Random Thoughts (Re: sex fantasies)

divinemsbee

So, I was thinking,  there's a fair amount of talk here about having sexual fantasies/thoughts/scenarios/watching porn involving other women or woman on woman action. If you have those and use them to get off, how would you feel if the tables were turned?

How would you feel if your SO was looking at gay porn or using gay fantasies to get himself off? Would it be a different thing entirely, or would you treat it the same? Does your SO know that you occasionally use a little lesbian action to get off/Is he cool with that?

For the record, I'm like a Kinsey 1, maaaaybe a 1.5. I definitely find certain women attractive, but it's not necessarily a fire in my loins thing.  I have on occasion had woman on woman fantasies and used them to get off, and frankly most porn has a little girl on girl. It doesn't disgust me but it's not my preferred bag. I also really like the way the male body looks, so there are definitely some gay scenes that do it for me (has anyone been watching Penny Dreadful? If you are then you know the hotness a few weeks back that I'm talking about).

As to the answer to my own question, I honestly don't know. H and I don't really talk about our porn viewing habits or fantasies. I know he has a thing for redheads and Natalie Dormer. I know that his porn viewing is a pretty small amount and pretty tame (unless he got really good at sneaking it, which if it isn't illegal he'd have no reason to do). If I found out that he was fantasizing about a dude giving him blowies to get off, I'd probably be a little weirded out. But, assuming this isn't something he wants to pursue IRL I think I'd be okay. But at the same time it might cause me to feel a bit insecure.

I realize this question changes if either both of the people in the relationship are women, or perhaps is one or both people identify as bisexual. But maybe not.

Anyway, thought it might be an interesting question for a slow-ish Friday.

lebradford

I would be ok with my husband looking at gay porn. Or midget porn, BBC, anime, or whatever. If his porn viewing was super focused on something that we don't do, I'd just ask him if that was something he was interested in trying, or if it was purely fantasy. I think there are some things that people fantasize about that they have no desire to actually try. I'm cool with that.



Plus, if I'm honest, I'm more likely to have the freaky porn watching habits....

KingLED

I have no idea what kind of porn h watches on his own, but we talk pretty openly about people that we see in person (or on tv or whatever) that we find physically attractive. We have both commented on men and women. The discussions we've had about the possibility of ever having a threesome and asking if the third party would be a man or a woman we have gone back and forth on because both of us agree that it would depend on the person and not solely the sex.

As long as he's not sleeping around and hiding it from me, I don't care what gets him off.

divinemsbee

Follow up: Would it affect anyone's feelings if they were fantasies and not just watching porn including gay sex? Like, would it be different if he told you that he was fantasizing about getting a blow job from a guy while he was getting himself off without porn? Like made up the dude in his head.

I say this as someone who rarely uses porn to masturbate, I generally just think up a scenario and get myself off pretty quickly.

I think the above is the scenario that I was thinking I'd be weird about. Watching porn, not a big deal and lots of porns now cycle through several different scenarios in the course of them. Of course, if it's in his head, how would you ever know? So, there's that.

divinemsbee

@Joy2611 I would take your clicky poll. I started thinking about this topic earlier and worded and re-worded in my head. I definitely don't want to come off as wearing judge-y pants (very unflattering), but I was curious. I also realize that H and I are pretty vanilla, so it's cool to have other points of view.

PuppyLove84

It wouldn't bother me if he had a dream involving a guy, or he was watching a porn that had some guy on guy action in it.  I'd be super surprised, but not upset.  I'd be a little upset if he said he fantasized about a guy doing something to him because that seems a little more real to me (?) somehow. Plus he should only fantasize about me, RIGHT??  (J/k, I know he has a thing for Natalie Portman and for Miranda Lambert.)

I have kissed girls (friends) when I was drunk, but it was more of a "look how crazy we are!" thing and less of a "I'm attracted to you" thing.  I appreciate the female body and enjoy an occasional trip to a strip club, but if I get turned on, I want the dick.

Robi1

It would not bother me at all if he either watched gay porn or had gay fantasies. In fact, I find that pretty hot and would love to hear about it and incorporate it into our sex life. Unfortunately for me, my DH is totally straight and not into that at all. 

