April 2013 Moms
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Vent

Ugh. Need a safe place to vent, and welcome feedback. Ever since we moved to DC, our sex life has sucked. It started (I think) because DH was scared to have sex when I was pregnant, then just wasn't really into pregnancy sex. Post-Warner's arrival, we have ALL been crammed in a 1 bedroom apartment, Warner has never STTN, I have been working and finishing law school, and our life has been a zillion times more stressful. Naturally, my libido is in the shitter. And now I feel like DH picks the crappiest times to make a move. Example- tonight. I have a raging cold. I was up for hours last night because Warner has croup. I had to get up at 6am to work. And I couldnt nap this afternoon (DH did) because I had to finish charts and clean the house. And when I decline, it's like "You don't enjoy having sex with me! Rah!" wtf. Maybe if our infant wasn't asleep ONE FOOT away, or I didn't have snot pouring out of my nose, I'd be more inclined. I just worry, I know this issue can really damage a relationship, but seriously I am so tired right now I want to cry. In fact, I did cry. DH went out for a walk because I wouldn't let him jack off next to me (umm, are you kidding?)... anyone else struggling in this department??
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           Warner, our early surprise, born March 12, 2013!
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Re: Vent

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    It has been one of our bigger issues. Though we are both slowly working things out. 

    From having sex multiple times a day, every single day, to going days in between... and sometimes weeks... it has... well I guess he found out just how spoiled he was. 

    As much as I wish the topic of sex would burn in a fire, I would let him do his own thing where ever he wanted I guess. I have explained many times to him that just because I do not feel like having sex, does not mean I don't want to have sex ever. When he is like how your husband is acting.. it is difficult to tell them that and expect them to understand I guess. I would tell him how you felt and that it doesn't mean you don't like having sex with him when he is not horny.

    As for the baby in the bed thing... have you guys tried it elsewhere? I know you said you don't have very much room, but is there a couch/chair/what-have-you that you both can utilize? 
     
     
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    I don't understand why men don't have a better concept of TIMING -- we utilize nap time a lot (in fact, we rarely have sex at night), which works for us but sometimes DH will initiate right after we've just been out for a huge meal or something, and I'm like "dude, I'm so full of baby and burrito i'm already about to burst, are you kidding me?"  

    I will say that I have a very understanding husband in this department, which makes me more likely to want to have sex with him -- which means sometimes I do it even if I'm not really in the mood -- which often PUTS me in the mood.  We probably have averaged just once a week throughout this pregnancy -- more in the beginning, but now that I'm a month out, nobody is really that into it -- and rarely do I physically enjoy it, but I do like being close to him physically, and I feel like it keeps us mentally close to.

    And once in a while I do what i need to do in order to get turned on BEFORE we start having sex.... Just sayin'...


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    @knitfaced‌ - Maybe our H's can be vasectomy buddies... lol. My DH is also dragging his feet on getting one and is afraid to have sex with me most of the time. It's annoying!
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    When his timing is that obviously bad, not sure what to tell you. I think it's common for sex life to suffer when you have small kids. But I do think it's important to try to make it part of your relationship. Maybe you could try scheduling sex so it happens once every week or two? I'd imagine you are getting to the baby bump obstacle stage of pregnancy. I could probably count on one hand the times we had sex during both pregnancies. Neither of us was really into it. But maybe you could try to up your game through second trimester with the knowledge that will probably stop next trimester?

    Hugs lady. Relationships are hard.
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    We had a similar situation earlier this week, and I was really defensive about the suggestion that he uh handle things while Im right there.  I thought he was trying to guilt me into it etc and I came right out and said it to him.  He was like 'literally I wont be able to sleep tonight, I need to unwind, Im not trying to make you feel guilty, its just how my body is'.  Once I looked at it like that I was less defensive, and even ummm cupped the boys for him.  DH said it was nice because I was involved, I thought it was nice because I participated without getting all 'woken up' like I would have with full on sex.  I know its tough, and I also know sex is important to a relationship, maybe try offering to be a not so active participant?
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