NBR: Poll

wifeofadam

Random question - Could you live in a home that you knew your DH had previously lived in with another woman?  What if they hadn't lived in it together, but you knew that they had been intimate in the home?

DublinMama

pinesnow said:

Hmmm. I don't think it would bug me too much. I guess right now I technically sleep on a bed he shared during a previous relationship. I honestly never gave it much thought?

This. Except I would expect all remnants of said prior relationship to be sorted and out of the house. I don't want some cray cray chick kickin' down the door at 6:00 a.m. looking for her recliner back.

wifeofadam

My little sister is engaged to a man and they are arguing about where they should live.  He owns a beautiful home and property, but he lived there with his ex.  Little sister doesn't like that.  Just curious about what others are comfortable with and whether or not my advice to her is totally off.

tamarar5

If it were a case of him being a widower, I would have less issue with it.

But if the ex were alive, I don't think I could. I would feel too much like an intruder in my own home. And I think I'd have a hard time getting thoughts like, "he was intimate with HER in my bedroom!" Out of my head.

But I am jealous, even though I try not to be. I prefer not to think about dh having any relationships between us dating. We both had a single relationship, but it's impossible to ignore mine since it resulted in C. He is amazing and has accepted her with open arms and heart. But I have a hard time dealing with someone knowing him like that.

wifeofadam

Yeah.  I don't think I could live in the home.  I couldn't even live in a home that DH had been intimate with another person in, even if they didn't live there.  I just feel like houses have energy and memories, and that every time DH went into that room those memories may creep up.

But like @TamaraR4 I am the jealous type.  I don't even want to think about DH being with someone else.  It makes me feel ill.

jesuisfatiguee

It would depend on a lot of factors. How long the previous relationship lasted, how long ago it ended, whether they were married or just lived together (less logical, I know, but still). 

It would also depend on how much of her was ingrained into the structure of the house. Like, if they built the house together and there were little details that were her idea. I would not want to eat at a breakfast bar that the ex had insisted on having installed, KWIM?

Just being intimate with someone is another story, and would bother me a lot less. 

kleigh926

I agree that houses hold memories, and staying in the same house that you lived with someone in is bound to remind you of them at times. I'm not sure I could do it. It would make me feel like it's impossible for him to totally get over the ex while still living in the same house they shared. I know that's probably not true for many people, but that's how I think I would feel about it.

holly321

I was watching Love it or List it the other day. The woman didn't want to live in the house because the man shared it with his ex. At the time, I thought she was being ridiculous. But the more I think about it, I think it is a bit awkward.

marshmallows

If I loved the space i think I'd get over it. I really think that men aren't as sentimental as we are and probably wouldn't associate it with the Ex anymore if that makes sense.

SummerLove21

I would have a hard time with it. Would it make or break my choice to live there? I'm not sure. But it would probably be a last option.

Meggiemuggins

We live in teh house in which DH grew up.  He parents sadly, died young, but DH and his brother inherited the house and still live here (it's divided into 2 suites).  Anyways, he lived here with a previous girlfriend and it doesn't bother me, it was ages before we met.
 

So nope, I have no problem with it. However, if they'd picked it out together as starry-eyed lovers, it might bug me, but since it was his parents' first, it's fine.

We live in one of the most expensive cities in the world so to have ANY house is rare, I'm not about to complain!