Would a shower be tacky?

crunchymamaof2

At least @Darbie914‌ has some class. Etiquette does NOT change with the times. Etiquette is about putting the comfort of your nearest and dearest above your own wants. Asking for or actively being involved in the planning of a second shower only takes your feelings into consideration and is rude.

And after that hormonal comment I don't think k I can take anything posted by the OP seriously. It takes some talent to act like a bitch to start a semi normal post and still turn it into a hot mess.
 

@jennypolkadots I'm not a huge fan of showers in general but etiquette wise it's fine for a first time mother. It is a welcome to motherhood party. Regardless, even though it is a gift giving event, I would never expect gifts nor plan for a single item to be purchased off my registry. 

Sahara6971

ChickenOnSunday said:

Sahara6971 said:

Darbie914-

If someone were to surprise YOU with a shower or throw you one even after you expressed that it made you uneasy....what would you do in that situation?

@Sahara6971

What can you do if someone surprises you with a shower? Nothing. Well, you could walk out but that would be extremely awkward. Also, if you expressed to this friend that you are uneasy and don't want a shower and they do something anyway than you have a pretty crappy friend. 

You came here asking a question. You are going to get responses you like and those you don't like. Let it go.

Let what go exactly? I was just asking a question. I never once implied that I didn't like any of the answers. I respect every opinion which is why I asked for them. I just felt that one was a bit over dramatic. I still respect her opinion and even agree with most of what she said.

jaztastic

Im so sick of this topic...

ems0523

PS @Darbie914‌ isn't a baby registry essentially telling people what they should get you anyhow??? Are baby registries against etiquette -or- is that a mannerless change with time tacky thing too?

Mommalawyer

jaztastic said:

Im so sick of this topic...

This. Totes.

jaztastic

My only comment at this point is in regards to etiquette being timeless... I have to say I disagree. Some of the things taught to my mother and grandmother as "etiquette", would have most of us rolling on the floor laughing our asses off, if someone tried to tell us that its how things should be today. 

Times change us, culture changes us... and in a lot of respects what is acceptable now may not have been before. 

Carry on... 

sincerelyapril

My friends kids were 7 and 2 when her MIL threw her a shower (full on shower - nothing sprinkle-y about it).  I bought her awesome gifts from her registry and we all just had a fun because we were stoked that she was having another kid.  

Her family, her friends, and her kids all had a grand ol' time because we're all just so tacky and love it.

ems0523

@sincerelyapril‌ you are my kinda tacky

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smg2302

jaztastic said:

My only comment at this point is in regards to etiquette being timeless... I have to say I disagree. Some of the things taught to my mother and grandmother as "etiquette", would have most of us rolling on the floor laughing our asses off, if someone tried to tell us that its how things should be today. 

Times change us, culture changes us... and in a lot of respects what is acceptable now may not have been before. 

Carry on... 

I'm crushing on you so hard today. Seriously.

Ettiquette dictates that men should hold doors for women because they are too frail to do it themselves.  How about we just all hold doors for each other?

Ettiquette dictates which fork to use when.  Fork that.  If I want to use a tiny seafood fork on a salad, who am I hurting?

Ettiquette dictates no white after labor day.  I do what I want.

jennjilljo

smg2302 said:

jaztastic said:

My only comment at this point is in regards to etiquette being timeless... I have to say I disagree. Some of the things taught to my mother and grandmother as "etiquette", would have most of us rolling on the floor laughing our asses off, if someone tried to tell us that its how things should be today. 

Times change us, culture changes us... and in a lot of respects what is acceptable now may not have been before. 

Carry on... 

I'm crushing on you so hard today. Seriously.

Ettiquette dictates that men should hold doors for women because they are too frail to do it themselves.  How about we just all hold doors for each other?

Ettiquette dictates which fork to use when.  Fork that.  If I want to use a tiny seafood fork on a salad, who am I hurting?

