DD's Behavior: Advice please

jjt616

My DD just turned two and DS is just about 3 months. DD had a rough time adjusting to DS (which we expected). She reverted to some old behaviors(throwing her food, hitting us), had a hard time with not getting our full attention and was testing the limits again. We stayed consistent with her and patient and after the first month she seemed to be doing very well. These past two weeks she has become physical with us, DS and even my nephew (whom she loves very much). In the past when she would hurt us she would go to time out and feel bad and cry. Now when she hits she goes to time out and laughs when she is there. Today was the worst its been. She hit DS on the top of the head and grabbed at my nephews throat and pushed him down. I was so mortified and upset by this. I put her in time out and she was laughing. After her nap she kept saying "Jack, jack hurt throat" so I know that this was bothering her. I would respond to her that yes she hurt Jack and that it wasn't nice and she said her sorry to him. After an hour she stopped talking about it and moved on. When she hit DS again tonight DH and I just looked at each other and couldn't believe she was acting like this. Whenever she goes into time out we ask her what she did and she will say "hit baby" or "hurt mommy/daddy" and when she says her sorry (in sign language) she will do the sign for sorry on the place where she hurt the person so I know she understands what she has done. I wonder is it the "twos"? is it adjusting to DS? both? and what else can I do since it seems like time out isn't really working anymore. Sorry for the novel, I just wanted to give as much information upfront. TIA. 

jjt616

Gastro said:

Can you walk out of the room when she does this? And tell her mommy doesn't want to be with DD when she hurts her brother/ cousin etc. so not putting her in time out but you going to a different room?

When she is nice and sweet i would praise her, go way overboard and make her feel so great.

So she gets attention when she is nice and ignored when she is mean.

Thanks. This sounds better and I think will impact her more as she is very social and loves to be around people.

jjt616

nowababy said:

If she just turned 2, I think timeouts are not the way to go. I may be in the minority, but to me it seems like a punishment rather than a cooling off period. And I kind of feel like at that age, it's almost a self-fulfilling prophecy to punish for "bad" behavior. Having said that, I'm not sure what I'd advise as an alternative. I think starting with the baby, when she hits, immediately separate the two and then show her how to be "gentle" with other people.

Also, how much one-on-one time are you getting with her? DD1 and I went through a brief period where we were just not connected and I thought she was being really difficult. One day I really really tried my best to focus on her and joke around, rough house, play with her, give her as much physical affection as I could. Things immediately improved.

Also, maybe she hasn't figured out yet how to communicate what she want/needs to other kids. Like in the scenario with the nephew, I'd immediately separate, make sure nephew is ok, then ask DD what was going on. Try to figure out why she did it and then give her the tools to express that in another way.

Thank you. I agree in that time out isn't the best choice as it clearly isn't working. I guess I just tried that first.

DS frequently naps so I have a lot of one-on-one time with her but obviously not as much as before DS. The only times I don't are when I'm nursing DS. Other times we are all together reading or playing on his activity mat. Nights are better as DH is home so I can solely give my attention to her, especially during bedtime routine, bath, books, brushing teeth. But that is a good point in that out one-on-one time is less than before DS.

While DD's language has really taken off, I find it's hard for her to express to me why she has done something. She can tell me what she has done but not why. Any tips for that? Thanks

lexusolsen

We've been working on modeling our emotions and appropriate responses. It's been especially helpful to tell her, "I'm getting really frustrated with you. I'm going to go in the other room and calm down." This was recommended to us by her therapist. We are also trying to help her identify her feelings. "It seems like you are sad/mad/ scared. Why is that?"

jjt616

Thanks ladies! I'll be giving these a try.