September 2014 Moms

Relationship struggles.

This is a hard post. But I'm not sure where else to turn.

I've been struggling with depression during this pregnancy. It's been completely new to me - I'm not an unhappy person. I love my family, my partner, this baby. But it's like I got put under some black cloud I couldn't see out of. I had to slow down at work, we moved farther from my people, and he had to pick up a bunch of overtime to make up the difference. I took it out on him. A lot. I didn't talk to anyone about it, i thought I could handle it on my own, that it made me a bad mother to feel the way I did. I didn't even see that I was doing it - starting fights, blaming him for not being here for me, making him feel like it was his fault that I was so unhappy. I love him, more than anything. It's like I wasn't even myself. I didn't see him trying, I didn't hear him. I was snapped out of it the other day, when he told me that he needed space. The reality of losing him crushed me. It was what I needed to finally yank me out of the fog I was in. The clarity hit me like a brick, I begged him to let me try again to be the person he fell in love with. He's been sweet and gentle and we decided to fix things.


I'm not sure how to do this part. How to not walk on eggshells. How to really make him believe how sorry I am for ignoring what was happening. How to stay out of that fog.

Re: Relationship struggles.

  • Thank you. I'm going to really try. I don't know how things got this bad :-( we were so happy. I'd really do anything to get back to that.
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  • I should've talked to the doctors a long time ago. It's so true.
  • I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, and that it's gotten to this point.

    I can only echo what others have said in suggesting more open communication, seeing a doctor to see if there's something hormonal going on that needs medicine to balance, and pursuing therapy.  None of these things can happen until you get to the point where you're willing to ask for help though, so you've already done one of the hardest parts.

    Good luck to you!

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  • Thank you all, so much. The support system here is overwhelming. I have great people in my life, but I haven't wanted to be a burden on them, and no one but my partner and I know about this problem. I'm really happy that he's willing to stick by my side to get us whole again, and really grateful for this group of women that can relate.
  • I can't give you any better advice than what PP's have given, but know you're not alone. Struggling with depression during and after pregnancy is tough cookies, and can really strain a relationship. I hope you are able to get the help you need.
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  • I am very sorry you're going through this. I actually just went through something very similar. My FI seemed off one day about a month ago, and when I asked him what was wrong, he replied that he wasn't sure if he was in love with me anymore and needed some time to think about what he wants. I was devastated, but I knew it was my fault. I had been very depressed this pregnancy too, and I was taking it out on him or just kind of keeping to myself. I talked with my doctor and started on a low dose antidepressant. I told my FI what was going on, and I think he was happy that I asked for help. We're doing a lot better now, and I feel a lot better too. Definitely talk to your doctor if you feel that is something you need!
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  • I am so sorry you are going through this. I agree with what others said. definitely talk to your doctor and try to communicate as best as possible.

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