September 2014 Moms

NBR: Losing Job, Advice Needed

So, I briefly posted about this in the Monday thread...but my position is being eliminated. My manager told me last week but couldn't give me any details. Today I learned a little more: I'll be given 21 days notice of the official date and I will be qualified for some sort of severance. My manager seems to think it'll happen sometime in September or October, but no one knows for sure so it's just a waiting game at this point. I told DH when I found out and he rightfully started freaking out. Originally, I was thinking about going back to my part time position for a little while so we could go without day care...but now that's out of the question and we'll be loosing about $1000/month in income. The hardest part about this is we can't plan since we don't have a date and I can't put a lot of money away b/c I'm paying my student loans and my car loan.
Today, DH texted me and asked if we were telling anyone that I was losing my job. I thought it was kind of weird...I mean...I just found out about it and I don't want to broadcast it. Also, it's really stressful for me to talk about since we don't know what will be happening; and I know that if we go telling family, then they'll ask 50 million questions about it that I just don't feel like answering. I asked DH why he was asking and he said that we've been telling people that I'm taking 6 weeks off and am planning to work right up until labor, but for all we know, I'll be unemployed before that. I told him that we'd talk about it when he got home...but I don't understand his need to tell people right away. It's personal and still very much up in the air. We don't know WHEN I'll be out of a job and it could be while I'm out on maternity leave. We also don't know what kind of severance I'll be getting. I also don't want the pity party...or have to give people updates whenever they ask. 
I guess my question is, am I being unreasonable about not wanted to tell people just yet? Am I making this out to be bigger than it really is? TIA for the advice, ladies :-)
{Me:27, Dx:PCOS, LPD, & rob(14;15)}
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Re: NBR: Losing Job, Advice Needed

  • Do whatever is going to stress you less IMO . If people are going to be asking a million questions you don't want to answer (or can't answer) then I would wait. I am so so so sorry you are going through this but also sorry about the timing :(
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  • I think you are already in the 3rd tri with a plethora of impending thoughts that can potentially bog down your brain.  Having said that, I think it's a personal matter and there is no reason to go telling everyone about your personal business unless you WANT to. The timing is crazy to begin with so the only thing I can offer is my own opinion - and if it were me - I wouldn't be broadcasting it so that you get an influx of "ZOMGGGG, what are you gonna do now???" type questions flung at you in the last weeks of your pregnancy when you are dealing with enough already.  So sorry this is happening to you.  :(
                                                                                      
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  • Maybe DH is trying to get the word out so you can find another job opportunity.  I agree with PP, don't do anything that is going to make an already stressful situation worse.  DH should be understanding to what you are going through so tell him what will be best for you.

    Sorry you are going through this.  I hope you get to know more soon so you aren't hanging out there for to long.

    What were you going to do for maternity leave?  Sounds like you work for a larger organization it would be worth speaking to HR about what your options are especially this close to having to go on leave.

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  • So sorry. The timing really bites. Don't feel pressured to tell everyone you know until you've had time to process and talk about what your plans are with your husband. It's so hard having to make changes like this when it's not your decision. Good luck and tell people when you are ready, if you even want to. Fingers crossed something better is around the corner for you!
  • I don't think you are being unreasonable, and it's really no one else's business. The most important think is to stay calm, b/c this is an unfortunate situation, but it doesn't seem to be anything you have control over. I think secondly, you need a good game plan. It's probably going to be tough trying to apply for jobs at this point. I would try to focus on finishing up strong and just make a decision that you will focus on the baby and think about starting to apply for jobs a few weeks or a month after the baby is born. Most student loans will actually give you a pause period for lay-offs (I believe it's up to 3 years total), so maybe look into that option for some temporary relief.

    You will definitely find a new job, and in the meantime, I would just focus on LO even if it means being a bit cash strapped for the next few months.

    Have you considered trying to babysit/nanny while you are home with LO? Even a few days a week would provide some income.

