September 2014 Moms

MIL wants...

Let me start off by saying that I have a great MIL. We have had our disagreements, but that was a while ago and both of my in-laws have been there for me a lot of times when my own parents weren't. Having said that - there is something that I really don't feel that I can compromise on.

As soon as DH and I told our parents that we were expecting, they all started saying "I want to be called [so and so]..." My MIL is adamant that she wants to be called "mommo" (pronounced "mom-oh"). It is apparently what she called her grandmother when she was alive, so I know that she has some sentimental attachment to the name. My problem is that it sounds really similar to "mom, mommy, mama, etc." It really bothers me thinking that someone else may be called something so similar and I know that when our baby starts talking at some point, "mommo" is going to be said as "mama".

I've tried talking to DH about it, but he thinks that I'm hormonal and it's not a big deal. I've explained that this is something that is important to me. I'm not generally a selfish person, but feel like this would be something that I would totally be okay being selfish with - I want to be the "mom" names (mama, mommy, mom, etc.)

My questions are: Is this something that would bother you? Do you feel like this is an over reaction? Any ideas on how to bring this up to MIL?

I hate confrontation and usually avoid it at all costs, but I feel this is something that is going to cause some problems.

Melanie Noelle was born on 09.03.14
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Re: MIL wants...

  • Nope. I don't think you're being selfish at all. That baby has only one mom and it is not your mil. Absolutely no way I would allow that name. Sorry, but you may need to have a confrontation here.

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  • That's what I'm thinking, trying to figure out if there is a "nicer" way to confront her about it though. DH offered to talk to her, but I told him no way because he already said he doesn't think it's that important. I figure if he doesn't think it's important he's not gonna be any good at explaining why it's important to me.
    Melanie Noelle was born on 09.03.14
    Great Dane Mom to Duke & Hazzard


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  • JD83JD83 member
    It really wouldn't bother me, but I think that will be difficult for a small child to pronounce and then differentiate between "mama" and "mommo" regardless of anyone's feelings about the name. Maybe pronounce it differently (it looks like "moh-moh" to me anyway)? Idk. I don't share the reasons you dislike the name, as legit as they are, but I do think it would confuse the child.
  • I've had issues with my ILs and nicknames they give things (my dog has a nickname I hate, my baby is being referred to as "BG" for baby girl when we already have nicknames for her, etc). So I get it. I would put my foot down and explain to her that it's really important for you to have the "mom" names. I don't think you're being hormonal, I think it's a legitimate concern about confusing the baby with similar sounding names.

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  • I agree with your concern because I have one as well.  Some of my nieces and nephews call my MIL Mom-Mom, which often is said as Mom-Ma.  Way too close to Mom and Mama for my liking. Fortunately she hasn't brought it up and I figured I'll just discuss it with her when the time comes.  I also have a sort of step mother and don't know what she wants to be called.  I say stand your ground, but maybe it doesn't have to be addressed just yet.  I'm thinking I won't have to deal with it for a while. 
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  • LTMamaLTMama member
    I don't think it's out of line to tell her she's not getting a name that sounds like mom/mama, period. Babies have trouble spitting out the differences between similar words like that, so it would be confusing. Personally I think it's easiest when each name starts with a different constant sound.
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  • I think you are being reasonable, it sounds too much like mom/mama. As a child my grandmother was referred to as Grandmother by everyone and when I was just learning to talk I called her mama, so you never know what the baby will actually say. As I got older I switched to Grandmother like the rest of my cousins.
  • I wouldn't be thrilled with momo either, but I'm not sure if I'd let it be an issue or not. I guess it depends on the type of relationship you have with your MIL.

    For my MIL, the issue was that both she and my mom wanted to be called Nana. I told them both (together) that I preferred only 1 Nana, and they decided together that my mom would be Nana and MIL would be Nanny (which she later changed to Grandma).

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  • Honestly, the baby will probably come up with something and you won't have to worry about it.  That being said, if mommo is actually pushed by MIL, DH should say something. My DD calls my mom Meme and my dad Bampa.  She came up with the names on her own.  My kids call DH's parents grandma and grandpa. 
  • That would piss me off. And it would annoy me that my husband told me he thought I was being 'hormonal' ... Just because we're pregnant doesn't mean they get to throw out 'oh, you're just hormonal' an totally disregard our feelings. Sorry, pet peeve. Anyway, normally I'm all for each person handling their own parents, but since he thinks it is stupid I wouldn't trust him to communicate your problems with the name. At the very least, he might throw you under the bus entirely: 'I know my hormonal wife is being irrational about this, but ...'

