Not sure what to do..

crene84

I have been a SAHM ever since DD was born, so almost 2 years.  Before that I was working full-time in a fairly high paying job and even though I haven't always liked my jobs, I like working outside the home.  I felt privileged to be able to be a SAHM since I know this time with our LOs goes by so fast and day care is so expensive anyhow.  Now that I have 2, and am nursing one, it especially makes sense.

But sometimes I think that maybe I don't want to be a SAHM anymore.  I feel bad saying that, but I know a lot of you are working moms.  Some days I just feel like my patience has completely run out and I'm not doing the right things.  I know we all feel that way sometimes.

If I did go back to work, we'd have to find child care. I'd prefer someone to come to my house, so I don't know what kind of costs we're looking at.  And it would be hard for me to find someone I trust.  Also, instead of going back to what I used to do, I plan to pursue real estate (I got my broker's license a few years ago)...so I wouldn't be making much money in the beginning..maybe not for a while depending on the economy around here.

Realistically it probably doesn't make much sense for me to go back to work, but I really feel like I'm losing my mind...DH offers for me to go out and do stuff, but I don't have any family around here, or my friends from back home.. I have some good friends here but most are so busy with their own lives...maybe a little break would be enough but it's hard to get away with the kids so young in age..

MarisaKathleen

I would tell you to take a class--something you enjoy, not something like Quick Books or what not.  :-)  That way you're guaranteed to be able to get out of the house.  Or could you find a job just doing something you want to a few hours a week?  

I would love to take a pastry class at our local college.  A full 16wk semester long course exploring the wonderful world of pastries, pies and other delicious treats I'm too intimidated to attempt from scratch. :-)

MommaP12

That's a tough one and even though I'm not SAHM mom I feel you - I think I'd go crazy too.

If you go back into real estate, would you need full time daycare?  If you won't be making a lot, or even enough to cover daycare maybe you could dip your toe into it at night/on weekends until you build up clientele and then move to full time and hire the nanny?

Or, if you don't need to work for financial reasons and again, the daycare cost isn't worth it, could you get a part time job that's just one or 2 nights a week to get you out of the house but DH could take care of the kids?   Have you looked for Meet Ups or other groups related to things you're involved in (book clubs, knitting clubs, etc.).

LyndseylovesHugh

I don't personally think money is the only reason to SAH or not. Even if you spend your entire salary on child care it is worth it if you want to work outside of the house. You have done it for two years now and if you are feeling this way I think that is a really good indication that it is probably best for you to go back to work. Your feelings matter too!

I SAH and am thankful I am able to, but I miss working and having adult interactions every day that don't revolve around my kid. I have always, and still do, plan on going back to work once my youngest is a year or so old, and I will do that regardless of how much I take home after day care.

MommaP12

LyndseylovesHugh said:

I don't personally think money is the only reason to SAH or not. Even if you spend your entire salary on child care it is worth it if you want to work outside of the house. You have done it for two years now and if you are feeling this way I think that is a really good indication that it is probably best for you to go back to work. Your feelings matter too! I SAH and am thankful I am able to, but I miss working and having adult interactions every day that don't revolve around my kid. I have always, and still do, plan on going back to work once my youngest is a year or so old, and I will do that regardless of how much I take home after day care.

I by no means meant to speak only to the financial implications and agree your feelings matter for sure.  I was just looking at it from a more practical left brained stand point.  You definitely need to listen to your heart and be happy no matter what.

LyndseylovesHugh

MommaP12 said:

LyndseylovesHugh said:

I don't personally think money is the only reason to SAH or not. Even if you spend your entire salary on child care it is worth it if you want to work outside of the house. You have done it for two years now and if you are feeling this way I think that is a really good indication that it is probably best for you to go back to work. Your feelings matter too!

I SAH and am thankful I am able to, but I miss working and having adult interactions every day that don't revolve around my kid. I have always, and still do, plan on going back to work once my youngest is a year or so old, and I will do that regardless of how much I take home after day care.

I by no means meant to speak only to the financial implications and agree your feelings matter for sure.  I was just looking at it from a more practical left brained stand point.  You definitely need to listen to your heart and be happy no matter what.

Oh I know! I just wanted to give another perspective because I think that people (in general, not just you) tend to focus on the financial aspect of SAH or not. And that's a huge part of it, but I think SAHMs sometimes forget that it's not all that matters.

watercolor5

I SAH, and I would lose my mind if it weren't for connecting to other SAHMs.  Have you looked into finding a moms group?  I do MOPS once a week (during the school year) and just having two hours of someone else watching my kids while I get encouragement from other moms of young LOs is a huge help.  Plus, there's always amazing food there.

