How to deal with first U/S after previous losses?

peregrinefalconx

Hi...

My first U/S is next week and I wanted to make sure I showed up as late as possible week-wise. I am extremely nervous and have built up an aversion to even going in the room. The dreaded, "are you sure you aren't earlier than you think you are?" has come up multiple times with my two previous losses (between 5-8 weeks). My little back story and maybe somebody can definitively tell me how far I am along!

Used the Clearblue Monitor for my last period. Cycle had switched from a normal length to 42 days for the last 3 months. It showed me at high fertility for 20 days and then at day 26-27, it showed peak (which is when you would expect, 14 days before your expected period). FDOLP was June 1st. We made a huge effort and tried to make this baby like 30 days in a row, just to be sure. Within days and def within a week, I was exhausted and started feeling signs of morning sickness, which quickly turned into full effect. Positive test was immediate with early preg test. Will next Thursday be 8 weeks?

As you can tell from this detail, I keep going over and over the dates in my head to some how make sure that whatever I find out in the room will be the "truth". We are excited but not excited. Do you just woman up and deal with going into the room? Not look at the monitors? It's hard to ignore what is happening when they are rooting around down there. I have tried to imagine either a yay or a nay on this and either is terrifying. I've been doing ok thus far, but as the day approaches, my fear is building. I just don't want to know.

Anybody have any ideas (keeping in mind the hard to control curiosity of wanting to watch)? Thanks in advance. Man, I was long winded!


(Loss in Nov. 2012, Loss in Nov. 2013).

mandi195

I have my first OB appt and u/s tomorrow. I've had 2 losses prior to this pregnancy. I am excited and terrified at the same time. However, I refuse to rob myself of the first glimpse of my little one. Also, if something is wront, I want to know right away, no beating around the bush. Every pregnancy is different, and I am confident that this one will be happy and healthy for me (while still constantly worrying). Just remember that today, you are pregnant, and do what feels right during your u/s. Big hugs to you. 

BackstreetPixie

I have no advice as I'm currently way too early for U/S and all but just wanted to say ::Hugs:: and send you some :  I hope that everything goes smoothly. 

peregrinefalconx

mandi195 Good luck tomorrow! You are so right...living in fear of an U/S and trying to protect yourself so much can rob you of the joy. I've spent too much time imagining the worst (while still believing that I think this is going to work). Every day with our babies, no matter how far along, is a gift.

@aragosta, i'm so sorry for your loss.

mandi195

peregrinefalconx said:

mandi195 Good luck tomorrow! You are so right...living in fear of an U/S and trying to protect yourself so much can rob you of the joy. I've spent too much time imagining the worst (while still believing that I think this is going to work). Every day with our babies, no matter how far along, is a gift.

@aragosta, i'm so sorry for your loss.

Exactly. I have imagined every bad scenario possible, but I keep telling myself "no, this time is different. This baby is healthy and thriving." and it helps me feel better a bit. Thank you for the well wishes! Keep us posted on how things go next week!

jess123456

Having an ultrasound after loss is really hard. I've had five losses and I'm almost 26 weeks now and for me they don't get any easier. I think the fear that something can go wrong is just all too real. We have a third trimester scan coming up and while I am beyond thrilled to be able to have the chance to see my son again, I am terrorified that they will find something wrong because ultrasounds (with the exception of his ultrasounds so far) has always been filled with bad news. Having said that it does get a bit more manageable as you get farther along and pass some milestones but at least for me it is still really hard. Having a doppler to check his heartbeat before an appointment helps too now and movement gives some reassurance. Unfortunately I think it's just part of PGAL brain.

I say what @aragosta says to the ultrasound tech. I make sure she knows that I am nervous because of my history and if she could point out the heartbeat right away that would be great. Morning scans help too so you don't spend the entire day anticipating it. During our anatomy scan this time my husband must have asked if things looked OK literally every minute or less and unfortunately doctors have the final say in the ultrasound findings. It's impossible to control an out of control situation but feeling like I have some control over having the ultrasound tech know where we are coming from in our fear does help. I personally like to look because I hate trying to read the expressions of the tech. I say do what you feel comfortable with and absolutely bring your husband or someone else along for support because that can help a
bunch too.

Thinking positive thoughts for you for an awesome ultrasound. Remember that every pregnancy is different and just because it ended sadly before doesn't mean it will again.

JustinsGirl2011

Sending you big ((hugs)). I cried at my first US & was a mess. The tech knew my history so she understood. Just take deep breaths & remember this is a new pregnancy. FX for a great appt!

TheFutureMrsD

I echo everyone else. With me, I'm always nervous (22 weeks) and I've had an u/s at almost every appt this time. I'd like to say the first was the worst but they each have brought on a different set of nerves. Staying busy before helps too. I say tell the tech your history and that you're really nervous and hopefully they will be awesome and everything will look great. And it is ok to cry. I think I have every time. Good luck!

Bigboneded

Last OB had big screen hooked to monitor, I could see everything they did. This one tech does all her stuff silently, takes stills and turns the screen at the end. I havent hit my loss milestone yet, so I may get more nervous closer. .. but this pg is definitely different, 2 babies, no chromosome issues... so that helps (for now, 2 babies will probably make me more worrisome later). (((Hugs)))

akleng

I completely feel for you. I had my first u/s this week which happened be a loss milestone, so needless to say H and I were both very nervous. As PPs have said, I made sure to tell the tech about my loss and how nervous I was. The tech was very understanding and talked us through everything. FX for you!

bumpuser10110725

I've also had 2 previous losses (d&c and chemical pregnancy), and my first ultrasound with this pregnancy (I'm 14 weeks today) was at 6 weeks.  I actually came in thinking I would totally be OK, a little nervous, but otherwise unemotional.  But as soon as I walked into the exam room, I started to cry.  I think the memories and grief can come back as you revisit the same place. However, I think that's a perfectly normal and healthy reaction.  It has gotten easier for me in the subsequent ultrasounds.  So not sure there's any way to prepare for the first ultrasound...but don't try and hold your emotions or feelings back.  So far the pregnancy has been healthy, but the fear is always there.  But like others said, celebrate the small moments, one day at a time!

Good luck!