fundraising- opinions wanted!

nlscroggins

I'm just wondering if any of you have done any kind of fundraising to offset your adoption costs? The reason I'm asking is this: my mother-in-law has very graciously decided to help us out by offering to partner with her church in hopes of doing something like a yard sale, bake sale, some kind of meal, etc. where the profits/donations would go toward our adoption costs. The motive of the fundraiser would not be a secret- it would be clearly known that we were raising funds for our adoption costs. When I was spitballing ideas with my best friend earlier, she expressed to me that she thought it was highly inappropriate to do fundraising for this kind of thing, hinting at the fact that it is something that is a personal decision and should not be other peoples responsibility to fund our life decisions... she was basically saying "if you can't afford it, don't do it." I was absolutely taken aback. First of all, it's not like I'm planning on begging for money/donations, and I'm certainly not asking others to "pay for" my adoption. But as you all know, adoption is expensive, and every penny counts. Plus, I feel like there are a lot of friends and family out there that WANT to help, but may not know how, and these fundraiser options are a perfect outlet for that. Also, anyone making a "donation" would be receiving a good/service in return, whether it be yard sale items, a meal, baked goods, whatever. I just have never looked at this kind of thing as being inappropriate, and I was wondering if others view it in the same light? Have you done any fundraisers, and were they well received? Her response is certainly making me think twice!

Dr.Loretta

IMO it really depends on how you do it. Some approaches are more appropriate than others in my world.

Bad way: A family member sent a letter to friends and family stating their adoption was going to cost $30K, and please send money.

Good way: Etsy stores, yard sales, etc.

I think the approach you're taking is fine. People who don't want to donate or participate don't have to.

And I think your friend's rationale is somewhat flawed. You can certainly afford to raise a child, but getting over the hump of the adoption fees is another story. Just like people have fundraisers to help with medical costs after a cancer diagnosis. They can afford the day to day, justnot the medical bills. But as you have already figured out, this is a hot button issue for a lot of people. For every person who will happily donate to help build a family, there's another who will think like your friend.

oliv0026

I am not the most experienced person to say something, but I have read many posts and stories about families doing fundraising for adoption. To me, it seems like it is very common, in fact, many adoption agencies have links with suggestions and ideas of fundraising. 

In my personal opinion, hey, is someone thinks they shouldn`t help because it is your personal decision, then dont help. Plenty of other people will be more than happy to support this cause. 

Another thing I am learning in this process is; If you listen to all the shit people will be telling along your journey, you will go crazy. 

nlscroggins

thanks for the input yall! I guess since whenever I see people doing these fundraisers, I have never been bothered, so I didn't really think about how others viewed it. I certainly don't judge people that have yard sales at their homes for non-adoption related reasons. I guess the moral of it all is you find out who your friends are when you're in these situations! haha  

silliestbunny

Hi... 

My response to fundraising always includes the caveat that if you fundraise you should also be very open with the journey. It's hard to not share progress and struggles with people who have financially supported you.

I am a private person and would not have wanted to share all the details.... but if you are one that is open with emotions (maybe even a blog), maybe it makes sense  

Also think through how you'd handle a failed match where you lost money if others financially supported your adoption.  Not that it's got to be a huge deal but it's worth thinking through.  
(FWIW We had four failed adoptions and lost around $30K.... significant.)

Wish Upon A Star

I agree with other posters, bake sales, yard sales are all fine.  I know I have seen some facebook yard sales that have been to support the cost of an adoption. DH and I considered it, but decided that we are keeping our adoption a secret/ surprise.

I am sorry that your friend was not more supportive.  I know the few discussions I have had with a select group of friends who know about our adoption are SHOCKED at the costs.  My sister is thinking of international adoption down the line and plans to fundraise. She bought a book called "Adopt Without Debt" and said that it gives you step by step directions on a variety of fundraisers. Good luck to you!  

arbutusbride

The basic letters that say "I'm adopting, send money" are pretty tacky. Fundraisers such as Etsy, bake/garage sales are better because at least the contributor is getting something in return.