January 2014 Moms

ST+Ms....Stranger Danger talk?

My DS is almost 3 and I'm trying to have stranger danger talks with him. Not sure if he's too young, but I'm starting anyway. I'm sure there are teachers out there that have been trained on how to teach their students or moms with older kids who have had that talk with them. I need pointers! I told him no one is allowed to touch his penis and other private areas....so he starts listing all of our family members and asks if each are allowed to touch him. Ughhhh. What if they take him to the bathroom?!? I'm lost!

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Re: ST+Ms....Stranger Danger talk?

  • It's so hard to know what to say. We just said something along the lines of. " your penis is private, when you go to the bathroom you are having private time so other people don't need to look at you or help you unless you ask them to." At his school they stopped going in together (bathroom in room) at around age 3 so it kind of fit. We approached it that penises and bottoms are private and you don't show them to people and never really got into the why.
     
  • DS1 is 3.5 years old and we started this by saying that his penis, balls and bum are not something we show or share with people other than Mom or Dad.  TBH nobody else really ever helps him out in the bathroom other than us, and he doesn't need help other than wiping his bum. So talking with respect to that is not something that has come up.  I think there is a difference as well between what type of touch. Like perhaps explaining that nobody should touch them differently than mom or dad. Since PL'ing I haven't had to get up in his business other than the bum wipes, so he understands that not even dad or I touch his penis.  
    We often have talks about not talking to people we don't know unless family is there. He is a complete chatter box and will start up talking with anybody near by. He also likes to interject into stranger's conversations.  
    I don't think it's too young to have these talks with them, but I don't expect him to 100% understand yet so we continually will bring it up when appropriate. 
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  • I have read about teaching kids to look out for tricky people, not strangers. Google it! I can't text now.
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    2010: Infertility
    2011: Diagnosis and treatment (low sperm count, anastrozole for DH, clomid for me + IUI)
    2012: Baby #1
    2014: Baby #2
    October 2015: missed miscarriage #2 at 11 weeks (trisomy 22)
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  • I am struggling with DS on this one as well. I ran into multiple obstacles with the touching of privates already. DS was having serious digestive issues and his rectum was bleeding bc he was pushing to hard when he pooped. Fast forward to having to try to explain to him why it was ok for the doctor to look at and poke around at his bottom. Then he had to have an barium enema to clear out impacted bowels and look at his intestines. You would think that they would sedate him, nope just have mama hold down her bawling boy while the dr. shoves a tube up his rear:( We had numerous talks about this and I'm still not sure he understands. He is hesitant for dr.'s to go anywhere near his bottom half bc of all that. Then earlier this week he went fishing out at a pond with tons of tall grass and trees. So when he got home DH had to check hair, arm pits, balls, butt crack for ticks... Try explaining to your 3 yr old your looking for bugs in his butt...This parenting stuff is fun sometimes.
  • I have read about teaching kids to look out for tricky people, not strangers. Google it! I can't text now.

    I think that is the article I read too. I think I have it saved on my computer. Will try to add it later.

    I'm 33 DH is 36 
    Married 6/27/2009 Together since 10/22/2005
    TTC since 8/2010 (off BCP since 8/2009) 
    Unexplained Infertility
    8/2011, 1/2012, 3/2012 IUI #1-3 BFN 
    6/2012 IVF#1 BFN, 8/2012 IVF#2 FET BFN, 11/2012 IVF#3 BFP
    12/10/2012 U/S #1 6w4d - heartbeat  EDD 8/1/13 
    12/26/2012 U/S #2 8w6d - No more heartbeat, MMC; D&C; Chromosome testing normal; male :( RPL testing normal 
    4/3/2013 DX Asherman's Syndrome caused by D&C, hysteroscopy done
    June 2013 IVF #4 planned 
    5/12/2013 SURPRISE BFP! Natural cycle 
    7/11/2013 Panorama results Normal!!! Team Pink, partial previa moved up in 2nd tri9/5/13 (19w) AS scan shows short cervix, 2.5 cm 9/19 (21w)  Cervix is worse 1.87cm, bed rest 10/26 & 10/27 steroid shots 12/19 (35w) DX: SGA Baby went from 57% percentile to 18th percentile in 6 weeks. Weekly BPP and NST until she is here. 1/17/18 Growth scan puts Abby below 10th percent in size, low amniotic fluid, and less movement. Time to induce!
    1/18/14 2:11am Abigial Morgan is here! 5lbs 14oz and 18 inches of pure cuteness!!!