Ettiquette dictates no white after labor day.  I do what I want.


In my head I'm now imagining a pregnant woman in a white blazer who is eating a steak off of a baby shrimp fork while holding the door open at a local business.

crunchymamaof2

Darbie914 said:

jaztastic said:

My only comment at this point is in regards to etiquette being timeless... I have to say I disagree. Some of the things taught to my mother and grandmother as "etiquette", would have most of us rolling on the floor laughing our asses off, if someone tried to tell us that its how things should be today. 

Times change us, culture changes us... and in a lot of respects what is acceptable now may not have been before. 

Carry on... 

You are wrong.  Etiquette is timeless.  What does change is what people chose to adhere to.  If you choose to have second showers, then you are choosing to be tacky.  

@Darbie914‌ you are my favorite.

Being considerate of your guests' and loved ones' feelings never goes out of style. Using a salad fork on your steak isn't going to affect anyone else. Thinking you're a special snowflake and deserving of gifts for a baby you created, on the other hand, will.

smg2302

jennwilhoite said:

jaztastic said:

My only comment at this point is in regards to etiquette being timeless... I have to say I disagree. Some of the things taught to my mother and grandmother as "etiquette", would have most of us rolling on the floor laughing our asses off, if someone tried to tell us that its how things should be today. 

Times change us, culture changes us... and in a lot of respects what is acceptable now may not have been before. 

Carry on... 

I'm crushing on you so hard today. Seriously.

Ettiquette dictates that men should hold doors for women because they are too frail to do it themselves.  How about we just all hold doors for each other?

Ettiquette dictates which fork to use when.  Fork that.  If I want to use a tiny seafood fork on a salad, who am I hurting?

Ettiquette dictates no white after labor day.  I do what I want.

In my head I'm now imagining a pregnant woman in a white blazer who is eating a steak off of a baby shrimp fork while holding the door open at a local business.

That's me.

jaztastic

Darbie914 said:

jaztastic said:

My only comment at this point is in regards to etiquette being timeless... I have to say I disagree. Some of the things taught to my mother and grandmother as "etiquette", would have most of us rolling on the floor laughing our asses off, if someone tried to tell us that its how things should be today. 

Times change us, culture changes us... and in a lot of respects what is acceptable now may not have been before. 

Carry on... 

You are wrong.  Etiquette is timeless.  What does change is what people chose to adhere to.  If you choose to have second showers, then you are choosing to be tacky.  

We are all tacky in our own ways then... There was a time where woman wearing "trousers" was not proper etiquette. How many of us can honestly say we dont own a pair of pants? 

foxslaw

jaztastic said:

cannolioh said:

I don't think it is tacky. I have been to 2nd showers for women who had surprise pregnancies after getting rid of their baby items. The only time I have heard people feel strongly against second showers for any reason is on the bump. 

Agreed... I had only heard it 1 time in my life, until I got on TB. And I have yet to hear it again IRL from anyone, regardless of where they lived. 

****
I have to say this in thirds.
I think it's only tacky if you go about it being tacky (like throw it for yourself) 10 years is a big gap! I say go for it!

jaztastic

Darbie914 said:

This is all I can see in this thread.

LOL I dont disagree with this statement at all. 

There was a part of me, even though this is my first child that is all about what I want. I was also like this, with my wedding, Im like that on my birthdays, and Christmas as well. I just dont think its fair to isolate having act of having another shower as being sooo gift grabby. As if we all dont have moments when we want all the gifts for ourselves. 

I think my irritation with this topic in general no matter which side of it you land, is that we arent really talking about something of serious consequence. Your babys health or well being is not in jeopardy. Ive never experienced family or good friends falling out over the (single fact) that you had a second shower. Usually its family or close friends trying to throw you one. (or the fall out is more detailed). 

Its not that deep... to me at least. I was raised around multiple showers so all of my tackiness will be spread throughout generations to come. Im perfectly okay with that. Ive thrown showers for friends and family with multiple children, and Im okay with that too. 

