FFMC

wifeofadam

I just got a call from my SIL.  She is planning a surprise birthday party for my BIL and they live 2.5 hours away.  Sigh.

For the last three months we have had out of town obligations at least twice a month - birthday parties, weddings, graduation parties, you name it.  Some months it seems like there has been a commitment every weekend. 

We don't have birthday parties for our children for several reasons but one of them is that we don't want aunts and uncles and other out-of-towners to feel obligated to come or purchase a gift.  We have four kids, so that would be four trips a year for people.  And I realize that people don't HAVE to come, but I do feel like there is an obligation.  That's certainly how I feel about these kinds of things.  I love being around family and if they lived in town, we would be so excited about the parties, but traveling with four kids, figuring out the logistics of where we will stay the night (or if we can't having to turn around and drive again hours later), money spent on gas.  As we're working on moving to one income, we're realizing we just won't be able to afford this in the future. 

I guess here's the flameful part - I feel like if you choose to move hours away from your hometown, where everyone you're inviting to the party lives, you shouldn't be upset when people can't come.  Just this past weekend we had to go to a nephew's birthday party that was three hours away and I was thinking about not going, but my sister guilted me into it by making some comment about how she understands that people can't come, but she feels grateful to those that do because she can tell they really care (implying that if you really cared, you'd make it work).  So we went. 

I feel selfish, but I'm about to start instituting a no-travel policy for things like this.  We'll come to one of your events per season, but I'm done travelling once a month to various parties and activities that are two or more hours away.

#bornhereraisedheredon'twanttotravel

Puck1182

Eh, I don't think that's flameful. That's just common sense. If you move far away from family, of course it's going to be harder for people to come visit, especially if they have a lot of kids of their own, since that makes traveling harder.

DublinMama

It's dark and rainy here today. DS just went down for a nap. I could be getting caught up on laundry or prepping tonight's supper. But I'm pretty much going to park on the couch and watch Netflix. I'm also in my pajamas.

Poppy523

I don't think that's flame worthy either. That's a lot of traveling with 4 children! My confession is that I wish I could pause this pregnancy. It's going so fast and I'm not ready yet! With all this moving coming up I really need the baby to stay in!

kelly321

Not flameful. I think it's perfectly reasonable to say you'll travel once a season. 

My FFMC: DH is planning on going on a mountain tour this weekend - that will mean he's gone from very early Thurs am until very late Sunday pm. I'm hoping the forecast is for thunderstorms where they're going so he doesn't go. I know I could handle the 4 days, but I don't want to and just feel out of energy with everything going on with my parents, too.

tamarar5

No flames @wifeofadam‌ ! DH' sister planned nephew's birthday party for the same weekend as our wedding reception, for the same day we were leaving for our honeymoon. We didn't go even though they drive out to our house for both the Wedding AND E's 1st birthday.

My FFMC I already posted under my 38 week post. But I'm still mad that I have to cook. I've been looking forward to the cooking/meal planning break for two weeks.

TarheelMama202

Totally not flammable @wifeofadam.

TarheelMama202

I hate mom-bragging. It is my least favorite part of parenting, which is probably why I still have so many friends that don't have kids. I can count on them to not try to play the one-up game about whose kid is cooler. I haven't been able to figure out why it is that it bothers me so much until recently, which leads me to the most flammable part of my post:

I don't find kids to be very interesting. Cute, yes. I will look at your children and muse over how cute they are all day long. I like it when they do funny things. But when we start talking about who has the most words or other party tricks? Yawn. Pass me the wine. 

I will totally stand by this and own it. Rake me over the coals!

tamarar5

Can I have a second? My parents had a fire yesterday when a storm took out their power lines (just yard damage, their house is fine). My confession? How come we can't ever get storm damage that could get us out of this house!!!! We want to move so badly, but we are trapped by this house that is now WAY too small. My mortgage specifically states that we cannot ever rent the house, and that I must me the full time occupant. So unless I have $10gs to refinance, I'm stuck here.

