Serious advice

kayyx

so please no horrible comments! I don't want sympathy or anything like that just genuinely want people's advice I'm 20 and 12 weeks pregnant my boyfriends 22 lastnight in a heated argument he pushed me really hard to the floor I've marked all my chest from falling on stuff, he's never ever done anything like this before I mean I was in a physical and mentally abusive relationship when I was 16 so i know how bad it is and he's nothing like that!

SO the question is what would you do? I don't know how to go about it I might sound stupid but I just really don't know

Allegralbc

Get out. Leave. You haven't invested years of your life. No need to waste them. Physical abuse is a deal breaker. Pushing you to the floor is abusive. Be strong dear, sorry you are dealing with this.

jazzmhin08

As a soon to be mom, you need to look out for the well being of your baby and yourself. If he is abusive like that, i will move out no matter how hard it will be. Because for him to abuse you, who knows what he will do when the baby comes.

bhjones1980

kayyx said:

 I was in a physical and mentally abusive relationship when I was 16 so i know how bad it is and he's nothing like that!

well, he isnt like that, until he is.... and it looks like he showed that behavior last night.

get out now, hurting a woman you love physically, especially when she is pregnant is an 100% deal breaker.  How can you trust him not to do it again.

michelle142

Leave. End of story.

Do what's best not only for yourself, but the baby as well.

crash916

Leave now! He will be abusive again and you need to protect yourself and your baby. Call your doctor to get checked out for any issues with the baby from being knocked down. Call any family or friends and stay with them.

JKHope

Leave. Plain and simple. tell whoever is close to you (parents, sibling). They will help you. Deal breaker.

Also, may want to take down your profile pic if youre posting such private stuff. Just watching out for you.

JessicaxLynn87

I firmly believe that if it happened once, then it will happen again. Honestly, if DH ever abused me in any sort of way, I would lose any and all respect in that moment. I grew up in an abusive household. You do not want to subject your child to this. I watched my mother endure abuse for many years and it affected me in so many ways. Please turn to family at this time and leave him. It is not worth it.

edunsmoor

You need to get out. I was in the exact same situation at your age. Apologies and promises don't last; it will happen again.

starrynight1658

Leave. A baby only adds stress and tension to an already unsteady or unhealthy relationship (hell, it does that to the best relationships too). You, and your baby, deserve better. Also, get checked out by your OB. They will likely also have some resources to help you leave him, if need be.

Ducktale

Most people, even in a very heated argument, do not lash out physically. This is not normal behavior, it wasn't your fault because of the argument. If his temper is such that he pushed you due to an argument, that is crossing the line. He needs help, but right now you need to look out for yourself and your baby. You are right to be concerned. It's time to leave.

jennjilljo

I have no idea what set the argument off but maybe it was a trigger for one of you. It may be a good idea to have a day or more apart to calm down. I would also recommend looking up the rules to arguments and fights. My husband and I used to get into serious fights where he would lose his temper and hit things around the house. That would make me angrier so I would make it worse.

Some of the simple rules to fighting are to take turns, say "I feel" instead of "you", listen to each other, try to see each other's side if the argument and be respectful which means no name calling or button pushing. It sounds dumb and you may have already heard it but it did help us. Following these rules we haven't actually fought in over 4 years. If you two have trouble making the rules work you can see a couples counselor who will work as a moderator between you.

I hope any of that helps and that you get the situation resolved quickly. It's hard when both of you are under so much stress and it makes it harder when you can't/don't talk about your stress. Good luck.

mandamoochie

Absolutely you need to leave. @2013jem had a lot of great advice as to your next steps.

It's not about what you are willing to put up with anymore. It's solely about whats best for your child. I dont know what precipitated last night to cause him to react that way, but I cant even begin to fathom his reaction to a 6 week old who wont stop crying no matter what you do and your at your wits end. You have to get out now.

kayyx

thank you for all your comments I really knew all this but I woke up this morning feeling really stupid I felt like I overreacted but I guess I just needed reassurance so thank you I know what I need to do and I know it was wrong I just started doubting myself I think I just needed to hear it I stayed over a friends last night anyway so everything's okay, thank you so much guys! Really appreciate it

lizjennings81

Please leave. There is absolutely no excuse to lay a hand on your partner, even during the most heated of arguments.

Put yourself first, please.

