Unwritten rules of Moms who are successful after infertility?!?!

MelissaBergstrom

Is there some rule that Mom's who are finally pregnant after infertility not allowed to complain or express discomfort or the usually miseries of pregnancy? My husband and I had been trying for almost 3 years. We finally conceived after an IUI. I have been sick most of my first 10 weeks. I cannot tell you how many people will say things like "There's praise in the puke right? You've waited and prayed years for this baby." or "Shouldn't you be thankful you're sick? It's a reminder of all that waiting, praying, and trying" I just want to scream! I usually respond with a half smile and end the conversation there. What what I want to say is: "So if I complain about being sick for the 10th week in a row does that mean I've become unthankful for this child? Undeserving perhaps? Am I supposed to be joyful with every miserable thing that happens during pregnancy? Do I lose the ability to experience pregnancy like moms who have no problem getting pregnant do? Are you going to take that from me too?!?!"

Anyone else experience this? How do you handle it in a nonemotional/hormonal way? 

Thanks

Melissa

TeeJ526

I'm sorry that people have said those things to you.

I can say from my own experiences that some people have deemed that I'm ungrateful, in spite of my IF journey, for my pregnancy because I've complained about HG. I've learned that people are going to think what they think, no matter how I handle it or respond. Like PP said, if you don't want to know how I really feel, don't ask. And for those that continue to ask, they get a generic answer.

bebejp

Who are these people saying these things to you? After all we've been through, all the pains, tears, pokes and prodes, they have no idea. Clearly they don't understand nor are they making a speck of an attempt. I'd reevaluate if you want them in your life at all.

wishiwaspreggo

You have every right to complain, just like any other woman.  No one can tell you how to feel.  You can hate pregnancy and love your baby.  Plenty of my friends hated being pregnant - I have one who was in the bathroom all day every day from 6-13 weeks.  These hormones and changes are no picnic, regardless of how badly you want your baby!  Doesn't mean you have to like the illness that comes with it.

flcl

First off, congratulations!  What wonderful news, after trying for 3 years!  Sorry you're not feeling great, pregnancy sure can do weird things to you.  Unfortunately, @kyliedaniellexx is absolutely right.  Once you're pregnant, some people think that's their sign to tell you whatever's on their mind regarding your pregnancy, your body, what you should do, etc...  The unsolicited advice doesn't end when baby arrives either.  Taking deep breathes and having someone I can vent to helped/helps.

merc5411

I'm sorry people are being asshats to you. I didn't have fertility problems with my son, but if I dared to say I wasn't feeling well, I'd get "at least you didn't have trouble getting pregnant@, or "you wouldn't feel that way if you struggled." Some people say dumb shit. I am sorry you are having to deal with it and I'm sorry you're feeling poorly.

ConversationFear

Eff that - it's still morning sickness - I'm sorry you have to hear this crap over and over. My BFF and her husband waited a long time to have their little guy (and lost 3 in the process) and any time she would be in pain or feel bad, people around her would remind her that "Now - you shouldn't be looking a gift horse in the mouth!"

WTF? It still sucks during the first trimester of pregnancy. You being honest about being sick has nothing to do with whether or not you are happy you are having this child you've waited for.

Short version is taht people are stupid. Hang in there.

chickyclg

I know exactly how you feel and at first I was scared to say I felt sick or tired, But finally I said efff it.  I struggled through years of IF and while I am thankful for my babies, but sometimes I just want to stay in bed all day and moan and groan.  

OmSweetOm

Morning sickness sucks no matter who you are or how you got it. Bitch on, girl!

normandyn7

I've known girls who are having trouble getting pregnant and they will say, "when I finally get pregnant I'll NEVER complain." Or they will get mad when a pregnant woman complains about being sick or feeling like crap and they'll say, "well you should be happy you can get pregnant." I can't help but think that once they get pregnant they will eat their words because being pregnant is uncomfortable! I don't care when pregnant women complain because I know how horrible it can be at times. It shouldn't matter if you got pregnant right away or went through fertility treatments...it can suck!

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MelissaBergstrom

I love everyone of you right now! People are just jerks and don't think before they speak!!

PS - my favorite is when someone asks me how I'm feeling and then responds with one of these jerk statements. I just wanna say "Oh you don't really care how I'm feeling. Just wanted to get your opinion in. Make sure I was aware"