December 2014 Moms
Options

Probably an UO (sex disappointment)

Right now we are Team Green.  I'm struggling because I'm excited about waiting but terrified it's going to end up being another girl.  Please don't filet me for this, I'm just being honest.  We have a daughter now and she's enough.  She is literally everything I always worried about having a girl...dramatic, high strung, inconsolable, etc.  I'm so worried if we wait and this baby is a girl, I'll end up with ppd worse than the normal "baby blues."  Bite the bullet and find out now or stick to our wait it out?  What would y'all do?  I know I'll eventually love the baby girl because I do love my daughter.  When we initially found out she was a girl, I will admit I was disappointed.  But, once she got here I was so excited to have a boy and a girl.  I know having a girl would be amazing for the two of them, especially since they'll be 23 months apart.  I'm probably mind effing this and will be ecstatic either way. 

I realize I'm being insensitive and I do apologize.  Sincerely.  I'm extra hormonal lately.
«1

Re: Probably an UO (sex disappointment)

  • Options
    If you concerned about ppd, id tell your hubby how serious it can be and maybe find out sooner so you can prepare. You've gotta be in the best place you can be when your having another babe and have a toddler to take care of as well so if knowing ahead of time will make you less stressed, id do it. Just my thoughts, I'm a planner though so as much as I love the idea of team green it's just not best for me. Good luck!!
  • Loading the player...
  • Options
    I agree with @Slaps‌ ...i would find out now so u have time to adjust. Try to focus on just wanting a healthy baby because soooooo many women have not been fortunate enough to have that. If you find out now, you have more time to get in a healthy mindset and let go of some of your fears. Having a brand new baby comes with enough hormone changes, worries, and struggles without adding to it. I wish you the best!
  • Options
    FWIW, my DS is way more high strung and needy than my DD... each kid's personality is different.  I don't think it so much depends on the sex of the child.

    Team Green versus finding out sooner?  I can tell you my friend really really really wanted her 4th to be a girl, she already had one girl and two boys, she flat out told me she would be upset with another boy.  She found out early so that if it was a boy she could have time to cope with the feelings and get used to the idea.  Do what feels right to you... I think if I really wanted one more than the other I would probably find out sooner like my friend did.  (She ended up with a girl)
    image
    December 2014 November Siggy Challenge: How I Feel in Third Tri

    image


    Mom to DD(4), DS(2) and # 3 Due 12/14/14

     

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

     

  • Options
    @Anna930‌ ...i love that you gave good advice and did it ever so humbly as a FTM. Just wanted to throw that out there. :)
  • Options
    I'm sorry but this post rubs me the wrong way. OP, I can understand a brief feeling of, oh, I really would have loved to have a boy. What you're describing is extreme. To say that you will "eventually" love a girl is harsh. Also, please keep in mind the characteristics you have listed that you are worried about (inconsolable, high strung) those can be found in boys too.

    I don't mean to be harsh, but I really think you need to put this in perspective. Having a child is a huge blessing and sadly not everyone who wants children can have them. In the end, what does it really matter if the baby is a boy or girl? Like I said, truly I don't mean to be harsh, but I really think you need a little perspective on this.

    Also, if you are truly thinking that having a girl could cause PPD for you, please discuss it with your OB.
  • Options
    I hear you! We just found out we are having a boy and I had always had a fantasy of having a girl. It was a big adjustment mentally. However, I am so glad I found out now to be able to work all this out and get excited before the baby arrives!

