January 2014 Moms

What would your answer be ??

I know a 17 year old who is thinking of becoming a midwife. She asked quite a few pregnant woman if they would allow her to come along for birth , so that she could get an idea if she really wants to go along with becoming a midwife . But so far they all said no to her . Not quite sure what I would have answered ( if she would have asked me right before DD was born ) I can imagine I may have also said, no. I am thinking DH would have freaked out to have a girl in the delivery room . Since this is a very private moment as it is. what would you have answered ??

Re: What would your answer be ??

  • I'm not sure what I would've said. That's kind of hard. It would depend on how well I knew her because it is such an intimate time.

    Does her high school have an internship program? When i was in high school I was part of an intern program and worked for a newspaper. We could pick whatever we wanted. A few kids worked at vet clinics and one at an ultrasound clinic. Maybe suggest looking into something like that.
  • I probably would've said yes had I had a vaginal birth. I'd like to think if I wanted an opportunity like this that someone would give me the chance.
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  • I probably would have said yes. But I'm all for people who really want learning opportunities like this. My husband probably would have been cool with it too if I felt strongly enough about it. If I did not know the girl, probably even better chance I'd say yes because I'd just view her as like a nursing student or something. To me its weird having someone you know be all up in your business during intimate moments like this and I wouldn't want to have to see her again knowing she saw my vag. 
  • EsthiEsthi member
    amt0312 said:

    I probably would have said yes. But I'm all for people who really want learning opportunities like this. My husband probably would have been cool with it too if I felt strongly enough about it. If I did not know the girl, probably even better chance I'd say yes because I'd just view her as like a nursing student or something. To me its weird having someone you know be all up in your business during intimate moments like this and I wouldn't want to have to see her again knowing she saw my vag. 

    Yes you are right . Maybe the fact that I do know her also makes a diffrence. She takes it very personal that people keep saying no to her !
  • Good for her for already putting thought into what she wants to do and working to get a first hand experience to see if it's a good fit for her. I agree that asking people who know her is a big hurdle. Maybe she can find a midwife or doula that she can shadow. Maybe a patient who doesn't know her would be more open to it.
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  • EsthiEsthi member
    Xan84 said:

    If she had asked me before this LO, my first, I'd have said no, of course not.  But now that I know what birth is like for me, I might say yes for the second baby. 

    My labor and birth at the hospital were very fast and very intense, and felt anything but intimate.  For me, this was no special, magical time for me and my DH; I had no pain relief as I got to 10 cm before they could give me an epidural, so mostly I was "in a zone" just trying to survive the extreme pain and get the job done as quickly as possible.  I barely even knew or cared who was in the room; President Obama could have walked in and I'd be like "whatever."  Right after the baby came out, I hemorrhaged a bit too much and suddenly there were too many hospital staff member to count zipping around me, injecting me with clotting drugs and doing who knows what else.  I never would have noticed a 17 year old girl standing in the corner. 

    So why not, as long as she's had all the proper vaccines and makes her exit as soon as it's all over?  At best, it will give her insight as to career options.  Or if not, the grisly sight would at least be a pretty powerful abstinence/safe sex PSA for her - lol.

    Awwww just reading your story reminds me a bit of my own birth story . I think I was just a wild monster .. 4 people needed to hold me down as I screamed the place to bits . So yes at those moments it was me and this "utter out of space" pain trying to survive. With your Obama and my David Cameron( I live in the UK)in the room , it would have not made a difference. Never mind a 17 year old girl. But as I said , I do know her and will see her every so often.

  • I would have said no because I am a private person and could barely stand my h seeing me give birth 2 times. But fwiw, it would be easier for me up say yes to a stranger than someone I knew.

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  • I would say no if I knew her. I only wanted docs and nurses in the room with dh and no other family or friends. But if she was with the hospital as a student, I may be open to it. I had a nurse " hanging out " with my labor nurse because she didn't have anything else to do (apparently). It was awkward because my nurse was the good cop, " you are doing great , keep it up, good push." The nurse hanging out was bad cop telling me I wasn't pushing right. (Huh???). What would the girl do ? Just observe. That may be weird or would she be able to assist. Think that would be something I would need to know too.

