January 2015 Moms

Birth experience

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Re: Birth experience

  • najbnajb member
    I've taken labor and delivery/mat/child in nursing and learned a lot about how to facilitate labor just as a nurse..it was very client focused, and emphasized on the clients agency...I feel like you have time even with your nurse if you don't get a doula/midwife, to state what you would or would not like, and most nurses should be open to positions you would like, open to assessing you and giving you the option of an epidural etc...and if you have it written out you could read over it with them in the room too...in most cases you should have time before you're in full on labor and pushing..it does depend on your nurse too I guess which you don't necessarily get to choose, but if you have a doula or midwife in there with you you at least get to choose them...also you have months to go over your plan or ask questions of your obstetrician/midwife/doula who should be there with you during the birth which also gives you time to research, change your mind if needed, etc. I think it is important like many people have posted to understand that your plan is not set in stone if things get complicated as many things in labor and delivery are not in your control and the most important thing is yours and your baby's safety. With myself personally, even having been in nursing and seen women in labor still don't have an absolute birth plan. Ideally I would like to try doing it naturally, but of course won't know how I'll feel until I'm actually going through intense contractions and trying to give birth...so maybe in the moment I will have an epidural...I have no idea..basically my 'plan' is to go in with an open mind, try to do it naturally in the beginning, but in the end, I will do whatever helps keep my baby and myself safe.
  • I agree with PPs who said you should tour your local hospitals.  There are two in my area.  One was the big, cold, "baby factory" kind of place I think you are afraid of.  The other (the one I chose) is a small, intimate environment with LOTS of options around the birthing process.  The staff was amazing.  I felt well informed, supported and comfortable the entire time.  I knew on the tour that the smaller hospital felt right for me and my family.  Give your local hospitals a chance, you might be surprised.  And, if you still decide to go to the birthing center, you'll feel confident that you've evaluated all options and made the best decision for you.
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  • StargirlbStargirlb member
    edited July 2014
    jennkg3 said:
    FWIW, a lot of women end up at the hospital with a C-section when they started at the birth center. I shouldn't say a lot, but I know three and that seems like a lot. I certainly think THAT's a pretty horrible birth experience. Interview ob'sand midwives that do hospital births. You are always in control if you choose to be.
    Statistically, not the case. In the US, last time I checked the c-section rate for women in birth centres was around 5 percent. EMERGENCY transfers to the hospital are less than 2 percent.  Newborn mortality rate is the same. The national C section rate is over 30 percent now? 
  • StargirlbStargirlb member
    edited July 2014
    Even in low-risk pregnancies, where women are unlikely to need surgical deliveries, C-section rates varied fifteenfold from 2.4 percent to 36.5 percent in hospitals across the US! Say what, right? 

  • I agree with PPs who said you should tour your local hospitals.  There are two in my area.  One was the big, cold, "baby factory" kind of place I think you are afraid of.  The other (the one I chose) is a small, intimate environment with LOTS of options around the birthing process.  The staff was amazing.  I felt well informed, supported and comfortable the entire time.  I knew on the tour that the smaller hospital felt right for me and my family.  Give your local hospitals a chance, you might be surprised.  And, if you still decide to go to the birthing center, you'll feel confident that you've evaluated all options and made the best decision for you.
    totally agree. Tour multiple facilities if you aren't sure. I didn't even THINK about a homebirth with my first until halfway through my pregnancy and I went for the tour of our local hospital. The thought of giving birth there was beyond comprehension for me. I didn't know that until after I had gone through
    the place. Then I was like OH NO WHAT AM I GOING TO DO. lol
  • @stargrlb I did say that I thought I knew a lot. And no even from the people I know it wouldn't be 30% I know way more than 10 people who have had birth center births. I probably know closer to 50ish, but 3 outta 50 still doesn't make me feel good. I am not saying this is a statistic by any means at all. I'm not yahoo (referring of course to the other thread) I'm just saying that number seemed high and freaked me out. Also, a hospital transfer during labor sounds horrible. I had an accidental home birth and when dh was trying to get me in the car I out right was like there is no way in this much pain you are getting me in that car, so I imagine being in pain and scared and having to relocate sounds very terrifying to me.

    LOUD NOISES!

