now.

Good luck.