Cry it out? Or still too young?

kelbel2440

At what age do you think babies start learning if they fuss or cry then mama comes to the rescue? My little guy is 11wks 2days. Naps are getting more difficult as he fusses with the swaddle, and continuously spits out the nuk and starts crying. We have been rocking him a bit to help him fall asleep but I don't want to make this the norm. Is he still in the age of learning to trust us, at which point letting him cry for a bit (I'm talking maybe 30 seconds to a minute) would be harmful to him? I swear, we had naptime down to a science, it took very little effort and now this last week it's been more like when he was 4-6 weeks.

Avion22

Our LO will sometimes cry for 30-60 seconds if we can't get to him faster than that.  I don't think 30-60 seconds is a big deal if you're in the bathroom or if you're cooking raw meat and have to wash your hands.  But I wouldn't purposefully let him cry for that long, just for the sake of him learning to self-soothe -- it's too early for that.   If I can't get to him right away, I try to verbally soothe ("I hear you buddy, I'll be right there as soon as I'm done peeing!").   

Naps are challenging for us too, and I don't really have any suggestions except to keep trying.  I think we're still in "do what you gotta do" mode, so it's okay to keep rocking as a "last resort" and only use it if you have to (for us our "last resort" is going for a walk or a car ride).  

AcaAwkward

Too young for true CIO methods -- Ferber and Weissbluth both recommend 5-6 month minimum.

Letting him fuss or cry for a minute? Not going to be harmful, but as Dani said, I'm not sure that's going to accomplish anything.

Naps and sleep change CONSTANTLY with babies in the first year (or two or three). What worked last month might not work this month. You just have to kind of ride the waves and see what works.

hordol

I think it's still too young for CIO, though I don't consider 30-60 seconds of fussing CIO. It takes me at least that long to put down what I'm doing to get to DS most of the time.

khammond3

Well now you make me sound like a TERRIBLE mom!!!! Sometimes when I am in the middle if doing something I will let her cry for a couple min till I can get to her. And.... If I tended to her every time she cried in the car I would never be able to leave my house... How do you mommies deal with crying in the car ?

steph1977

I can't possibly be the only one with a difficult baby. If I didn't let my LO "cry it out" sometimes, he simply would not sleep. Ever.
And I'm not talking a little fussing, but full-on screams. Yes, I swaddle, rock, and often nurse to sleep. I try singing, swinging, and use the sound machine religiously. For some babies, nothing works.
Please don't judge me and assume I'm a terrible mom. Until you've had a baby like mine, you really don't know. My mommy guilt is through the roof, but I know that I'm doing everything possible for my little guy. He's not going to grow up with trust issues, he'll be a perfectly well-adjusted and happy child, just like my DD who was exactly the same at this age.

pete0121

@steph1977‌ you're right. I too have a difficult baby. She scream the whole car ride every car ride. I have to let her cry a lot too. Though things are getting better. However this isn't traditional CIO. Don't worry. No mommy guilt needed.

sking72

steph1977 said:

I can't possibly be the only one with a difficult baby. If I didn't let my LO "cry it out" sometimes, he simply would not sleep. Ever.
And I'm not talking a little fussing, but full-on screams. Yes, I swaddle, rock, and often nurse to sleep. I try singing, swinging, and use the sound machine religiously. For some babies, nothing works.
Please don't judge me and assume I'm a terrible mom. Until you've had a baby like mine, you really don't know. My mommy guilt is through the roof, but I know that I'm doing everything possible for my little guy. He's not going to grow up with trust issues, he'll be a perfectly well-adjusted and happy child, just like my DD who was exactly the same at this age.

While I haven't had to do cry it out early with the babe, I know some people who have. No judging from me. With some babies there is just nothing you can do to console them and with some babies and some instances, they just need to scream for a minute. Flame me for believing that if you'd like. Haha

*sparky*

Like the PPs said, letting him cry for 30 seconds certainly won't damage him but I'm not sure what it would do for you either. I mean if he can actually put himself to sleep after 30 seconds that's pretty good.

And @steph1977‌ - what you are doing is perfectly fine and normal. I have been driving alone with DD a few times when she was crying her eyes out and there was nothing I could do. And there have been a few nap times when she was overtired and mad about being swaddled when I held her and rocked her while she screamed about being swaddled until she fell asleep. That totally sucked but I had to do it.

