September 2014 Moms

How do you deal with not wanting sex?

Meee112233Meee112233 member
edited August 2014 in September 2014 Moms
This whole pregnancy has left wanting to be left alone and not touched at all. My husband gets extremely frustrated that I always have an "excuse" for not wanting sex. I feel bad but I just can't get into it. Something about looking like a beach ball along with all the other pregnancy symptoms makes me want to stay away from any kind of affection.. Any else dealing with this? What do you do?

Re: How do you deal with not wanting sex?

  • Tell him to suck it up. When it comes to sex, if I don't feel like it, then we're not doing it. Same goes for if he doesn't feel like it, we won't have sex. 
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  • We have spooning sex every Sunday morning. Even if I'm not in the mood, I usually end up enjoying it. Besides I figure it may help dilate my cervix ;)
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  • I just do it, unless I'm feeling really horrible. Even if I'm tired I end up having fun and I don't regret it. DH doesn't pressure me though, because that would piss me off.
    I was just getting ready to say this! My DH is gone for work M-Th so the only time we have for sex in the weekends anyway. He very sweetly started coming onto me the other night. I told him point blank, don't expect enthusiasm or acrobatics because I am so tired and uncomfortable! By the end I was wishing I was more responsive ;) Oh well...
    This, DH should be understanding it isn't going to be as frequent as the past but it is a two way street.

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  • I just do it, unless I'm feeling really horrible. Even if I'm tired I end up having fun and I don't regret it. DH doesn't pressure me though, because that would piss me off.
    I was just getting ready to say this! My DH is gone for work M-Th so the only time we have for sex in the weekends anyway. He very sweetly started coming onto me the other night. I told him point blank, don't expect enthusiasm or acrobatics because I am so tired and uncomfortable! By the end I was wishing I was more responsive ;) Oh well...
    This. We usually do it over the weekend and most of the time I'm eh as we start, then I end up really glad we did. 


  • Before being pregnant, I was the one with the higher libido and wanted it nearly every night. Now, we do it about once a week, because I just feel extremely uncomfortable all the time. I feel bad that I don't want it as often, but he's pretty understanding. It is definitely a two way street though, you also need to be understanding of his needs and you both should try to meet somewhere in the middle. To be honest, if I really don't want it and it's been more than a week, I sip about 4 ounces of red wine and that kick starts it for me. Don't do anything you're uncomfortable with, but try finding something that gets you in the mood. Like PPs said, you'll usually be glad you did.
  • DH and I have had sex maybe 3 times this pregnancy....and the last time was horrible lol.  Its a combination of me feeling uncomfortable and being exhausted, him being a little weirded out by pregnancy, and we had a "slow" sex life before pregnancy anyways.  We have talked about it a lot and luckily I'm blessed with an amazing DH who says he isn't bothered because he would rather have sex less often and me be comfortable than force it for a momentary release.  If he isn't worried about it, neither am I!!! I think I would talk to your DH and see if you can find a compromise that would make him feel appreciated and loved, and not make you totally uncomfortable. I'm not a big fan of "sucking it up and doing it anyways.." because sex is supposed to be somewhat enjoyable for both people...but maybe there are things he could do to take additional stress off you and put you in a more relaxed mood for it...romantically or practically (eg, cleaning the kitchen, making dinner, doing things you normally do after you get home from work so you have a few minutes to relax and aren't as exhausted)
  • SoogerplumSoogerplum member
    edited August 2014
    I'm so relieved that I'm not the only one...we've only had sex 3 times since January and I constantly feel so much guilt about it. Between work full time and being a mommy full time I am exhausted. Thankfully SO is very supportive and understanding.
  • I have been less excited lately too. But as PPs have mentioned if I just do it then I usually end up having a good time. That being said we haven't had sex in a while because it has become very painful for me. Instead I try to find other ways to entertain DH. I was just honest with DH about how I was feeling and he is fine with it.
  • NinjaZia said:

    I hate all of you who have hubbies who want it. I try to seduce mine constantly but he's weirded out by pregnancy. Pisses me off and I wish he'd suck it up and put out. We both know from experience that a baby is anti-sex so you gotta get it in sooner rather than later.

    This is where we're at too. I'm craving it and he's just not into it right now.

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    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

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  • I'm the one asking even in my 36th week ;;)
  • I feel terrible that I'm not in the mood for it. Dh is very understanding but I know he's frustrated. It took a while for it to not hurt and to feel like it again after the twins were born. We finally got to a point where I was enjoying it again and boom pregnant. I'm so uncomfortable anymore and soo soo tired.