    K- born 7/5/2011

    G- born 6/24/2013

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  • Stargirlb said:

    So sorry :(


    This is why I love canada... our health system covers either an OB or a midwife for everybody, and midwives can birth at home or in hospitals. Homebirths with midwives in canada are safer than hospital births. (equally safe for babies, with better maternal outcomes.)  ALL our stats are better than America's. I loved my homebirth experiences. I hope you can figure out a way to get the kind of experience you want, whether it is at home, birth center, or hospital!
    You can get all of this in America too. Including great midwives who do home births or hospital births with great outcomes.
    America has a really great health care system too.

    America has one of the worst Heath care systems amongst all the developed countries. It ranks the highest in expenditure with the worst results and efficiency. Don't fly your stripes and stars too soon. https://time.com/2888403/u-s-health-care-ranked-worst-in-the-developed-world/

  • My birth plan was to have a healthy baby. I wanted to deliver vaginally, but due to a whole host of issues, I got a c section. I did yoga and hypnobirthing class, I worked closely with a friend who is a doula and a midwife but at the end of the day, it was most important to me to take home a healthy child--whatever it took.

    I agree with the posters above who said that they'd just plan to be flexible. I'm planning on a VBAC for this one, but I'm comfortable knowing that if I need a c section for a healthy child, I will get one.

    mm 2/17/11 * dd born 4/20/12 * bo 1/3/14 * edd 1/211/15 

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  • jennyhatt said:

    Stargirlb said:

    So sorry :(


    This is why I love canada... our health system covers either an OB or a midwife for everybody, and midwives can birth at home or in hospitals. Homebirths with midwives in canada are safer than hospital births. (equally safe for babies, with better maternal outcomes.)  ALL our stats are better than America's. I loved my homebirth experiences. I hope you can figure out a way to get the kind of experience you want, whether it is at home, birth center, or hospital!
    You can get all of this in America too. Including great midwives who do home births or hospital births with great outcomes.
    America has a really great health care system too.

    America has one of the worst Heath care systems amongst all the developed countries. It ranks the highest in expenditure with the worst results and efficiency. Don't fly your stripes and stars too soon. https://time.com/2888403/u-s-health-care-ranked-worst-in-the-developed-world/

    Oh FFS, Im not even going to read this. I'll fly my stars and stripes high.

    All I was saying is that you can in fact get a great birth experience in the United States with awesome obs and midwives, whether that's at home, a birth center, or in a hospital setting.

    And we really do have good health care. Anyone can go to Google and find a bad article on how shitty America's health care system is, just like anyone can Google and find an article about how good it is.
    Do I think it's the best? No. Do I think it can improve? Absolutely!
    Sure I think other countries have a better system, in fact I believe Germany is the best, but that's my own personal opinion.


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  • Stargirlb said:


    thompnia said:

    FWIW, where I worked in L&D, most of the patients with birth plans ended up getting a c section. They were usually very rigid plans with no room for minor interventions which could prevent the need for major ones later.

    My goal is to labor as naturally as possible. I really do not want to have a c section, but in a life or death situation I will have one.

    Strange how that happened in a hospital setting but it does not (statistically,) in a home setting. Many homebirthers do a birth plan of some sort and yet the c-section rate is lower compared to the general low-risk population. Wondering what factors could account for the difference.  Were they they high risk?

    This was just an in general observation that many nurses and providers agreed with; I have no numerical data. To be fair, our patient population was definitely not the healthiest. Majority of our patients are obese, have GD, and other issues. Many patients are also uneducated and have poor support systems (not saying its connected but commented on our population.)

    I think that many of these c sections were from failure to progress, which more often than not was embraced by the mother, if not suggested by her. Also there were several 'stat' sections - cord prolapses, late decels, etc.

    Personally, I would want to try every intervention possible before a c section. Many babies I saw had enough of a recovery in their strips from the room to the OR that if I were the patient I would want to attempt a vaginal delivery in the OR with the team on standby (I witnessed one of these successfully, one still proceeded to a section.)