I think people in this case should just do whatever they want to do. 

Sahara6971

Mommalawyer said:

Im so sick of this topic...

This. Totes.

I'm getting there too. I HONESTLY didn't intend to start any drama. I just wanted honest opinions (and again, I respect all of them).

foxslaw

I'm southern. My mother is deep fried southern. I was raised in the church of manners. I was raised with a very certain core of "what's polite". However, different cultures, regions, countries have different rules for what's appropriate...so yes, it's a question worth asking (though I am a bit sick of talking about it too @jaztastic‌ ). There is not ONE text written, no not even by Emily Post, that is the END ALL BE ALL on manners. As humans, we don't agree on religious texts, so I don't know why you think that manners don't change, that there aren't shades of grey? We all come from different walks of life, and having different opinions doesn't make you classless.

ordinary1

I agree that what is a social norm varies. However, if you have to ask if something is tacky then it probably is and I'm going to assume it isn't the norm. If it were the norm you wouldn't have to ask, you would know.

crunchymamaof2

foxslaw said:

I'm southern. My mother is deep fried southern. I was raised in the church of manners. I was raised with a very certain core of "what's polite". However, different cultures, regions, countries have different rules for what's appropriate...so yes, it's a question worth asking (though I am a bit sick of talking about it too @jaztastic‌ ). There is not ONE text written, no not even by Emily Post, that is the END ALL BE ALL on manners. As humans, we don't agree on religious texts, so I don't know why you think that manners don't change, that there aren't shades of grey? We all come from different walks of life, and having different opinions doesn't make you classless.

Etiquette is standard across the board. That's the whole point.

And anything by "Emily post" that was published after the 60s is not from her and is likely crappy advice. It's all about the money. And gifts, apparently.

jaztastic

ordinary1 said:

I agree that what is a social norm varies. However, if you have to ask if something is tacky then it probably is and I'm going to assume it isn't the norm. If it were the norm you wouldn't have to ask, you would know.

 Its not asked where Im from (in my circle). No one even blinks an eyes at it. You are usually asked automatically "When is your shower" regardless of # of children you have. Multiple showers is the norm. 

thegoodpotato

jaztastic said:

Darbie914 said:

jaztastic said:

My only comment at this point is in regards to etiquette being timeless... I have to say I disagree. Some of the things taught to my mother and grandmother as "etiquette", would have most of us rolling on the floor laughing our asses off, if someone tried to tell us that its how things should be today. 

Times change us, culture changes us... and in a lot of respects what is acceptable now may not have been before. 

Carry on... 

You are wrong.  Etiquette is timeless.  What does change is what people chose to adhere to.  If you choose to have second showers, then you are choosing to be tacky.  

We are all tacky in our own ways then... There was a time where woman wearing "trousers" was not proper etiquette. How many of us can honestly say we dont own a pair of pants? 

I was listening to a tidbit on the radio one day, and this one really struck me....

@jaztastic did you know that it is technically illegal for a woman to wear pants in Paris?  That law is still on the books.  Your comment made me think of that one.  It made me giggle. 

As for baby showers, I honestly don't give two hoots.  Do whatever's the norm in your social circle.

I'd shower the heck out of you, Jaz. 

jaztastic

@thegoodpotato thats why you are my favorite! (but dont tell Sugah) 

>:D<

thegoodpotato

jaztastic said:

@thegoodpotato thats why you are my favorite! (but dont tell Sugah) 

>:D<

You know I :x you back! 

jennjilljo

I think I figured out a way to celebrate with out anyone getting offended. First, invite everyone over for dinner. Second, eat the dinner. Third, toast the pregnancy and eat some cake. I would rather skip it all and have some cake. I want cake.

foxslaw

The Emily Post comment was a joke @crunchymamaof2 ‌

danascullyx

ginx1188 said:

I've thrown many second showers for friends, we call them sprinkles they are much more low key and completely necessary when there is either a huge gap between kids or the first was a boy and the second is a girl (or vice versa). I don't think it's tacky, but I wouldn't go crazy with the invites either, just close friends and family. Good luck!