    Good luck and hope everything works out.

  • @bethybeach DH isn't in the same industry as I am and has zero connections outside of his littel bubble. My plans for maternity leave were to take my PTO (6-7 weeks) since I don't qualify for FMLA or disability.

    @mrsg914 They are in forbearance right now, but I've been making payments on the interest plus a little extra to pay down the principle. DH is really adamant about making payments even though nothing is technically due...he doesn't want to dig a bigger hole.

    @ivorytower2 This is my first child...and I have no idea what I'm doing...let alone taking care of someone else's children. I don't think I'd be able to take care of my baby along with someone else's and not feel completely overwhelmed.
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  • Ugh...sorry you are in this position.  I cant even imagine the stress.

    Your DH could have been asking because hes worried about money and wants to see if friends/family would offer to help if you guys absolutly needed it.  Also he could be thinking it could be a good way to network, if people know you are going to be out of work and they know of a position that youd be a good fit for they can put in a good word for you.

    I dont think its being unreasonable to not want to tell anyone.  Id just have a conversation with your DH and let him know that this is so new and you havent even had time to process it and come to terms with it yet, so you sort of just want a little time to digest it a bit before telling everyone.
    DH and I Married 11.12.10
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  • I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I got laid off in late 2012 and was the sole income for DH and I. I remember this stress, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Like you, I wanted to play it quiet until I had a game plan, so that's what we did.

    I would see about getting your student loans in forbearance if possible when you lose the job/LO arrives, that will help with the burden. I'd also be strong at work during these awkward end times. Working with your chin up despite being knocked down will make you feel better and look better to other employers. Try to avoid burning bridges, but it will be hard. It's going to be stressful but I would already start shaking the networking tree, tell them you are looking for a new opportunity after you return from Maternity leave. Sign up for all of the public service plans you qualify for. Even if it's just a little bit, that little bit is there to help people like you who fall on hard luck until you get back on your feet. I hated applying for unemployment and food stamps, but it saved us. I will ALWAYS be grateful that we had that to fall back on. We would have lost the house and stopped being able to pay our heat/water bills if it weren't for the extra help we got there.

    My last piece of advice, make sure if you're feeling like you just need to collapse and have a bad day that you let yourself have it. It's going to take a lot of fight to push yourself through all of this and letting yourself have an occasional "this is BS it's not fair and I need to cry about it." day is totally legit. It is BS, and it's not your fault. 

    Keep us posted, and good luck!
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  • Maybe your husband thinks by telling family and friends , they might provide some support which would make him feel better in order to help relieve your stress as well? That's the only thing I can think of, like if something stressful happens to me it's kind of therapeutic for me to vent to my mom or sister you know?

    But of course if you don't feel comfortable sharing the info then that is totally justified. I can agree with not wanting to be faced with all sorts of questions that might induce even more stress.

    I'm sorry you are dealing with this, we're surviving on one income with student loans looming as well. I would suggest contacting your loan service and attempting to defer payments due to loss of job if that can help you in any way. Good luck!
  • So sorry about the timing of all this and that this is happening to you! I don't think you're being unreasonable at all wanting to keep it to yourself. Seems like DH is just trying to think ahead of what to say to people. Could be that thinking about that is something he can control, versus you losing your job which he can't.