For the record: I really DON'T want anything to happen, we can't afford major repairs or damage. I just want to be able to move into something bigger and the housing market in my neighborhood is awful all of a sudden. We just had 3 houses go up as HUD sales in the last 6 months, and I'm afraid there are two more pending.

Dannysmama

Dude.  Grown up playdates.  Ummm, whaaat?

If you send me an email or text asking to have a grown-up playdate, I will curse your name out loud and ignore your message.

I'm 30.  Yes, I have a toddler and am pregnant, but a grown-up playdate?  Hey Ms. Peter Pan, are we going to sit around building forts and coloring?  Why don't you just ask if I want to get together ... like a grownup?  

I don't even like using the word "playdate" in reference to my own kid.  My brother and I were forced into playdates with the weirdo kids of our mother's friends, and he and I were not fans and responded atrociously to being forced to play with these kids.  OMG I hate playdates.      

Edited to add ... I should mention that I am totally scarred from my childhood playdates.  One of the girls I was forced to play with thought she was a cat, so she would drink the water from canned tuna, meow, and lick herself.  It was just downright creepy.  This could also be why I hate cats with such a passion.

TarheelMama202

bearsfanmama said:

Edited to add ... I should mention that I am totally scarred from my childhood playdates.  One of the girls I was forced to play with thought she was a cat, so she would drink the water from canned tuna, meow, and lick herself.  It was just downright creepy.  This could also be why I hate cats with such a passion.

This is hilarious. Can we do a "Where Are They Now: Bump Friends Edition" and find out what happened to this person?

brachysira

M has become obsessed with playing in my bed.  She always wants to get in right after playing outside in the sand, and so I say no, and she has a huge tantrum.  Today I bribed her with cookies.  This is only the second time she has ever had cookies, but she immediately began screaming "dedes" and ran away from the bed to get some.  Together we have consumed about 1/2 a box of vanilla wafers that I think DH bought for himself.

Dannysmama

bluehairdontcare said:

bearsfanmama said:

Edited to add ... I should mention that I am totally scarred from my childhood playdates.  One of the girls I was forced to play with thought she was a cat, so she would drink the water from canned tuna, meow, and lick herself.  It was just downright creepy.  This could also be why I hate cats with such a passion.

This is hilarious. Can we do a "Where Are They Now: Bump Friends Edition" and find out what happened to this person?

Dude. She was totes a Furrie. She probably has on a cat tail and cat ears right meow.

Bahaha.  Hahahah.  I keep laughing out loud about this because I could totally see the cat tail and cat ears as part of her bedroom repertoire.  I think she might have been a little sexually repressed in her 20s and omg, I can see this.  

She is still very active in the cat community as an adult, and she's always posting about cats.  I wonder if she still drinks tuna juice ... My six year old self still shudders at these memories.  

Dannysmama

Ahahaha and I shouldn't laugh because my dad is a redhead but her husband totally looks like an orange tabby cat.  

And .... I totally found pictures of her posing like a cat, but damnit I can't find one of her dressed as a cat! 

Puck1182

@Sagen I agree with you. But I also have seen that sort of thing happen more than once, I don't think it's an uncommon reaction to that kind of circumstance.

Also, I'm not going to quote since you asked not to, but I need to tell you that a specific part of your post put the theme from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air in my head. :-p

Puck1182

The part about their lives being flipped upside down. :-)

tamarar5

@DC2London‌ You literally were just in Michigan! I wouldn't feel bad about making at all. Not one bit. Know how many times we've gone back to Wisconsin to visit in the last two years? 2 times. Know how many times they've come out to visit us? 4. Do I feel bad? NOPE!

tamarar5

Seeca022 said:

We bought DS a "leash" today... The backpack kind, with a removable "leash" part. It's actually a really cute Eddie Bauer one.

We head to NYC on Thursday and I don't expect him to sit in the stoller all day so I got it for when we are in museums or somewhere where he can actually walk (not on the crowded NYC streets though).

