NSAHMR: How to tell mom I'm pregnant again (she won't be thrilled)

NicoleWI

I have to tell my mom today or tomorrow that I'm pregnant with our fourth baby. I'll be 9 weeks (ticker off a bit) and it's absolutely super obvious already that I'm pregnant (random acquaintances have already been asking and most of my shorts don't fit). We're spending part of the week with my parents.

She just gave me a very adamant lecture 2 weeks ago on NOT getting pregnant again!!! I know that she's mostly just worried about me--about the risks of a baby/pregnancy/delivery, about the long-term cost of each child, about me "being a slave to those kids" as she puts it. And SHE has some anxiety issues, I think, so I am betting she will be worried throughout my whole pregnancy much more than is "normal." But, it's not her life and we feel like this baby will be great addition to our family. We WERE on the fence and it was a kind of crazy thing where we gave it a random shot at having a baby just before I turn 40, and it WORKED, so we ARE freaked out/worried in addition to excited. (Also, in case it matters, we are financially stable and have a big house and a minivan already)

Had my first doctor apt yesterday and it was great--saw the heartbeat.

ANy thoughts, or phrasing ideas on how to tell my mom the big news? I'm not looking forward to it. I want to do it over the phone so that she can digest the news a bit before we see her on Friday. Someone shared some poems that you can use but I'm not going to do that--I just want to tell her.

raraavis28

Well, in case you change your mind about poems....

Roses are red
Violets are blue
We're pregnant and happy
This isn't about you!

J/k....I would actually say what CJ said, word for word.

ETA: Good luck!

sometimesalwayschaotic

I think that I would be tempted to pretend it was my first baby and do a big pregnancy announcement and be over the top excited.  How can thy argue if you seem super thrilled.  

hayleydeee

Congratulations on your pregnancy! 

As for telling your mom. I think I'd start off by telling her that you know she has concerns for you, and that you appreciate how much she cares for you. I certainly wouldn't point out her anxiety issues, because it will immediately make her feel defensive. Then just tell her that you want to share something with her, that you are exited and happy to be blessed with, and you hope that in time she will feel the same way about... that you're going to have another baby. Follow up with assurances that everything will be just fine. 

The suggestion on a cute "I'm preggo" type poem is laughable in this situation!

zbeesma86

My mom always would caution me about getting pregnant and it not being the right time- blah blah blah. But when it came down to it, she was thrilled. She cried when I showed her the positive test and was so happy and excited to have a grand baby! So maybe she will be happy Congrats!

ariel06

I would just be honest and let her know that this was planned and your excited about it.

LC122

I agree with CJ, the main point being to convey how you feel about it (happy) so she can react accordingly. She may not. But at least you have given her the best opportunity to do so.

dizzycooks

I agree you can only control your response and you know how you feel about this baby. Congrats and good luck!!

MesmrEwe

"Bottles & Booties

Bibs & More

I hope you don't cry

'Cause we're Happy for ONE MORE!!"

(with flowers delivered to her slightly before you get there!)

I agree with @hheyderh - make it a big deal like your first and how happy you are about it...  What her reaction is, is on her, don't let yourself get uptight over something you can't control (i.e. someone else's reaction/perception/opinion)...

LoriLee14

I would just tell her and expect the worst reaction. Anything above that is manageable. Also, if she keeps trying to nag you or make you worry more, I would just change the conversation, tell her it isn't up for discussion or end the conversation.

SurpriseAt39

NicoleWI said:

........I have to tell my mom today or tomorrow that I'm pregnant with our fourth baby. .

I know that she's mostly just worried about me--about the risks of a baby/pregnancy/delivery, about the long-term cost of each child, about me "being a slave to those kids" as she puts it.........

1. Why do you have to tell her in this timeframe?
Because you're 'showing'? It's no one's business if you 'put on a couple pounds'...

2. You mentioned risks of baby/pregnancy/delivery...did you have difficulties previously? If so, I'd understand her concern.
If you had no issues previously, I don't understand why she would be overly concerned.

3. Long term cost and 'being a slave' to them??
Hey, if you can afford another, and you like being a 'slave' to them, and obviously this was a planned pregnancy, then tell her straight.

Don't stress yourself.
Personally, I wouldn't even tell my mom at this point if I thought she would react in the way you imply your mom would.