    I would recommend finding out early if you are this stressed. Maybe give it a week or so, bc you could just be having a rough day with your daughter. If your baby is another girl, you have every right to be disappointed, but you will have to realize that each child is different and your girls could be totally different from one another. Good luck!!
  • Options
    I understand the feeling completely. I've been looking into it and sex disappointment is a real thing. I was so sure I was having a boy and found out yesterday I am having a girl. I will admit I am more than a little sad. I have a 6 year old stepdaughter and we really wanted a boy. I had my son pictured so well and I sort of feel like I lost him. U know?
    I am so happy that my baby girl is healthy and growing well, but I am allowing myself to be a little sad that I'm not having the son I pictured. I promise not to let myself dwell on it though. ;). My little girl needs her mommy and I will love her no matter what!
  • Options
    Trust me.  I'm an only child and wished MY ENTIRE life for a sibling.  So don't preach to me about a child being a blessing.  I just sat in an ICU for six weeks, watching my dad need a ventilator to stay alive and all I kept thinking about was I wish I had a sibling to cry on their shoulder.  Your post was extremely harsh, which proves you obviously have zero idea how to put yourself in someone else's shoes.

    I do appreciate the feedback.  This is most definitely my last baby and I guess all my emotions are all over the place. 
  • Options
    mlee116 said:

    I think that you are overthinking it a little.  Each baby has their own personality, so even if it is another girl, she might be completely different than your daughter.  My friend has two daughters, one is the most chill kid I've ever met.  The other is similar to your daughter.  They are just different.  It's just unfair to "peg" kids' personalities before they are even born, kwim? You might end up with a dramatic, high strung boy too. My son can be like that and I have a brother that was too.  


    As far as finding out, talk about it with your SO and do whatever feels right for you and will give you the most peace of mind.

     
    This. A second girl will be her own totally new person with her own personality, which likely will differ from her sister's quite a bit. Most parents I know with multiple kids are astounded at how different their kiddos can be.

    As for whether to find out, I'd lean toward finding out now bc it sounds like you'd worry and worry about it until the due date. Good luck!

    Baby GIRL born 12/11/14!!
    MC @ 8 wks 7/6/13 - ectopic @ 6 wks 12/28/13

     In loving memory of sweet baby HP, and all our angel babies. Forever in our hearts.image 
     
      image

  • Options
    It's so crazy to me because I had this image in my head of what a girl would be like, then we had CeCe and I swear she's everything I worried about.  I'm also pregnant and dealing with an 18 month old sucks sometimes.  My kids, who are only 13 months apart, might as well come from different parents they are such polar opposites.  I guess I need to keep that in perspective too.  Oliver has ruined kids for me because he's so easy and I think all boys are like that.
  • Options
    @twolittledogs HA, no need whatsoever to feel like an ass.  It was my mistake.  I am on a desktop and always forget to tag someone if I'm commenting. 
  • Options
    vjordan78 said:

    It's so crazy to me because I had this image in my head of what a girl would be like, then we had CeCe and I swear she's everything I worried about.  I'm also pregnant and dealing with an 18 month old sucks sometimes.  My kids, who are only 13 months apart, might as well come from different parents they are such polar opposites.  I guess I need to keep that in perspective too.  Oliver has ruined kids for me because he's so easy and I think all boys are like that.

    Makes sense. Sounds like what you need to wish for is a mellow baby, boy or girl. :)
    Baby GIRL born 12/11/14!!
    MC @ 8 wks 7/6/13 - ectopic @ 6 wks 12/28/13

     In loving memory of sweet baby HP, and all our angel babies. Forever in our hearts.image 
     
      image

  • Options
    @megbmeg Amen! 

    I can't be the only person who has heard that boys are easier than girls?!?!?  That's been my experience thus far.  (Ya know, all 2 1/2 years I've been an "expert" at this parenting thing).  Ha, watch 3 months from now CeCe will turn into this baby angel and I'll feel like a total asshole.
  • Options
    I would find out.

    I will admit that I had a lot of anxiety when I was pregnant with DD prior to finding out. My mom and I have a difficult relationship and it seems like most mother/daughter relationships in my family have been strained. Finding out gave me time to work on myself (I went to therapy to work through some of the emotions) and by the time she came I was very ready and very happy to be welcoming her into my life. She is definitely "spirited" and will probably always keep me on my toes, but I am also on high alert for when I bring my own baggage into the equation and hopefully we can start a new trend in my family.

