Facebook rant (Mc mentioned) - EDITED BY MOD

Twiggymommy

**Removed by Mod @mandymack because of the insensitive and trigger-inducing content.**

superToots

Wait, she whipped out her iPhone after her d&c and took a picture of her miscarried baby!??

lexusolsen

superToots said:

Wait, she whipped out her iPhone after her d&c and took a picture of her miscarried baby!??

I'm pretty sure that if you have a d & c you don't get to see or hold the baby. Likely she miscarried on her own.

Lots of people take pictures of their lost babies. I don't post them online but plenty of people do. Some find it healing.

OP you might want to add that there is a miscarriage or loss mentioned in your title. It doesn't upset me but there are other posters it might be painful for.

Twiggymommy

@superToots‌ I guess so..


@lexusolsen‌ I'm sorry I didn't even think about that.. It's fixed now. I guess I could possibly see how it might be healing, I keep my lost baby (cremated) in our bedroom. But to post it on Facebook with no privacy settings is a bit much to me.


Edit because I tagged the wrong person

Twiggymommy

Also @scatteredtrees‌ like I said I couldn't think of a better way to describe the baby. I'm sorry if the description offended you. Maybe I'll dd that part

lexusolsen

Twiggymommy said:

@superToots‌ I guess so..


@lexusolsen‌ I'm sorry I didn't even think about that.. It's fixed now. I guess I could possibly see how it might be healing, I keep my lost baby (cremated) in our bedroom. But to post it on Facebook with no privacy settings is a bit much to me.


Edit because I tagged the wrong person

For me, it's about feeling like you have to hide your lost baby because it makes other people uncomfortable. And honestly, your discomfort after seeing her picture is probably only a fraction of the discomfort and pain that she is feeling after losing her child.

We don't post Ben's picture online because we have had people steal our pictures in the past and we can't stand the thought of losing what little control we have. If I could keep people from right clicking and saving his image on fb or the bump it would be out there. If it makes you uncomfortable hide the post or her update.

superToots

I've had two d&cs and one natural mc, and they were some if the hardest moments of my life. I can't imagine taking a picture. But I guess if it brings healing more power to it. The idea of it just does the opposite for me.

And please don't gang up on @Twiggymommy‌ . It's hard to be sympathetic to something you don't have personal experience with. She didn't mean anything by it. It's easy to be sensitive to topics like this and take them personally when they are not meant that way.

lexusolsen

superToots said:

I've had two d&cs and one natural mc, and they were some if the hardest moments of my life. I can't imagine taking a picture. But I guess if it brings healing more power to it. The idea of it just does the opposite for me.

And please don't gang up on @Twiggymommy‌ . It's hard to be sympathetic to something you don't have personal experience with. She didn't mean anything by it. It's easy to be sensitive to topics like this and take them personally when they are not meant that way.

I'm sorry for the losses you and @Twiggymommy‌ experienced. Everyone grieves differently and what her friend did isn't wrong it's just different than what you or twiggy would do. It doesn't deserve judgment either. twiggy did ask for opinions about whether or not it was appropriate.

Twiggymommy

Thank you @superToots‌. I didn't mean to offend anyone and I'm sorry I did

It didn't really make me "uncomfortable" so to speak, i just think that imho taking a picture of the baby would be the farthest thing from my mind at that point. Like I said in a pp I have my daughter cremated and displayed in our room, so I'm not saying she should be ashamed of what she's going through but to me posting it on Facebook, is just too much. Anyone can see it, idk maybe it's just me. I'm super cautious when it comes to pics of my boys in social media

Andrewsgal

Judging how someone handles a loss is gross. This whole post paints you in a very bad light. There have been posters run off this board for posts like this. And WTF please don't gang up on her? This whole post is mean and horrible but I am not surprised.

notkateanymore

Post fail.

lexusolsen

MrsMuq said:

Andrewsgal said:

Judging how someone handles a loss is gross. This whole post paints you in a very bad light. There have been posters run off this board for posts like this. And WTF please don't gang up on her? This whole post is mean and horrible but I am not surprised.

Total tangent, but this just rubs me the wrong way. Parents of children who die suspiciously are judged constantly for how they grieve or don't grieve and whether their grieving is "normal." OP obviously thinks her friend's method of sharing info is... odd (for lack of a better word), and was looking to either validate or invalidate said opinion.

I don't think she meant to be mean, but more than one of us has had word fails before.

Also, what exactly was the point of "This whole post is mean and horrible but I am not surprised,"?


You missed how she originally described the baby. It was insensitive at best.

lexusolsen

MrsMuq said:

Andrewsgal said:

Judging how someone handles a loss is gross. This whole post paints you in a very bad light. There have been posters run off this board for posts like this. And WTF please don't gang up on her? This whole post is mean and horrible but I am not surprised.

Total tangent, but this just rubs me the wrong way. Parents of children who die suspiciously are judged constantly for how they grieve or don't grieve and whether their grieving is "normal." OP obviously thinks her friend's method of sharing info is... odd (for lack of a better word), and was looking to either validate or invalidate said opinion.

I don't think she meant to be mean, but more than one of us has had word fails before.

Also, what exactly was the point of "This whole post is mean and horrible but I am not surprised,"?


I'm sorry I just can't leave this alone.