And since she is my 2nd there are times when she just has to sit and wait a few minutes while I do something for the other kiddo. I don't let her sit if she is truly upset but she has certainly started getting pretty aggravated before I could get to her a few times.

You do what you have to do. Take care of their needs as soon as you can and they will be okay.

MamaFantastic

I'm starting to let Tessa fuss it out in measured doses in her crib if she's wired and I know she needs to release some energy before she can mellow out. If she starts screaming, I pick her up.

As a STM I just can't always meet her needs the second they arise. And on a handful of exasperating occasions I've let her scream herself to sleep on purpose. No shame in my game! As @eme520‌ said, it's survival.

@AcaAwkward‌ hit the nail on the head re: evolving sleep needs/patterns/routines/hang ups. I've already switched my "sleepy routine" completely around and I'm only 3 months in. I'm sure it will change again soo It's never a bad idea to help our babies learn to self soothe, though at 2-3 months old that process shouldn't involve prolonged hard crying.

fourthnlast

The last few days, E has been napping, and starts fussing after 30 or so minutes, but instead of fully waking up, she has gone back to sleep and napped another 2 hours. I am thrilled with this! She also hates the car, but i have 3 older kids who have to get places, most of the time she screams the whole car ride.

kalette

Honestly, rock him to sleep as long as you can. There will come a day when he won't let you anymore. .and that sucks worse. DD stopped letting me rock her at about13 months. She would just get up and walk off to her room and wait for me to put her in the crib.
Some of my favorite times were holding DD and watching Lost while she was all snuggled in.

AcaAwkward

eme520 said:

I think there is a difference between CIO so that baby learns to self soothe and letting a fussy baby cry when nothing will work and you are losing your sanity. Cognitively babies can't do the former until at least 4 months at the earliest and, regarding the latter, that's just survival.

This! @steph1977‌ what you are doing isn't CIO -- you're doing everything you can to soothe your kiddo, not purposefully letting him cry so he can learn to self-soothe.

DS screamed for 45 min tonight while we tried everything in the book to calm him down -- we knew he was hungry but also overtired and just couldn't calm down enough to latch. We rocked and shushed and tried white noise and fresh air and different positions -- finally resorting to getting in the shower and nursing him there. Those 45 min of screaming do not = CIO. DS also screams quite often in the car -- stopping and soothing him just makes our trip longer, as he'll just start crying the minute I put him back in the seat. And he sometimes has to cry for a bit while I tend to his sister... I don't consider any of this CIO.

LittleLady77

My girl is super easy. We did two weeks where we rocked her to a very drowsy state and set her down (no crying). She learned to self soothe and now we can swaddle her in her crib awake and she goes out. There were never any tears. My son on the other hand, is a disaster at night. There is no way he will fall asleep anywhere BUT in our arms and even then he SCREAMS! Tonight it took me over an hour of rocking and cooing to put him out. Having one easy baby and one hard baby is very eye opening.

haziedaze

Just wanted to be clear that CIO is a specific sleep training technique of not responding to nighttime cries or delaying one's response to set intervals. It is not the same thing when a fussy baby cries while a parent sushes, rocks, offers a paci, tries to nurse, etc. Babies cry and psychologically it's totally different to cry while being tended to rather than crying a crib at night without a parent coming in. My high needs DS1 did tons of crying while we held, rocked, etc, but the one time we tried to lay him down in his crib and walk out without picking him up so completely flipped him out that he puked. We never did it again- he knew the difference and so did we. Choosing to sleep train is a parenting choice that she be well researched and planned out, letting a 2-3 month old fuss and cry here and there is life, purposing sleep training a 2-3 month old is totally different and ill-advised in my opinion for countless reasons.

steph1977

Glad to know that I'm not alone! I do understand that it's not necessarily CIO, as during the night he is always tended to. He just happens to be a very grumpy baby the minute he is set down. I wish I could say that it's a few seconds of fussing and crying here and there, but it's full-on screaming (with tears). It is survival as pp said, otherwise my other child would go hungry and I would bathe even less frequently than I do now

babym6705

Use your common sense and mommy judgement. If you are going to the bathroom, cooking dinner, tending to another kid, or just need a break for a minute, etc., it's fine. You aren't going to traumatize your child emotionally. CIO is such a mommy guilt issue. A few minutes of crying is NOT neglect or abuse.