    I am very close with my sister and I love having her support in my life, so I would be thrilled if we had another girl. I love my brother lots as well, so a boy is great too. There is something special about a sister relationship though.

    Just my experience, take it or leave it =)

    image
  • Options
    @vjordan78- I'm sorry you feel that I was extremely harsh in my response, but I stand by what I said. I do think you need some perspective. The reason your post rubs the wrong way is I find it borders on being disrespectful. There are so many women who would love to be in your shoes and be pregnant with ANY child regardless of the sex. Not to mention women on this board who had a loss or who are having complications that could affect the health of their child. Needless to say, I think you need to focus of what's truly important, and that is definitely not the sex of your baby.
  • Options
    mcr957mcr957 member
    I agree with PP, if you really think it will stress you out that much, then discuss it with your hubby. I'm sure he would like it to be an exciting experience for you both and may not know how you're feeling. 

    If you don't mind my asking, how have your children been feeling since finding out? I only ask because I know as a (semi) middle child, I definitely had strong feelings about having a little sister (we're also about 2 years apart), so it took me some time to get excited about sharing everything with her.

    But I agree that all children have their own personalities, so you may find that even if this baby is a girl, she could end up being totally different. I am one of four (two boys and two girls in that order) and my slightly older brother is the most dramatic and inconsolable of us all. 

    Ultimately do what is best for you and your family. We all have enough things to worry about without adding any additional stress. Good luck! =)

    In loving memory of Baby Hufflepuff and all of D14's Angel Babies

    image

    imageimage
  • Options
    My mom asked me this morning when I was talking to her on the way to work if my wanting a boy had anything to do with my dad dying in January.  I guess anything is possible? 

    Seriously, everyone, thank you for your feedback.  I really do appreciate it.  I'm sorry if my post hurt anyone because that was never my intention.  I know how lucky I am, I promise.  I'm a little hopeful now knowing that I could possibly have a laid back girl.  That's a thing, right?  Hello?  Hello?  Anyone?  :)
  • Options
    @vjordan78‌ ....i am so glad that my SO finally agreed to a second child because I did not want my DS to be an only child. I have 3 brothers and two sisters (i know, wow). So I'm sorry about your only child scenario. I also have a mellow, angel of a little boy. Im scared this one will give me hell because who gets lucky twice???!!! Lol. I can tell you that I have many many neices and nephews. We have a large circle of friends. My son plays teeball. Believe me, it does not matter whether it is a boy or girl when it comes to mellow and well behaved. I have been around darling little boys and girls....and little "darling" boys and girls who make me want to pull all my hair out %-( . Obviously you will love this baby no matter what and I think that you are just worried about having two children who are little handfuls. I would find out now and mentally prepare for the what-ifs. This is also my last and I honestly don't care if i have two boys or one of each. I just hope I get lucky again with an angel lol but I know I will manage either way. It may also help to focus on what is great about their difficult personalities. For example, an independent, spirited child could become a great leader if nurtured correctly. An emotional child could become a really sensitive and caring adult :). Good luck!
  • Options
    @mcr957 I honestly don't think they are aware of anything.  Oliver will be 3 in December and CeCe will be 2 in January.  She LOVES babies so I think she'll be excited but he could honestly care less.  We tell them every day that I'm having a baby but I still think they're too young to understand anything. 
  • Options
    I had always wanted 3-4 kids, but due to how difficult this pregnancy has been on me so far, we're done after this one unless we havea surprise... which would also be very welcome, but I think that's for a different post for a different time.

    Anyways. I completely get where you're coming from. I have a certain vision of what I want my family to look like. I know, logically and realistically that I will love this baby regardless of sex, but I do have a preference this time. Finding out the sex will allow me time to adjust my vision if I need to.

