Can't be excited?

christia10

So I am a repeat loss gal....I have had more than my fair share of mc's and no living children. All my mc's before now were pretty early...anyway this is the first time things are looking up Currently I am 8w4d...my doc has me on weekly monitoring for the moment due to my being RPL and also a very very small subchorionic hematoma that is near my cervix (appears to be going away). Anyway...in the past my HCG doesn't double, no heartbeat etc. this time each week there's growth, good heartbeat etc. Today the little peanut was even moving around etc. but I just can't even accept it. I feel unattached etc. Anyway not really asking for advice just venting I guess. Anyone else just not feelin it?

boxermamax2

I have my first us on Friday & I'm scared to death there won't be a hb & not sure it will be 'real' even after a successful us.

I also find it hard to make the connection, just have to take it day by day & not force it...your progress is great so just take it as it comes.

SpartyKim

After last week's u/s when I looked 2 weeks behind, I distanced myself from this pg while I waited for my follow-up u/s that was today.  While I was in limbo, I didn't want to get my hopes up or be upset about another m/c without knowing what was going on.  Today's u/s showed growth but no heartbeat yet so I'm allowing myself to be a little more positive and thinking a bit more about being pg rather than being solely focused on DD.

sgio7485

I'm 18 weeks pregnant and I still have trouble feeling excited each milestone makes it easier, but I still have that fear. ((Hugs)) for you- I think feeling unattached is completely normal.

doglover31

I think it is normal to feel that way especially in the beginning. First tri is really hard on the PgAL brain!

laurenrae

I think it's natural for you to feel guarded, I know I also felt that way for a while. But I realized that I really needed to embrace this child just as I had the two I had previously lost. I stumbled upon this mantra and it helped me more than I can explain......this baby deserves to be celebrated without fear. I hope all continues to go well and that you can find a way to celebrate this little miracle.

KMW08

It's hard in the beginning to feel excited. Even after getting out of 1st tri and after my anatomy scan I still wasn't outwardly excited.

I will be 26wks tomorrow and have started feeling lots of movement this past week, and this has helped me become more excited.

Just know it's normal and you're not alone. People sometimes take me wrong because I'm not giddy. I'm not entirely sure the fear ever goes away.

jess123456

Hugs to you. I am also a repeat loss girl and it can have a way of sucking the joy and excitement right out of pregnancy. It's so hard being cautious and hopeful at the same time and it really messes with your mind. When more and more people have found out about my pregnancy it makes me nervous because I always think, great now I will need to tell them too if anything bad happens. My advice to you is to cherish each milestone that you pass and to think of your pregnancy in small milestones instead of one loooong road. I am in my third trimester and I still take it a day or so at a time because otherwise it's way too overwhelming and scary. I also try to remind myself that embracing this pregnancy isn't going to make it hurt any more if something where to happen. I think it's so natural to try and distance yourself from it though. Please know that you aren't alone and it doesn't mean you love your baby any less it just might be what you need to do right now and that's ok too.

mcc93

*hugs!* I'm new to this board - I'm 5w+6 after a chemical pregnancy at the beginning of last month and I've also felt like I can't get excited about being pregnant again. the "pgal mantras" have helped me feel better but what really reassured me was taking a clear blue digital weeks estimator test last night.. it tests hcg levels (not perfectly of course) and it says I'm 5+ weeks! just what I should be. my first appointment isn't until 9/11 so I'll take the other two tests before then to make sure my levels haven't dropped.

I know it's hard sometimes, but hold that belly and tell your baby you love it! I hope that everyone's little tadpoles stick around. love to all of you.

peggels24

((hugs)) PGAL sucks.  However, it sounds like your pregnancy is advancing perfectly - congratulations!!!!!  

Bigboneded

Yep, we get it. I am really looking forward to feeling the babies move. Last night was a hard shift, didnt get to drink enough water. Lots of walking, my feet hurt, then my back started. ... I hope its just too much bending over, but it hasnt gone away.... so, yes, afraid to get excited-still, or again today :-(

akleng

PGAL brain truly sucks! I've also had a hard time connecting with this pregnancy. As much as it sucks, it's completely normal. I had my NT scan yesterday, and for whatever reason that appointment really eased my mind. It sounds like things are progressing well for you, so just try to focus on those positives. ((hugs)) to you!

christia10

Thanks ladies. I have been mobile only so no real chance to respond...it's so great to know I am not alone in all of this. 

@megdowntheshore I say those EXACT same things. "well if this works out I will need a maternity jacket in winter" 

@mcc93 BE CAREFUL with those weeks estimators they are not reliable and totally made me think I was having a MC. I even looked up the HCG levels on their website it was 0-200 = 1-2 weeks 200-2000 = 2-3 weeks and 2000+ was over 3+ weeks. 

Anyway I took the first one with FMU one day and it said 1-2 so a few days later I repeated and it said 2-3 and a few days later it said 3+ so I thought it was working perfectly. I still had a few tests left as I bought a couple packs on Amazon pretty cheap so I tested again a few days later and it said 2-3 even though it PREVIOUSLY said 3+ so naturally I totally panicked and thought I was having yet another MC. I went to the doctor the very next day and my beta was 6,800 so the day before it DEFINITELY would have been over the 2000 mark and should have said 3+. When I looked online I found SEVERAL stories of this happening to many women, As well as testimonials on Amazon. The bottom line is they do not work to monitor HCG levels and are unreliable. 48 hours after my first beta my HCG was 18,000 so I really needed to just back off the pee tests. I still have one left but no need to go there. Just a cautionary tale. 

BkBaby118

Congratulations on your pregnancy thus far! Let me tell you, the fears and doubts will most likely always be there, but you'll eventually allow yourself to feel more excited. I'm almost 29 weeks now and I still have worries and concerns that probably won't stop until I actually give birth (then I'll have other things to be anxious about), even though things have been going very well this time around. Best of luck to you and everyone else!