Crying it out

JmeJoLee83

So I can tell when LO is tired and after he is changed, fed, and burped I often hold him. I think this is when I should be putting him down to rest. As soon as I do, he is fussy. Not usually crying but rather moaning and making fussing noises. After about 10-15 minutes I go and offer his pacifier and or comfort him. How long do you let your baby fuss/cry it out before naps or bed?

Mizoo

I only let A fuss for a minute or two to see if it's just her trying to pass a BM or not.  Usually if she isn't pooping she will break out into a cry shortly after she starts fussing, and I get back to her ASAP at that point if I haven't already.

rainbowdashh

I don't. At this point, if they're fussing or crying, they need something.

tummommy

LO sometimes cries in the car and I occasionally put him down for a minute or two if he's having one of his crying spells and I haven't been able to comfort him for close to an hour, but otherwise I don't like / advocate for the crying it out method. I catch hell for this from some of SO's family for "spoiling" my babies but I simply can't just leave them to cry (unless, like I said, he's been crying and I can't comfort him and I need a minute to gather my thoughts and try again...or in the car, which I go out of my way to avoid)

ElTrain5

A month or younger is too young to cry it out IMO. That being said there's a difference between crying and a little fussiness. Sometimes DS will wake up in his swing, like if his paci falls out, and make a few fussy noises before he falls back to sleep. That's about the extent of what I would let him do without responding. Like PP said, at this age a true cry is communicating a need. Even if that need is just attention, I'm not going to worry about "spoiling" for a few more months.

Pepper6

When she's crying, I always try to soothe her. Of course there are some times where I can't get to her right away and have to let her cry for a few min (bathroom, driving, etc), but I know it means she needs something.

If she's fussy, but not crying, I wait it out for a min or two because a lot of times, she settles herself down. If it goes on more than a min, or she starts adding 'vocals' to it, then I'll try to soothe her.

jenn72178

Anyone elses' LO hate the car seat? Jac is NOT a fan and has a full out crying fit when we strap her in...it breaks my heart but we have to go places (Dr., food shopping, walks...)

katekat8721

jenn72178 said:

Anyone elses' LO hate the car seat? Jac is NOT a fan and has a full out crying fit when we strap her in...it breaks my heart but we have to go places (Dr., food shopping, walks...)

Both of mine hate it and have full on freak outs every time they also don't fall asleep in the car once we get going. They just hate it.

kbellizio3

I usually wait a minute or two to see if she'll settle herself down. More often than not especially when she's sleeping she starts to get fussy and occasionally will cry once, but then fall back to sleep. Full blown crying I won't let her sit there for too long.

katekat8721

No intentional crying it out here. Sometimes one baby will escalate to crying while I'm tending to her sister, but I have no choice because I can only do so much. It still breaks my heart!

IMO even if you're pro CIO it's way too soon. They're still in the "4th trimester". They're not crying to be manipulative, they're crying because they need something from their mama. You can't spoil a newborn.

Savvy122

katekat8721 said:

No intentional crying it out here. Sometimes one baby will escalate to crying while I'm tending to her sister, but I have no choice because I can only do so much. It still breaks my heart! IMO even if you're pro CIO it's way too soon. They're still in the "4th trimester". They're not crying to be manipulative, they're crying because they need something from their mama. You can't spoil a newborn.

Absolutely this.  Your newborn is too young to self-soothe.  If baby is crying, it's because he/she needs something... and it's really quite important for you to meet that need at this point.  It helps baby form a strong attachment.  If you ignore the crying, baby will eventually stop... not because he's soothed himself, but because he's realized that no one is coming to help him.

Brought to you by my masters thesis on parent/child attachment theory.

tbmadeamistake

I do cio, but not this early. Right now if He's crying he needs something. I will let him fuss so I can tend his sister or eat something.

katekat8721

@savvy122 do you have any suggestions for when you can't immediately meet their needs? I try just talking to them and touching them when I can, but sometimes I'm not able to actually get them what they want if my hands are tied up. It's sad!

tbmadeamistake

@katekat8721‌ that's perfect. There are times, like in the car or if you have twins, when regardless of crying you can't get there physically. Talk to them, sing to them, reassure them of your presence. Technically even talking means you aren't CIO. It sucks becuase its hard. You can also try to find music or white noise that helps calm them down. C had one song that always worked, and charlie so far likes Rockabye baby CDs.

katekat8721

@Lilygrace48‌ thank you!!

Savvy122

katekat8721 said:

@savvy122 do you have any suggestions for when you can't immediately meet their needs? I try just talking to them and touching them when I can, but sometimes I'm not able to actually get them what they want if my hands are tied up. It's sad!