    I do agree with PP that this is a good topic to discuss with your husband and OB as soon as you can. PPD is a big deal and if you think there's any chance you will suffer more for any reason it should be addressed beforehand so you all have a plan.
    BabyFruit TickerBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Image and video hosting by TinyPicimage
  • Options
    @belle3184 I can no more control someone else's fertility than you can control the weather.  It's completely asinine that you'd say I'm being disrespectful.  Just because I've never had issues with getting pregnant does not negate my feelings about not enjoying being pregnant or that I would be upset if I'm having a girl.    
  • Options
    vjordan78 said:
    @megbmeg Amen! 

    I can't be the only person who has heard that boys are easier than girls?!?!?  That's been my experience thus far.  (Ya know, all 2 1/2 years I've been an "expert" at this parenting thing).  Ha, watch 3 months from now CeCe will turn into this baby angel and I'll feel like a total asshole.
    I thought I'd heard that too but my son is WAY more difficult... so who knows.  Maybe it's more a 1st child versus second child thing.  Your DD is younger right?  My son is the second child... and with a third on the way who knows what that one will be like (obviously I'm hoping it's more like DD  ;))
    image
    December 2014 November Siggy Challenge: How I Feel in Third Tri

    image


    Mom to DD(4), DS(2) and # 3 Due 12/14/14

     

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

     

  • Options
    Just to echo pp's every child is going to be different. My sister and I were both pretty easygoing whereas my brother more or less ruined kids for my parents (I was more than a big surprise). I agree that finding out sooner than later should make it easier for you to wrestle with any emotions should you find out you're having another girl. I'm sure that once you have time to process and mull things over you'll find that whatever you're having is going to be a bigger blessing than you could have hoped, boy or girl. And if you're concerned about PPD definitely do not hesitate to seek out help. I'm sure no matter what happens it will all work out for the best :)

    Married 07.12.14
    Hannah 12.09.14
    Baby #2 Due 06.18.16
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Options
    @vjordan78‌ - I'm sorry you feel that way; however, I said your post bordered on being disrespectful. I'm pretty sure you already knew that when you posted and that your post would not be well received by some people. If not, why would you admit you're being insensitive in your OP? Why would you beg people in your OP not to filet you?

    Of course you can't control other peoples' lives, but you can use common sense in what you post and be sensitive to how others feel. If you truly cannot understand how your post about not wanting a girl would be hurtful to some people, then I don't know what else to say. I think if you step back and think about it honestly you will understand.

    Anyways, I'm not here to fight with you, but I also won't apologize for what I said. I stand behind it. FWIW, I think you should find out what you're having.

  • Options
    @gradschoolmom1234‌ - you said that so beautifully.
  • Options
    I think the worst part is that she's JUST like me.  This is totally one of those be careful what you wish for scenarios.  Or the old just wait until you have kids thing.  I want them all to be just like Josh and it appears that's not the case.  My husband is the most laid back person I've ever met.  Ha, I've joked with him on many occasions that if he were anymore laid back, he'd be dead.  Coming from a person who grew up in a household with my stubbornness and my dad's stubbornness, I just foresee so many lovely spats down the road. 

    We have tried walking away from her, ignoring her, putting her in a room by herself.  It just doesn't work.  I will say that I'm incredibly thankful that she's a perfect (I use that term loosely) child at daycare.  For that I'm lucky.  At home, I guess she feels like she needs to assert her independence, dominance, who knows.  Or, she's just my carbon copy and we are inevitably going to butt heads.

    Y'all have honestly talked me off my ledge.  I should clarify that I was never saying in the beginning that I'd get ppd from this because I know I have zero control over that.  I just have this ideal in my head and I'm overthinking what will be will be.  PP who mentioned sleepovers with her sisters is what I keep holding on to, if baby is a girl.  Jesus the hormones is really all I worry about.  My poor husband and son.  They will move out or golf, A LOT. 
  • Options
    ColeyCannoliColeyCannoli member
    edited July 2014
    I haven't read the responses yet but I wanted to share what I would do. I can't say I agree with your feelings but I understand them. I would wait until the birth. Just worry about a healthy baby for now. It'll be a lot harder to feel upset once you have that healthy, sweet baby in your arms.