*Lurking* How is it possibly completely necessary? The parents need to provide for their child, period. Gifts from other people are nice, but should never be expected or necessary. Sheesh.  And no, spacing or sex do not matter when it comes to this. Second showers are tacky.

jennjilljo

Great news guys! We just had another baby shower thread open in which someone needs to know the proper etiquette for baby showers and mama's input. This debate can be continued further on that thread and branch into new topics concerning what is and is not appropriate.

mommy5point0

CatLadyTX said:

Personally, I don't like second showers. A girl in my playgroup is having her third and is hosting her own shower for her friends and family and then guilted playgroup into throwing one for her as well (something we never do). I won't be going to either because this is obviously a gift grabby situation.

If it is the norm in your circle, especially with such a large age gap, then I may look at it differently. If you don't want to offend the hostess, you can always agree but limit the number of guests so it is a smaller shower.

This is my favorite response so far. OP, expanding on this, even if It were your first, if you don't want a shower, you shouldn't have to do anything you don't want to do. I'm understanding of it being rude to turn down a gift but some just don't want to be center of attention or would rather get their own things. Perfectly fine.

As a side note, this is the norm in my circle. I would totally come to your shower if you were my friend.

jaztastic

musicgirl524 said:

jennwilhoite said:

Great news guys! We just had another baby shower thread open in which someone needs to know the proper etiquette for baby showers and mama's input. This debate can be continued further on that thread and branch into new topics concerning what is and is not appropriate.

I just threw my two cents in, but for the life of me I cannot figure out why--I'm so sick of the whole baby shower subject.

You like to punish yourself... lol 

vandjbell

It's celebrating baby, not you. I'm fine with second showers - people love giving gifts to the baby. Go for it

ordinary1

vandjbell said:

It's celebrating baby, not you. I'm fine with second showers - people love giving gifts to the baby. Go for it

I will never understand this thought. The baby isn't there, how can (s)he be the guest of honor? It is the same as having a birthday party or any other party for Aunt Sally without Aunt Sally being there.

crunchymamaof2

ordinary1 said:

It's celebrating baby, not you. I'm fine with second showers - people love giving gifts to the baby. Go for it

I will never understand this thought. The baby isn't there, how can (s)he be the guest of honor? It is the same as having a birthday party or any other party for Aunt Sally without Aunt Sally being there.

Exactly! A baby shower is to celebrate a woman becoming a mother. Want to celebrate baby? It's called a birthday party or a meet the baby party.

Unknown

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CogDis

My morning sickness just came back.

**backs away from ignorance of cultural diversity**

mandamoochie

I just find it interesting that half of the people posting in this are lurkers discussing the topic among themselves and not regulars on F15... lol

eta: gif fail

Sahara6971

mandamoochie said:

I just find it interesting that half of the people posting in this are lurkers discussing the topic among themselves and not regulars on F15... lol

eta: gif fail

I hope you put on your flame retardant suit 

Ducktale

Two things. 

This better be the last fucking time we discuss this. Stop trying to make yourself (general you) feel better for wanting a second shower. 

The one good thing about this thread are all the visitors. Come play more!

mandamoochie

lol @sahara6971 I never said I minded the lurkers.. I just find it interesting that this topic which is posted 1000 times on every BMB is now a huge debate here today. It's like BF/FF; you're on one side, and you're never going to convert people to the other team.

LorenaCaldwell12

Have a small gathering for family and close friends! There is nothing wrong in having something small for people to celebrate this new bundle of joy! If they want to bring gifts, ok. if they want to just get together and celebrate you and baby, that's great! Do whatever makes you feel comfortable!!