January 2015 Moms

Am I being overly sensitive ?

Okay so in a loving way, I pretty much do everything for DH. I clean, cook, even set out his clothes for the day. I don't mind because I like taking care of him because he works so hard & I'm a SAHM. I really don't ask for much besides doing the bottles due to my neasea going crazy because of the milk smell. Today I ask DH if he could please make me some eggs and toast. You know how he responds? Grab the eggs/butter, toast your own bread & since I'm cooking you got dishes right?
Never do I ask him to wash a dish after I cook. He's done the dishes maybe twice our whole relationship.

I got really upset and totally threw a tantrum. I just got up & told him he was a jerk & came to the room. I'm just laying here all butthurt over eggs. Then he comes in & tells me to stop being lazy cause we have to get the day started. I was hoping he had at least made me the eggs but no. Just came in & insulted me. I asked him to leave me alone, he starts wanting to tickle me, I'm like seriously just go away & I start tearing up. He starts telling me that I'm ridiculous because I'm crying from him tickling me.


Am I just being over sensitive or is DH been an ass?

Re: Am I being overly sensitive ?

  • edited July 2014
    That is pretty assish behavior for sure... but it almost seems like he wasn't clear that you were REALLY hurt by what he did? Did you communicate to him before you left how that made you feel? 

    Guys tend to be really bad at reading minds or even picking up hints I've discovered so you have to be clear with them most the time.

    Either way, yeah he was acting like an ass. I'd be hurt by those actions as well.  You're not oversensitive at all.... All I'm saying though is be clear to him about how what he did made you feel and why...if he still continues to dismiss it or be an ass, then yeah he's in full asshole territory at that point.

    Cat leg goes crazy and beats itself in the face

    image  image
  • Probably a little bit of both- which is understandable your feeling emotional (or so it seems) and want a little support. But maybe your feelings are clouded by the fact that you do everything and maybe feel under appreciated? That happens to me sometimes and I blow up at the wrong time which kind of belittles my real problem because all he sees is that I'm being ridiculous not that I'm feeling over whelmed or under appreciated...I'm sorry!
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  • banana2020banana2020 member
    edited July 2014
    YH is being an ass.

    Please don't take this the wrong way (and I'm new here and all so maybe I have no right to begin with but...)

    Any of my friends that all but wipe their H's arses tend to have H's that lose respect for just how hard it is to do it all.  And when they lose respect for the difficulty of it all, they come to expect everything to be done for them.  I watched it happen to a good friend of mine that married while MH and I were still dating and I thought to myself, "oh hell no."

    I'm not some "rah rah women rule" kind of person but I do believe in the division of labor in my home.  And if MH ever said that to me I think I'd take the eggs and shove them up his ass and tell him to scramble his next order himself.

    I do more "chores" than MH does just b/c he isn't a cook, isn't a great scrubber (he rocks the vacuum, though, and is extremely tidy), and grocery shopping and laundry aren't his thing (or, should I say, he doesn't do them how I like them done! ha!). BUT, he'll do anything I ask of him. ANYTHING. And he's a hard worker. And I'm a hard worker (FTM and FT job at 50+ hrs a week). Division of labor and mutual respect are not an option for either one of us.

    I'm so sorry he said that to you. It's not OK.
    DS #1  2/2010
    image
  • I wouldn't have been OK with the behavior. Also, I cry anytime my husband tickles me for more than 5 seconds. I can't handle it. I'd be pissed about the whole situation.
  • Once I'm more calm I'm going to have a sit down with him. It's naptime so the kids won't be running around & distracting us. I've brought it up before about how he can make me feel under appreciated sometimes but he says he always does but just doesn't know how to show it. Make me eggs asshole! Lol

    Idk I feel silly now but at the same time I don't feel like I was wrong.

    If anything I'm gunna cut off the royalty act and make him get his own damn clothes in the morning.
  • You're pregnant hon. And some days are more emotional than others. He should understand that.

    It sounds a bit like he just expects the normal things you do and is spoiled by it. I don't mean that rudely, just honestly. I'm sure you usually love doing all the things yourself and his reaction to your asking him for help is unfortunately predictable if you always do it all. Again, I don't mean to be rude. And his playfulness was an attempt to either make up for making you feel bad or distract you from your mood. Unfortunately some people don't apologize verbally very well but try to do so with actions.

