PA schools, loans, life... and baby?

fancyfoodie

Hi there. I'm not usually one to do this kind of thing, but I'm feeling a bit stuck... I'm wondering what advice you all may offer!

I'm 25 and DH is 26. We've been married a little over a year, but we've know one another 9 years and we've been together 8. We started dating in high school, got engaged 5 years later, and here we are! I received my masters of education pretty recently, and now I'm starting my second year as a high school teacher. Hubs is currently working in a doctor's office. We are generally fine financially. We are paying off the loans from my masters, but I qualify for loan forgiveness in 10 years so I'm working towards that. H was initially planning on going to medical school, but has opted for PA school. He has a BS in Public Health and will be going back to school this fall to finish some pre-req courses to apply for to PA school. Within the next year or two, we will likely be relocating almost 3 hours away... assuming he does indeed get into PA school. We have some debt with my loans, but we know that there's plenty more where that is coming from with his career goals. While the loans are looming, knowing he'll make a solid salary upon graduation is reassuring.

Here the issue... I'm am baby crazy. I cannot explain it, but I am quite literally just aching to be a mom. I've always wanted kid, but I did not expect to be this baby crazy. My friends joke my ovaries glow when I am near a baby. It is bad! DH and I had agreed that we would wait until next summer to start trying, but we've opened up the idea of TTC pretty soon here. Now, all of the sudden, I'm torn. No matter how we slice it, we'll be in debt for a while. That is a fact of life with the career and education choices we've made. Waiting until next year seemed to make so much sense, but now I'm freaking out at the idea of being pregnant/giving birth/having a new born in a new city that is hours from our families. I know I'd figure it out, but having a baby before we moved feels "safer" to me. If we were to wait until he graduated and we paid off some debt, we'd be looking at kid right around or after 30. We've both agreed that is later than we'd like. In an ideal world, I'd have two kids by 30--maybe 31 or 32--and then we'd be done. Now that this is all becoming reality, I'm stressing...

A close friend just got pregnant and that added to the baby rabies. Another good friend just had a baby. The women I work with are all popping out off spring now too. It is babies everywhere! I cannot kick this yearning to have a baby. We haven't been married too long and we're on the younger side, however, we've known one another and been together so long I'm feeling okay with where we are. I'm good career wise, he is headed in that direction. We're settling down and doing well. I know babies change things and there is no going back. I'm feeling pressure from all sides. My in-laws are all about the babies (FIL has some health issues and isn't sure he'll be around to see grandkids grow up). My younger siblings are also eager for us to have kids. Heck, even my students are all about me having a baby! Some friends think it'd be great, others suggest waiting. A close friend thinks we'd be jumping the gun--she's expecting her first, is a bit younger than me, and has been married 4 years.

I know it comes down to my husband and me, but holy moly am I feeling frazzled by this whole things. I thought maybe I may have been pregnant this last cycle, but alas I am not. This isn't the first time I've thought I could be, but for some reason I was just so incredibly disappointed when my period arrived. My heart (and biological clock!) say go for it, my brains says you could wait, my husband would be find either way... PA school and a move is looming! Big life decisions and change are not my forte!

Has anyone been in a similar situation or have any wise words to share?

Thanks for getting through this wild rant/brain bleed! I haven't felt I could spill it all to anyone, so here I am!

Monicagail1

I was the same way early in our marriage. Our situation was a bit different, i was working and basically the sole income while my husband went to school FT (and amassed huge student loan debt). It actually created some resentment for me, as I felt like his educational/job decisions were limiting our ability to have a child. We ended up waiting a few more years. We have more money now, but we still struggle at times, as much with balancing our time as our checkbook.

Realistically if you wait for the "perfect" time it may never come. I think you have to shoot for the "good enough" time. Ultimately you'll have to figure that out for yourself. If you can currently handle the additional costs of a baby and have a good support system (your dh, extended family, friends) you have a good start IMO.

*edited to fix bump burp

sandrabrooke

For you, I totally see where your coming from.

I think if you can realistically afford the additionally costs of a baby, and have the emotional support you can be okay.

Loans can be detrimental, but I also feel like if your husband does something marketable like being a PA, it can be really good for your family long term.  My uncle, who has done crappy jobs for quite awhile went back to college and is now making 70k a year.  (much better than before).  Yeah, they have a bunch of debt, but its not too terrible.  Especially when they look at the long term results.  

Only you and your husband can decide, however.  But it can take awhile to get pregnant anyways so things will figure themselves out for you.  

heatherwhite1984

i can sort of relate with you.

dh and i both have degrees and work full time. we both went to private colleges and have large school loan debt. we also own a new home and new cars. the way we saw it, if we wait until we have no debt to have children, then we won't ever be able to have them. the way we can afford it is by really watching what we buy and having a supportive family (we don't ask them to do things, they just do).

so figure out if you can pay for them on your incomes, and go for it. not for anyone else who is saying for you to have children, but for yourselves.  

lifeonthehill

H and I are both ready now. Everyone around us asks all of the time. It is wearing on my mind and clouding my judgement but I keep reminding myself of our goals. I couldn't have kids with tons of debt. It personally stresses me out. I want to bring a child into this world with as little stress as possible and now is not the time.

