Alright. I have been a complete stress bomb. I literally have no idea what to do. Okay so my husband comes from a very crunchy family and lifestyle, his mom is a doula for starters.. so I am pretty sure even before I got pregnant I was expected to give birth naturally and probably in my home. I did not grow up thinking that way, and while I respect that and really look at all the knowledge they have and think it's beautiful, I don't know if I can do it. At least not for this birth. I think. I am 4 and a half months pregnant and I feel so stressed and unprepared for this. Here is a little background as to why..this pregnancy was not planned, I have a terrible skin condition, that no doctor can figure out, sleep is a challenge every night..I struggle mentally daily from sexual abuse I had..I honestly don't feel very mentally stable, I mean I don't feel suicidal or whatever but I just don't know how mentally prepared I can become because I want focus on healing myself mentally/emotionally/physically as much as possible before my sweet baby comes. I know preparing for a natural birth takes lots of preparing in every way. I have my husband and his family telling me tons of risks are at stake if I get an epidural. I am scared. I don't want to disappoint anyone. Including myself. I don't know what is the best..so I need you ladies to help share what you did, why you did it, and honestly what you think I should do. I have no friends and my family lives far away. I just need some advice from the outside. Please help me. I write you in tears.