    Do you email ever? Sometimes it is easier to get your point across that way. 'Dear MIL, I understand the name MoMo has sentimental value for you, but the more I think about it, the more uncomfortable I am with you having a name so close to 'Mama.' Let's work together to find a name we both feel comfortable with. Thanks for respecting my feelings on this! Love, OP'
  • That would piss me off. And it would annoy me that my husband told me he thought I was being 'hormonal' ... Just because we're pregnant doesn't mean they get to throw out 'oh, you're just hormonal' an totally disregard our feelings. Sorry, pet peeve. Anyway, normally I'm all for each person handling their own parents, but since he thinks it is stupid I wouldn't trust him to communicate your problems with the name. At the very least, he might throw you under the bus entirely: 'I know my hormonal wife is being irrational about this, but ...'

    Do you email ever? Sometimes it is easier to get your point across that way. 'Dear MIL, I understand the name MoMo has sentimental value for you, but the more I think about it, the more uncomfortable I am with you having a name so close to 'Mama.' Let's work together to find a name we both feel comfortable with. Thanks for respecting my feelings on this! Love, OP'

    Bonus of doing it this way is it reframed the issue as being about respect, not just a name. (And if she respects you, she won't make an issue of it.)
  • My mom tried to insist on GrandMary since it didn't make her feel old like Grandma does and it sounded, well, grand.  DD1 is the fourth granddaughter -- None call her GrandMary.  You probably have nearly a year until your child can say anything resembling that anyway, so I wouldn't stress about it too much now.  Your LO will figure out what she wants to call her by then.

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  • I agree it sounds too close to mom and I would be uncomfortable with it too.

    My family had this exact issue come up between my DH and my step dad. My step dad wanted to be called Papa and DH was very uncomfortable with that choice. I brought it up to my parents and they understood. Step dad is now Pappy.

    Just be honest with your feelings about it. FX she understands.
  • My MIL wants to be called "Glammy" because she's "too young to be a grandma". Seriously, woman? I will be sure to teach my son MEMAW! ;)

    I don't think you're being hormonal, mom-oh is pretty close to mama! But then again, my mom is being called mommom and that doesn't bother me.
  • I think id be a little to uncomfortable with it And it would seriously piss me off if DH told me I was just being hormonal about it. But having said that I call my grandmother Mamaw and that's what DD calls her, at first it sounded a lot like mamma and it irritated me bc every time she said it my Mamaw would say "is she calling me mamma? I think she is" and I would get upset and tell her that she doesn't need to say things like that bc if DD keeps hearing you say that then she will think it's ok to call you mamma and it's NOT. She would also call my Ama bc she couldn't say grandma, and she would say the same thing. Now that she's older she can pronounce it better and they know exactly what she's saying and I don't get so irritated.

    If you have a good relationship with her then you should just tell her that you don't feel comfortable bc it's so close to mamma and your baby might get a little confused and she will understand. And just let her name your MIL, she going to call what she wants anyway.
  • I think grandparent nicknames are stupid to begin with but it would not bother me because it sounds similar to "mommy". I don't see the big deal honestly. It's like when people get all worked up over grandparents saying, "my baby". Your child will know you're his/her mom. But if you really don't want to use it, just don't. You'll be around your child more (I assume) and just always call her grandma (or whatever you choose) when talking about her to baby. If MIL says something just say it will confuse her when trying to learn to talk. 
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  • Why not let LO decide what to call her? My kids call DH's mom by her first name.
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  • I agree with a PP that said your LO will probably come up with their own version of what to call her. Especially if it sounds too close to mama or is too hard for them to say. DS still cant say Grandma so he calls my mom what sounds like "May-Aww" while my niece who is a year younger than him calls her MeMaw when we all refer to her as Grandma. Which I think both of those will turn into them calling her Grandma when they are able to pronounce it, since we refer to her as Grandma. 

    DH had a similar problem with his mom wanting to be called Kiki, but he really didnt have much of a choice because our LO was grandchild #8 and all the other ones were already calling her Kiki. He wanted his parents to be called grandma and grandpa since he thinks the nick names dictated by the grandparent are dumb. 

    I dont know why grandparents need to come up with a nickname so it doesnt make them sound old. They are still going to refer to them as grandchildren when they talk about them to other people, so that reasoning is just dumb to me. 
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  • cls0602 said:

    My MIL wants to be called "Glammy" because she's "too young to be a grandma". Seriously, woman? I will be sure to teach my son MEMAW! ;)

    I don't think you're being hormonal, mom-oh is pretty close to mama! But then again, my mom is being called mommom and that doesn't bother me.


