January 2014 Moms

Am I being too picky? Long...

Chelsea33833Chelsea33833 member
edited July 2014 in January 2014 Moms
I had to take LO to the in-home daycare that he would be at full time when school starts back. He has gone just on Mondays from April-June. There have been multiple little things that I found strange but two big ones that I just can't get past. She sent me a picture of him sleeping face down on her living room floor and told me he cried (hard) himself to sleep. When I told her we do not let him do that ever, she told me that he was training me, he is learning to self-soothe etc. He is only 5 months old, too young for that and also, why the hell is he face down on her disgusting floor? Secondly, I sent bananas with him for lunch, about 6-7 oz of breastmilk and some formula for backup. When I got home from my second job that night I noticed that the formula had never been opened (brand new sealed container) and there was a half empty stage 2 sweet potatoes in his lunch box. SO and LO had stopped by my work to see me and I noticed he had spit up something orangish but I didn't really think about it. So she fed him something I didn't send and he has never had sweet potatoes before. Not a super big deal since he is alright but it could've been if he was allergic. She should pay more attention to what I ask her to feed him. But there's more... Babies fall asleep in the swing and she admitted to my mom that she just tells parents that they just fell asleep no matter how long they have been in there. LO came home one day with black dog hair in his poopy diaper. I asked about this because she has a black dog and she said yes, he was chewing on the rug- he has been chewing on everything." Ugh!!!! She is condescending in her tone with me telling me what he should be eating and how I should be putting him down for naps. I assume this is because I am younger than her and a first time mom. I am 31 with common sense and I research everything baby. If I need your advice, I'll ask. Looking at new daycares in panic mode now but am I asking too much for her to rock him to sleep and feed him what I send for him to eat?
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Re: Am I being too picky? Long...

  • image This is the pic she sent me... It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about other kids running around him kicking him or dropping something on him or him just crying until he passes out.
  • Let me start by saying that after 3 I feel like I've become really laid back about a lot of things with my kids...but this stuff isn't something I'd be ok with.

    Crying hard right in front of her to the point where he fell asleep....what was she doing that she couldn't pick him up? I think that's crazy! Don't get me wrong sometimes things come up and babies need to cry a bit but I'd probably be asking questions as to why he had to cry so hard that he fell asleep on the carpet. The center daycare where my kids go for drop ins has us fill out info on our baby so they can do their best to mimic what we do at home. Personally that would not fly with me at all, and if she truly let him CIO on the floor and he finally fell asleep I don't think I could trust her again. But clearly she didn't think she did anything wrong bc she sent you a pic about it.

    There have been times, when my kids went to a center daycare, that during pick up or drop off infants would be napping in the swing, that never really bothered me...I'd rather they nap somewhere vs not at all.

    The dog hair thing is gross, but is it possible that during a diaper change the hair got in there? That happened at my good friends house, it was more than just a hair and I was so grossed out I went and washed dd's butt off in the bathroom sink!

    I hope you can find someone else if she's not working out for you!



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  • It's so strange because she sends me pics and texts all day so she isn't trying to hide any of this. She is just apparently WAY more laid back than I am and I'm pretty easy going. This particular day that he cried himself to sleep (at least three times) she only had one other kid there. She normally has five. She could've held him or at least let him cry in the pack and play away from other kids. It was a bunch of dog hair like he was chewing on the dog. A lot. So gross. I mean he is fine but it's just disgusting. I just don't want to look back later knowing I should've moved him to another place.
  • edited July 2014
    I regret not switching care for my first sooner than what I did. I'm pretty sure she kept him in his car seat most of the day. She didn't even know when he started walking (he skipped crawling) and I kept wondering how could she not know, he fusses and cries to get help standing up so he can walk so what were you doing all day!!

    Crying to sleep at least 3x is absurd! That's not laid back, that's lazy or maybe even negligent. IMO that is not the way to care for an infant. If it was me, no way I'd take my kids back!

    Eta: if you're not CIO at home then I don't think she should take it upon herself to do that if you've requested her to rock your baby to sleep.


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  • When Josh reiterated to her that we don't let him cry it out and we rock him to sleep she said that would be difficult for her. That comment and seeing my baby's face on that floor sealed the deal.
  • When Josh reiterated to her that we don't let him cry it out and we rock him to sleep she said that would be difficult for her. That comment and seeing my baby's face on that floor sealed the deal.

    Seriously? How is that difficult for her? She only had 1 other child that day...and in our area at home day cares can only have 3 under 2 with 1 being 12 months or younger and the other 2 12-24 months or 2 12 months and under and the other 1 being 12-24 months, so even during the craziness of nap time it can be manageable.

    I've seen a teacher in the infant room, rocking a baby in her lap on the floor while alternating bouncing 2 other babies in bouncy seats to keep them happy. Rocking a child to sleep should not be difficult for her, even if she needs to set him down in the crib and then go back and rock him a bit more.

    Glad you're moving on from her!!


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    Chelsea33833kiki1978
  • @mommygrams that's what I thought!!
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    Chelsea33833mommygrams0730[Deleted User]
  • This legitimately made me upset to read. I would be pulling him immediately and not going back to work until I had a new DC plan in place.

