Effective forms of Discipline?- at this age

Rosebean

We are trying time outs. He seems to sit through the time out okay... Which tricks me into thinking he is understanding the lesson. Then as soon as it is over and I get my "sorry hug", he is back to doing it again. Lately it's because he kicks me in the face on the change table. I did a time out, then put him back on the table and he did it again. And sadly, when dad stepped in, he quit doing it. And I find lately that there are more raised voices at him than I would like. We only do it to gain his attention, but it's ineffective and I don't want him to become scared of us... Scared to do anything because he will get yelled at. So not sure what to do from here.... Suggestions?

kelly321

DD1 went through that phase and DD2 is doing it, too. Honestly, I don't know that there's much that can be done at this age. They will get to a point where they understand - DD1 has been at it since about Christmas time (so 2.5 years old) - and then time-outs become more effective. You can also start to work with other methods that require them to clearly understand consequences. For now, patience and repetition are I think the only possibilities. Maybe others have other ideas, though

lbonga1

Our form of time out is properly different than most people's. Our DD is very strong willed, and this seems to be the only thing that works. If she's really not listening, or does something harmful to someone else (like you said kicking), we put her in a play yard in her room. She doesn't like to be separated from us, so she immediately starts crying and screaming, but we give her some toys and let her cry it out. Eventually she calms down and starts quietly playing with her toys. It usually takes about 5-10 minutes, which I know is out of some people's comfort zone. We found if we do short time outs, they're completely ineffective, and I'd like to reserve spanking for serious, dangerous matters.

Rosebean

@luxannie‌ we say "ah ah ah" too. DH was known as Dr. No growing up so I would prefer to hear DS say ah ah ah instead. But he's just being a red headed devil today. I pinned his legs down at this last diaper change and he grinned like it was a game, then smacked me in the face. Back to time out we went. But at least I got a nice hug after.....

JumpAroundBucky

I talked to my pedi about time outs and she suggested putting them in the high chair in a corner facing the wall for a few minutes. Then take them out, explain what they did wrong and why they had a time out, and give them a hug. She said they'll probably just go right back to doing it, but to just stick with what you're doing and eventually they'll get it. I think they're just at an age where they figured out they can get a rise out of you, and they're testing their limits. It's awesome that LO stays in the time out! Wes runs away laughing, hence the high chair. I think it will just take time and patience. Ahh, motherhood. 

wineandcake

We sort of do time outs. We remove him from whatever he is doing (usually pulling one of the cats tails), bring him to a dining room chair in the corner, sit him down and explain what he did wrong. He screams and cries at first, once he stops we make sure he is looking at us and then explain. We have to stay with him the whole time to keep him on the chair. He usually doesn't do it immediately after because the animals hide, but he does do it later in the day. He has to say sorry if he was hurting someone and give a hug.

kleigh926

We do time outs. Most times I think it is effective. At the very least it usually makes her forget about whatever she was doing before and she moves on to something else. We make her sit on a kitchen chair for 1-2 minutes and we sit in front of her to make sure she stays there, otherwise she'd just hop right down. I always explain why she is in time out too. One time she went right back to doing the same thing, so she got time out again. It seemed more effective the second time... like she realized we meant business.

A lot of times lately, if she is doing something we don't want her to do, I will just redirect her. If she tries to play with DH's laptop or something, I tell her no and steer her towards something else. Usually she'll cry because she really wants what she can't have, and then I just explain that I'm sorry, but she can't do that specific thing. Sometimes I'll also say that she will get time out if she doesn't listen. Usually that's enough to get her to stop.

I hear ya on the yelling thing. I think that DH and I can both get loud too quickly without realizing it. I talk loud normally so it's hard sometimes. I am trying to be firm and consistent vs. yelling.

PhieryBFly

We've been doing time-ins and they've been working really well.

Rosebean

@PhieryBFly‌ what's a time in?

PhieryBFly

@Rosebean It's like a time out except you stay with your child and help them calm down. I found this pretty complete comparison of a time out vs a time in here: https://www.positiveparentingconnection.net/time-out-vs-time-in-whats-the-difference/

At this age, it's pretty simple. I imagine it will become more difficult for me to stay calm when she gets bigger and has bigger melt downs.

Rosebean

@PhieryBFly‌ thanks for the link. DH and I are trying to do some research on how we want to go about discipline. I will probably go through the whole website to see what I like to incorporate into our daily routine.

Right now the hardest thing to do is to not react. I was reading on the alpha parent website and she has a timeline of baby behaviour and tantrums. She was talking about how they do anything for a reaction and find any reaction (good or bad) to be fascinating. So we are trying to avoid fascinating, while teaching him what's acceptable behaviour. I keep telling myself consistency is the key... But holy moly. This kid is lively. 

PhieryBFly

@Rosebean I like The Alpha Parent site and the timelines are really helpful. Sometimes the author seems a bit too harsh though (on parents, not kids). My favorite site on parenting so far has been Evolutionary Parenting. There's some good discipline stuff there too.

When I really want to react badly to what my daughter is doing, it helps me to remind myself that the original meaning of the word 'discipline' was  'to teach.' For example, (whether your religious or not, the example of the meaning of the word holds true) Jesus had disciples (same root word) but they were there to learn from him, as opposed to being punished for their misdeeds. So, when she acts up, I try and think of how to use it as an opportunity to teach (not always easy). 

colinsfebmommy

We say "no naughty! Be nice Kisses and hugs only" And then walk away he usually gets it and we get our kisses and hugs and we have him say sorry. But when he is tired he gets "slappy" so we tell him no and if he does it again we tell him to go to the corner, which is a part of the wall he picked lol, and he sits there. So far he has been sitting there for 30 sec to a minute and will call our name and we will say "are you going to be nice and say sorry?" 90% we get a "sowwweeee" and a kiss, 10% he does the same behavior and back to the wall till he has calmed him self down and then we get our sorry lol Works for us so far.

ally2011

We spank.  

ally2011

Hahahahahaha.  Just wanted to see if the board would explode.  It didn't.  And I was just kidding so simmadown if anyone got excited