    Glammy?! Sounds like something you use to clean your shower.

    Funny story: my grandma informed my mom when I was born that I'd be calling her by her first name because she was too young to be a grandma (her son was 30!). Mom said, uh, NO, so my grandma picked GRANNY. I literally can't think of a grandma name that sounds older to me. :-D
  • I totally agree with the last part of @natsan08‌ 's post. Tell your MIL exactly hiw you feel about the situation. If you don't feel comfortable making a suggestion, then tell her that you'd rather let the baby give her a name. Mommo might be sentimental to her, but once the baby "picks out" a special name, I'm sure that will become special to her as well.
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  • My neice and nephew call my mom mommom. She will be mommom to my kids (she already is to my stepkids) becuase that's what I'm used to saying. I never thought to think of it as a version of mom and I don't care.

    People are too hung up on names and them being special. Your kid will know who is mom and who is grandmother... No matter what they call them.
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  • That would piss me off. I also don't care for my mil. I'd tell her that that name is too close to a mom name and she needs to pick a new name. Mine is french so she's grand-mama which is french for grandmother. My one twin has been trying to say her name and it comes out ma momma which irks me but I know she's not doing it on purpose.

                              

  • I didn't read all the responses, I apologize, but just wanted to chime in.. my son calls both sets of grandparents "Mommom and Poppop".. I grew up calling my grandmom "Mommom", so I was fine with it.  But, I will say, at almost 2, my son uses Momma, Mommom, Mommy etc interchangeable and it drives me nuts.  I've just started recently where I won't answer him when he calls me Mommom.. and I've started correcting him when he calls one of his Mommoms "momma"... I get twinges of selfish feelings when he calls them Mom (or some derivative of that) or when he calls me Mommom.. if I could go back, I wouldn't change it, though. I know it won't be interchangeable in his mind forever, and that it's just a phase while figuring things out (I can't feel too terrible, he often calls DH by his first name instead of Daddy because he hears me saying that!!).. But, I do understand where your concerns are!
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  • I could totally understand how you are feeling about it.

    What I would do is what a few others suggested.  Id call her moh-moh emphasizing the strong "O" sound.  Then when your baby calls her that, she'll just have to accept it.  :-)

    Like others said you could rationalize with her telling her you totally understand the reasoning she has behind it but you are concerned it might be confusing for the baby to call you mama and her ma-moh so you want to make it as easy on the babys developing language as possible.


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  • I seriously do not get all these diva grandparents demanding to be called this or that. If the kid comes up with a name on their own, fine. But demanding to be called something? That is really absurd IMO.
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  • If you are uncomfortable with it then I would speak up at some point but you have plenty of time before your child starts talking to address it.  You may want to let it blow over for some time and address it later.  Ultimately your child will call people what you call then so if you don't like it you could always call her something else and they'll follow suit.  That being said my mom wanted to be called "Mamaw".  At first when my son started saying it sounded a lot like "Momma" but as he's getting older you can tell the difference between "Mamaw" and "Momma".  
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  • Uh yea, I would laugh at this suggestion. I would just not do it. Every time you refer to her by grandma (or whatever YOU find appropriate.) I don't even really get the sentimental part... Whatever your lo calls her will be sentimental because it's her grandchild. What would your H say if your father requested to be called "daddo?"
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  • Btw, at some point, your lo will likely call every female in their life "ma, mommy, mama" and all the males will be "dad, da, daddy." It's part of learning. But I wouldn't confuse it more by saying "no, that's not mama.. It's mom-oh." That's just ridiculous and confusing.
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  • JD83JD83 member
    You really have very little say in what your child will call anyone, at least not for the first years.  My DD called both my MIL and Me "MA!" forever no matter how many times my MIL would tell her "No I'm Grandma and thats Mommy" Within the last few weeks shes finally added a "M" and calls me "MOM" now but I noticed last night that she's calling MIL that too.  While I feel a bit a jealousy in it I have little control over it.  To her MOM is her care giver, regardless of who it actually is.  She also will call DH "Mom" and then correct herself to say Dad. 

    In short, don't stress yet.
    My BFF's 2yo daughter does this too, but she does it because she knows it bugs him to be called "mommy" and she's a little smartass that takes after her mother. I think it's hilarious.
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