    All of this. I am so sorry that you and your LO have had to go through this. Your DCP sounds completely incompetent and negligent.
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    mommygrams0730bee1916
  • I would not send him back. The fact that these things happened once is enough that I would find new daycare, but it also sounds like she is unwilling to change or to listen to your requests.

    Sorry you are stuck in this situation.

    TTC Since 8/2011
    BFP #1 5/13/12 * EDD 1/24/13 * MC at 7 wks 4 days on 6/11/12
    BFP #2 5/13/13 * Current EDD 1/23/14

    Baby N born 2/8/14


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    mommygrams0730
  • What a total twat waffle of a caregiver. This just pissed me off seeing the photo and your description of her. You should write a review about her daycare.
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    mommygrams0730bee1916
  • It ridiculous for her to think that she can let your baby CIO when you specifically stated that you DO NOT do that. As others have said, I would definitely move on. And  maybe say some mean things to her before I went.
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    mommygrams0730metbn8421
  • Omg. I would not be taking LO back there. I would be getting family to babysit and or calling into work till I found a new day care. That it ridiculous.
    BFP #1 (7/13/12) MC (8/14) 9 weeks. D & C 8/17.
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    mommygrams0730
  • No. Just No. None of that is acceptable. I too consider myself a laid back mom and can understand not always being able to rock a baby to sleep but crying on the floor?!?! Come on now!

    Also, the fact that she speaks to you in a condescending way and LIES to other parents about how long thier babies sleep for would really seal the deal for me. 

     DD born Oct 2011 - DS#1 born Jan 2014 - DS#2 born Apr 2015 - DS#3 born Sept 2016 - LO#5 due Feb 7, 2018

    mommygrams0730
  • There's being laid back and then there is being negligent. This woman should never make a mom (who is paying her, btw) feel talked down to no matter how "right" she thinks she is in how she takes care of the kids. 

    Like everyone else has said. pull your baby from the daycare immediately. Ugh, it makes me almost cry to see that picture of your LO on the floor. 
    mommygrams0730bee1916
  • So sorry to read what you and your LO had to go through. I hope you can quickly find a better DC provider and make sure to let others know what she is like if they ask you about her!
  • esd said:
    I would immediately find new childcare.
    No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Find someplace new as soon as humanely possible.

    bee1916
  • This made me so upset. I would get LO out ASAP. Your poor little guy. I'm sure you did your research, but I'd question this woman's credentials to have an in-home DC. She had no idea if your LO would have a reaction to sweet potatoes. If you don't let him CIO, she shouldn't either. I would lose my shit.  I agree that there's a huge difference between being laid back and being negligent.

     

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  • His dad was picking him up that day and I just told him to go get him as fast as he could because I couldn't. If I would've sent the millions of texts that she sent me and the pictures, he would've killed her. The reason we chose her was complicated. She is my assistants sister in law but she talked a great game so we thought she would be good. She has all the correct licensing but it's the not listening to us and my baby on the floor that's making me search for a new place. I have a month before I have to go back to work- hopefully there will be a spot opening up at a nice place for him.
  • It really makes me upset that your little guy cried so hard on the floor that he fell asleep. I know that sometimes babies will cry and fuss before going to sleep. My little guy can really put up a protest, but I know that at our daycare center they do their best to mimic what we do at home. We also fill out a form every month that lets them know how we do things at home. They love our little guy and we are so thankful for them.
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  • I have three dogs (one is black but we have a white couch so I know he isn't shedding) and I totally understand dog hair is everywhere. But when I asked her about it, her reply was "he's chewing on everything, that probably happened when he was chewing on the corner of the rug." What?!? That's just disgusting that my kid is laying on this floor all day it seems and chewing on something everyone including the dog walks on. If she is going to leave him somewhere, the pack and play that she said he would nap and play in is where he should be. I don't even let him on our floor without a blanket and I sweep and mop at least once a day.
  • Besides, if she is running an in home daycare I am sure the inspector is told the same thing we were: the dog stays outside or in the kitchen. He was behind a baby gate when we came to chat with her and she told us he doesn't come into the areas where the children play, during or after. Right. At that time I was more concerned about him biting my kid in the face, not thinking anyone in their right mind would let my child chew on the carpet.
  • I echo everyone else's thoughts; I would pull him immediately.  Leaving him in the middle of the floor where he could be stepped on or the dog could get him?  No.  Crying himself to sleep on the floor multiple times a day?  And if he was on his belly, maybe he couldn't flip himself back over and was crying for help.  Taking a picture of this is NOT cute, it is admitting neglect.  Taking a picture of a baby that was PLAYING so hard and fell asleep would be cute, not because he was crying so hard. I am angry for you and for your DS.  Please don't send him back there.
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  • I would absolutely not stand for this. You are so right to trust your instinct and get him out of there. All she will do is make excuses for why she is doing what she is doing and continue to do it. If she is comfortable sending you pictures of your son passed out on the floor from crying, what the hell kind of care is she giving him that you aren't seeing?!