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  • I read a great article once about this. If I find it, I will share. One of the important things shared was that we teach kids not to speak to strangers then while out, a stranger says how cute your kid is (or something like that, they talk to your kid) and you tell your kid to say hi to the strange, not to be rude, etc. Now you are confusing the kid because before you told them not to talk to strangers. So be careful with not contradicting yourself or teaching one idea then acting it out differently. I read that it is important to teach kids that if they get lost, look for a mom with kids and tell her that you are lost (safest idea kind of thing). Also, not sure about a 3 year old, but kids trust "normal" looking people very easily and it is important to teach kids that anyone you don't know is a stranger even if they look nice. Also, important to explain to a child that a stranger should never need to ask a child for help, like to look for a lost puppy or child. A real person needing help would ask an adult. Those are tips I've read before. Good luck! I'm scared of Abby getting older and having to worry about this stuff.

    These are some good points. It's sad that we have to have this kind of talk with our kids. I feel like things have gotten worse than when we were kids. Or maybe it's because we pay attention to it having or own kids?
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  • What age is good to start talking to them? Is 20 months too young? (I don't mean to thread jack)
  • @precious72381 has some great points! In our house, we also try to talk about not keeping secrets from mommy and daddy. We say that no one should ever tell them not to tell mommy and daddy something.
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  • What age is good to start talking to them? Is 20 months too young? (I don't mean to thread jack)
    I would assume the younger the better, you just have to adjust your language to fit the child's age. The other day I read an article that said children are most likely to be molested or raped at the age of 4-6 (boys) and around 12-14 (girls). That's not to say it doesn't happen earlier for girls or later for boys in alarming numbers--those are just the "peak" ages for each sex. If I can ever find the stupid article again, I'll post it. 
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  • Found it:


    This has some good tips about talking to children about these things. The orange hyperlinks lead to lots of statistics and infographs. 
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  • Here's another great article about tricky people.  https://www.checklistmommy.com/2012/02/09/tricky-people-are-the-new-strangers/

    I'm 33 DH is 36 
    Married 6/27/2009 Together since 10/22/2005
    TTC since 8/2010 (off BCP since 8/2009) 
    Unexplained Infertility
    8/2011, 1/2012, 3/2012 IUI #1-3 BFN 
    6/2012 IVF#1 BFN, 8/2012 IVF#2 FET BFN, 11/2012 IVF#3 BFP
    12/10/2012 U/S #1 6w4d - heartbeat  EDD 8/1/13 
    12/26/2012 U/S #2 8w6d - No more heartbeat, MMC; D&C; Chromosome testing normal; male :( RPL testing normal 
    4/3/2013 DX Asherman's Syndrome caused by D&C, hysteroscopy done
    June 2013 IVF #4 planned 
    5/12/2013 SURPRISE BFP! Natural cycle 
    7/11/2013 Panorama results Normal!!! Team Pink, partial previa moved up in 2nd tri9/5/13 (19w) AS scan shows short cervix, 2.5 cm 9/19 (21w)  Cervix is worse 1.87cm, bed rest 10/26 & 10/27 steroid shots 12/19 (35w) DX: SGA Baby went from 57% percentile to 18th percentile in 6 weeks. Weekly BPP and NST until she is here. 1/17/18 Growth scan puts Abby below 10th percent in size, low amniotic fluid, and less movement. Time to induce!
    1/18/14 2:11am Abigial Morgan is here! 5lbs 14oz and 18 inches of pure cuteness!!!

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  • Thank you everyone!!!

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