    I'm 33 DH is 36 
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    TTC since 8/2010 (off BCP since 8/2009) 
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    8/2011, 1/2012, 3/2012 IUI #1-3 BFN 
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    12/10/2012 U/S #1 6w4d - heartbeat  EDD 8/1/13 
    12/26/2012 U/S #2 8w6d - No more heartbeat, MMC; D&C; Chromosome testing normal; male :( RPL testing normal 
    4/3/2013 DX Asherman's Syndrome caused by D&C, hysteroscopy done
    June 2013 IVF #4 planned 
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    7/11/2013 Panorama results Normal!!! Team Pink, partial previa moved up in 2nd tri9/5/13 (19w) AS scan shows short cervix, 2.5 cm 9/19 (21w)  Cervix is worse 1.87cm, bed rest 10/26 & 10/27 steroid shots 12/19 (35w) DX: SGA Baby went from 57% percentile to 18th percentile in 6 weeks. Weekly BPP and NST until she is here. 1/17/18 Growth scan puts Abby below 10th percent in size, low amniotic fluid, and less movement. Time to induce!
    1/18/14 2:11am Abigial Morgan is here! 5lbs 14oz and 18 inches of pure cuteness!!!

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  • I had like 3 nursing students in the room with DD. I said ok to a med student with DS but they ended up not being in there. My mom and MIL were both present for both. I'd probably be ok with it even if I did know her. I get why people would say no though.
     
  • Esthi said:

    Xan84 said:

    If she had asked me before this LO, my first, I'd have said no, of course not.  But now that I know what birth is like for me, I might say yes for the second baby. 

    My labor and birth at the hospital were very fast and very intense, and felt anything but intimate.  For me, this was no special, magical time for me and my DH; I had no pain relief as I got to 10 cm before they could give me an epidural, so mostly I was "in a zone" just trying to survive the extreme pain and get the job done as quickly as possible.  I barely even knew or cared who was in the room; President Obama could have walked in and I'd be like "whatever."  Right after the baby came out, I hemorrhaged a bit too much and suddenly there were too many hospital staff member to count zipping around me, injecting me with clotting drugs and doing who knows what else.  I never would have noticed a 17 year old girl standing in the corner. 

    So why not, as long as she's had all the proper vaccines and makes her exit as soon as it's all over?  At best, it will give her insight as to career options.  Or if not, the grisly sight would at least be a pretty powerful abstinence/safe sex PSA for her - lol.

    Awwww just reading your story reminds me a bit of my own birth story . I think I was just a wild monster .. 4 people needed to hold me down as I screamed the place to bits . So yes at those moments it was me and this "utter out of space" pain trying to survive. With your Obama and my David Cameron( I live in the UK)in the room , it would have not made a difference. Never mind a 17 year old girl. But as I said , I do know her and will see her every so often.

    I was screaming so much , nurses kept coming in my room telling me to try breathing rather than screaming (every nurse was in a labor room delivering and no one could get me an epidural for 3 hours and by then I was 8 cm). I was told a few times that I was scaring the other mothers. I just kept screaming. I couldn't control it. It hurt so much that I didn't care and just kept on screaming.

    I'm 33 DH is 36 
    Married 6/27/2009 Together since 10/22/2005
    TTC since 8/2010 (off BCP since 8/2009) 
    Unexplained Infertility
    8/2011, 1/2012, 3/2012 IUI #1-3 BFN 
    6/2012 IVF#1 BFN, 8/2012 IVF#2 FET BFN, 11/2012 IVF#3 BFP
    12/10/2012 U/S #1 6w4d - heartbeat  EDD 8/1/13 
    12/26/2012 U/S #2 8w6d - No more heartbeat, MMC; D&C; Chromosome testing normal; male :( RPL testing normal 
    4/3/2013 DX Asherman's Syndrome caused by D&C, hysteroscopy done
    June 2013 IVF #4 planned 
    5/12/2013 SURPRISE BFP! Natural cycle 
    7/11/2013 Panorama results Normal!!! Team Pink, partial previa moved up in 2nd tri9/5/13 (19w) AS scan shows short cervix, 2.5 cm 9/19 (21w)  Cervix is worse 1.87cm, bed rest 10/26 & 10/27 steroid shots 12/19 (35w) DX: SGA Baby went from 57% percentile to 18th percentile in 6 weeks. Weekly BPP and NST until she is here. 1/17/18 Growth scan puts Abby below 10th percent in size, low amniotic fluid, and less movement. Time to induce!
    1/18/14 2:11am Abigial Morgan is here! 5lbs 14oz and 18 inches of pure cuteness!!!

