When is it not normal?

KellersPrag

Short on time but will check back.

At this age, how can one tell if the acting out is abnormal? I know C is exceedingly frustrated because she cannot talk like the other kids her age. But when does it become "a problem" vs. Normal almost 2 yo behavior with the hitting, biting, etc.?

BeebopandBuddy

Maya said hardly anything until after 2. She's never been very assertive but would act out a lot in frustration, throwing things down, yelling, crying, etc. I think it's normal for them to be frustrated when they can't communicate. We focused on teaching her to sign "help". Anytime she seemed frustrated, whenever we helped her, we would point it put using the sign. It really helped to limit her frustration and get her to ask us of she wanted something and couldn't tell us. We would have her sign it and them show us what she needed.

Mobile

AKB090609

Even for kids who can speak most aggressive behaviors are in the realm of normal for two year olds. Things that would set off red flags for me as a teacher would be self harm, no impulse control, a child who can not show empathy.

The other thing that would worry me is if a child couldn't accept a replacement behavior (rather than throwing toys throwing a ball, rather than hitting stomping feet). We used to work really hard on teaching 'acceptable aggression' in our two's room.

watercolor5

I mean, I don't think biting/hitting/temper tantrums are ever acceptable, no matter if they are normal for the age.  I don't think 2 year olds have empathy for other kids- it is something they develop slowly over time.  It's our jobs as parents, and the jobs of daycare teachers to teach them appropriate behavior, and to correct behaviors that are socially unacceptable and esp those that can hurt other kids.  So I guess I'd say, that any hitting/kicking/biting is automatically "a problem" that needs to be addressed, even if it's a problem a lot of or all of our kids are experiencing.  The kids who will continue to bite/hit/kick once other kids their age have stopped are kids who have not been adequately corrected.

Holly_1007

When I can't understand what Colby is saying I ask him to show me. He takes my hand and eventually we figure it out together. He still throws tons of tantrums though.

linzeek44

If by "a problem" you mean like "I should be really concerned because something is neurologically/developmentally wrong," I'd say at this age, it's probably not a bigger problem.

Instead, i would just think "well, that gives you a lot of chances to teach acceptable replacement behaviors."

I'm sorry Char is having a rough go of it. Let me know if you need specific ideas for something.

kelbel527

linzeek44 said:

If by "a problem" you mean like "I should be really concerned because something is neurologically/developmentally wrong," I'd say at this age, it's probably not a bigger problem. Instead, i would just think "well, that gives you a lot of chances to teach acceptable replacement behaviors." I'm sorry Char is having a rough go of it. Let me know if you need specific ideas for something.

Of course Linzeek said it way better than I would have, but this is what I was going to say.  It's obviously something to work on and not ignore, but not something I would worry about it being a bigger issue.  In fact, my 4yo, which we are having trouble and seeking outside help, didn't exhibit problem behaviors at 2, it came later.  

Sorry Charlotte is having a tough time.  Hopefully she grows out of it sooner than later!

KellersPrag

I hope it was obvious that I meant, when should I be concerned that something is wrong. I know it's not acceptable behavior at any point.

She signs a ton of signs, including help. She takes my hand and shows me things that she wants. But I am covered in bruises and bite marks from her as well. This is all a fairly recent development in this capacity, and I have been starting to wonder if I've somehow screwed her up already.

The insane tantrums she throws when we have to get in the car after school have been enough to make me wonder, and that's only one (consistent) example.

(Thank you for responses so far - trying to come back to comment at least!)

Holly_1007

Is she getting enough sleep? I know you have to wake her in the morning, is she napping well at school? What are her teachers saying about her actions? A lot of the s12 babes are fighting the car seat right now, you aren't alone big hugs, I wish I had more advice!

kelbel527

Holly_1007 said:

Is she getting enough sleep? I know you have to wake her in the morning, is she napping well at school? What are her teachers saying about her actions? A lot of the s12 babes are fighting the car seat right now, you aren't alone big hugs, I wish I had more advice!

When Aedan doesn't give enough sleep, he's ridiculous.  That's usually when he hits and becomes super sassy.  

watercolor5

What do you do when she bites/bruises you?  I didn't mean my post to be unhelpful, but I think you need to have a plan for correcting and modifying behaviors that hurt you or other children.  You and daycare need to be on the same page.  If you're trying something and it's not working, try something else.  Sounds like you have a strong-willed LO who really needs someone to say No.  I'd maybe try to coordinate w linzeek or someone else if you need help coming up with a plan, because it does sound like something that needs to be addressed.  (And of course you didn't mess your daughter up- she's probably quite smart and trainable- you just need to figure out the best way to get through to her.)