Would love some honest opinions (sorry long)

Saran

My 12yr old SD came to me and said she wanted to do a comic book about her dad's life for Father's Day. I told her it was a great idea and she asked about some facts and dates she needed. I gave them to her. She went back to her moms and I guess her mom helped her with the rest. Well she presented it today and it said how DH met her mom and when they married. Then it shows them laying in bed side by side with a white block over their bodies with "Censored" across it. Then the next strip says, that she and her twin brother came along. She then goes into how they were fighting and divorced. Fast forward...she says how DH met me, when we married then how our four children followed.

My issue is with them laying in bed with a censor strip over their bodies. Really? Was that necessary? I get that it was digitally animated and only made to look like us all, but I felt like it was not in good taste seeing I wanted to frame it on the wall. Second, I don't want our 6 yr old twins or 4 year old or at some point the baby seeing it either. That is not a conversation I want to have at their age when they ask what that means.

So am I being petty because it's them and it wasn't us or do you think she should have put that in. AND shouldn't her mother who helped her of said, "I don't think so!"

cole2144

I don`t think it is appropriate and I would not have allowed my child to put that in their comic.

Mkherren12

I don't think it was appropriate either. Hang onto it and maybe y'all can joke about it when she is grown and having kids of her own but I would dwell on it.

ambrvan

Are you upset about the lewdness or the fact that it was BM? I can't quite tell from this post. Either way I agree with above.

Saran

To be honest, it was a bit hurtful. I felt it was insensitive seeing it would be put on my house walls. I'm not trying to look at that everyday. But i really didnt want to explain it to our 6 yr old twins who can read it. I know SD meant well and dont want to hurt her but if its going in a frame, i think that part needs to go. Crazy thing is DH and his ex had in-vitro so that wasnt how SD came to be, but thats another subject. Crazy that they cant even be honest and tell her. Its nothing to be ashamed about. I think this comic could have been a teaching moment for her mom to talk to her about it.

JLHV1909

I don't blame you for being hurt.  The BM should have never allowed that part to be part of the comic.  I wouldn't put it in a frame for your home and your walls unless that part was taken away.  Tell your SD that the censored part isn't appropriate for your home or for the little's to see.  You could always have her make something else to hang up, and put the paper deep into a box somewhere.  

I'm learning that 10-12 year olds are weirdly interested in sex, and everything that goes with it.  My SD10 almost 11, makes a big deal about me and Daddy kissing, but then when the topic of sex or kissing comes up on tv, she does everything in her power to try to see what is going on.  She might be testing the waters.  

lookame3639

I don't find it appropriate however i wouldn't go and blame BM. It's very possible that BM told her that she was born through en - vitro but the way she processed it was sex. Also, BM could have given her the dates and the daughter could have done everything else and BM not even have seen the finished product.

As for the comic itself. I wouldn't toss it but I probably wouldn't hang it on my wall either. I'd put it aside, explain to SD your feelings onthe image and that your uncomfortable with the LO seeing that image and later. Emphasize that you are not getting rid of it (i could see this becoming a situation which she resents you for it if she thinks it's gone for good) and that you are just going to put it away until later.

SueBear

YOU had plans to frame it and put it on the wall - - is that what SHE had planned?  Did she know she was supposed to be creating something suitable for framing?  If not, I would give her a pass (not put it on display for all to see, but from your post it seems the frame was YOUR idea).

No, I would not put it on the wall.  It's not appropriate, even if you and DH were her bio-parents and that was the way "the baby was made."  

I agree with the PP who said that kids that age are preoccupied with sex.  Also, my DD tries to talk to me like an "equal" when it comes to sex (DD occasionally says things about my body/body parts and has to be told that is no way to talk to her mother in particular, but in general it is trashy to say to anyone), which is a bit of what I am seeing in your SDs comic as well.  

Sorry you are at a difficult age, but if it becomes an issue your DH can use it as a teaching moment about what is appropriate to share / display.  Even though your H is not married to his ex anymore, their relations were PRIVATE, not something to display on a wall.  That doesn't mean they are shameful, just personal.

I would not lay this on BM's feet unless you know how much she knows.

 

CurlieWhirlie

I'm curious, why do you think a comic of two adults in bed with a "censored" strip is lewd or inappropriate? It seems like PPs mostly agree with you, which surprises me. I mean, if this was a school assignment I would call inappropriate, but this is just a personal project for family viewing? Give her a break. I'm sure she wasn't trying to hurt you, she is expressing her own origins and her place in her father's life. I'm sure it matters a lot to her that her parents were together at one time, and she came from that union. And it's not like she made it all about her parents and left you out. 

If it's just the implication of sex you're finding inappropriate, I would suggest you get over it. She's 12, this is only the tip of the iceberg. Best get past your hangups now.