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  • @precious72381‌ you are nicer than me. If anyone told me not to scream under those circumstances I would have told them to fuck off. And then screamed louder.
  • It depends on how well I know and like her. If I'm comfortable with her or not. I always let interns in for my sonograms. Come to think of it, there were maternity ward nurses in training (I guess they needed hours to complete schooling) in the ER during my c section with DS and I said it was fine. They saw IT ALL. I also had girls in nursing school who worked the night shift and had to take me to the bathroom after my c section. They removed bloody pads, sprayed my vag, etc. So, I'd prob allow it.

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  • Probably yes, depending on how much I'd see her afterwards.  I had a student nurse (in their second year out of 4, so pretty inexperienced) at DD2's birth.  With DD1 I would have said absolutely not, but since this was the second time around I knew what was coming.  Kind of.  She did my BP, checked baby's HB and stuff like that too tho, so it was a little different since she was actually a nursing student. 
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  • precious72381precious72381 member
    edited June 2014
    @peanutmuse I don't think I ever said out loud to fuck off but I was thinking it. I just kept screaming. I really couldn't hear what they were saying. I was too busy screaming. I did mange to say I need the epidural when they told me to try breathing. It was just horrible. Hopefully if there is a next time, I will have the balls to tell them to give me a fucking epidural or get the hell out of my room.

    I'm 33 DH is 36 
    Married 6/27/2009 Together since 10/22/2005
    TTC since 8/2010 (off BCP since 8/2009) 
    Unexplained Infertility
    8/2011, 1/2012, 3/2012 IUI #1-3 BFN 
    6/2012 IVF#1 BFN, 8/2012 IVF#2 FET BFN, 11/2012 IVF#3 BFP
    12/10/2012 U/S #1 6w4d - heartbeat  EDD 8/1/13 
    12/26/2012 U/S #2 8w6d - No more heartbeat, MMC; D&C; Chromosome testing normal; male :( RPL testing normal 
    4/3/2013 DX Asherman's Syndrome caused by D&C, hysteroscopy done
    June 2013 IVF #4 planned 
    5/12/2013 SURPRISE BFP! Natural cycle 
    7/11/2013 Panorama results Normal!!! Team Pink, partial previa moved up in 2nd tri9/5/13 (19w) AS scan shows short cervix, 2.5 cm 9/19 (21w)  Cervix is worse 1.87cm, bed rest 10/26 & 10/27 steroid shots 12/19 (35w) DX: SGA Baby went from 57% percentile to 18th percentile in 6 weeks. Weekly BPP and NST until she is here. 1/17/18 Growth scan puts Abby below 10th percent in size, low amniotic fluid, and less movement. Time to induce!
    1/18/14 2:11am Abigial Morgan is here! 5lbs 14oz and 18 inches of pure cuteness!!!

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  • km_mdkm_md member
    edited June 2014
    I probably would have said yes but it depends on my relationship with that person. I did have a resident present during my delivery and I couldn't have cared less - I was too busy!

    @precious72381‌ @peanutmuse‌ I had the one doctor who I didn't want deliver DD. He was not nice. I had no pain medications and my placenta for stuck so he was elbow deep in there and had forceps and stuff trying to get it out. Well that hurt way more than delivering a baby and it went on forever so I was screaming and the doctor yelled at me to stop because he was trying to concentrate. WTAF?? He apologized later but he's lucky I didn't tell him to go fuck right off.


  • EsthiEsthi member
    km_md said:

    I probably would have said yes but it depends on my relationship with that person. I did have a resident present during my delivery and I couldn't have cared less - I was too busy!

