January 2014 Moms

How many of your baby's have been fed food without your knowledge/consent?

I'm a pretty mellow mom for the most part, but I finally went off on my mom and BIL last weekend. Not like full on meltdown, but angry enough that I feel like they finally got my message. When we had our DS we followed all the pediatricians guidelines for introducing foods and he presented no issues with any except citrus gave him a diaper rash. He honestly did not handle it well until after 18 months. We intended to take the same path with our DD. Well like a month ago I was with DS in the bathroom and  my BIL gave DD a piece of watermelon to suck on. I told him she hasn't had anything besides formula, so please don't do that! He went into the story that with their kids they didn't follow guidelines blah blah blah and they turned out fine. Well that's great, but this is my kid not yours. Fast forward to a week later and I caught my mom doing the same thing! Same conversation same response, "You and all your siblings survived".  Then BIL chimes in "Oh and she really liked the pineapple I gave her too"! Seriously? I thought he was joking, nope the next day DD got her first ever diaper rash and it was awful. Maybe you shouldn't feed someone else's baby something they did not approve, let alone the citrus being that her brother had serious issues with it! BIL truly loves DD and he is her Godfather. I didn't want him to feel bad just to be aware that this is not ok, so I casually mentioned the rash to him but wasn't mean about it. Then this past weekend I caught my mom letting DD chew on a raw mini carrot, I told her she is NOT supposed to be eating real food yet. She responded well her teeth were bothering her and she liked the frozen pancake I gave her to chew on the other day.... BIL was in the room as well. I was ticked I said do you two realize that now she has had pineapple, watermelon, pancake, and carrot?! None of which I gave her?! Yes I'm a STM mom and I don't have to be the first to give her every food she eats, but she is not ready for any of these yet! They kind of mumbled apologies and I let it drop. Then I got to thinking what else has my family fed her that I didn't know about? I know they fed DS ice cream before he should have had it, but did my family feed him a ton of other crap too? Can't seem to stop thinking about it. What has your family fed your babies?

Re: How many of your baby's have been fed food without your knowledge/consent?

  • Luckily my family members have only fed her breastmilk in a bottle, but we just started oatmeal this week. I have a feeling things might ramp up once we begin offering her new foods in the next few weeks. Hopefully everyone will be respectful of our wishes that she receives the food from DH or me first. I'm really sorry your family is acting so disrespectful.
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  • Omg I would be livid. We had no history of allergies or reactions with DS but if someone did that to DD I would lose my sh!t. I think it is very risky on their part. Sorry to hear about this.
     
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  • cnctfcnctf member
    Wowwwwzers..This has not happened to me but if it did.. The first time, I would of told them how I felt and let it go but, if they kept doing it again and again after I told them, I would be pissed! I would of asked them whats their EFFING problem? I really hope that they cut that shit out. Its actually rude and disrespectful in my eyes. 


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  • I had a conversation last night with my mom about feeding DD and she seems to think like your mom. She thinks I should stop BF and give her cows milk. She's 5 months! I said you don't give cows milk til 12 months and then she proceeded to tell me I don't have to listen to everything the dr.'s tell me because they don't know what they are talking about! So frustrating! It's unfortunate our parents/family can't support our decisions on how we choose to bring up our babies. I told DH last night I could understand if I was doing something harmful to DD and my mom thought she should step in but pretty sure I'm not, so hopefully she'll soon learn to keep her two cents to herself. Sorry I hijacked your post but I guess we are going through the same thing at the same time. I hope your family listens to your requests from now on!
  • Wow! Sorry about this. My mom took DS out to dinner with her last weekend and she said that my aunt gave him strawberry sauce from her cheesecake. Not pleased, but mom said as soon as she saw it she asked her not to feed him any food. I just don't get why people think it's ok to give food to other peoples children without asking.


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  • Well to answer your question, neither of my kids have been fed things without my expressed consent. I'd be raging if I experienced what you did. It baffles me that their response is the "we did this and you turned out fine" excuse. Yes, because child A doesn't have a peanut/dairy/citrus allergy so clearly ALL children won't have that.