    A nurse once told me that fetal monitoring has not decreased mortality rates. I'm curious to find a study that shows that. Often I've been in on a crash section and the baby had excellent apgars. One could argue that we got there in time; one could also argue that that baby would have recovered in utero.
  • jennyhatt said:

    Stargirlb said:

    So sorry :(


    This is why I love canada... our health system covers either an OB or a midwife for everybody, and midwives can birth at home or in hospitals. Homebirths with midwives in canada are safer than hospital births. (equally safe for babies, with better maternal outcomes.)  ALL our stats are better than America's. I loved my homebirth experiences. I hope you can figure out a way to get the kind of experience you want, whether it is at home, birth center, or hospital!
    You can get all of this in America too. Including great midwives who do home births or hospital births with great outcomes.
    America has a really great health care system too.

    America has one of the worst Heath care systems amongst all the developed countries. It ranks the highest in expenditure with the worst results and efficiency. Don't fly your stripes and stars too soon. https://time.com/2888403/u-s-health-care-ranked-worst-in-the-developed-world/

    Oh FFS, Im not even going to read this. I'll fly my stars and stripes high.

    All I was saying is that you can in fact get a great birth experience in the United States with awesome obs and midwives, whether that's at home, a birth center, or in a hospital setting.

    And we really do have good health care. Anyone can go to Google and find a bad article on how shitty America's health care system is, just like anyone can Google and find an article about how good it is.
    Do I think it's the best? No. Do I think it can improve? Absolutely!
    Sure I think other countries have a better system, in fact I believe Germany is the best, but that's my own personal opinion.


    And the original post by @stargirlb was how in Canada it is covered and insurance isn't a worry if you choose to have a midwife or doula. The US health care can be great (I am not commenting on their doctors or staff because that is case by case basis this is simply the system) IF you have cash or the insurance. In Canada you are still able to have a midwife or doula even if you work at A minimum wage job with zero insurance or benefits. We have flaws in our system too don't get me wrong but in this aspect it is better by far.
    The world health organization (not just some article on google) lists the US As number one in expenditure and number 37 in effectiveness. France being number one in effectiveness. This isn't opinion based either.
    Germany is 25th.

  • I have nothing against hospitals, OBs, C-sections or any woman's birth experience or choices. I know my post was emotional and I didn't explain myself better. I WILL do what is right for my baby. My quest for my perfect provider will continue. I have just spend so much of my young life thinking of how I want to bring my children earth side. I just have to realize that it will be perfect if I'm open and accepting. I will search for that provider weather it be OB or midwife and do my work to make sure they know me and I know them. I have specific wants with my child, labor and body. I love this little bean inside of me and will protect him or her. I value any woman that makes any choice to love and protect their child. We are all mommas.
  • mamijrmamijr member
    It's also like this in the US.
  • I don't mean to sound glib, but I really don't think people should stress so much about this. Don't overthink it.
    I only have one thing that I will not allow, and that's the use of the foreceps. My cousin has permanent brain damage by them being used on him, and it led to his mother (my aunt) almost dying from hemorrhaging which was determined to be caused by the doctor using them. While I know this is a relatively rare outcome of their use, I'm still against them.

    Other than that, this baby is coming out, one way or another.

    I'm with both of you! It's so much easier once you have been there to say don't stress though.

    LOUD NOISES!

    K- born 7/5/2011

    G- born 6/24/2013

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  • I had a very firm idea of the 'perfect' birth experience. I was so focused on things going 'perfectly' that I fell apart when exactly none of it went perfectly and I ended up being induced, getting an epi, and having an ER csection. That disappointment was a major contributing factor to my PPD, I believe.


    I encourage you to focus on the end product (healthy baby) and not be so completely consumed/focused with your quest for the perfect birth experience that if anything goes wrong you'll be more likely to end up like me, floudering with PPD and a newborn.

    That isn't to say I don't think you should have preferences, or attempt to chase what you want. Just that maybe you should attempt to go into the birthing experience with an open mind.
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  • BookitBoo said:
    I had a very firm idea of the 'perfect' birth experience. I was so focused on things going 'perfectly' that I fell apart when exactly none of it went perfectly and I ended up being induced, getting an epi, and having an ER csection. That disappointment was a major contributing factor to my PPD, I believe. I encourage you to focus on the end product (healthy baby) and not be so completely consumed/focused with your quest for the perfect birth experience that if anything goes wrong you'll be more likely to end up like me, floudering with PPD and a newborn. That isn't to say I don't think you should have preferences, or attempt to chase what you want. Just that maybe you should attempt to go into the birthing experience with an open mind.

    this is so true and so important.

    LOUD NOISES!