    If it makes you feel better my nieces are about the same age gap. The first is a lot like you DD - dramatic, loud, moody - but the second is a sweet, quiet introvert who loves trains. You don't know your LO's personality yet. There's no guarantee that a boy wouldn't be just like your DD or that a girl won't be completely different. Try not to stereotype them or assume your DD only acts that way because she's female. She's a baby. Her personality will be unique and more complex as she grows.
    Good luck. Hope you feel better.
    In memory of the baby Hufflepuff and all the angel babies of D14 <3
    image
    imageimage

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Options
    @NandaB‌ - I certainly didn't mean to imply no one could ever complain about anything having to do with pregnancy because they most certainly can. OPs original post did rub me the wrong way. I cannot imagine feeling disappointment to the extent she is describing, and it comes off as trivial to me.
  • Options
    I would probably find out. FWIW, I have two boys that are polar opposites and like @NandaB said, once three hits they all turn into little a-holes and I mean that in the most lovingly way possible lol. :) 
    Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader.
    , 💙💙💙💙💙💙
  • Options
    @twolittledogs Thank you so much for pointing this out!!!!  I'm going to order 1 2 3 Magic right now. 

    My BFF mentioned making a time out bottle (like glitter and some liquid thing...Pinterest find) to help settle DD when she goes off the ledge.  She's a social worker and knows how frustrated I'm getting because I honestly do not know how to handle these crazy outbursts.  Have you ever heard of that?  

    I am an only child and have zero things to compare children to.  It's reassuring that not all kids are bad/good.  Some days I honestly feel like I live with a schizophrenic.       


  • Options
    I was originally waiting because we wanted the surprise.  We have one boy and one girl so it logistically doesn't matter what this baby is.  Ultimately, I know I won't care regardless.  I guess I just have a preference of wanting another boy.  When they told us she was a girl, I was so disappointed.  Fast forward to January 2013 and I was beside myself excited when she started screaming that first time.  She's more affectionate, which is sweet.  She loves food and her brother is hands down the pickiest human being I've ever met.  At least for me and Josh, we've talked before and we do have a favorite child.  I honestly don't even know how to explain how I feel about this.  It could be because Oliver reminds me SO much of my dad and I'm hoping to have another one around.  He's easier, which is a plus.  Having 3 kids under 3 is going to be a huge challenge but I know they didn't ask for that and we brought this on ourselves.  Having a boy has nothing to do with carrying on our name or anything like that.  I worry constantly about her, how she's going to view herself, how she's going to treat others, how others will treat her.  With him, I don't do that.  Not going to lie...her current attitude is also making me worried.   
  • Options
    I have three sisters and a brother. I think having sisters especially in adulthood is one of my favorite things in life ; )). Either way it will be great!
  • Options
    vjordan78 said:
    I was originally waiting because we wanted the surprise.  We have one boy and one girl so it logistically doesn't matter what this baby is.  Ultimately, I know I won't care regardless.  I guess I just have a preference of wanting another boy.  When they told us she was a girl, I was so disappointed.  Fast forward to January 2013 and I was beside myself excited when she started screaming that first time.  She's more affectionate, which is sweet.  She loves food and her brother is hands down the pickiest human being I've ever met.  At least for me and Josh, we've talked before and we do have a favorite child.  I honestly don't even know how to explain how I feel about this.  It could be because Oliver reminds me SO much of my dad and I'm hoping to have another one around.  He's easier, which is a plus.  Having 3 kids under 3 is going to be a huge challenge but I know they didn't ask for that and we brought this on ourselves.  Having a boy has nothing to do with carrying on our name or anything like that.  I worry constantly about her, how she's going to view herself, how she's going to treat others, how others will treat her.  With him, I don't do that.  Not going to lie...her current attitude is also making me worried.   

