September 2014 Moms

Labor And Delivery Stories- To Read or not To Read

Hi all,
FTM here and was just wondering what if other FTM's were thinking reading all the Labor and Delivery stories? On the one hand, I feel like they are super informative and helpful, but sometimes they really scare the crap out of me and give me horrible anxiety!

I know in labor, you can't really control much, so I'm thinking maybe it's best to stay away so I don't have to spend too much time thinking about all the things that could possibly go wrong in the moment. The other side of me wants to know all the info, so when something happens with me I know what to expect (good or bad).

I'm so torn.

Re: Labor And Delivery Stories- To Read or not To Read

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  • I'm a STM, but even as a FTM, I liked reading them. Yes, they did freak me out a little, but I liked knowing what to expect and what was "normal" in different situations. 
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  • Because I'm having a twin birth and have other health issues, I'm expecting a difficult birth.  Reading the birth stories (even the scary ones) gives me hope that even with a hard delivery, you can still have a healthy baby.

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  • I think it also depends on what kind of birth you are hoping to have. Since I would ideally like to have a med-free birth, I made it a priority to read birth stories (mostly Ina Mays Guide and some hypnobabies), but do I think it's a necessity? I don't think it would go that far. I'm a person who likes to be as mentally prepared as possible, and reading is something that helps me feel better about that, even though I'm not naive and know that what @MrsLaLaBug‌ said about your experience being different is 100% true.

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  • I agree. @conradraging‌ did you find hypnobabies helpful? This is purely anecdotal, but from the labor stories I have read, it seems like that approach really helped a lot of people. Is it a book? Can you use the techniques even if you plan on having an epidural or other pain mgmt at some point?
  • When I was pregnant with my dd I wanted to read anything and everything I could. I will admit there was some stuff that scared me beyond belief. I was terrified of an episiotomy after reading stories. Looking back though I am glad I read them because I did feel at peace and ready when I went into labor. @MrsLaLaBug‌ is correct that every birth is different. Not only may I labor differently but I know in my obgyn practice every doctor is different in things they will do and be willing to overlook.
    I didn't find this blog until after my delivery of my dd but there is a blog called Birth Without Fear that I love to read. (I think they also have a Facebook page.) There are a lot of natural birth stories on there but there are also birth stories of all sorts. It is interesting to me to read all the different types of labors and deliveries on there.
    Here's a link to the blog if anyone is interested.
    https://birthwithoutfearblog.com
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  • I agree. @conradraging‌ did you find hypnobabies helpful? This is purely anecdotal, but from the labor stories I have read, it seems like that approach really helped a lot of people. Is it a book? Can you use the techniques even if you plan on having an epidural or other pain mgmt at some point?

    I don't have the whole program because I couldn't afford it but I did find a download of the CDs and I find them super relaxing. Ftm, so only time will tell if they actually help, but worst case scenario they just help me fall asleep at night. I consider that a win already. Haha

    And yes, I think you would still find them relaxing, whether you planned for med free or not :)

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  • FTM. I like reading them. I've been enjoying checking out birthwithoutfear.com and also am reading Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth. I find the stories really helpful in understanding how labors progress, both typical and untypical, and the things you might encounter along the way. I'm very much a book learner though, so these types of stories are more educating to me than listening to someone talk at me about something for a few hours.

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  • Reading the medically written books and watching things like documentaries is what amped up my anxiety. I much preferred reading people's stories - it seemed to make it more "doable" to me. It brought it to a level where I felt like, "I can do this too!"

     

     

     

  • I love reading the L&D stories! You are right that a lot of things that can happen during labor are out of your control; however, I am 100% about having as much information as you can. 
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  • I'm a FTM as well, and like reading birth stories. I can't say it really makes me feel more prepared, but it gives me a feeling of calmness by knowing things almost always turn out okay in the end, no matter how the labor/delivery progresses.






  • Just remember if there is no "story" there is no story. In my experience even if it was normal and healthy in every way, that doesn't make a good read if you catch my drift.

    I've delivered 2nd babies of the same family and heard the way they related the delivery I attended...many times its very different than the calm easy delivery I remember from a medical perspective.

    "They pulled out the salad tongs, pushing and screaming..."

    Or "labor progressed normally over 12 hours, we were complete, I pushed for 90 minutes and baby came"

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  • @conradraging‌ Can you shoot me a link to the download? I'm totally interested.

    Are you familiar with torrenting?

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  • @camichael84‌ Good point and you have a great attitude.

    @teenybean‌ also an awesome point. I think I need a book of uninteresting birth stories.

  • I like reading them! Positive birth stories can be incredibly helpful in a sense that I can remember how many women have done this and how many woman have over came this. Because I know, for me, reminding myself that it won't last forever is going to be key to get through my labor.
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  • In my natural childbirth class they talked a lot about how important your mindset is about how your labor is going to be.  Obviously we can't wish an easy delivery and expect it to happen, but I've been trying to fill my head with positive natural birth stories because it makes it seem that much more achievable.  Either way though, the baby is going to come however he is going to come, so if the stories stress you out there's nothing wrong with not reading them!
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  • @criscbish and @conradraging (and anyone else reading Ina May Gaskin's books/planning for a med free birth) I thought you might be interested in this episode of The Longest Shortest Time. The host didn't have the birth experience she'd planned/hoped for and had some issues with how she felt about her birth story and Ina May Gaskin's books. The episode is a conversation with Ina May and the host and I thought it was really interesting. 
  • FTM and I love reading birth stories!

    But, I'm the type of person who will panic if I have no idea what's going on.

    I like to know what can go wrong, and what steps they would take to ensure a healthy baby/healthy mama in different situations. Makes me feel more prepared, just in case they need to take any special measures like emergency csection, episiotomy, etc. The more I know, the more comfortable I feel.
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  • criscbish said:

    @wrightpalomo thx for the podcast link!

    I don't understand how the interviewer misunderstood the book like she did. The message I got was that every birth is different and there's a whole range of experiences - from orgasmic to vomiting from pain! Also, that sometimes interventions are necessary, but should not be taken lightly and mothers should make informed choices.

    She sounded like a valley girl (um, like) which was kind of hard to listen to, but I enjoyed hearing Ina speak. Will look up her TED talk. Thx again! :)

    I don't know, I've heard a lot of people say that Ina's book made them feel like a failure when they couldn't have the birth experience they wanted. Because you say that there is a dane f experiences and some interventions are necessary... But all of those birth stories pretty much go one way. And the message is that you can have an intervention free birth. But that's not always the case.

    My sister originally didn't want the epi but after a whole day of back labor she couldn't sleep/had like zero energy left and she got one. I would personally like a intervention free birth, but I'm not superwoman and if I feel like I need it I'll get one too.

    I'm not saying I feel one way or the other about the book, but I can see how somebody might feel like they failed.

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  • I like to read them all! I've typically had the boring labors and then 2 not so great deliveries. My last was interesting all around and probably my easiest (and most entertaining. I can say that now 3 yrs later. Then? I just wanted to hurt the anesthesiologist) but still, by far, the easiest.
  • Now I'm curious!!

    I like to read them all! I've typically had the boring labors and then 2 not so great deliveries. My last was interesting all around and probably my easiest (and most entertaining. I can say that now 3 yrs later. Then? I just wanted to hurt the anesthesiologist) but still, by far, the easiest.

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