Babies on the Brain
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etiquette babies and family weddings...

I want to start trying but some school stuff is putting that on hold for a little bit but in that time frame three engagements have occurred with two weddings in 2015 and one 2016. I want to start trying end of summer and will delay by a month to not conflict with April wedding but a families wedding is in the fall but we don't live far from each other so not really concerned with travel. (The one in 2016 is half across the country so travel would be more of an issue.) I didn't know if it was rude to have a baby before her wedding if I was lucky enough to get pregnant. I know you shouldn't plan a wedding before a cousin's that is seen as rude. But if I wait for this cousins wedding the other cousin's will be in 2016 and that one is further away. I am already over 30 and don't want to wait to ttc. I also know I am being nuts too but I am nervous and I really don't want to piss people off. I don't want to steal their thunder. I also would like for the family to be able to meet the kid. My husband says I am nuts but should I at least talk to the cousin or just wait and see how ttc goes?

Basically: What is the proper etiquette, tell the person getting married I am trying or just be quiet about it and if it happens it happens?

Re: etiquette babies and family weddings...

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    I agree with the PP. You are overthinking this. A wedding is a single day of celebration and has nothing to do with your plans to TTC. You don't need to share your reproductive plans with anyone unless you want to.

    Would it be preferable not to go into labor at  the reception? Of course. Plan around that if you want. But it should matter not one whit to anyone else if you are pregnant at someone's wedding or if you are already a parent. 

    The decision of whether or not the couples getting married want children at their events is up to them and something you will have to respect in the event that you do already have a LO by the time the weddings take place.
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    I have so much to say and don't know where to begin?

    TTC isn't rude. 

    Planning a wedding before a cousin's (or anyone else's) isn't rude ( I am not even sure what this means)

    TTC whenever you decide is right. 

    Don't plan your life around other people's events.

    People do all sorts of things while pregnant, including attending weddings.

     

    I honestly can't believe the thought process that happens in other people's minds.

     

    The words were stolen from my mouth.

    Who cares?! Anyone who think you got KU in order to "steal their thunder" is a douchebag. Andplusalso, anyone who couldn't understand that you can't fly to their wedding because of a late 3rd tri pregnancy or other issue is also a dickbag.
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    I am getting married in four weeks, and in my opinion, I have no grounds to become upset if my cousin or even sister was pregnant during the wedding or had a newborn baby there. I would certainly not expect my family members to cater when they have children to coincide with when I am getting married. That would seem quite unfair to me...Have you heard differently? 
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    PP have answered already but I wanted to add one thing. The only thing I would think could be rude would be to announce a pregnancy at someone else's shower or wedding.

    Other than that go about your life as you wish. Try for a baby when it makes most sense for your life.
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    Jags8Jags8 member
    Do not plan your family around weddings. Do what is best for you. My sister ended up getting pregnant right after we got engaged and set a date, and my nephew was born 11 days after my wedding. It was not a big deal at all and I was so happy for my sister. If anyone is pissed that you are pregnant at their wedding or that you can't make it to their wedding because you just had the baby, then they are ass holes.
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    Thank you all for the advice and encouragement. I think the reason I am concerned is because when you grow up with girls who say "I can't believe she did this... she wore this... copied me... and etc", I don't know where the line is, what is socially acceptable, because in my experience those people turn around criticizing or insulting the person behind their backs, even though what they are doing does not seem to be a problem. I definitely do not want to put TTC on hold. I just did not know if I should tell the person, like if it was a socially responsible thing to do. Let's just say there are some judgemental and openly opinionated family members. I come from a more sit back listen and try to respect an opinion, may disagree but not be insulting about it, family, so I am new to this level of judgement in a family. Didn't want to do something Taboo by not informing the bride. But as many of you had said that is not a Taboo and it is fine that I should not worry about it and the people who will judge are just douchbags.

    (About the wedding thing before another, that is a taboo in the family, so I have heard from MIL. Didn't know what else was taboo thus the inquiry...)

    I do agree, Do not make a scene about it which is not my style anyway. I think if I announced at her wedding shower or another person's baby shower that would be frowned upon and I agree with that. But as you can tell I am not a center of attention person especially when it is someone else's day.

    Thank you.
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    Jags8Jags8 member
    Oh yes sorry, to answer your other question- you do not need to "warn" anyone you are TTC. It is absolutely no ones business except yours, your DH, and your doctor. Do not feel like you need to explain yourself.
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    There's a good chance that members of my family will be engaged/married in the next year or so but that didn't deter us from TTC. I'm sure if I showed up super pregnant to a wedding people would pay attention to me but not for long.  I also wouldn't have been upset if my relatives were all pregnant at my wedding either.   The only time I would ever "consult" a family member is if I had a newborn and was invited to their wedding. Babies at weddings are a pet peeve of mine so I'd ask the couple how they feel about babies there.

