WWS12D? Long

BeebopandBuddy

There is a little girl in Maya's class with Down Syndrome. She is very aggressive and I have seen her hurt or attempt to hurt the kids in her class on multiple occasions. Maya is completely terrified of her and begs to be picked up or cries when she gets anywhere near her. I've tried teaching Maya to ask her to be gentle or to let her know of she hurts her. Maya has a few times.

Yesterday Maya came home from school with an ice pack on her head. The teacher told DH that the girl had hit Maya in the head with an object. Maya was really upset and said she didn't want to go back to school.

I really feel like the teachers are ill-equipped to deal with this little girl's behavior. In the incidents that I've witnessed, the teachers just say "no" or move her away, but they aren't teaching her what to do, modeling it or redirecting her and getting her engaged in something else. I know it's difficult with a bunch of kids, but she's hurting the other kids, they need to do something.

So the question is, since I am educated and experienced in providing behavior modification to parents for kids like this one, should I talk to the director about offering the teachers some pointers? I doubt many have training for kids with special needs so I don't blame them for not knowing, but I feel like I should try to help. Does it come off as pushy or helpful?

hmp1

I think it comes off as helpful. Kids are going to get hurt at daycare, and kids are going to go through phases of being a bully but you have talked about this long enough that it doesn't seem like a phase. Something more has to be done. I would have no problem at this point telling the school that more steps need to be taken to ensure all the kids feel safe in the classroom or I am pulling my child out. Since you have the knowledge to assist, I think you are going above and beyond to help the situation. Good luck!

melody921

I would offer. Are they really going to say, "no thanks, we've got this" when they obviously don't? We had a similar issue at daycare with a little boy who was aggressive toward some of the kids. The teachers were usually good about intervening, but the one day at pickup he got right in DS's face and shoved him and I was the one who had to tell him to be gentle bc no one else was paying attention.

watercolor5

I'd definitely talk to the director because of your concerns that children are getting hurt and that they seem ill-equipped to teach special needs children how to alter their behavior so you don't know how they'll keep it from continuing to happen.  In your case I'd offer my help/pointers for teachers, but I wouldn't make it the main reason for talking to the director, and I wouldn't be offended if they don't take you up on it so it doesn't come across as pushy.  Keep the emphasis on your concerns for child safety.

I feel bad for Maya, the special needs child, and everyone else involved that this keeps happening.  It seems like they need a teacher's aid or someone trained in teaching special needs kids to be involved for sure.

jenndub

Agree with @hmp1. Especially because you aren't just going in there to complain, you are offering help. And since you do have the training to know how to handle these situations, I think they would be grateful to hear your opinion. I say go for it.

Holly_1007

There was a little boy in keagans class this year that was on spectrum. He had very violent episodes and was aggressive towards the kids. The director sought out a college student that was working on a degree in special education. They worked with her college to give her some sort of credit hours, and her role in the classroom was solely this child. That way they didn't have to hire someone, but he still got the help he needed in the classroom. Just something to mention to the director. And yes, I think a conversation needs to be had at this point.

kelbel527

Helpful.  You should definitely reach out.  

You may find out that they're doing more than you think, but at least then you can be reassured on what they're doing.  Or, as it is probably likely based on what you've witnessed, they don't know how to handle it and you can at least provide helpful advice.

It is a completely different situation since Brody doesn't have special needs, however, he gets sent home from school for hurting other children.  The one thing daycare believes (and we wholeheartedly agree) is that it's their responsibility to keep kids from getting hurt as much as they can and if DS1 is having a rough day and taking it out on his friends, he cannot be there.  Again - completely different than a child who requires a different type of behavior plan, but the message is still the same.  They need to help her as well as keeping the other kids safe.

Hyaline

Count me as a dissenting voice--I think this is hard because you're a parent of a child affected by the situation, so it gets, IMO, tricky to offer advice or help.

I think you definitely need to meet with the teachers--but you need to do so first as a parent, not as an "expert" telling them how to improve.  I would meet with them with your concerns and ask what kind of plan they're implementing to solve this issue.  During this part, I would mostly listen--and if it sounds like a reasonable plan, leave your expert hat in its box.

Remember, too, that you have Maya's side of the story, but you're not seeing the interactions on a day to day basis, nor do you know the full extent of this child's difficulties or what the teachers are doing.  And frankly, the school may not feel it's in the other little girl's best interests or respecting her privacy to delve into it with another parent.  You are not a hired expert here--you are Maya's mom, first and foremost.

If, however, they sound like they're struggling or the plan is simply not up to snuff, I might at that point gently introduce the idea of bringing in additional help--and that you happen to be trained in this field, and could offer either assistance or a reference.  Don't be offended if they don't want YOUR help--you are, after all, already involved as a parent and being involved in any other way could be construed as a conflict of interest--but I'm sure you can recommend others to whom they could turn.