I suggest making a list of things you each would ideally do before a baby is here and then figure out which of those things are the most important and start working on them. Our list includes things like going on another vacation, save up our insurance deductible, being debt free, saving a good down payment for a new car and getting me through enough college that I can finish my degree while being a stay at home mom. It was a 38 month plan and now we only have 23 to go. Your list may be different but this is just the way I keep my head on straight.

Good Luck!

paigeed

If you really are financially in order then what about just not trying not preventing. Loans are a fact of life anymore but if u can afford your payments and the lifestyle you live then you are probably in a good situation. No situation will be absolutely perfect unless all debt was already paid off but you never know when that could be.

Also if you choose to not try not prevent, then it's less pressure on the two of you if it doesn't happen right away.

urbancountrymommy

Your situation sounds so similar to what we just went through. DH and I are 28, HS sweethearts, and just went through this whole planning thing about working the baby around student teaching, and being out of debt, and traveling. I was so STRESSED out. The lovely ladies on this board helped tremendously!

I had a lot of the same responses for/ against having a baby now or later: "wait til you're out of debt", "student teaching will be too hard" "there will never be a perfect time"... What I realized is that as DH and I read through the responses, we were making our own arguments for it. "But we're making better money now than we ever will be as teachers", "but we have excellent health insurance now", "we don't want to just be starting TTC when we're 30". All of them valid reasons for some, not for others, but it helped us realize that for us, we already knew our answer, we were just scared. So our baby time line dropped from 1-2 yrs to 1-2 months. Our TTC start date will be in September!!

And wouldn't you know it, 1 month later our master's program cohort was cancelled (it's okay, we can finish it online), but if we had based it on around our schooling/career, then we'd be all in a tizzy again. That's just us though. Having these ladies as a sounding board has been so helpful. If you find yourself agreeing, awesome! Disagreeing? Well maybe deep down you already know your answer. Just my thoughts.

leela02

Your situation sounds fine if your loan debt isn't that much. My DH has a lot of student debt and he initially had low salary so we waited until his income was high enough so that making loan payments and living expenses are no longer a big issue. I'm in school to finish my BS and have smaller loans, but we pay most of my tuition out of pocket and we don't plan on borrowing any more. Fortunately I've also been able to get school jobs and internships to pay off good chunks of my debt. So we don't think my debt will be a major problem after I graduate. I don't know if it matters to your situation at all but the government is talking about capping the loan forgiveness amount to around $57K (for expensive graduate programs this is a very small amount), and there's been no confirmation whether it would apply to people who are already working toward forgiveness or new graduates only.

The only thing I would caution against is assuming financial situations that haven't happened yet like your husband getting a good salary out of school. My DH went to a top law school and some of his classmates didn't even have jobs right away and many were not paid much, but I don't know the market for PAs. I'm just saying anything can happen nowadays, education doesn't always give you immediate job security. I'm probably just a pretty cautious person but I'd rather plan around current finances and not factor in future expectations until they've actually materialized. Just my personal preference though.

babywatermelon

@fancyfoodie‌ We too are ttc, & are hoping we get a BFP so we can deliver here (in our home state where both our families are) and live in our house here for two (or three) years post baby and move down south in about three or four years. If it doesn't go according to plan it's not the end of the world to us- but if we could have it our way, that's how we'd want it! It would also break my mom's heart if I lived 12 hours away with a new born! (They plan on retiring and moving down south near us in about 5 years).

FX for you! ♡

littledaisies

My husband and I both have student loan debt and it's big. I'm a few years older than you but if we waited until we paid off our debt or made a significant dent,  we wouldn't be having kids into our late 40's or probably never. 

My husband qualifies for the 10 year loan forgiveness program and because we have a child his loan payments are significantly lower. Actually having a child helped us tremendously with his loans.  I don't qualify for that program but I'm able to manage loan payments, daycare, mortgage etc. No we don't live a luxurious life at all but we make it work. 

I'm not sure how long PA school is but will having a baby work for you guys while in school? 

dogperson11

I've only seen one other person bring up the fact that your husband will be a PA school student (assuming he gets in). Student debt aside, he's going to be tremendously busy. My best friend is a PA-C and I barely saw her for those 3 years. She literally had 1-2" thick binders to memorize every week. PA school is no joke, and that right there would make me decide to wait. You'll have a lot of lonely nights caring for a newborn / infant / toddler while your husband is studying.

You're young and have time. I know it's frustrating to have baby fever - I've been there and my husband was a student when we first got married (first 4 years actually). It was very stressful for both of us and I can't imagine having a baby and my husband having to miss out on all the milestones and fun stuff.