I'm bisexual and I pretty evenly watch/look at gay, straight and lesbian porn and have fantasies of all ilks. We're both pretty open about our porn habits and fantasies, and have talked about having threesomes. I'd love a MMF (or more likely MFM) but he's not into it. We've done a FFM and would love to do more, though it's hard to find likely candidates. I think he'd consider a swinging situation with MFFM, no male interaction, which would be fun too. But that's not exactly at the top of our priority list what with babies, pregnancy, etc. 

So basically, no it doesn't bother me. I don't care if he's thinking about other women or men or whatever as long as it's not affecting our emotional or sexual relationship. 

EveryStormX2

Interesting thread! I would be really surprised if I ever found H watching gay porn, or if he ever admitted to having gay fantasies. I don't think I'd be upset, but I would be flabbergasted. We are extremely open about porn, sex, fantasies, and different ways to keep our sex life exciting and hot. We've even discussed threesomes and/or swinging, but I don't actually think either of us could ever go through with those ideas; they're more fantasies. There have been plenty of times where we've caught one another watching porn/getting ourselves off, which just turns into hot, steamy sex. I love that he and I can be so open with one another, and still enjoy each other after 5 years together. As long as he's not doing anything behind my back, anything goes!  

WestIsleFlower

It is kind of hard for me to picture H watching gay male porn, but I think if he told me he did I wouldn't judge him but would feel weird at first. I know he has sex dreams that usually involve other women and that doesn't bother me. As long as he is honest with me, I don't think anything like that would bother me.

P.S. Women are HOT, but I have no interest in doing them.

chaysefaith

I'm his first girlfriend.  I know he was with other women before me but I'm the first that he dated seriously or even brought around his friends.  He was 23 and an Afghan war vet when we started dating.  Because he held out for a girlfriend for so long (which makes me feel extra special, btw) his friends always gave him a hard time calling him gay and whatever else.  It really bothered me when we first started dating but it has drastically decreased over the years.  Because of that though, it would REALLY bother me if he was watching gay porn.  I don't know how I would feel if none of that had happened when we first started dating but now it would freak me out.

FitMom3510

I think I would feel weird if he admitted to me that he watched gay porn but at the same time he isn't a porn watcher that I know of unless he does it while he goes to the bathroom because we both work from home and are rarely apart. I'm usually the one who brings up watching it on occasion and it makes him think that I can't get into sex without it when I do bring it up. At the same time though we do watch it together when I'm on my period and not interested in sex because of the mess and shower sex doesn't do it for me, even though my sex drive is in overdrive every time so we do other things and that usually is our go to during that time. He has never mentioned anything about other men but he knows that I am bisexual and interested in women. We had a friend over one night and all got drunk and had a mini threesome (no sex) but pretty much everything else and it was fun but I didn't like seeing him touch another woman, but I enjoyed doing it myself (I feel selfish). I do fantasize him about him with other women while I watch or join though but not sure if I could go through with it. 

Ladymouse

DH asked me once to describe a woman-on-woman sex fantasy, and I straight up couldn't, because I (like Marshall in How I Met Your Mother) would then have to imagine my husband dead, and it was too depressing.  

DH doesn't tend to talk about his sex fantasies.

Trampslikeus

We've watched all sorts of stuff out of curiosity but I'm not sure how I'd react to him watching gay porn to get off. I wouldn't freak out or anything, maybe id ask "huh, that's surprising to me, is it just a fantasy?" and talk about it a bit.

lebradford

divinemsbee said:

Follow up: Would it affect anyone's feelings if they were fantasies and not just watching porn including gay sex? Like, would it be different if he told you that he was fantasizing about getting a blow job from a guy while he was getting himself off without porn? Like made up the dude in his head.

No, for me that wouldn't matter. I still think there are fantasies you can have that you don't want to act on. If he *did* want to act on getting a BJ from a guy, then we'd have to talk. Does that mean inviting in a third? Him being with a guy alone? I could probably be talked into the threesome. I definitely wouldn't feel comfortable with him being with another person (guy or girl) without me. As long as he was willing to abide by my wishes and not go ahead with the BJ fantasy, I truly don't think I would be weirded out. I might feel kind of sad that he had a fantasy that would probably go unfulfilled though. We're extremely open though, so I know that he doesn't have fantasies about guys, even guys as a third.