IL vent anyone? — The Bump
December 2014 Moms

IL vent anyone?

I have to get this out.

We live 7.5hrs from MIL. We moved to a new house here at the end of May. It was so stressful and H had to go OOT for a week the very next day. MIL invited herself over and got super super pissy when we said no because we weren't settled in and didn't have a place for guests to sleep. We are finally good and now she doesn't want to come, because it isn't on her terms.

This is annoying, but I KNOW this comes with sharing names. She originally came up with our boy name. Charles Gatlin. I liked the flow and meaning behind it but Gatlin was just nms. H was obsessed so I gave it to him. Now she wants us to switch the first and middle name around and if we aren't going to, then we just don't need to waste the middle name on this kid and just save it for our next one. She said the same thing about the nickname (Charlie) we are using for him. We appreciate the name suggestion but if you want to name a kid, you grow it and push it out of your vag. Blah!!

Anyone else have an IL vent?
Wife. Boy mom x5. Expecting #6. Wannabe homesteader.


Re: IL vent anyone?

  • The thing is we weren't really trying to include her. She wouldn't shut up stop with the suggestions. I was already in love with Charles and she came up with the middle name to go with it that H loved lol.

    H and I are the only two who's opinions really counts and she really just doesn't understand that.
    Wife. Boy mom x5. Expecting #6. Wannabe homesteader.

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  • My ILs aren't so bad on the whole, but my mother is a nightmare. She can't even make up her mind about what tactic to use to cause drama. One day she will be soo worried because she doesn't think I am eating enough and the next day she will be reminding me of how "terribly overweight" she thought I was after my first pregnancy. Then she will move on to how overwhelming it will be for me to have three under three and how I better get "fixed" and on and on it goes.

    I have learned to pick my battles and then stand my ground. If she crosses a line that has been discussed previously, the visit or the phone call is over. I have learned that I have to set the limits and if I have had enough for the day or week, I take time away from her (don't take her calls, don't visit). I have to do what is healthy for me but I have made a choice to maintain a relationship with her.

    If your MIL is making you nuts, take a break. Ask your DH to return her calls and just let him handle it for a bit. It sounds like you set some great boundaries regarding the inappropriate timing for the visit. Maybe you need to do the same thing about the baby name. Let her know that your and your DH will decide the baby's name and it is not up for debate or discussion anymore. Then move on and stop giving her headspace. If she brings it up again, remind her of the boundary and end the call.
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  • CandEChicagoCandEChicago member
    edited August 2014
    I love how she has assumed you are having a 4th kid and have already name HIM (god for bid the 4th should be a girl). 

  • That definitely sounds annoying to have to deal with!! You definitely handle things better than I would!!!!! 

    For the most part I get along very well with my in-laws!  My husband is an only child so at times they are very attached. Luckily, my MIL is afraid to over-step any boundaries in the thoughts that she might piss my DH off. 

    However, my FIL is a bit annoying, always wanting to be involved in everything with my DH.  They wanted to move a town or 2 away from us and we both told them please don't.  (I understand it may sound harsh of us). However, my MIL's family would then be over 5 hours away, not fair to her.  Plus if they move near us - they will not have anyone but us and that can be problematic!

    Right now they are looking at PA, which I feel is best for all of us.  Again, I may be jumping the gun but anything close I just know they will smoother us!!!  ugh.

    There is much more to this story - but this is the overview!

    Oh and as far as names go - I am curious what they will say about our choices - probably not much but who knows!  lol



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