starting rough...

Mills0401

Well this morning has been a little shaky. I just want to cry. I find myself laughing and I think how I'm never going to here how my child laughed and I want to cry. I think how not many people even knew my child existed and how sad that is because I know my child would have been like their sister and make you feel blessed to have been able to meet the person. I feel sad that my daughter never got to meet her sibling and will never know that special bond between siblings. (At least not with this child.) You know I did name the baby even though we didn't know the gender. I named her Allie. I know what you are thinking....how do you k ow it was a girl. Answer is I don't. A few weeks ago prior to my OB appts. I had a dream that we had our child who was wrapped in a pink blanket and the child's name was Allie. I was confused because I knew we were trying for a child but we had one so I didn't know why we were still trying. I guess I know that answer now. I thought Allie was fitting. God I wish others could have met Allie!!! My husband just reminds me that the baby is still with us in spirit but all I was to do is hold her...just one time.