    @precious72381‌ @peanutmuse‌ I had the one doctor who I didn't want deliver DD. He was not nice. I had no pain medications and my placenta for stuck so he was elbow deep in there and had forceps and stuff trying to get it out. Well that hurt way more than delivering a baby and it went on forever so I was screaming and the doctor yelled at me to stop because he was trying to concentrate. WTAF?? He apologized later but he's lucky I didn't tell him to go fuck right off.

    That doc is beyond sick. Telling a woman to stop shouting while going through such horror . I would have reported him

  • EsthiEsthi member

    @peanutmuse I don't think I ever said out loud to fuck off but I was thinking it. I just kept screaming. I really couldn't hear what they were saying. I was too busy screaming. I did mange to say I need the epidural when they told me to try breathing. It was just horrible. Hopefully if there is a next time, I will have the balls to tell them to give me a fucking epidural or get the hell out of my room.

    For me it's basically impossible without epidural. The pain is just out of this world . I still have a lot of flash backs 5 month on. ( I did not have an epidural this time round . )
  • Esthi said:
    @peanutmuse I don't think I ever said out loud to fuck off but I was thinking it. I just kept screaming. I really couldn't hear what they were saying. I was too busy screaming. I did mange to say I need the epidural when they told me to try breathing. It was just horrible. Hopefully if there is a next time, I will have the balls to tell them to give me a fucking epidural or get the hell out of my room.
    For me it's basically impossible without epidural. The pain is just out of this world . I still have a lot of flash backs 5 month on. ( I did not have an epidural this time round . )
    I always planned on getting the epidural. I joked that I wanted it at 8 months just to make sure I had it for any contractions. When the first nurse came in to introduce herself and go over my paperwork, I told her two things; my name and  I want the epidural. I never planned on going that long without it!!! If there is a next time, I will ask for it as I am checking in. I'd say I can't imagine doing it without, and you ladies that do are amazing, but I also went pretty long without! After I got it, of course everything slowed down and my contractions went from 2 minutes apart to 5 minutes apart but still worth it. I was almost human again!

    I'm 33 DH is 36 
    Married 6/27/2009 Together since 10/22/2005
    TTC since 8/2010 (off BCP since 8/2009) 
    Unexplained Infertility
    8/2011, 1/2012, 3/2012 IUI #1-3 BFN 
    6/2012 IVF#1 BFN, 8/2012 IVF#2 FET BFN, 11/2012 IVF#3 BFP
    12/10/2012 U/S #1 6w4d - heartbeat  EDD 8/1/13 
    12/26/2012 U/S #2 8w6d - No more heartbeat, MMC; D&C; Chromosome testing normal; male :( RPL testing normal 
    4/3/2013 DX Asherman's Syndrome caused by D&C, hysteroscopy done
    June 2013 IVF #4 planned 
    5/12/2013 SURPRISE BFP! Natural cycle 
    7/11/2013 Panorama results Normal!!! Team Pink, partial previa moved up in 2nd tri9/5/13 (19w) AS scan shows short cervix, 2.5 cm 9/19 (21w)  Cervix is worse 1.87cm, bed rest 10/26 & 10/27 steroid shots 12/19 (35w) DX: SGA Baby went from 57% percentile to 18th percentile in 6 weeks. Weekly BPP and NST until she is here. 1/17/18 Growth scan puts Abby below 10th percent in size, low amniotic fluid, and less movement. Time to induce!
    1/18/14 2:11am Abigial Morgan is here! 5lbs 14oz and 18 inches of pure cuteness!!!

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  • I didn't mind having a resident in my room for both my deliveries. However, a friend of mine had a guy I graduated high school with deliver since he was a resident on the maternity ward. I would have said no to that. I was comfortable not knowing the students. It was easier for me that way.