                              

  • edited August 2014
    I don't want anything possibly putting me into labor prior to finishing out shooting my weddings, which are at 37w and I just haven't had any interest. I straight up told DH at 32w that there would be nothing from then until we add it back in as a means to encourage labor at 39w+. There was no objection. I'd be pissed if there was.
    Isaac Levi 4/26/09 : BFP#2 - MC 9w : Ezra John 6/26/11 : Miriam Joy 4/12/13 : Naomi Ann 9/2/14

  • My DH and I had a very active sex life before baby. (mainly him wanting it so much and constantly asking for it.) I haven't really been into it either anymore, but we try to do it about three times a week now if I even feel that good. Just taker things slow and talk to him. See where he's at. That's what I did and that's how we ended up where we are right now. I'm not always into it, but I never regret it. :) I love being intimate with him. Just try to find a middle ground if you can. Everything will work out and everything will be alright. :)
  • I try to please my hubby every other day. We were very active and now I have had ZERO drive at all so it is hard for him. If I tell him its not going to happen he is very accepting. I am one of those people that if you're not going to do it right you shouldn't do it at all and I cannot preform to the best of my abilities so I am completely turned off. Just remind him of what he can have after when you are feeling better, the light isn't so far away anymore. Hopefully he will be patient and understanding!
  • I just tell my husband about some of the gross symptoms I've been having or start whining about how much my back hurts (throwing in a few years if possible) which typically ends in a back and foot run for me. Then he brings me a cup of tea, tucks me in bed and goes to play video games instead because he feels terrible about trying to pressure me. It might be taking advantage of the situation, but I feel like I deserve the extra pampering for carrying around a watermelon.
  • My husband and I were rather active during the second trimester but since last month it either slips my mind or I'm too tired. We've talked about how the pregnancy has limited my libido and he asked questions on how to encourage it. I suggested back rubs, massages, and other comfort things. He listened and it's helped promote his odds to say the very least lol. I feel really fortunate that my melon belly doesn't seem to bother him at all.
  • I think I lucked out on this one, because I've always been the one who wants it more. So when I recently decided I was done for the time being, he didn't utter a peep (and I think it was starting to weird him out anyways lol). My drive is still there, but it just feels so different, and not in a good way, that I've decided to just give it up until after baby and recovery since he doesn't mind anyways.

    your husband should just suck it up lol
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  • We have sex less frequently now than we did prior to pregnancy, but I've now gotten to the point where I really no longer want to at all. It takes a lot of effort on DH's part to get me in the mood, which makes me feel guilty despite the fact that he'd never complain about it, and I'm uncomfortable pretty much the whole time. I'm always into it by the end, but not sure the release is worth all the trouble at this point. I, however, do not see actually giving up sex the remainder of my pregnancy because I do enjoy the intimacy and taking care of his needs.






  • My man and I were crazy active before the pregnancy. Couple times a day active. I've always had a really high drive, and, well, he's been okay with that ;-) the first trimester hit me soooo hard that all I wanted to do was sleep, but he was really understanding. We started to have a few issues in the third trimester that we've been resolving, but that slowed things down a little. Now it seems like we're back on track (usually every other day, give or take) but I know we're gonna have to cut back soon. It's a labor inducer! But if there's been a time where I'm just not feeling well, he gets it and doesn't pressure me one bit.
  • My DH and I have both always had a high drive. We had sex every day in the early years..... with very rare breaks when one or the other was sick or not feeling well. It calmed down over the years and having DS definitely put a damper on it, not while I was pregnant.....but after he was born. Sleepless nights, raising baby, and going back to work all contributed to sex only 1 or 2 times a week.... if we were lucky.

    When I got pregnant again DS was still not STTN and I was dealing with m/s AND still working full time so we had our first real dry spell. It was hard on our relationship at first and we had to talk it out. DH is very understanding of my needs and feelings, but he has needs too.... and to be honest I was missing our intimacy as well. Sometimes I'd feel good and in the mood but DS would be teething and need one of us all night. Or I had to get up for work at 3am and just got DS down at midnight. It was rough. Open communication about what we both wanted/needed from each other was what was REALLY important during this time. And sometimes I would go for it even if I didn't feel 100% into it at first. By the end I was always glad I did.

    These days DS is going to bed at a more reliable and decent time and STTN more and more often. In addition I'm not dealing with nausea as bad as earlier on in pregnancy and I'm much more in the mood so we're up to 3x a week and I'm happy with that. H would sometimes like it more often, but he understands that some nights I'm just too exhausted.
  • NinjaZia said:
    I hate all of you who have hubbies who want it. I try to seduce mine constantly but he's weirded out by pregnancy. Pisses me off and I wish he'd suck it up and put out. We both know from experience that a baby is anti-sex so you gotta get it in sooner rather than later.
    I'm right there with you. I am not really upset about it anymore though, because now I don't really want it either as I get bigger and more uncomfortable.  I'm glad that I'm not the only one in this situation, because at first it was a blow to my ego.  Now I feel better about it, and we cuddle a lot instead of having sex lol
  • Ugh dh started making his 'funny' comments tonight when I said "fill me up" to dd2 who was getting water out of the pitched in the fridge and I wanted her to fill my glass. I turned, pointed to belly and said, no room, sorry. He got the point. Plus the bh are lovely tonight so there's that to enjoy.
  • bohemianlcbohemianlc member
    edited August 2014
    We have found other ways to be intimate. Not only have I not had much of a drive lately, but I have actually found that sex is often pretty painful for me at this point. We make a point to cuddle together in bed each night and focus on foreplay-type stuff instead of actual intercourse. Sure, it obviously sucks for both of us to not have sex as often as we're used to having it, but that's just life right now. 

    I think that part of the reason my husband has been really understanding about it is because we have made sure to communicate openly about everything, including our level of intimacy, throughout the pregnancy. He knows it's not because I suddenly don't find him attractive or because I'm harboring something against him. If you haven't had an open conversation about it, I would recommend it so he doesn't feel like you're always scrambling for "an excuse for not wanting sex," as you mentioned. 

    *Edited to fix typo
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