Oh gosh, you are certainly not doing any harm by letting one fuss while tending to the other!  I would think talking to them or touching them and reassuring them that you're nearby until you can get there is certainly sufficient.  Don't beat yourself up, mama!  I can't imagine how tough it is.

katekat8721

@savvy122 thanks girl! Damn mom guilt!

curlylocks3

Ditto on the mom guilt @katekat8721‌. Its very different when there are two, and yes, sometimes one of them does have to fuss a bit if I'm busy with the other one or another task I can't stop (::cough::making the formula pitcher::cough::) but I'm sure to give that one extra snuggles as soon as I can to make up for it.

flerlgirl

@katekat8721‌, I don't have twins but my two have coordinated to only want things at the samr time. I googled white noise videos and saved the links to my phone and laptop and they have worked wonders. It usually calms one so I can tend to the fussy one and then switch. Hugs, you're doing great!

rainbowdashh

Now I feel bad. I didn't mean to imply that any mom, especially the twin moms, who can't get to baby right away is doing something wrong I hope I didn't come across that way! I've definitely had to let W fuss in the car or while I'm trying to do something for S, I just meant I don't let her cry to attempt to soothe herself.

ETA: I just feel guilty all the time now. wtf hormones.

coffee89

We let him fuss, but if he isn't calming down (falling back to sleep, passing a BM etc) or he escalates into a cry we go get him and see what needs to be taken care of. I'll let him CIO when he gets older but he is far too young.

curlylocks3

Rachel5130 said:

Ditto on the fuss train. Paisley likes to talk to herself, so until I get the Aca-Aca cry, I just sit, watch and listen. If she fusses or talks for awhile, I will soothe her by touching her back or something, just so she is comforted. Definitely not a CIA family here. It physically hurts me when she begins to cry.

We are totes in the CIA.

curlylocks3

Also when one fusses and I'm trying to verbally soothe them I am totally being all logical with them. As in "Mumble, your brother is eating right now. You know you enjoy eating in peace so don't you think you should extend the same courtesy to him?" Or "Hugsy, I know you want Mama to pick you up but she's busy mixing up this giant jug of formula. If she stops and picks you up she will definitely get confused and only put in 18 or 19 scoops instead of 20. And then your formula won't have enough calories and it's going to be watered down yuckiness. It won't taste good and you won't grow big and strong. We can't have that, can we?"
I figure they don't really care what I say as long as it's my voice and a soothing tone so logic it is. And maybe some of it is sinking in. Maybe.

katekat8721

ohyealovely said:

Now I feel bad. I didn't mean to imply that any mom, especially the twin moms, who can't get to baby right away is doing something wrong I hope I didn't come across that way! I've definitely had to let W fuss in the car or while I'm trying to do something for S, I just meant I don't let her cry to attempt to soothe herself.

ETA: I just feel guilty all the time now. wtf hormones.

noo I didn't take it that way at all! No worries mama (((hugs)))

katekat8721

Haha curls, I try to rationalize with my 5 weeks old too. "Baby, I'm getting sissy her diaper changed, you will be next ok? Just be patient and wait just a minute and then it's your turn."

kbellizio3

Rachel5130 said:

Ditto on the fuss train. Paisley likes to talk to herself, so until I get the Aca-Aca cry, I just sit, watch and listen. If she fusses or talks for awhile, I will soothe her by touching her back or something, just so she is comforted. Definitely not a CIA family here. It physically hurts me when she begins to cry.

When I read Aca-Aca cry I Immediately thought of Pitch Perfect where she goes "aca-scuse me"

CJnKR2014

On board with they are way too young. I usually have DH deal with one while I have the other, but when he isn't here and they both start freaking out I just have to suck it up and get crap done quick. Especially since DHs grandma says that we "let them cry too long" (as soon as they begin fussing i am working on soothing them) and has started bitching about it.

curlylocks3

Rachel5130 said:

@curlylocks3‌ - Stupid autocorrect... Or was it?

Well I suppose if you actually answered you'd have to kill me.

diagonalley

jenn72178 said:

Anyone elses' LO hate the car seat? Jac is NOT a fan and has a full out crying fit when we strap her in...it breaks my heart but we have to go places (Dr., food shopping, walks...)

YES! It is awful.  The strategy I have come up with that typically works is nursing right before I leave to go somewhere.  But then I worry about him spitting up and me not being able to do anything about it.  Ugh.  So annoying.  Also, he does not want to stay in his car seat a second longer than necessary so I often have to carry him around stores.

jenn72178

@MommyP710‌ this is totally what I do (get her so milk drunk she passes out) and typically end up carrying her mid-walk, mid-store etc... I'm not happy that you are going through this too it's just nice to know I'm not alone.. hang in there mama!