Daycare issue.

thekingsmommy

So my grandmother recently retired and she keeps my 14 month old son while I'm at work . I'm 20 weeks pregnant with #2 and would really like them in daycare BUT idk if I trust daycare. I just feel bad that she has to spend most of her time caring for my babies. And I feel she needs time to herself . My bf is always working so that's not an option. My question is, how did you guys originally feel sending your LO's to daycare? My daughter is due Dec 21st. I'll be going back to work in February. I just feel she'd be to young and I don't know these people. Opinions please !!!

shannm

I highly recommend reading this board for a while. MANY people here, very smart people, use daycare. Yes, you have to find the right fit for your LO and it is not for everyone but you need to have an open mind and start to educate yourself before you make a decision. Have you visited any?
Frankly, I just cringe when people say they won't be able to "trust" daycare. It's as if you view the needs of your family substantially different than millions of others.

TheBorg7of9

Our daycare loved our son so much! And he loved them. Look around and visit a few. You should probably get going on that now. In Chicago, wait lists are about a year. I trusted mine completely and they knew so much about taking care of babies. They really helped us out. And I'm sure your gma is very active and all that, but I think it would be almost impossible for an older person to watch an infant and a toddler all day. As I've said before daycares are not Russian orphanages. They are filled with loving, active and educated workers the great majority of the time.

ASmallWonder

Is it easy to send your kids off to people you don't know?  No and no one will tell you that it's nuts to have a little anxiety over it.  But if you know the questions to ask and you've given thought to what's important to you, you'll visit places, get your questions answered and do a gut check.  You'll know if you like the place and feel comfortable.

We've had job changes and moves so in my older son's 4 years he's been to 3 in home providers and two centers.  Through all that, only the first center is the one where I didn't trust my gut, didn't love the place but felt pressured by time and a move to choose something.  He was safe but in the end it never was the right place for us.  I've loved every other provider and just remember, everyone is a stranger at first but you'll quickly come to see all the great things they bring to your kids' lives

MickeyM04

It is definitely hard to send them before you know the teachers/staff, and it does feel like you're leaving your child with strangers, because technically you are.  You just have to go visit various centers and see where you get a good feeling.  It's weird because you kind of just know.  We went to a number of centers when I was pregnant with DS, and then again when we had to move him back into daycare because we lost our nanny earlier this year (we did daycare for awhile and then "stole" one of the teachers as a nanny, but had all sorts of problems with her and decided to go back to daycare--albiet a new center).  With each round of tours, there was one place that I said, "This is it."  The others I just didn't feel that way.  Something was off.  And I have been very happy with both choices.

Yes, at first, all the teachers are strangers.  But, there are so many regulations and you have to realize there's just so much oversight.  Might there be a bad egg here or there, of course.  But the odds of an entire daycare being full of teachers that don't care about kids, are rude, mean, uncaring, etc. and no one has realized it (none of the other parents, the State, etc.), is just so unlikely.  And honestly, to be blunt, daycares usually don't pay very well.  You'd have to be an idiot to work at a daycare and not like kids or your job because I certainly know these teachers aren't in it for the riches and fame, you know what I mean? 

And with both daycares, even though initially everyone was a stranger, we grew to be very friendly with everyone, and these are now people that we feel very comfortable with, chat with every day, "Oh Ms. __, I heard you were out on your honeymoon all week, welcome back!"  And I have no qualms about leaving either of my children there.  Even my 3 month old.

Helenahhandbasket

My DD loves daycre. She's been going since she was 12 weeks old.  I feel that it's really helped with her social development-- she's a very friendly and out going child.

But, I realize everyone has different comfort levels.  Do you have a friend that could rec a daycare center/ in home day care to you?  That is how we found our current DCP-- through a trusted friend's rec.

Good Luck.

brachysira

Looking after a toddler and an infant is a very different job.  What are your concerns about grandma?  If you think:

1) she can't do the job well because she is too ill, etc.

2) she hates it and is too nice to tell you

3) she's getting completely worn down and risking her health due to your LO

4) she is actually hinting that she wants to quit

then by all means, find something else.  However, some studies show that when elderly people care for little ones, they are able to stave off mental loss, stay healthier, etc.  Perhaps an option would be this, if possible.  Ease your LO into a preschool type setting or part time care in a center so grandma gets a break.  He's old enough to really benefit from the social aspects. Have him in full time by the end of your pregnancy.  Keep him in at least part time while you are on leave so you can bond with new LO, and give grandma a major break.  If grandma wants, allow her to take over care of your new LO for 6, 12, 18 or 24 months.  Caring for a tiny baby might be something she enjoys and is not so physically demanding.  Plus, tiny infants do not really get the same social advantages that older kids would in a group setting.  You might avoid some of the nasty bugs that go around too (although older LO might still bring them home).  If your grandma really doesn't want to do this, it's very nice of you to be aware.  If she really does but is just tired, make sure she can see the children, perhaps by doing care one morning/week or something. 

BabyHope2013

My DS absolutely loves daycare. When he realizes that is where we are doing he is super pumped, he claps and runs to get his shoes so he can go. 

I remember being apprehensive about finding the right place. But I visited a few places before we found our home daycare. It is an absolutely wonderful place for him. Like other posters said, he loves it there and they love him back more than I could have asked for. He has learned so much and that further validates to me that he is in the right place. 

Slb22

As other people said, it is tough.  We searched for a DC while I was pregnant.  The first one we toured I did not like at all and was immediately discouraged that I would never find one we liked and I trusted.  A few visits later we found our current DCP.  It was like night and day from the others and we knew that was the right choice.
Fast forward through maternity leave and I started getting very anxious about it.  I mean, how could I possibly trust them!?  They are strangers!  We then setup a visit with them and our LO and I felt much better after that visit.  It validated the reasons I chose them to begin with. 
The first few weeks were very nerve racking however, anytime I felt anxious I called over to see how she was doing and was immediately put at ease.  We are 4 weeks in now, and I dont call nearly as much.  You have to have confidence in the decisions you make, and it is a work-in-progress for sure.  I didn't think I would feel so comfortable this early on, so it was a nice surprise.

thekingsmommy

Thank you all for your input ! I feel a little better now. I will go ahead and find some places I'm interested in and take a tour. Wish me luck !

thekingsmommy

Btw; my grandmother is 69. And very active. She gets around well and is in overall good health. She loves keeping my son. I just feel like she needs a break from him sometime and he needs the interaction with other toddlers his age.

[Deleted User]

amy052006 said:

I do think people are full of shit if they tell you its not normal to be anxious though.  

Honestly, I wasn't anxious.  We knew from the moment I peed on a stick that we wanted daycare.  Maybe that is because I was in daycare as a kid and my memories of it are all fond?  That could be.  

But I do recognize that my experience with not being anxious in regards to finding a childcare provider is not the norm.