CdnFarmGirl08

Leave. Now.

File a police report, take pictures and find support- whether that's a local church group, family, or friends. You will need support to get out and stay out.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Cookie0875

2013JEM said:

I'm sorry this happend, I understand this is hard, and confusing. You need to leave immediately. You need to go to your doctor and make sure you and the baby are okay. You need to file a police report (this will help with custody). You need to talk to someone older such as a family member, minister or social worker. You need to protect your child. Take one step at a time but do not look back. It's hard to swallow but your boyfriend abused a pregnant woman. That is awful and unforgivable. I wish you all the best. Take care of that baby.

This.  This is an awful situation for you to be in and only you can get yourself out.  Get out now.

crystalw88

So I know this is a super touchy and difficult decision but I'm leaning the other way. DH and I argued so bad once that I went to slap him and he got angry and I ended up the hurt one. Basically he pushed me onto the bed and held my arms above my head to restrain me. Our situations are different and I realize that but that was a huge eye opener for the both of us. Never again did I try to hit him nor has he done anything such like that again. I'm just saying that sometimes there is hope. You can read all of our suggestions but ultimately you need to do what you feel is right for you and baby. Chin up beautiful.

amt0312

@crystalw88 - that is different from her scenario. Your DH was provoked physically by you going to slap him. It's instinctual for anyone to try and restrain someone from hurting you, so what your DH did, while excessive since you ended up hurt, is not completely out of line. What YOU did, however, was out of line and unacceptable. 

To the OP, I have no idea what I would do in your situation. I've been the aggressor (which I know is wrong because women can be abusers, too) to my husband before, but there is no way I could ever take him on as he is much much stronger than me. He knows this and subsequently will never use any type of physical force on me. To be fair, people make mistakes, but you know your SO better than anyone. Is this abuse? Yes, its a one time instance of abuse and not necessarily an indicator of patterned abuse heading your way, but I don't know for sure since I am not an expert. You need to stand up for yourself in this situation and make it absolutely CRYSTAL clear that his behavior will not be tolerated in any circumstance ever again. If that means that you leave him, than do it. If it means you stay in the relationship, you need to make sure you protect yourself and the baby you are carrying. 

Good luck. Seek some professional help- get in touch with RAINN https://www.rainn.org/ and talk with someone who can help you better than internet strangers. 

And file a report like other pp have said. You need a trail of evidence. 

munchkin8590

My first born's biological father was abusive to me the whole time I was pregnant and I made the mistake of NOT leaving. The abuse continued until my son was almost 2. It took me seeing my sons face when he saw him put his hands on me to realize I needed to get us out of that situation. We left and I couldn't be happier. Think of your child and yourself. If it happened once it could happen again and the earlier you get out the better.

mommy510

Cookie0875 said:

2013JEM said:

I'm sorry this happend, I understand this is hard, and confusing. You need to leave immediately. You need to go to your doctor and make sure you and the baby are okay. You need to file a police report (this will help with custody). You need to talk to someone older such as a family member, minister or social worker. You need to protect your child.

Take one step at a time but do not look back. It's hard to swallow but your boyfriend abused a pregnant woman. That is awful and unforgivable.

I wish you all the best. Take care of that baby.

This.  This is an awful situation for you to be in and only you can get yourself out.  Get out now.

All of this. You do not want to raise a family with a man like him. And for the record, even if you weren't pregnant, no woman deserves to be treated that way.

CatLadyTX

You need to put your baby first, and right now that means two things 1. Get out and 2. Go get a checkup. We are behind you.

srcr2011

Please leave. Get yourself checked and know you and your baby deserve so much better. He obviously pushed you hard enough to leave you marks. He is a coward. Let someone know and file a report. GL, op, my thoughts are with you.

Mommalawyer

Bounce. File a report with police. It gets easier each time to be physical. That line gets moved farther & farther away and less & less acceptable.

KMommytobe

I agree with everyone else. You should go. I would let your family know and lean on them for support.

CogDis

I agree with the advice to leave, but I also know that you may not, or you may decide to try again, a few months later. And, regardless if what you do, your SO can always try to see the baby once born (and you), even via legal action.

So, in addition to leaving I would suggest being firm about requiring he seek appropriate therapy. I'd attach that as a requirement for him seeing the baby.

Best of luck!