    Why do you worry so much more about how your daughter will view herself, and how she will interact with others? Do you feel that she's more likely to have self-esteem problems or behavioral or social problems because she's a girl? It sounds like when you say you don't want another girl because girls are more difficult, it might really be because you yourself feel that you have had a harder time in life as a female - especially since you've mentioned that you view your daughter as being very much like you.  Because of this and because of what you mentioned about PPD, talking to a therapist or counselor about your feelings surrounding this issue might be a really great idea, as previous posters have suggested. And I'm not just saying that as a cop-out - I have OCD myself and have gotten a tremendous amount of help from therapists over the years, and plan to have appointments in place to deal with the post partum period.

    But it seems sad that you feel so strongly that your son is so much easier to parent, and that the difference is due to his sex when clearly both girls and boys can be either difficult or relaxed kids. And if you think girls are harder and you have to worry more about them, maybe your expectations have an influence on your daughter's behavior. For what it's worth, I only have a sister, and while I was a more emotional child, she was always very calm. She also grew up to have a kick-ass, traditionally male job as a Navy officer, and for both of us growing up, I think it was very important that our parents didn't make us feel that girls "should" be one way or another, especially since we were always very different from each other.

    December 2014 July Siggy Challenge - Favorite Vacation Spot: Greece

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

    PitaPata Horse tickers

  • Options
    First of all, I do agree with @NandaB in that everyone has a right to feel the way they do and shouldn't be criticized for feeling a certain way just because other people can't relate.

    However, it sounds like there is more going on than just gender disappointment.  Honestly, it sounds like you resent your daughter for not being like your husband, for her personality and her not perfect behavior and then correlating it to her being a girl.  And none of that is fair, IMO.  She's a little kid.  She can't help which parent she is like or what personality she has.  If she has some behavioral problems, then talk to her doctor or look into getting some help. But don't blame it on her being a girl and then project that onto another child before they even get here.  

    I agree with @gradschoolmom1234 in that some counseling or something would probably be a really good idea, especially before the new baby arrives.  I had just a little PPD and just from what I experienced, it can be intense and overwhemling.  If you think that there is a real potential for PPD, you need to be proactive and talk to your doctor asap and tell her/him how you're feeling.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Options
    @gradschoolmom1234‌ I am pretty sure the "beside herself when her daughter cried for the first time" remark was a good thing. Meaning the birth of her child.

    I can't help but kind of snicker at some of the comments. Kids are hard dude. They do stuff that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever and it's infuriating. You can be the absolute best and most consistent parent in the world and your kid will still find ways to test you and push your buttons. My boys are 26 months apart, not 13 like the OP, and they drive me up the effing wall sometimes. Sometimes they are both absolutely hard headed, inconsolable, and dramatic. They are kids. They are trying to make sense of this world and test boundaries. This process sucks sometimes.

    If I had two kids of the opposite sex and one was much easier than the other, you bet your as$ I would be hoping for the sex of the easier one lol even though it's not scientifically proven that one sex is harder than the other. My experience would definitely factor in and when it comes to something as hard as parenting, who wouldn't want it easier.

    I also want to say in a different but related topic, not everyone connects immediately with their child at birth. Of course they love your kid and that strong bond comes later.

    I also have no idea if this actually makes sense now that it is all typed out.
    Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader.
    , 💙💙💙💙💙💙
  • Options
    @kdm06c, I think you brought up a lot of good points and I agree with a lot of it.  Yes, kids are hard.  My son can be a little horror sometimes.  But that's not because he's a boy, its because he's Samuel and he's 2 1/2.  I'm not criticizing the OP for admitting that her daughter is difficult , but I do question her for contributing it solely to the fact that she's a girl and assuming that all girls are difficult.  


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"