It was a last minute decision and he LOVES wearing it

My kids LOVE theirs! I'm actually going to have to replace ours because they've broken the leash clip- it's 6 years old! I'm looking out for a pair now. A little while ago I saw a super cute gray elephant and a pretty owl- the two animals we've chosen for the two little kids.

kleigh926

I don't blame anyone for not wanting to travel with kids. Next week we are going on vacation. It's the first time since last year that we are staying anywhere overnight with DD. When she was 6 months old, she slept fine.... this time, I'm very nervous about how it will go. When she was around a year old she stopped sleeping anywhere except her crib, so this has the potential to be a disastrous week. It has literally kept me up at night for weeks thinking about how this is going to go. And I'm sure it just gets more complicated the more kids you have.

ericalee27

seadragon2013 said:

Feel free to flame, but please don't quote since I feel morbid writing this and might dd...

FFMC 2: My parents' house is OLD and something is constantly going wrong. Their plumbing is a jumbled mess that is connected to a well, a cistern, and a furnace. The hot water pump broke while we were there and there was no hot water for 3 days. By the time we left, it had a temporary fix, but the parts are hard to find for their system. My parents are never going to leave this house of their own will (my Dad was born there), so my brother and I are starting a campaign to get them to modernize the plumbing, so that we don't have to deal with it when they pass. Hopefully that is not for a long while, of course!

No flames for me!  In a similar situation -- I'm the only kid on my father's side and we have a family house that has been in our family for over 100 years.  Everyone in the generations above me born there, many died there (seriously, at least 5 of my family members).  I know someday it will come to me, and I know I'm going to have to shell out serious cash to maintain or try to do anything with it.  It's in PA, so we aren't going to be living in it (firmly rooted in NC).  It definitely has me worried already....

ally2011

kleigh926 said:

I don't blame anyone for not wanting to travel with kids. Next week we are going on vacation. It's the first time since last year that we are staying anywhere overnight with DD. When she was 6 months old, she slept fine.... this time, I'm very nervous about how it will go. When she was around a year old she stopped sleeping anywhere except her crib, so this has the potential to be a disastrous week. It has literally kept me up at night for weeks thinking about how this is going to go. And I'm sure it just gets more complicated the more kids you have.

When we went to the beach we bought an extra mattress for our pack n play, mattress pad and tshirt sheet....the mattress is 3 inches thick and the bedding made it feel just like a crib. I was very worried about this too but we had no issues. If you want the links to exactly what we bought, I can share....I need to look them up. I am not here tons, so if you want ASAP, email me. If you or someone you know has Amazon Prime, it will come in 2 days for free.

ally2011

Also, my dd will only sleep in her crib or the bed with me, so we really had the same situation....but the new mattress and bedding worked perfectly.

tamarar5

Sterling13 said:

tamarar5 said:

Can I have a second? My parents had a fire yesterday when a storm took out their power lines (just yard damage, their house is fine). My confession? How come we can't ever get storm damage that could get us out of this house!!!! We want to move so badly, but we are trapped by this house that is now WAY too small. My mortgage specifically states that we cannot ever rent the house, and that I must me the full time occupant. So unless I have $10gs to refinance, I'm stuck here.

For the record: I really DON'T want anything to happen, we can't afford major repairs or damage. I just want to be able to move into something bigger and the housing market in my neighborhood is awful all of a sudden. We just had 3 houses go up as HUD sales in the last 6 months, and I'm afraid there are two more pending.

Dude, I think wishing for a house fire is pretty damn flameful. Wishing you could get out of your house if one thing, but via a house fire? Uh, no. Just no.

I *did* say, I really don't wish for it. And there was a yard fire in my parents ditch. Very far from their house. I mean, like quarter mile far.

