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Parenting
"Your son is being a distraction"
I took Sam (almost 3 y.o) & Nick (almost 2 y.o.) to a birthday party at My Gym today (basically like Gymboree). During the first 15-20 minutes of the party, the staff likes the kids to sit in a circle & do stretches, etc. I chased Sam around the gym for about 10 minutes trying to get him to sit in the circle & participate, but he was having none of it. Rather than creating a giant tantrum, I let him go up & down the slide that's on the side of the gym. From my perspective, this seemed like the better bet to having him cause a huge scene & forcing him to participate in stretching. The other kids participating in the circle were paying no attention to him, so I didn't see the harm.
I'll also add that 2 or 3 of the other kids were doing their thing. I suppose I thought the circle time was "optional", because I've only been to parties at My Gym where it was basically free play time. Anyway, one of the instructors came over & told me that my son needed to sit in the circle and said, "Your son is being a distraction." She then proceeded to pick him up & drag him to the circle & try to force him to sit on her lap. You can imagine how well that went over with him. After that, he truly was a distraction and totally freaked out for the next 5 minutes.
I don't get it - was I crazy, or was she? Do you force your kids to participate in these types of things? Is it realistic to expect kids of that age to do 15-20 minutes of stretching? Was I rude? Let me have it - I can handle it. :-) And, I have to go to 3 more My Gym birthdays in the next six weeks, so I don't want to be one of THOSE moms with no etiquette.
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Re: "Your son is being a distraction"
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I would have done the same thing as you. I see no need to make a scene if not necessary. He was not hurting anything and not disturbing others. However, I am a pretty laxed mother. If my kid is not hurting or disturbing anyone or anyting, I let her do her thing.
Kelli
In my bag: Nikon D90; 35mm 1.8, 90mm 2.8 macro (my fave), Lensbaby Composer with macro extensions. BFP after 13 cycles and one ectopic. Lost left tube 5/19/10.
I would have been livid. You were redirecting your son for her benefit and not only do I think her comment was inappropriate but so was her behavior. I would have talked to a manager right then and there.
I haven't been to a my gym but requiring circle time at a birthday party event for a 2 yo (especially for a child that doesn't take their classes) is ridiculous.
Circle time is a bit much to expect from preschoolers when they are in the same room with a slide, IMO.
She was a b for trying to force your kid into the circle. She probably doesn't have any kids, and hasn't been trained properly if she thinks a 2 or 3 yo will do what she wants. That's what I would include in my complaint letter.
ETA: I may have gone off on her right there...something about getting her hands off my kid. I'm not sure though.
Did she consider him a distraction because other kids were asking to do what your DS was doing (playing on the slide)? Were they the same age as your DS? I know when we went to gym class and my DS wanted to do everything except what the instructor was saying/doing (not stretches though) I had to MAKE him do them. Once I did that (I tried the let him be "free" thing and he got bored with that) he was fine. He actually started participating. He was only 2 though.
You might want to opt out of the next parties he's invited to. Just send in a gift and be done with it. He doesn't participate anyway and there is no sense trying to make him do so when it will only irritate him.
Wow, my daughter would never sit and participate for that long. Well, she's only 2, but still...??
hopeful, how did you force the participation without getting a tantrum?
And, this was only for the opening of the party. The rest actually is free play. The other kids were playing on the equipment before we arrived.
I think the teacher was over the top for hauling your son down to sit on her lap. But if the other kids were wanting to go on the slide as well after seeing him then I do get the "distraction" thing.
My 2 and a half year old goes to tumbletime. The teacher is has them do a lot of free time but also a quick circle time and one other activity that they are all to participate in at the same time. There are times that my son does not want to join in and would rather do other things but I just tell him that we'll have time to do "a" later, right now we're doing "b" and if he'd rather sit it out or go home thats fine!
I had issues before with other moms letting their kids do whatever during the structured time and its really hard to tell your child no when he can see one or two others doing it. But, again you were not in a class but were at a party so its different. Its not like you knew that thier were strict guidelines!
My Gym is our other home, we are there 2 times a week. You need to call the Manager/Owner of the Gym and explain your experience. My DD who has been going to class there for almost 2years still isn't a big fan of circle time and I would be very upset if the instructor picked up my child and dragged them over to the circle. They usually encourage but never pick them up and drag them.
Next time try sitting in the circle yourself, once your son sees you sitting there and is alone he may wander over and participate. GL
I agree with Auntie in that you both handled it wrong.
She was wrong to pick up your son and FORCE him to partcipate, if she did it in a fun way, I'd be more forgiving.
If your son was causing the other children to get out of the circle, then yes he was a distraction.
Yes, my 3 yr old is expected to participate or she has the option to leave. If fact, she does classes twice a week for dance (and they do stretching). I think you should try to set better boundries and talk to him about the participation before the party.