    K- born 7/5/2011

    G- born 6/24/2013

    image







  • Having had 7 babes now all in the hospital. I can say be flexible. My favourite birth was #3 my fastest birth was #5. My first birth...I was so wet behind the ears I went with what was suggested even tho I read all the books, attended classes, I still had no idea what I wanted. I just don't think you can know until you are in that place. I learned many things after birth #1 and subsequently I have learned what works best for myself and how to bring my babies into the world, quickly and safely. Good Luck with whatever you decide.
    Still immune to tickers. Polite Canadian 99% of the time. SAHM of 7 soon to be 8. I read more than I post.
  • nah82nah82 member
    I kept having this recurring nightmare where I'd wake up combing through the sheets, convinced I had fallen asleep and he was either smothered in the sheets or dropped on the floor. I mean, I would be drenched in sweat, frantically pawing through everything, half awake - freaking out, saying "WHERE IS CALVIN?!" (When in reality he was asleep in his crib.)
    I did the EXACT same thing!
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  • MaebbMaebb member
    Cbeanz said:



    @maizerae‌ Your use of the word "perfect" is a bit concerning. You cannot control birth, period. There are no amount of bath tubs, music, lighting, or an OB or midwife that can give you a perfect birth. You might practice hypnobirthing for months, eat the Brewer's diet, reject pain meds, etc, but if your baby has heart decels, CPD, cord prolapse, is malpositioned, etc, there's nothing you can do about it.  

    Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe your first birth will be in January and you are speaking from inexperience.

    There is nothing quite as infuriating as hearing a woman tell a complete stranger that she has no control over her own body and birth experience.  The fact is that most women will have virtually as much control as they want over their body and birth.

    As fellow women, it's our responsibility to encourage and empower each other to have the birth experience we choose.  It's not productive to propagate this culture of self-doubt and tell women to prepare for the worst because they have "no control" over what will happen.  Childbirth is psychological and the best thing we can do is mentally prepare for a great outcome - not spend 9 months in fear, getting psyched up for some worst-case scenario.



    ________

    I've had a baby, and I can speak from experience when I say that there will likely be elements of the birth that are out of your control. I'm sure there are moms with 16 kids who would say the same thing. Sure, you can choose how to respond to it, and you have some control over your body (not always as much control as you want). Can you willfully keep yourself from ever blinking, sneezing, or getting hiccups? No.

    There is a balance. Fear-mongering and imagining the worst possible birth scenario are probably not productive, but it is good to be prepared, and it is good to realize that even if you put together what is your perfect birth plan in your head, things may not go that way when you have the baby. You may have to adjust your plan and approach, and that's ok.
  • Childbirth is psychological? Wut?
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  • NatureLoversNatureLovers member
    edited July 2014
    Cbeanz said:



    @maizerae‌ Your use of the word "perfect" is a bit concerning. You cannot control birth, period. There are no amount of bath tubs, music, lighting, or an OB or midwife that can give you a perfect birth. You might practice hypnobirthing for months, eat the Brewer's diet, reject pain meds, etc, but if your baby has heart decels, CPD, cord prolapse, is malpositioned, etc, there's nothing you can do about it.  

    Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe your first birth will be in January and you are speaking from inexperience.

    There is nothing quite as infuriating as hearing a woman tell a complete stranger that she has no control over her own body and birth experience.  The fact is that most women will have virtually as much control as they want over their body and birth.

    As fellow women, it's our responsibility to encourage and empower each other to have the birth experience we choose.  It's not productive to propagate this culture of self-doubt and tell women to prepare for the worst because they have "no control" over what will happen.  Childbirth is psychological and the best thing we can do is mentally prepare for a great outcome - not spend 9 months in fear, getting psyched up for some worst-case scenario.




    …......................

    I'd love to correct you point by point, but what you've written is such preposterous nonsense it's not worth a serious rebuttal. Birth does not go a certain way based on your mindset. There are no birth affirmations in the world that can correct issues like CPD or cord prolapse, and your assertion to the contrary is dangerous and irresponsible. Women have very little control over birth, no matter how much you'd like to prerend otherwise. And blaming women for less than optimal birth outcomes by claiming that you can achieve the perfect birth
    by having the right mindset is utter bullshit.