    I'd day start TTC when you're ready because it might take longer, or shorter, than you thought.  
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    There's a good chance that members of my family will be engaged/married in the next year or so but that didn't deter us from TTC. I'm sure if I showed up super pregnant to a wedding people would pay attention to me but not for long.  I also wouldn't have been upset if my relatives were all pregnant at my wedding either.   The only time I would ever "consult" a family member is if I had a newborn and was invited to their wedding. Babies at weddings are a pet peeve of mine so I'd ask the couple how they feel about babies there.

    I'd day start TTC when you're ready because it might take longer, or shorter, than you thought.  
    I don't think you need to consult a family member to decide if it is ok to bring your child (infant or otherwise). If your child is invited it will be indicated in the way the invitation is addressed.

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    When I send invites out to families I try to say 'and family' or 'The Blah Family' so that they know kids are invited.
    As far as babies at weddings, I think as long as the parents are respectful then kids are welcomed. I have gone to a couple weddings where a baby has started crying and the mother just steps out of the ceremony area to be with him/her. Some weddings are more memorable because of the kids, they are great to watch on the dance floor. But then you have the experience I have had at a Baby shower where I had to spend my whole sister's baby shower watching her friends and families' kids to make sure they don't ruin some of the activities instead of enjoying her baby shower because the parents of the kids would not watch them. That is annoying. Talking to my sister afterwards she said she was annoyed that certain kids were brought because their parents have a history of not watching them at events and they run wild. I don't mind kids at showers and events as long as the parents watch them and that the parents are aware enough to bring something so the kid has a way to entertain themselves or that a baby sitter is hired to watch all the kids. At my wedding I had a table of coloring pages so kids had some sort of activity to entertain themselves and there was a big patch of grass in which to play. Some people don't want to bring their kids because they want to not have to watch them constantly, which is fine. It is at that point in my life where almost everyone has a baby or a kid now, so making events kid and baby friendly is ideal. I do like kids involved in events but only if the parent is responsible.

    Lessons learned, now how to put that on invites:
    Kids and Babies welcomed with a responsible adult.
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    Lessons learned, now how to put that on invites:
    Kids and Babies welcomed with a responsible adult.
    I'm now imagining someone sending their kids to a family wedding while they go do something else.  THAT would be rude.

    My two closest friends missed my wedding due to pregnancy/newborns - NOT a problem.  I just got back from a family wedding recently and roughly half the women there were either heavily pregnant or had kids under 2 with them - most fun I've ever had at a wedding.  Don't schedule TTC around weddings.  I wouldn't ANNOUNCE a pregnancy or engagement at a wedding, but going to a wedding while pregnant, missing a wedding due to being heavily pregnant, or bringing an infant in arms shouldn't be a problem.
    DS born 12/2012
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    So I feel like saying this out loud. I just had 'the talk' with my husband. About an actual nail down time to start TTC. I had originally planned this summer but due to dissertation writing taking longer than desired I pushed it to end of summer/ beginning of fall. But lately I have been plagued with do I want to try in the last couple months of defending or should I be responsible and wait til I have a job (and wait til next summer instead) because in a male dominated field there is a stigma about recently married women and pregnancy. So my mind has been distracted with this battle in my head. And we finally sat down and I unloaded all my thoughts and concerns. He does not want me to wait until I have a job because do you really want a job that will judge you like that anyways and he knows a woman in male dominated fields hired a month before her due date so is possible. He wants to start trying a month or two before I defend, which should be this fall. I am excited to finally have those answers instead of keeping it bottled inside. I am excited that it looks like this fall we can finally TTC! So I should get to writing!
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    Good luck @pibsquared

    DH and I plan to TFAS late summer/early fall too!  See you on the TTGP board! 

     


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    OP, you aren't going to be the center of the universe when you are pregnant. You are not going to be taking away attention from the bride because you are Ku. Relax.
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    My BIL is getting married in October and they have me in the wedding, and they know my DH and I are trying to conceive.  They know at the time we could be pregnant and they are totally supportive.  

    The only reason anyone in either of our families know we are TTC is the fact he had a VR so we could have our own kids.  Otherwise I would not have told anyone until we truly were pregnant. 

    Good Luck to you!
    Me: 34 (Divorced 8-22-16)
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