Advice for new parents? Help me write a letter to my brother

Codypup

As some of you might remember, my brother's girlfriend is pregnant and due in August. They're having a couples shower next month, and I want to send them a thoughtful letter along with a gift. I was thinking of something along the lines of "what I wish I knew" or "Random pieces of advice" or something along those lines. So far, I have these ideas, which I'll somehow make into a coherent list:

1. Witching Hour - what it is and what to do! (Swaddle, shush, walk, bounce, pray, cry, etc)

2. That 3 days PP your body might feel like it's been hit by a mac truck, and that it's normal

3. That in the few weeks after delivery, I'd constantly wake up from naps frantically looking through the bed for the baby, even though the baby was in the other room 

4. Night sweats - they're horrible, keep extra PJ's nearby

I swear I had more, but goldfish memory. Any other suggestions? Or another way to phrase the title of the list?

shellbell3845

I was just thinking about your brother the other day and wondering when his baby was due. This sounds like a great gift to them! (I'll think if I have anything to add.)

hopefuldog

TyrannosaurusLex said:

I feel like I should caution you against this idea....as good of a place as it's coming from, no one wants unsolicited advice less than soon to be or new parents. It might not go over well, even if they appear to accept it graciously. 

I was kind of thinking the same, depending on your relationship. It could really go either way. I know your intentions are good, but it could come across otherwise.

If you choose to do it, I'd recommend keeping the advice more generic, like dreaming babies suggested. Of the 4 things you started with, I haven't personally experienced any (but trust me, I've got plenty of Other things in their place!). Maybe you could include a "I'm here for you both for any advice or venting you need".

Codypup

@tyrannosauruslex @hopeful0328,  I hadn't thought about it that way. I was thinking along the lines of HOLY HELL, why did no one warn me about witching hour?! I would have loved to get a list of random, not-commonly-known things to expect. 

At least I think I would have loved it. It's quite possible that at 8 months pregnant, I would have taken that list and shoved into the garbage disposal.

hopefuldog

Codypup said:

It's quite possible that at 8 months pregnant, I would have taken that list and shoved into the garbage disposal.

Haha!

Only you know your relationship with your brother and his gf and how she/they may take it.

Either way, it's really sweet of you to want to help.

coffeyandyogapants

I kind of agree with tlex, i got very annoyed when other moms constantly offered me advice. But it is a sweet idea, maybe you could just write an encouraging, you will be great parents letter, rather then newborn care advice?

Metreky21

I'm with you @Codypup‌ I would have loved to have gotten a letter like this. I feel like my cousins who have kids really sugar coated it for me and weren't honest about how it was going to be and I wish they, or someone, had.

My contribution: it's ok to miss your old life. It's ok to bring the baby home and wish you could just go take it back. It's ok to think "why did I decide to do this? What was I thinking??" It will pass. You'll fall in love and then you won't be able to imagine life without them.

breadpudding

I think it's a great idea. FWIW the unsolicited advice that I got that bothered me, usually came from people I couldn't stand to begin with.

I think if you make it funny, it will be a big hit! You should do it! Let me know if you do!

I have a "Murphy's Law for Moms" picture on my computer... It's super cute and could give you a few ideas. I'll send it to you.

Codypup

Thank you guys! I still have some time before the shower so I'm going to think on this idea bit more. I feel like she'd be open to it, mainly because we've been chatting a lot recently and she's full of great questions. She doesn't have many people in her life who have recently had kids, so she's been using me as a resource. 

I guess I just want to do something a little more heartfelt than just a gift from their registry, and a letter was the first place my head went to. I love the idea of making it funny! 

sdlaura

Do what works for you at the time, rather than worry all the time about creating habits you might have to break later. I would probably frame your advice as 'what I wish someone had told me' rather than 'parenting advice.'

ramfan05

I definitely think that there are people in my life who would enjoy something like this and those who wouldn't. It sounds like you think she would appreciate it. I think it sounds like a fun idea, and like you said, a way to make your gift to them a little more special and personal. I like the idea of making it funny too, since so often as a new parent, all you can do is either laugh or cry. Make her laugh!

BB0214

Maybe say that on the worst days they may feel like they're failing and made a mistake. It's ok and normal to feel like that. It's the sleep deprivation talking.Then they'll get that first smile or coo and realize it was all worth it.