I agree, wanting out of my mortgage is flameful. But other than foreclosure, I really don't have another way out. I've lost all equity in my house and it wasn't worth that much to begin with. I'm sorry I shared.

ally2011

Wanting out of a mortgage is not flameful. You were obviously just venting. I am sorry for your situation, it does sound stressful!

tamarar5

ally2011 said:

Wanting out of a mortgage is not flameful. You were obviously just venting. I am sorry for your situation, it does sound stressful!

It just sucks! There aren't any nice people around any more, houses are being foreclosed or sold as HUD which brings down everyone's values, not to mention the delinquents around breaking into things. They got into our garage again and stole my non script sunglasses and broke my prescription ones. And they took my favorite CD out of my radio— but LEFT THE RADIO (thank god). They got into dh's truck again and stole his phone chargers again. The worst part is we cannot figure out how they keep getting in!!!! We have gotten paranoid about making sure the doors are closed and locked at all times. I've even taken to unplugging the door opener any time I leave the house and get back! The worst part is that we seem to be getting specifically targeted as no one else in the block seems to be having the same problem. Oh, and the police aren't doing shit for it either.

I'm just so incredibly over it. I want out of this house and our of this miserable city!!!!! I want to go back home, to my home town in Wisconsin, where everyone knows everyone, and I never have to worry about locking my doors. And God forbid anyone did ever steal something, the entire town would rally behind us to ferret out the culprit and make them replace the missing items. Even something as small as phone chargers.

ally2011

Sterling13 said:

Wanting out of a mortgage is not flameful. You were obviously just venting. I am sorry for your situation, it does sound stressful!

Ermehgad, wanting out of a mortgage isn't flameful, but wanting out of it by way of a house fire is. I have no interest in flaming anyone over this because I know that's not really what she meant, it was just a really bad way to put things.

I was not responding to your post, I was responding to Tamara's which is directly above mine and specifically says "I agree, wanting out of my mortgage is flameful".

jesuisfatiguee

Sterling13 said:

tamarar5 said:

Can I have a second? My parents had a fire yesterday when a storm took out their power lines (just yard damage, their house is fine). My confession? How come we can't ever get storm damage that could get us out of this house!!!! We want to move so badly, but we are trapped by this house that is now WAY too small. My mortgage specifically states that we cannot ever rent the house, and that I must me the full time occupant. So unless I have $10gs to refinance, I'm stuck here. For the record: I really DON'T want anything to happen, we can't afford major repairs or damage. I just want to be able to move into something bigger and the housing market in my neighborhood is awful all of a sudden. We just had 3 houses go up as HUD sales in the last 6 months, and I'm afraid there are two more pending.

Dude, I think wishing for a house fire is pretty damn flameful. Wishing you could get out of your house if one thing, but via a house fire? Uh, no. Just no.

Sorry, but ISWYDT

ba-dum-tscchh

ally2011

Thank you! @kleigh, if you want my email, message me.

ally2011

I had cleaned up my online presence many years ago when working with human trafficking stuff, but have not in recent years and forgot how many places my email was. Duh. Thanks for the catch @byebyebooze.

ally2011

byebyebooze said:

Sterling13 said:

Wanting out of a mortgage is not flameful. You were obviously just venting. I am sorry for your situation, it does sound stressful!

Ermehgad, wanting out of a mortgage isn't flameful, but wanting out of it by way of a house fire is. I have no interest in flaming anyone over this because I know that's not really what she meant, it was just a really bad way to put things.

I was not responding to your post, I was responding to Tamara's which is directly above mine and specifically says "I agree, wanting out of my mortgage is flameful".

She can still respond to your post though. And of course wanting out of your mortgage isn't flameful. But even for a second thinking that a fire or disaster would be a good way to get out of your mortgage is ridiculous.

Of course she can....?  Anyone can respond to anything they want on the internet.  I read the tone of her post as implying that my comments were in response to her previous ones.  They weren't, which is why I clarified.  I suppose I should have quoted Tamara so that was more obvious, I figured it was clear since my post was directly below hers.  Anyway, moving on.

kelly321

Hey @JRomeH, happy EDD Hope things get moving soon!