NBR DH issue

leowife1110

Hi ladies. It's been a while sense I posted hope your all doing well so far!

A little background. DH and I have been happily married for 2 years and we have an 8 month old.

The problem.... The last 6 months I have felt expremly disconnected from him. He's voluntarily working a ton of OT (he's a police officer) I feel like we never see him. When I do he's connected to his phone. We haven't had sex in 2.5 weeks and I've literally been begging him for it and he's never in the mood. He doesn't help at all with our DD I have to argue with him to help and when he does he huffs and puffs about it so I know all about how he feels. As a woman I instantly want to think something fishy is going on but I've done my homework and looked at every angle of it and yea... There's not another person in the picture . I've never had a trust issue with him. Everytime I bring it up to talk about he just gets pissed so I brought up marriage counseling and it thy him off the deep end. I don't know if I'm over reacting because of pregnancy hormones or if I have a legitimate reason to be annoyed with him. Thoughts? Thanks a ton!

nashamber

leowife1110 said:

Hi ladies. It's been a while sense I posted hope your all doing well so far!

A little background. DH and I have been happily married for 2 years and we have an 8 month old.

The problem.... The last 6 months I have felt expremly disconnected from him. He's voluntarily working a ton of OT (he's a police officer) I feel like we never see him. When I do he's connected to his phone. We haven't had sex in 2.5 weeks and I've literally been begging him for it and he's never in the mood. He doesn't help at all with our DD I have to argue with him to help and when he does he huffs and puffs about it so I know all about how he feels. As a woman I instantly want to think something fishy is going on but I've done my homework and looked at every angle of it and yea... There's not another person in the picture . I've never had a trust issue with him. Everytime I bring it up to talk about he just gets pissed so I brought up marriage counseling and it thy him off the deep end. I don't know if I'm over reacting because of pregnancy hormones or if I have a legitimate reason to be annoyed with him. Thoughts? Thanks a ton!

I am sorry that you are feeling a bit disconnected from your husband. I would suggest making time for a date night - those always seem to help my husband and I with feeling connected again. In a marriage, especially with children, it's so easy to slip into an unhealthy routine where your relationship takes a back seat. Try to carve out some time together, agree to a "no phone" challenge, and talk about anything BUT your daughter. I've learned through watching my parents and grandparents - you must "date your mate". I hope you start to feel connected soon.

Hazel622

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. The voluntary OT makes me wonder if he is worried about supporting the growing family and maybe the disconnect is from not knowing how to express those fears. I think marriage counseling can be a great resource regardless of what it is that is causing the disconnect. Sending T&P.

leowife1110

Thanks ladies. I'm going to propose the idea of quality alone time to him.

abcmom12

this reminds me of my husband besides working the OT.  I found that by asking him if something was on his mind because I was getting concerned over his level of stress, he shared that he was really freaking out over providing for a 2nd kid.  Your DH may be feeling the same and is so wrapped up in his head about it, he's lashing out when questioned.

one tip as an ex-marriage counselor, used "I" statements rather than "you don't/never/etc".  So it's be "I'd like to spend more time with you" or "I'd appreciate it if you would help me out a bit more"

leowife1110

Thanks ladies!! All great points!