  • DS hasn't been given any yet, but people tried with DD all the time. After I specifically told my SIL not to give her potato salad she did it anyways. Around Christmas time FIL would try to feed her cookies without asking.

    It might just be me being my germaphobe self, but I hate when other people bite off something and then offer it to my kid. Eww
  • km_mdkm_md member
    edited June 2014
    Like everyone else, I would have lost my crap on them. It's not even about the food so much as it is about respecting your parenting decisions.

    Eta: this is another reason that MIL won't be left alone with DD. They've been asking me since she was a few weeks old if I've given her juice yet. Wtaf??


  • Holy shit. I'd lose my marbles all over the place if someone did that to DD. Now granted, I'm all about her trying new things and trying things earlier rather than later, but who goes ahead and just feeds someone else's infant foods they've never had before? You handled it way more tactfully then I ever would have. 


  • H's grandparents gave B ice cream at 4weeks old. They've finally figured out that's the reason they aren't left alone with him. I am anaphylactic with a huge type of food, so my family knows not to give B anything we haven't tried yet. They don't want to risk it. H's family doesn't get it, but they've never experienced an allergic reaction as severe as mine.
    This is a good point- many people really have no idea the severity of some types of allergic reactions. I'd be showing them pics and videos of anaphylaxis if they were dense enough to think that trying allergenic foods without my consent was an ok thing to do. 
  • @NenaMarie84 hijack away, I don't care:) I really do like to get everyone else's experiences and reactions bc it makes me feel more justified in my anger. I can't really talk to DH about it bc he thinks that its not a big deal. I am from a huge family and everyone gives their "two cents" to everyone else about kids, marriage, life etc... While annoying at times I can deal with that. It's when someone else's actions conflict with mine on how my child is treated that I get upset. I would be annoyed but fine with my mom if she just made comments but didn't act on them. All of these incidents occurred at Sunday "family dinner" (except the pancake), so it's not even like they were babysitting her. There happened to be food out and they thought "Let's feed the baby". I just don't understand it. The carrot and watermelon were given to her bc she was "upset" and chewing on them made her feel better. Well I'm sure bourbon on the gums would feel better too, but we don't do that either... It's just frustrating, I know that they don't do it to be disrespectful, they just don't really think about it that way. They would never intentionally harm her but to my mindset accidents happen so why not avoid them if possible? 

    @sehudson821 it's funny you mentioned strawberry sauce bc my mom did say, "Well it's not like I gave her dairy, strawberries, or nuts!". Which makes me feel better that she is aware of several of the major dangerous allergens to avoid.
  • This is one of my biggest fears!! It hasn't happened yet because I've been putting the fear in the family, so I know my inlaws and immediate family aren't going to screw around. When we went on vacation with all the extra aunts and uncles though I was nervous. DD has to have meds before eating, and I'm petrified that next time we're all together someone will feed her without my knowing.

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  • Not yet, but seriously I could see my MIL doing something stupid like this. I would be sooooo pissed if someone gave DS something without my permission!! Sorry your dealing with that
  • With DS1 my ILs tried this a few times, all of which we managed to intercept (I actually smacked MIL's hand and the food hit the floor one time). For this reason we never left them alone in the room with my ILs and still never will with any of our children. They are much better with DS2 in that they don't constantly ask or try to feed him like with DS1 but it's still a risk I'm not willing to take. 
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  • We just started giving her some applesauce and my family knows that, but the other day my sister was babysitting and decided to give her yogurt.  Seriously?!?!  I was very angry...she's dairy free!  She can't handle dairy and you're feeding her yogurt while I'm not home?  I was pissed. When I told my mom (sister still lives at home) my mom just brushed it off.  Oh she's almost 17 and she's careful.  It's not like she'll choke on yogurt and all of you guys did fine!  I was so pissed after that.  1. It's MY baby, and I'll be following my own guidelines, and 2. 3 bites of yogurt IS enough to give her a gut ache.  
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  • It happened to us!!! Landon was going to an at home daycare. He was refusing bottles so I was going there every 2 hours to feed, even though he didn't need to eat that often. The lady wanted Landon to eat more and kept pushing solids. I too him to the doc to see if we could get an early go ahead and the doc said no way, not until 17 weeks at the earliest. He was about 14 at the time. I told the daycare lady we would wait until 5 months. That was on a Friday. The next Monday he came home early from there spitting up orange. My H called and she said sorry he was hungry so she puréed her own carrots and gave them to him! He never went back.
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  • Feeding either one of my kids anything without my express consent is absolutely verboten. I realize our situation is on the extreme end of things but we had NO family history of allergies until my older son presented with severe food allergies. And, turns out, he has some pretty unusual ones too -- like being anaphylactic to lentils.