I also have a moms group that just meets at a local chick fila each friday so our kids can play on the play equipment and we can talk.  In the summer, we do park hoppers.

I don't think anyone can SAH sanely without connecting to other adults- it makes me a better mom to have that support.  Not to say that working isn't the answer for you, just another thing to think about if you decide to keep SAH.

ETA: A mother's day out program at a local preschool might be another option to give you a little time to connect with other adults or pursue some non-kid realted interests like getting your real estate license.

OceanLover26

MarisaKathleen said:

I would tell you to take a class--something you enjoy, not something like Quick Books or what not.  :-)  That way you're guaranteed to be able to get out of the house.  Or could you find a job just doing something you want to a few hours a week?  

I would love to take a pastry class at our local college.  A full 16wk semester long course exploring the wonderful world of pastries, pies and other delicious treats I'm too intimidated to attempt from scratch. :-)

@MarisaKathleen where would one take a class on Quick books?

Hyaline

After DD was born, I was a SAHM.  Partially because DH and I thought that was what we wanted, partially because we had just moved for his job and I didn't have a job to leave when DD was born.  When she was about a year, after months of wrestling with the question, I decided to pursue going back to work.

I immediately felt happier, to be honest.

I love being with DD and I love our time together, but I also love working.  I think I had to accept that about myself--I thrive on work, and I get satisfaction from the work I do that I simply do not and can not get from being a SAHM.  That's me--not everyone!

I now work part-time.  My salary is not part of our budget--it covers DD's childcare (she's in a center that she loves--she thrives on being around other kids) and the extra goes toward building savings and paying down our mortgage sooner.  Rethinking what work meant--that I didn't have to be raking in a huge salary, that I didn't have to work full-time, even that I didn't need to pursue a career-ladder-oriented position like I had before--made a huge difference.  I'm doing a job I love for now and the balance of work and home life is much better for me.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you it's normal to face these questions and you should pursue what will fulfill you.  I literally had to keep telling myself "You deserve to pursue the life you want" when I was making the choice to job-search.

OceanLover26

I can commiserate with this 100%.  It has been difficult for me being a SAHM at times.  It is up and down where some weeks are easier than others.  I know overall it is the best thing for our situation right now but I am completely ready to get back into the work world.  I would suggest like others mentioned you getting involved in something that will get you away for a little bit.  Something that you like and that you can look forward to.  However, I also wouldn't begrudge you getting back to work like you want to, even a lot of what you make does go to child care.  I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to work.  Just go with your heart and what you would like to do most that makes you happy!

MarisaKathleen

OceanLover26 said:

MarisaKathleen said:

I would tell you to take a class--something you enjoy, not something like Quick Books or what not.  :-)  That way you're guaranteed to be able to get out of the house.  Or could you find a job just doing something you want to a few hours a week?  

I would love to take a pastry class at our local college.  A full 16wk semester long course exploring the wonderful world of pastries, pies and other delicious treats I'm too intimidated to attempt from scratch. :-)

@MarisaKathleen where would one take a class on Quick books?

@OceanLover26, Pretty much any community college will have it....there's even a couple tax firms in my area that offer it!

crene84

Thanks everyone.  I know I need to get out more but up until very recently, DS was nursing constantly and DD is insane with getting into everything..so though I know other moms will definitely help, it'd be tough to get out of the house with the two of them regularly.  

And between their nap schedules, which currently rotate, there is little time during the day to get out. The last thing I want is go skip naps and have them be even fussier!

Guess I just need to think things over a little more.  Oh and luckily for me, money doesn't matter..so it's really just about what I think will make me happy. 

hmp1

Since you already have your license, and can easily start up again, I would focus on finding on call childcare. Since you think you will have problems with trusting someone, have them be a mother's helper in your home until you have that comfort level to leave more and more until you can work the hours needed.

kelbel527

I didn't get a chance to read everyone else's responses, but I read an article that has really stuck with me over time.  (I'm sure this wasn't a highly scientific study, but it's something that resonated with me).  Part-time moms are happier than working moms and SAHMs.  They get the best of both worlds.

I love working, I've never thought twice about being home with my kids.  I know that they're learning so much at daycare and we do a ton of fun things with them when we are together and make the most of the time we have.  Lately, things have been really hard at work and now I'm getting very little time with my kids.  That's when being a working mom doesn't really feel worth it.  

I think finding something you like and can do part time would be a great balance if you think you are missing something and find working will bring that.

GL with your decision!