    Just sit down and talk to him about your feelings of telling people. I'm sure he'll understand. 
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  • @brittneyandadam‌ Ya, completely understand. I had a long conversation with my student loan provider a few weeks ago, and in addition to deferment for unemployment, he also mentioned something about medical circumstances and that the govt. would actually pay the interest on the loans for XX period of time. I asked him if pregnancy and having a newborn qualified and he said it could, but it's something you need to apply for. He actually recommended that I consider using that benefit to save and then make a big payment at the end of my leave. I'm sure you don't need more on your to-do list, but just in case you wanted to try.
  • Sound like you still have some time to figure things out financially.  It is good that they will give you 3 weeks notice and a severance, hopefully the timing will line up with when you'd be out anyways.  They are required to pay out your accrued PTO at termination so that is also good and will hopefully get you through those first weeks and with severance, hopefully another couple months.  Are you on DH's insurance?  Hopefully with PTO and the severance you will be ok through your "Mat leave" and can use that time to be on the hunt for another job.  There is also always unemployment when other avenues run out.  Big hugs.
    JeremiahsBabe really hit on some things i was going to point out. i hope the combination of severance and their paying out your PTO can get you farther than you think. the lack of clarity in the timing is stressful, but at the same time, knowing farther in advance (as opposed to just getting a pink slip on a friday out of the blue) does give you time to mentally prepare and to start job hunting or networking. try to network all you can and ask around while you are still in your current position. keep those doors open, even if it is hard.

    i don't think it is at all unreasonable to not want to tell other people at this point. perhaps you should ask your DH why he wants to tell, and make it clear the reasons why you do not. maybe he is just hoping for some support for you.

    i'll be thinking of you and hope you get the support and help you need. take each day as it comes and don't be afraid to have some bad days due to the stress. good luck...
                          
                                       Met: September 2005  Married: October 2008   DS: 09/2014
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  • I'm so sorry, talk about bad timing! I completely understand, I wouldn't tell anyone either if it's just going to make the situation more stressful.

    My DH was laid off in May, and of course we were both starting to panic. We bought our first house in January and a LO on the way. He only told his parents, and I told my best friend. I knew our families would just freak out so I didn't want to say anything because it would in turn stress us out even more. Luckily, DH was able to find something else quickly and started working about 1.5-2 weeks later. I hope you have a happy ending as well. Sending good luck vibes your way.
  • I don't think you are being unreasonable. I think if I was in your situation, I'd feel the same way. Sorry you are going through this and I hope things get better.
    Me 29 DH 30 Unexplained IF TTC since wedding May 2012. IUI #1 11/5/13-BFN.  IUI #2 12/5/13-BFN. IUI #3-12/30/14. All three with Femara CD 3-7 and Ovidrel trigger. +HPT 1/13/14 First +ever!!! Beta #1 195 Beta #2 1/15-533. Ultrasound on 2/4 showed one bean. EDD 9/22/14. Team Green turned Team Blue-Baby Conner arrived on 9/19/14.



  • I am sorry you are going through this. I don't think being unreasonable about not telling people.

    I am going through something similar. My DH received a job promotion and transfer, which will bring us closer to my family. We were hoping that my company would let me work remotely but we found out this afternoon that it's not going to happen. I am freaking out about not having a job anymore. We planned to cover my pay when I was on leave since I get no maternity benefits. But we did not except to have an extra 6-8 weeks without my income. So we now have to figure out how long I will stay here alone, while my husband moves without me.

    I have not told anyone at work, other than my boss, that I will be leaving. Maybe knowing the exact date I will be leaving will help but I am having a really hard time coping with it.

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  • As others have said I would do what is going to stress you out the least. Talk your concerns out with your DH. Hopefully he understands. I am so very sorry you're going through this right now @brittneyandadam
  • ((Hugs)) I'm sorry you're going through this. I think everyone else had some really good advice. I hope everything works out for you!!

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  • PP have offered great advice; in the end, do whatever is less stressful to you. Giving yourself some time and figuring things out before letting people know sounds like a good plan, unless they can be of some good help and support to you. It's still very fresh. I hope it all works out ok!
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  • I'm so sorry. I don't think it's unreasonable to want to take some time to figure things out before you start to broadcast it. Tell people if you want, when you want. 
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  • I am so sorry you are dealing with this. My T&P are with you

    Married DH 3/14/09

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  • Agree with all the pp who said that telling people should be on your schedule. If there's anyone you could network with in the mean time, I would tell them. I'm sorry you have to go through this :(

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