    Until people have had to stick an epi pen in their child's leg while counting the seconds until EMS comes, they truly have NO idea how bad it can be and should always respect the parents when it comes to feeding. One of my kids (well, hopefully YDS doesn't have allergies) having an allergic reaction when I am not present is literally my #1 fear.
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  • Yeah I'd be pissed off.  I hope they finally realize and stop doing that for you. 

    Similar thing happened with DS when he was a baby.  We decided to do BLW (and will for this one too) so be bought both sets of grandparents the book and talked to them about what we were doing and why and how and all that.  So one night when my parents were watching B they decided to give him and Oreo cookie.  A FREAKING OREO At 6 1/2 MONTHS OLD!!!!  When we picked him up that night they told me and at first I thought they were kidding but no, they even took pictures because they thought it was so funny how messy he got with it (chocolate all over his face).  I flipped my shit on them and luckilly they quickly realized how big a deal it was and never once since have given him anything without asking me first. 




  • I have the opposite problem, I always get the 3rd degree for starting my kids on new foods from my family. Good luck with your family. I think they have good intentions they sound like they are just to excited to be able to be apart of her eating real food.
  • rcultronarcultrona member
    edited June 2014
    I feel you!DS is EBF and has has rice cereal once.  My sister is ALWAYS giving him little thinks off her finger (like whipped cream, froyo etc...) Since it was just little amounts I decided not to jump on her because she helps with the baby A LOT but I did vent to my mom that on a selfish level I want to be the one watching him experience these things for the first time. I don't want her experiencing them with him while I am at work. I finally throw down a few days ago, he was hungry and I was just about to feed him but I had to throw some clothes in the washer. Sister decided this would be a good time to crack the apple sauce and grab a spoon. I finally told her in no uncertain terms he is EBF for now and I will let her know when it is ok to start giving him anything else. 
  • My mom tried to give my 5 month old a piece of orange and I got SO mad at her! Granted he is eating cereal and trying all sorts of fruits and veggie purées, but still. She never asked me. Respect me as his mother and do NOT feed him things without my consent. I don't care if you are my mom/his grandmother. Grr!
  • MIL let DD suck on a watermelon the other day without asking me first since she had seen me let DD suck on a piece of cantaloupe before. I didn't say anything because it was just watermelon which is mostly just water and it's pretty unlikely she'd be allergic to it. But considering she's only had about 5 different foods at this point and even less table foods, I wasn't happy.
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  • Shit would hit the fan if this happened with my dd. I don't have to worry about my in-laws mil ebf for a whole year! And introduced take food at a year. She keeps telling me she doesn't really need food at 6 months. Bil its anaphylactic allergic to dairy so she is very nervous about dd having a allergy. She always tells us to introduce the food slow and test it on her skin first. Lol. My mom was respectful of my siblings wishes for my neice and nephew. So I don't think I have to worry. She is watching her this week. I plan to casually mention we still have yet to give her food and don't plan to yet for a bit.  
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  • Oh my god. I would be furious! Ugh you are handling it with much more tact than I would. But if I was you I would definitely make my feelings on the matter very clear - not only are they disrespecting your wishes, but they are potentially putting your LO at risk for an allergic reaction without giving you warning about what she has eaten. Not acceptable. Sorry they are being so obnoxious.
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