Just venting , advice would be appreciated

Bean386

So here is the issue , my best friend is throwing me a shower with all the girls for work and my DH cousin mentioned to us that she would be in charge of throwing a coed shower for us with the family , well everything until this point sounds great right? Well my mother in law has been mentioning to me that that is too much work for the cousin and too much money and everyone should help out , she even mentioned that since she is having a diaper raffle my husband and I should buy the prices for the raffle , and I needed to get with my mom and aunt to see what they would bring for the shower , I talked to my husband about it last night because I was so upset about all the comments that he said I was wrong on feeling upset that all his mom wanted is to make sure everyone was included so nobody's feelings would be hurt and it's not a shower just thrown by one person it would be a shower thrown by our families . Am I wrong on being so upset ??? I really hurt my feelings

LongIslandMama1114

I agree with @lissydee. I also want to add that if your MIL wants to have a diaper raffle, then she should be buying the prizes, IMO.

Maelara

You should absolutely not be buying the prizes. Your DH is wrong. If your MIL wants prizes, she can buy them herself. If the cousin can't afford it, she shouldn't have offered. Your family has no obligation to 'pitch' in. It's considered tacky, but at my shower we did a snack potluck and that helped a lot with financial stress. We also did it at my mils house and didn't play games. People actually preferred no games.

MrsTuna08

Ditto to everything PP said.  If your cousin didn't want to throw the shower alone, she (hopefully) wouldn't have offered.  If other people want to help out, great they can offer to pitch in.  However, you should not be obligated to round up people to help or help yourself/buy game presents.  In my family, showers are a reciprocal thing - if you throw my shower, I'll make sure you have a great shower too.  I certainly am not expected to do anything for my own though.

JamieK1882

Sorry you are going through this. I agree with what others have already said. Whoever offered to host can host the type of shower they can afford. If your MIL isn't happy with that and wants to offer to help, then that's great, but she shouldn't be offering FOR other people. They are adults and will offer to help if they want to.

JamieK1882

@wicked22--good point. I missed the part that it was DH's cousin. I was thinking it was two different sides of the family. Perhaps cousin and MIL are close, and she did ask MIL for help.

krgriffin26

Agree with PP. Talk to the cousin since she is supposed to be the host. You're MIL should not make it your duty to provide anything for the shower. And I agree that if help is needed then I would be the cousin and MILs job to ask for it. Not yours. You shouldn't be put into a situation like that with your family.

HappyToBeHere

I agree with PPs; you shouldn't be buying anything, and if there is financial stress, they should either back out of planning or find a creative way to ease the financial burden (these things don't have to cost a lot of money!).

missnacholover

I agree.  As the guest of honor, you shouldn't be responsible for having to contribute anything.

Maybe you can put a bug in your cousin's ear and tell her you want something simple like just cake and punch?  It doesn't have to be a big thing!! 

Bean386

I know how my DH's cousin is and I know for a fact that it is not her bitching about how much this shower will cost it is all my MIL she thinks it's. It fair that DH's cousin will be spending so much on our shower and she is concerned since "everyone" what's to help but the cousin is really bad on delegating she likes to go overboard

jlove253

If it was my mil I would definitely say she was projecting. She will say other people are feeling a certain way, when really she herself feels that way, or is trying to convince her family to do what she thinks is right. I agree you should talk to your cousin-in-law about what mil said, and clarify if that was how she was feeling. That being said, you should NOT be responsible to bring anything to your shower. This is a party being thrown in your honor, and therefore is a gift to you, and should not be your burden.

Hope you get it all figured out!

Bean386

I don't know if I mentioned that this will be a coed shower and that when my husband and I throw our gender reveal party MIL never helped out with a freaking thing she only brought a tray of fruit and some other appetizer she didn't help with the setup or the clean up , my mom and aunt made the party happen , her and my DH family came to my house enjoyed our party and left , so why now my mom has to help out with the shower !!!???

absolutelymaybe

Bean386 said:

I don't know if I mentioned that this will be a coed shower and that when my husband and I throw our gender reveal party MIL never helped out with a freaking thing she only brought a tray of fruit and some other appetizer she didn't help with the setup or the clean up , my mom and aunt made the party happen , her and my DH family came to my house enjoyed our party and left , so why now my mom has to help out with the shower !!!???

Everyone covered exactly what I was going to say to your first question. It's not your job to be buying prizes and it's probably just a good idea to talk directly to cousin. MIL sounds like she is trying to butt in where she doesn't need to be butting in. 

As for the gender reveal party and baby shower....sorry, but not the same thing. Just because someone did something or didn't do something at one doesn't mean they should or shouldn't be expected to be involved with the other. I'm assuming your mom wanted to help out at the gender reveal party? If she had everything handled, I don't see why MIL should be needed, too. I wouldn't be holding this against her for the baby shower. 

Bean386

I completely agree with you we throw the party and my mom and I were able to handle everything so I can't hold that over her head

Bean386

Thank you to all of you that took the time to read and respond , I called DH's cousin and told her everything that has been going on ,she was shocked , said not to worry about a thing and she volunteered because she wants to do this coed shower for us and she was going to handle my MIL , I feel so much better about that but terrible about venting to her , we have a good relationship so I was not shy on opening my hormonal pregnant mouth