    I showed your post to my DS's daycare provider (my DH's aunt who shares very similar parenting ideas and practices) and she said how sad she is for your little guy and then 20 minutes later messaged me to say that she can't stop thinking about him and how sad/worried she is that he experiences this. So, that's the opinion from another in-home daycare provider who has 30 years of experience and 5 of her own kids, to put the laid back thing in perspective.
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  • This gave me anxiety to read. SO & I live far away from family so we decided to fork over the extra $ to get him into DC and not a home facility.  I'm the type of person that I don't know what goes on when I leave and that irks me like you don't know. The DC we chose has cameras and between the both of us we check in to see what he's doing all day long. Don't get me wrong, I had to address some an issue about his diaper looking like a blind person put it on DS which left a mark.  Thankfully the Director took care of it right away!

    Like the PP, I hope you are able to find another place where LO can thrive.
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  • I've been looking into places all day. I thought since she had less kids (ratio wise) than some of the DCs here and he was the youngest that he would get more one on one time than he would in the daycare. I'm just so upset that she just brushes off this stuff as nothing to be concerned about. These are the bigger things that have happened and he has only been going there maybe 10-11 times. I don't care about the price. I am a teacher that will always have a second job (thanks, NC) so I am used to making it work.
  • I would've pulled him out right away. This lady sounds lazy and set in her ways. It's not her job to teach him how to self soothe, he'll do it when he's ready. This lady's got me all heated now. I hope you can find somewhere else to send him that's a lot better!
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  • @chelsea33833 so sorry to hear that your DC provider turned out to be such a loser:( Everything about what your post just ticks me off. You said you send a lunchbox with your LO and somehow she fed him something else? How dumb are you that with only two kids to watch you can't feed them the correct food. The fact that she openly admitted to lying to other parents, ya that instills my confidence in you as a person. Letting the baby chew on the corner of the rug, gross! I let my DD lay on our rug all the time, but only on a blanket or her play mat bc she too chews on EVERYTHING. At this stage of their development their going to chew, part of her job is ensuring your child is safe i.e. not chewing on crap they shouldn't be. The last thing as many others said is why couldn't she have soothed him to sleep?!! Now I am a STM and I am ok with letting baby's CIO sometimes but at this age if they cry longer than 10 minutes than CUDDLE THAT BABY!! It's not hard my DD goes to a daycare with a 1 teacher to 4 infant ratio and I have NEVER seen a baby crying for more than 5 mins before it is picked up. Usually that is only bc the daycare worker is rushing around to pacify the other babies so that she can concentrate on the upset one. There are many times I see them rocking two babies in a rocking chair. She only had one other kid, so what exactly was she doing that she didn't have the time? I'm guessing doing crap she shouldn't have been such as watching a show, talking on the phone, housework whatever. Don't get me wrong if she has a daycare and can do little things while taking care of the kids great! But her primary concern should be your child, she is technically at "work" and therefore should be doing her job. In the instance that something is going on with your LO and he needs attention above and beyond normal daycare than it is her responsibility to call you not just ignore him. Stupid woman.
  • NOPE NOPE NOPE!!! They sound awful! Get a new daycare asap!

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  • @chelsea33833 You mentioned that you're in NC as am I.  I actually used NC website for DC profiles so I can get a sense of ratios and ratings to help me figure out where to put DS.  Oh and I did a lot of pop ins to see how the schools ran during the day.  I'm sure you probably know about the site, but wanted to put it out there just in case.

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  • @chelsea33833 whereabouts in NC?
  • Your poor LO!  It is definitely time to find a different daycare provider.

    BFP #1 10/13/09 EDD 06/20/10 DS Born on 06/26/10
    BFP #2 03/08/11 EDD 11/16/11 DD Born on 11/04/11
    BFP #3 08/29/12 EDD 05/06/13 M/C on 08/30/12
    BFP #4 11/01/12 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C on 12/28/12
    BFP #5 04/30/13 EDD 01/03/14 DS Born on 01/02/14
    BFP #6 01/11/15 EDD 09/22/15 M/C 03/09/15
  • This breaks my heart. I'd pull him and find a new DC

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    Baby L Born 1.21.14 Induction due to ICP


  • NOT OK. We switched daycares the week before I went back to work and it was stressful but we LOVE our new place. OP, if you don't mind sharing what city do you live in/near? Maybe someone on here is local and can recommend a new place.
  • We have a few daycare walkthroughs planned for tomorrow. After she sent me that picture, that was his last day. @amt0312‌ we are in Asheville. @BABYROSEJEANS17‌ what site were you on? I have looked at a billion in two days, but I could've missed a good one!
  • Ah I was gonna say, if you were in the triangle area, I knew a few places and people to recommend to you. Good luck to you and LO and I hope you find a good place. 

    There is this website where you can look up child care centers in NC:
  • I feel like I am pretty flexible and I think you def need to find a new place...like this weekend. And please find a way to leave a review online somewhere so other Moms know not to bring their kids there.

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    TTC since 01/13-Uterine Septum Surgery 12/12- During Surgery found Mod-Severe Endo which had left adhesions and attacked a tube. Very blessed to have found all this before TTC!

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