    Calming down and expressing yourself rationally isn't always an option when something happens. When I have over, reacted pregnant or not, I wait until later even if it's after dinner or the next day to bring it back up without tears or emotions. Communication is key. I just express why I felt that way and a possible solution to both parties. Something like, "I will try to keep my pregnant hormones in mind when reacting to situations but I need you to understand that growing an other person can take more out of me than other days. Some days I will need your help for things I can normally do by myself. Not always, but this relationship is a give and take... and we both have to give and take.

    Don't loose your communication between you two. It's how you fell in love and it will get you through the tough times too.
  • TXUltraRunnerTXUltraRunner member
    edited July 2014
    I don't really have a comment for your situation but I feel like any time anyone feels compelled to ask the question if they are being overly sensitive, my gut instinct is to just answer yes without reading the thread. 


    ****************************************************
    TTC since August 2011 Me: 31 DH: 33
    May-September 2012: Monitored cycles with Letrozole
    October 2012: Cancelled IUI
    April 2014: IVF #1 w/ ICSI
    ER: 4/15 ET: 4/20 Beta #1 4/29: 54 Beta#2 5/1: 90 
    1st ultrasound: 5/13 (6w1d): HB 103 2nd Ultrasound: 5/22 (7w3d) HB 151
    *********************************************************

    image


  • I do not think you were being irrational.  However, that being said, I am going to defend your husband only so much as to say that it seems like he didn't understand what you got upset about.  I think talking to him when you are calmer is a great idea.  Note:  be careful with your words when you explain your feelings - make sure you tell him how you feel rather than what he does or doesn't do.  It makes a HUGE difference.  
    BFP #1 09/26/2013 EDD 06/04/2013 MMC 11/01/2013
    BFP #2 05/15/2014 EDD 01/24/2015

    Pregnancy Ticker


  • I think you should go away one weekend and leave him in charge. See how much work you do. I was gone just one evening and DH was all, "OMG what would I do with out you".
  • peggels24 said:
    I do not think you were being irrational.  However, that being said, I am going to defend your husband only so much as to say that it seems like he didn't understand what you got upset about.  I think talking to him when you are calmer is a great idea.  Note:  be careful with your words when you explain your feelings - make sure you tell him how you feel rather than what he does or doesn't do.  It makes a HUGE difference.  
    ITA with this, too.  You need to talk to him and have a mutually rational conversation (not when you're emotional and not when he's aloof about it all).  Coming to expect the royal treatment is no excuse for dishing back horrible treatment to you, though.  It's just not an equal trade at all. While he may come to not be so grateful for your kind treatment, he should never turn that into a reason to NOT treat you kindly or respectfully.  

    But it can be hard to see the rational side of it all when emotional. And while pregnant? FFS, forget it. All bets are off. The hormones are a b&tch.
    DS #1  2/2010
    image
  • I don't really have a comment for your situation but I feel like any time anyone feels compelled to ask the question if they are being overly sensitive, my gut instinct is to just answer yes without reading the thread. 

    Lol thanks for being honest.
  • Okay ladies. DH made me breakfast and apologized for being an ass. He said he "reflected" and said he didn't mean to be mean. And he offered to do dishes.

    Point for overly sensitive women everywhere !

    He's a good guy :) just a butt every now and then.
  • britb618 said:
    Probably a little bit of both- which is understandable your feeling emotional (or so it seems) and want a little support. But maybe your feelings are clouded by the fact that you do everything and maybe feel under appreciated? That happens to me sometimes and I blow up at the wrong time which kind of belittles my real problem because all he sees is that I'm being ridiculous not that I'm feeling over whelmed or under appreciated...I'm sorry!
    This!! Exactly my situation too.

    image

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  • Your husband is a selfish asshole who takes you for granted because he is used to you being his mother. Also, the tickling is abusive behavior, especially because you don't want that physical contact. It's his way of diminishing and demeaning you further by taking physical control of you to drown out your justified emotional distress. There would be some serious shit in my H acted like this.
    image
  • I don't think that you were being overly sensitive at all and I feel like he acted like an immature jerk. The tickling afterward is really kind of demeaning like you just need to be cheered up like a child. I don't blame you for being upset.
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