    ETA: If your assertion is true, I could cure my HG by simply telling myself that I'm not nauseated and vomiting. Whut?
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  • StargirlbStargirlb member
    edited July 2014
    I've given birth twice and I am glad I went for what I wanted.... both times. I am extremely willful and strong-minded and usually that serves me well, in terms of how I feel and cope after I experience things. I didn't "plan" to tear after the birth of my first child and require stitched, but I did, and dealt with that. It was an unassisted birth because I did not even know I wanted to give birth at home until over halfway through my pregnancy. At that point, it was too late to get a midwife. When I tore, it meant going to the hospital a couple hours after birth to get stitched up. I was furious about how they treated me at the hospital, but I am not one to have regrets or feel badly about things, I just deal with the situation and move on. Next pregnancy, I knew from the start how/where I wanted to birth, and booked my midwives immediately. When I tore that time around, they took care of it. I also had a doula there for labor (since I didn't want my midwives present until the delivery,) and that was an extremely helpful experience and labor was so much easier with her support helping me to breath, relax, and do various yoga postures. (She was also my prenatal yoga teacher.) Both my birth experiences were what I wanted.  I learned things both times that I will apply to preparing for my third. 

    You can influence outcomes through your choices. If you are comfortable showing up at the hospital and going with the flow under the management of your OB until the end, great, your outcome will likely be in line, statistically, with the rest of the outcomes there on average.

     If you are uneasy/uncomfortable with ANY aspect of the experience or how things will go, then don't swallow and silence those feelings. I strongly believe in confronting those feelings and working through them to the root to see where they come from and why you are feeling that way. For me, the sense of panic that came from my hospital tour the first time around was from knowing that the way my birth would be managed there and the options available to me in that environment meant that the experience I wanted would be an uphill battle if not completely impossible. My OB replied to my 'birth plan' in the dismissive way that is fairly commonly seen-- he said, in a patronizing old man voice, to not try to be a hero, just get the baby out safely. I wanted to tell him to fuck off. I never saw him again.

     I am not scared of giving birth, so my thoughts and considerations about it do not hinge on "get baby out quick as possible without me or baby dying." My view of my own experience is more nuanced. I understand the risks, and I also understand myself. I am not afraid of doing things the way I want to, which includes being able to handle it when curve balls are thrown my way.

    You can say you will just 'go with the flow' and we all do that to some extent once we are in labor, but most of us do have choices we make beforehand that will influence that flow. 

    If you choose an environment that is hostile to your needs, like say you want a completely natural dimly lit birth, yet plan that to be in a hospital with a 35 percent c-section rate, 85 percent epidural rate, with a doctor who is eye-rolling the birth plan, then yes, handing him a 3 page single spaced narrative of how you want things to go in the dark with candles and music is naive and you are sadly set up to be very disappointed. But you could have predicted that and made different choices. Either, abandon what you "want" and go with the flow of that hospital/doctor and accept being one of their statistics without disappointed of trying to 'beat' the statistics, or find an environment and care provider that actually routinely delivers the experience you are after. Or somewhere in between. This is just one small example of the immense variation and options that do exist, and the ways in which our choices can influence both our experience and the outcomes. 



  • Is that to me? My aversion to the hospital birth is personal. I know tons of people feel comfortable there and would be freaking out at home. Sorry if I wasn't clear enough about this.
  • meh if i wasn't in a hospital i would have died 100%. 

    Everyones going to have a different experience. Try to get what you want voiced and out there to the people who will be at your birth, then go with the flow.


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  • namcgee said:
    I kept having this recurring nightmare where I'd wake up combing through the sheets, convinced I had fallen asleep and he was either smothered in the sheets or dropped on the floor. I mean, I would be drenched in sweat, frantically pawing through everything, half awake - freaking out, saying "WHERE IS CALVIN?!" (When in reality he was asleep in his crib.)
    I did the EXACT same thing!
    I think it's pretty common! A bunch of ladies in my first BMB had the same experience!!
    At our house, it was DH who did this. When DD woke up overnight, I'd nurse her, then he'd be responsible for changing her and putting her back to sleep in the crib (which was in our room). He woke me up frantically searching through the bed at least four or five times.
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  • On hospitals and healthcare:
    I will definitely go to a hospital, no question. No reason to add any unnecessary risk. However, I am very comfortable advocating for what I want so I am not worried about being pushed into unwanted interventions/procedures.
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