Judging how someone reacts to a loss is gross. Most women are an emotional wreck. Most men appear fine but have outburst of emotion because they often don't deal with it. Obviously, they aren't fine but are reacting how society taught them they should a as man. You know, show no emotions.

Neither is an inappropriate way to react. And stuff like this, just adds to people's stress. Do you really think that people should have to grieve in a certain way to be socially appropriate?

lexusolsen

feffany said:

Honestly, a lot of things I hear from the OP sound Hav-ish to me. But maybe I'm just hypersensitive to that kind of (lack of) perspective.

At the least she sounds young and inexperienced maybe?

kcisthebombdotcom

I don't think this is a judgment about how someone grieves or handles a mc. I think it's more of a judgment of using said mc to gather attention/sympathy/etc. Ftr I wholeheartedly agree parents should feel free to grieve however they want/post pictures/whatever. I just don't think op was being mean spirited.

zbeesma86

Kimbus22 said:

I have exactly zero opinions on how people grieve for their children.  I've been lucky enough never to experience that type of loss.  But people grieve for friends/parents/siblings etc in all different ways.  I imagine the loss of a child is indescribably more terrible than any of those losses so I'm not going to tell anyone a damn thing about how to deal with it.

This. I've never experienced a loss and I cannot judge how those grieve for a loss of a child- whether 5 weeks or 20 weeks.

PrimRoseMama

It's not something I would feel comfortable doing, but it's not my pain or my baby I just lost. (

I'd say hide the feed if you feel uncomfortable, but I'd leave the Judgy stuff alone. I have a feeling that's the last thing your friend needs right now.

Andrewsgal

NandaB said:

Also, I'm not quite sure why this brand new, drama llama is some type of special snowflake who shouldn't be called out for doing something rude and insensitive that has been called out each and every time someone has done it in the past. Publically judging how someone grieves the loss of their child is gross. Period.

Yes! This is what I was trying to say. And this chick doesn't get a pass from me. As someone who didn't grieve correctly according to someone I stand behind judging how others grieve is mean and gross and says a lot about you whether you like the person or not.

magentawarped

This whole post just makes me angry, so I'm just gonna say one thing:

You're obviously no friend to her, so just take her off your feed. Running to a message board to make her sound like a drama queen when she just lost a baby is disgusting.

Andrewsgal

10 bucks says OP doesn't come back. Nothing really upsets me on this board but this post takes the cake.

trizzie

Here's the thing - (and this is a general statement, not completely directed at OP) what I find upsetting is how the subject of miscarriage is so taboo.  It is a loss. And it HURTS.  It hurts more than you can ever imagine (if you have never had one). And I resent the fact that I don't feel like I can be open about how much it hurts.  So, I am open about it. Because three losses last year pretty much sucked the life out of me and I am not going to hide that.  So, yes I get tired of seeing people judge how others handle things when they go through a miscarriage. No matter what their circumstances.

lexusolsen

scatteredtrees said:

I was really hoping Lex and Triz especially would skip this post.

Thanks for thinking of me. I was sad to see that @Gastro‌ had seen that insensitive description given her most recent miscarriage.

I hope op learned from this post and comes back. I've said some dumb and insensitive things but it helped me to grow as a person. I hope she takes this chance to do the same instead of running away.

jensriot

diapersnwipes said:

The OP is getting flamed (rightly). If she decide to be run off the board that's her issue. Sometimes we say stupid stuff and need to be called out. If this was my post I would apologize and keep apologizing. I'm not leaving the board because I said something dumb. That's how we, hopefully, learn and grow.

ITA. People say dumb things, lord knows I have. Hopefully OP can step back, realize the mistake, and come back with more understanding and less judgement.

Louie4real

One of my best friends just posted a picture on FB of her son who died shortly after birth. I'll tell you one thing, if I ever find out anyone judges how she honors her son, I'm bringing out the pitchforks.

@Twiggymommy‌, if this person exists in your life solely to bring you entertainment, please at least don't mock the way she grieves. It's wrong.

orangegoggles

This is ridiculous that OP has any sort of opinion on this subject. STOP JUDGING how someone grieves their loss. 

trizzie

Yes, thank you @scatteredtrees!!

Andrewsgal

Waves hi to OP obviously you have been on the bump today but don't care enough to come here and address this issue.

Aussie45

CurlingRocks said:

If OP doesn't like this poster, she should block or unfriend her, not go around insulting mothers mourning their dead children.

This. Times a million.

jensriot

I just want to give big hugs to all the ladies here that have suffered loss and to those defending against this judgment. No one should ever be judged for the way they mourn their child.

Andrewsgal

CnAmom said:

I am kind of pissed off that she didn't come back here to at least aknowledge that she read the replies and maybe she might have been wrong.

Yep I have zero respect left for her. We have all said questionable things and been called out but we come back and face the music and move on. She has been on the bump today (love that bump feature) and I would bet has seen this.

mandymack

If this is too upsetting for everyone here to leave on the board, I'm happy to remove it but only if you all are in agreement. Is it best to delete it or leave it for her to see your replies and continue the discussion? I'm here, just let me know.

I'm so sorry, this has to be truly upsetting for so many of you

lexusolsen

CurlingRocks said:

To me, the damage is done.  We already saw it, but I do like the idea of getting rid of the OP, even though she tried to edit.  I won't be forgetting he SN anytime soon, and unlike other threads of this nature where the OP has come back and made amends, I don't foresee most of us letting this go.

I agree.