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  • The hospital that I delivered both of my kids is a "teaching hospital" so I'm kinda used to the whole having students in there while giving birth. With DS I had multiple student Dr.'s monitoring my progress (4 at one point in time). It wasn't a bad experience anytime they wanted to check me one of them would and then the attending would check. The attending would ask what I was and then agree or disagree and explain why. I had already had an epidural so to me this was not biggie. There was only about 2-3 hours between getting the epidural and pushing DS out so not a long enough time to annoy me. With DD I had my L & D nurse and she had a nurse shadowing and helping her. They were both very nice, efficient and knew what they were doing. Honestly would have chosen then nurse trainee over my night nurse bc she sucked!! Now as far as the girl that you are talking about it would depend on how close of relationship you two have. I was fine with the other students bc I do not have a personal relationship with them. If you are close to the girl, it might be a little weird. That being said if you have any prego friends, family members etc...who may not know the girl. May try to  explain the situation and see if any of them would be ok with it. 
  • EsthiEsthi member

    The hospital that I delivered both of my kids is a "teaching hospital" so I'm kinda used to the whole having students in there while giving birth. With DS I had multiple student Dr.'s monitoring my progress (4 at one point in time). It wasn't a bad experience anytime they wanted to check me one of them would and then the attending would check. The attending would ask what I was and then agree or disagree and explain why. I had already had an epidural so to me this was not biggie. There was only about 2-3 hours between getting the epidural and pushing DS out so not a long enough time to annoy me. With DD I had my L & D nurse and she had a nurse shadowing and helping her. They were both very nice, efficient and knew what they were doing. Honestly would have chosen then nurse trainee over my night nurse bc she sucked!! Now as far as the girl that you are talking about it would depend on how close of relationship you two have. I was fine with the other students bc I do not have a personal relationship with them. If you are close to the girl, it might be a little weird. That being said if you have any prego friends, family members etc...who may not know the girl. May try to  explain the situation and see if any of them would be ok with it. 

    Yep thats def a good idea . Will think who I could ask ... the girl is seriously upset with me now cose of my initial attitude. So maybe I can fix it up a bit !

  • Try explaining to her your reasons why also. And encourage her to keep asking others. Explain the awkwardness you would feel having to see her after knowing just how much of you she had seen. And give her a tip to try asking STMs.
  • EsthiEsthi member
    lolinshag said:

    Try explaining to her your reasons why also. And encourage her to keep asking others. Explain the awkwardness you would feel having to see her after knowing just how much of you she had seen. And give her a tip to try asking STMs.

    I did this already . But all she was hearing is : I don't want you in the delivery room!!! I think I will tell her to watch "one born every minute" ( it's a British TV show, where regular woman give birth). I am not sure she has actually attended a birth yet. This show will give her a better idea .... Or scare her !! Unless she has watched all the episodes already . But I am Not gonna let her down . She is still a young girl after all, who is trying to learn a profession. She is probably thinking that after 6 babies it's not a big deal anymore . Still I rather stick to being a teacher. I could not last out to be with screaming women most of the time.... Especially because I know what they going through.

  • KEfam5KEfam5 member
    I would let her. In fact, I had two random high school girls that were in some kind of pre-nursing program ask to watch the delivery of Bennett. They were SO excited. There were already going to be five people in the room for my delivery, the doctor, two nurses, MH, and my doula so I figured, 'What's two more?"
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  • I agree with PPs - if my nurse (or midwife if I had one) asked if a student or shadow could be present, and I didn't know the person, I'd be totally fine with them being in the room. I would absolutely not let a 17 year old that I know socially in the room with me. I wouldn't want them to be going around telling people about my vagina or what I said/did during labour (maybe that's me being paranoid but I just wouldn't trust a teenager to respect my privacy and confidentiality unless they were legally required to, as in a nursing student situation)

    I did have a student nurse with me and she was awesome. Student nurses often take on less patients so they can really focus on learning with the ones they do have, and so often have more time to do the little things for you. She even spent 4 hours rocking my baby in the middle of the night to let me and H sleep - it was magical.
  • KEfam5 said:

    I would let her. In fact, I had two random high school girls that were in some kind of pre-nursing program ask to watch the delivery of Bennett. They were SO excited. There were already going to be five people in the room for my delivery, the doctor, two nurses, MH, and my doula so I figured, 'What's two more?"

    I also had a student in the room. She was helpful and kept rinsing my cold facecloth for me. When they asked me if it was okay I was gearing up to push and at that point didn't care but am glad I allowed it as they need to learn the experience first hand or else they can't become the fabulous nurses and doctors who help delivery our babies!
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